Starting to really know myself.....I think

[Lilblondecutie1407]

I have been cross dressing for a few years now and in the last while have move into more of wanting to be female and not just in the clothes as a fun escape. I was reading an article about transgender and the difference between that and cross dressing and from what I can understand it's the wanting to be a women not just wear the clothes.

What I am struggling with is that I am almost 30 and it seems a lot of people what want to be the opposing gender knew very young and I sometimes feel like a fake and get all flustered.

I have been looking as the different private forms and not sure which one would be more fitting and also maybe some good reading material to help me out would be so appreciated as well.

Tanks in advance, your all wonderful and thanks for letting me be part of the community.

[Kaze_]

When I was really young I wanted to be a girl really really bad.... To the point I'd self abuse. Despite being quite boyish in my interests... Mostly anyways.

I think I was just sensitive enough to have a difficult time as a boy. This combined with lack of a proper father figure made me idolize females and push away my masculinity. Eventually I learned of the positives of masculinity and the negative side femininity. Each side of the spectrum has their good and bad.

My research combined with my own experience really made me realize how important it is for a child to have both a good masculine and a good feminine role model in the home.

I spent some time learning how express my masculinity in a positive way and accept being a little more sensitive. I guess I never was really satisfied with myself as a guy nor a girl, I wasn't enough of either to fit in.

Eventually I just accepted myself for what I am. To be honest, unless you have severe gender dysphoria I'd suggest you'd work on doing the same.

I'm still too in the middle for my tastes, but I am what I am. However, if you put a pill in front of me that'd make me a GG I'd probably take it then regret it later. ;p

[Fi-Fi LeFemme]

I think quite a few of us are in that boat.
When I was growing up, I often wondererd and struggled- especially through puberty- about my body, my wanting to feel and be feminine and my psyche.
Social pressures have always kept my feelings and wants just below the surface but it's taken me many years to become more comfortable with who I am and the feminine feelings that I have.
We are all different even when we like and possibly present similarly. You are you and nobody should make you feel that you're fake. It's just that they are not the same as you and have a different view of the world, good or bad.
Try not to let anyone feel down about who you are.
X

[Anita Cosmolover]

I'm now in my early 50's and really only now totally accepting and enjoying my female side. In the 90's I had a hard time understanding and accepting my inner "Cosmo Girl" and in fact stupidly threw out my collection of Cosmo's, which later cost me a small fortune and lots of effort to replace. There was just no fighting my true inner self. I think it's important to grow to understand and accept who you really are inside. I adore who I am inside now.

[Marcelle]

Hello,

Gender identity is a funny thing and while you may not have known since you were young as some have reported here, it does not mean it cannot creep up on you later in life or you may have known but just buried it. So don't feel like a fake.

As far as where you fall on the spectrum that many like to refer to here, I would just spend some time exploring. You note that you are relatively new to this ( a few years) and things seem to be progressing to the point where you want to be female. It is possible you are starting to move down the pathway on the spectrum but it is also possible that just dressing is not giving you that same "feel good" you used to get and now you want to explore a bit further. I am not sure where you are in your dressing though. Do you go out in public? Do you interact with others? If not, is this the draw you are talking about? I am also not sure if you are seeing a "gender identity therapist" but if you are not, then perhaps it might be a good time to do so as they are going to far more knowledgeable and help you explore this side of you while helping you bring order to chaos.

Cheers

Isha

[Katey888]

Hi Nikki,

Just take your time with this and try not to feel like it's a race or a competition... :hugs: I'm old enough to be your parent and while I know myself now sufficiently to understand that this is more than just escapism or fetish, I also have times when I feel like a fake or a fraud or when I just don't understand whether this is good for me or not - often it's a combination of mood or other life things going on, and sometimes I know reading material around our condition doesn't always help... That may seem a strange thing to say, but I know that I've felt degrees of envy for some of the lifestyles that folk here relate, but after reflection I can step back and accept that a more immersive lifestyle just wouldn't be right for me. It can be difficult to accept that when surrounded by either enthusiasts with means and opportunity (and I mean that nicely.. :)), or by folk that really feel a demand and deep need, rather than just desire, to be expressing a more full-time persona...

You have to try to find what is the right degree of expression and lifestyle to fit your needs and motivation... A few folk here have tried writing about the conflict and confusion of being in the middle-ground: more than 'just a crossdresser' as some people say, but not needing or wanting to be presenting a frequent or full-time female expression... It's a tough one for those of us that occupy that middle ground because few people are able or willing to try to understand why we have the need for our occasional femme side to display... :confused:

Just try to roll with it for a while - don't get too wrapped up in what others are doing or how much fun it seems they're having, this should be about you determining what satisfies your inner needs and even if that might not seem to fit the majority here it doesn't make them any less valid for you... :)

Take your time - take other's examples as just possibilities that may or may not fit what suits you - and don't worry about what others might think or say about what is right or wrong... There are no right or wrongs with this - just an understanding for each of us as individuals of what self-acceptance is, and what satisfaction is in an individual way...

Keep Calm & Carry On... :D

Katey x

[reb.femme]

I think Kaze has put it pretty well for me in as much that I'm all male with a very femme nature too. I have a full and aspiring femme part that needs to be released every now and again. Therefore, whilst living femme would be great for a while, I know I would regret a full transition. I get to be me in all the shapes and colours I could wish to be and with no unalterable changes.

Katey mentioned that this is not a race. Very true. At 30 years old, you've got stacks of time to think very carefully about things and where your life is going. Experiment, find your comfort zone and enjoy without regret the girl within. I love my girl side and no amount of persuasion will ever change that. All my mobile (cell) email alerts seem to be for girl shops, so my main priority this weekend is, 'what sales are we having online'? :daydreaming:

Rebecca

[kimdl93]

For starters, welcome. There are lots of ways to be transgendered. The term covers all manifestations of cross dressing, although some who practice cross dressing as a sexual fetish may object to being in lumped in with those who perceive this as a matter of gender identity. And among us that do feel that our gender identity is at least partially female, there is again a wide range of variations and that desire to be a woman you referred to may range from an occasional impulse satisfied by a few hours of dressing to an unalterable conviction and overwhelming need...and all points in between.

The thing is, that unless you have that clarity, certainty and are willing and able to undertake the difficult challenges of transition, you may as well relax and enjoy what you can about cross dressing, and take your time to figure out where you are in the spectrum of the transgendered.

[Krisi]

There's a saying "The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence." Many of us get the thought that we would rather be female, that life would be easier, it would solve all our problems, etc. For most of us it's just a passing thought.

If this is something you're thinking seriously about, you need to do some serious research as well as find a gender therapist to discuss this with. Transition is very difficult and doesn't always turn out the way you dreamed.

[Ezekiel]

What I am struggling with is that I am almost 30 and it seems a lot of people what want to be the opposing gender knew very young and I sometimes feel like a fake and get all flustered.


Not all who transition know since childhood. Some live in total denial until late in life.


I have been looking as the different private forms and not sure which one would be more fitting


You mean forums right? If so, I'd recommend you stay arround at the male to female crossdressing part at first as a focus, but visit all the forums, don't feel constrained to one.