Meeting Company President

[Suzanne F]

I just scheduled meeting with the president of the company for Thursday. I am going to disclose that I am transitioning and ask for his help implementing the process. I work for a family owned company of about 100 people with maybe 20 of those being front office. He brought me there when he was offered this job five years ago. He had been my former boss at my previous employer.

I am telling him first because I believe he deserves to know first. He has been instrumental in growing my career. My wife is going with me as he knows my family well. We want to present a unified family who needs his help. I will show him all the documentation from my doctors and inform him of my name change. I will also let him know my preferred SRS schedule for next summer. I want to let him tell us the best way and timing for the company for this process. Hopefully it will be something we can both agree too. I want to be in a how can we best do this for everyone posture, not this is how is going to be attitude.

This is going to be a big test for my boss. The company is a white male dominated place with not much diversity in the management team. Most of the management have conservative view points. Please pray that my boss can see this as something that just is. I am afraid he will not be able to believe this about me. I think I have done a good acting job unfortunately.

I am scared. I have to admit it. I have risen to every occasion in this process so far. I live as a woman everywhere except here. I have come out to the straightest of people in Kentucky with no problem but now I am frightened. I don't want to hurt my family. I support a wife and three children and I don't want them to suffer because of me. Ok enough whining! God has got me this far, surely I won't be abandoned now. How ever it looks I will handle the consequences. I am a woman with considerable strength and support!

Suzanne

[Persephone]

Huge hugs, Suzanne!

It sounds like you are doing it the right way and that you've thought things through. You have obviously worked well with the comapny President and his team and there is no reason that should change.

Thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you'll make this happen.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Ceera]

Hang in there girl! It sounds like he obviously values your talent and capability, and nothing about transitioning is going to make you less able to perform your job. Go for it!

[Jorja]

I want to let him tell us the best way and timing for the company for this process. Hopefully it will be something we can both agree too. I want to be in a how can we best do this for everyone posture, not this is how is going to be attitude. Suzanne

It sounds as though you are on the right track except for the above part. More than likely he has never been involved with a transition before. He is not going to know how to handle it. Offer to work with him to establish a quick and effortless timeline. Remember, he maybe the President of the company but he still puts his pants on the same way you do, one leg at a time. My thoughts are with you as you make this happen.

[grace7777]

Suzanne,

I pray and hope that everything goes well for you.

One positive thing going for you is that California has civil rights protections for transgendered employees. I gather that you bring a lot of value to your firm, so that seems to be another positive factor. Companies do not like losing valued employees, even if they do not fully support their lifestyle. A lot of company decisions are made based on the bottom line.

From reading posts of yours in the past, it seems you deal with the firm's clients. If the clients object to dealing with you, that could be a problem, and could affect your job security.

[steftoday]

Got my fingers crossed for you. I hope it all goes well.

[chelyann]

good luck

[PretzelGirl]

Have faith! Your planning and working with everyone has gotten you this far in a positive way. :hugs:

[Christina Kay]

Thoughts and prayers,,and fingers crossed. Hope all goes well.

[AllieSF]

Definitely, good luck with your upcoming conversation. It won't be easy and maybe the anticipation of a possible negative outcome will not have been necessary. You have friends, so please do not hesitate to call them when needed. Hugs and stuff.

[kimdl93]

Good luck! I'm hopeful that the conversation will have a positive outcome.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Suzanne;

I remember when I disclosed to my immediate vp... Was one on the 1:1 f2f sessions I wanted to do. I asked for 30 minutes he suggested 10... What could possibly take more then 10 minutes. So I got my 10 minutes which ended up being closer to an hour �� and a good conversation.

Open and upfront with your head high... No looking down.

You'll be fine.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Leah Lynn]

We're all thinking good thoughts for you, so it has to go well. The Trans-Force is with you.

Hugs,

Leah

[Dana44]

Hope all goes well Suzanne. We all support you and hope it goes well.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It's a smart business way to handle it.
He almost cannot turn you away, but i'm sure he will be concerned about clients.

Remember as you share your story to emphasize you are all business and want to help his company just like you always have.
In my opinion you should share as LITTLE surgical and medical details as possible, sharing none is preferable...that can all be later... he doesn't have to hear about SRS the day he finds out you are transsexual

This is not about your rights or state protections... this is about him trusting you and hopefully realizing you are going to be a great employee for him

... i'm not sure he should have to do anything except direct his company to accept you and let you make it happen

[VanTG]

I with you in spirit and I am sure everybody else here is with you as well. Hopefully you are pleasantly surprised.

Good Luck

[Marcelle]

Hi Suzanne,

Coming out at work is never an easy thing and I feel your angst . . . made that walk down the long hallway to the Commander's office (BGen). Stay focused, don't forget to breath and just provide the information as you plan. What helped for me "timeline wise" was working with the chain of command on how best to tell everyone (education sessions) and establishing a timeline on how this is going to go together. I have no doubt your strong spirit and singularity of focus will hold you in good stead. You will be in my thoughts on Thursday.

Cheers

Isha

[charlenesomeone]

All the best, you seem well prepared.

[Katey888]

Good Luck Suzanne! :cheer:

Your strength and fortitude here has been inspirational for many - if you weren't a little bit scared you wouldn't be human, and you won't be abandoned... thoughts and prayers are with you... :hugs:

Keep Calm & Carry On! :D

Katey x

[Eringirl]

Good luck Suzanne. When I came out to senior leadership, it was a 90 minute conversation! We had booked for an hour, we went long, but he didn't care, he bumped his other meetings to make sure we had time to have a good conversation. What I found helped, and he said that it did help him, was listing all the people that were supporting me medically and emotionally. This made him realize the decision to transition was well thought out, with proper supports to do it safely. Also providing information on family support. Once he knew it wasn't a knee jerk reaction on my part and that I was well taken care of, he simple just said "how can I help?" and we went from there, establishing a time line for going full time and a communication strategy to the organization (350 people in my department, 6,000 in the organization). And while I didn't have the pleasure of having my wife there to support me (she is long gone...) my immediate supervisor did sit with me for this conversation with the "big guy" for support. That was an amazing gesture on her part. Anyway, it went better than I could have hoped....I couldn't have written a better story about a successful conversation.

Be strong. and yes, remember to breath, relax and just tell your story. Let us know how it goes. In the meantime, my thoughts are with you....

Erin

[Krististeph]

Greatest of outcomes to you Suz, I won't wish luck because you obviously do not need it with all of your planning and forethought. You own this- you have made it happen. Just remember to take deep breaths, and remember to be yourself. And don't forget to tell us all about it either, please! I've met some really decent people in Kentucky, significantly better on average than downstate Illinois or Indiana, in my experience. You are a pioneer, as much as the people that originally set out west, or the ones thousands of year ago that came east over the frozen Bering Sea...
-kristi

[Suzanne F]

The meeting will take place today. He could not meet with me and my wife on Thursday and I have agreed to see him today by myself. It will happen in a few hours. I am so impressed with all of you who have faced this. I feel so alone and vulnerable. Well it has to be done. Like it has been said here many times I have no choice!
Suzanne

[LucyNewport]

Just relax and be yourself. A good manager wants their employees to be honest and upfront about the issues they face. This is is going to prove to him that you are loyal and brave. Good luck and may fortune smile upon you!

[Nigella]

Wishing you all the best :hugs:

[Heidi Stevens]

What a week, Suzanne! First a name change and now a meeting with the big guy at work. Every one here is with you, as is your family. So do as others have suggested, be proud of who you are and be yourself. Sounds like this boss has known you for a while, so he should be understanding. Good luck!

[stefan37]

It gets real very fast. You are living the life. Good luck.

[Suzanne F]

Thanks for all of the encouragement. I did it! I walked into his office after our sales meeting and shut the door. I told him we would remember this conversation the rest of our lives. He smiled and told me that our relationship was more than him being my boss. This set the tone as I told him that I was transitioning to female. I explained the process I had gone through the last 2 years and how my wife and children supported me. I disclosed that I have lived as a woman the last year and a half except when in front of customers or at company meetings. I told him I was sorry that this would pose some challenges for him and the company but I could not avoid it. He said he was sorry I had been forced to hide so long! When I told him my church had asked me to stay away he said that was not right. I then showed him my name and gender change document. Next I had created an album of pictures on my phone for him. They were mostly me with my wife and children. He said oh a redhead and then told me I was very pretty. He looked at every picture.

So personally there is no problem. He related how his daughter had come out as gay and how scared she had been to tell him. We then discussed our existing customers. I said I was confident most would be ok and I did admit one very male buyer might be a challenge. I also expressed concern about the owners opinion. He assured me they would follow his lead. I informed him I would be taking time off next year for SRS. He said he would need some time to process how we would handle this nd I agreed. He stressed this was not so he could process personally just in terms of the company. I told him about the Transgender Resource Center and available help as for how to approach my transition in the workplace. I also related that I knew of many women on this forum who had recently faced this and that it could be done.

I stood up and he said come here and give me a hug! Here is this 6 5 guy hugging me and I am crying. I can't tell you how sweet the moment was!!!! I know this is not all resolved and there will be challenges. However, I can breathe and know I faced it. I think all of the conversations lately about being out at work helped me. It was time to face the company and be me. I appreciate so much all of you phenomenal people here. We are all miracles!

Suzanne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

:drink:

I am so happy for you!!!!

You deserve a good response... You may be a miracle, but you worked hard, you were patient, you were smart and you have a good nature..

all those things served you well and you deserve a big hug!!!!!

i don't say this often....You go girl!!!

[LucyNewport]

Outstanding!! Suzanne this is fantastic news! You did the right thing by confronting the issue head on. If you can handle something like this, then you can obviously manage any little business or managerial issue.

Congratulations!!!!

[Amy Fakley]

Congratulations! I was wondering all day how it went, I'm so happy for you!

[Jorja]

Good for you Suzanne!!! I am delighted to hear it went so well. Yes, there are many challenges yet to conquer but you and the company can do it as long as you work as a team.

[KayMcLaughlin]

Teared up reading this. :) SO happy for you! That took courage. Well done.

[Julie Denier]

So glad this is working out so well! Congrats ;)

[Dawn cd]

Wonderful story, Suzanne. Classy guy. Classy gal.

[becky77]

Oh well done Suzanne.
That sounds pretty positive, give yourself a pat on the back, it sounds like he has a lot of respect for you and sees you as a friend.
Good things do happen to good people!

[grace7777]

Suzanne, I am so happy for you that the meeting went so well. As I had said before, you are an inspirational person. There will probably be some difficulties ahead, but I am sure you will handle them just fine.

As Robert Schuller said "Tough times never last, but tough people do."

[Christina Kay]

So very happy for you

[Nigella]

Pleased all went well for you, it does bode well for the future :hugs:

[Dana44]

Suzanne, Congratulations. I know that was hard to face up to. I must say that I hope the best for your future.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Suzanne;

Brings tears to my eyes as well. Well done and sounds like you are on solid ground. Way to go.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Heidi Stevens]

You just ran the roughest rapid on the river, so you can handle anything thrown your way now! So happy for you!!

[StephanieJ]

Wonderful news. So happy for you.

Like your boss, I'm saddened and disappointed to learn that your church asked you to stay away.

[Leah Lynn]

Wonderful news, Suzanne! It's great to have a boss in your corner. I'll never forget the CEO telling me that he personally has my back.

Hugs,

Leah

[VanTG]

Great to hear!

[Rianna Humble]

You had prepared well for the meeting and you deserved the good outcome :hugs:

I hope that over time you can make him see that your time off for SRS will just need the same sort of planning as any other planned leave of absence.

[Persephone]

So very, very happy for you!

Big Hugs,
Persephone.

[charlenesomeone]

Awesome , sounds like a great boss.

[Eringirl]

How great is that Suzanne!! Well done. Speaks to how hard you work and care for others, and now that is returning back to you....

Hope it continues to go well!

Erin

[Ceera]

Yay! So glad it went so well for you! Congratulations!

[flatlander_48]

No, it didn't. But, if it had, none of this would make any difference, would it?


So personally there is no problem. He related how his daughter had come out as gay and how scared she had been to tell him.

I think this is a very important factor. That put a face on being different and the effect it can have on people. I would have to believe it worked in your favor.

Progress, in anything, is rarely linear. But, this is not important. The main thing is that there IS progress...

DeeAnn

[Laura912]

Most of the clever quips and quotes have been used, but well done! Now, where are the kleenex?

[Krististeph]

Outstanding Suzanne! Wow, you have got some serious dedication, and you are one brave chick! I'm so glad this has worked out for you. I'm sure there will be some bumps in the road, but the fact that you are working with the boss, should smooth things over enough to make the job bearable, we hope!

It is really a great thing to put your trust in a friend and have them come through for you.

I'm sorry to hear about your church, but remember that the church is only a bunch of people working off of someone else's work- too many are focused on what people say or have said, and not enough on what is really going on in the world. You are figuring out your own beliefs and understanding now, some changes are expected. This is what happens when you grow as a person.

If you or your company lose any business, feel free to Private Mail me, and if we have any overlap, we can talk, I'd much prefer to work with pro-TG/CD companies.

Again, really happy for you, and thanks for sharing your ordeal with us here- it helps all of us to know of others who are so brave!

Kristi <major hugs>

[Emogene]

Thank you for sharing! I needed a lift today and you have given me tears of joy! Long life and happiness to you and your companion.