Difficult time

[Carlene]

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted lately, but one of you ( a good friend) thinks that I should.

The truth is, I haven't much to say that each of you hasn't heard or haven't dealt with yourselves. Long story short, I am not able to move forward without losing the people closest to me. I can't let that happen, so here I am being someone who is only a part of me. I say this because, I will always fundamtally the same person inside that I have always been.....but I could be a happier version.

In any event, I just wanted to thank you all for being here. You comfort me like a warm blanket on a winter's eve.

Carlene

[Suzanne F]

Carlene,
I appreciate that sentiment about losing people closest to me. However, I have found that I did not always know how people would react. My wife being the most crucial person I was wrong about. At some point I had to detach from family and friends and do what was right for me. I had to allow people to have their own reaction. Yes I have lost some people very close to me but I am still standing. Good luck and I hope you find some peace.
Suzanne

[Angela Campbell]

That is Losing someone is always a concern, because you just never know how people will react. I have 3 kids..all grown youngest 24, oldest 34. One of them will still speak to me but only on e mail. The other two are basically ignoring my existence or avoiding me completely. I never expected that at all, but it is what it is.

good luck to you.

[Debb]

I just got back home from a forced absence. Why, you ask ... because my youngest son came over to pick up his daughter (my only granddaughter), and my presence is simply not allowed when he's around. He's threatened violence and hate and disgust.

Since our granddaughter was over, and she must not know about the terrible thing grandpa is doing, I have been a guy these past three days.

My youngest brother (44 years old) and his wife have promised that if I show up to any family gatherings from now and look "too girly", they won't be back for gatherings in the future, along with their two young children. Basically they're holding my dad's grandkids over his head, saying that if I'm there ... it's a gamble.

Nope, I don't live in Kentucky or Tennessee, I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Surprise surprise, the hate of transsexuals does exist here, too.

Other than that though, my transition is going OK. :-)

[LeaP]

I imagine it is very difficult being part this and part that. If that is an accurate description of what you are, perhaps there is no way around some people valuing only one part of you. Someone who transitions, what ever the loss, is at least surrounded by those who support (or at least tolerate) the whole person.

I wish you luck. It does sound difficult.

[kimdl93]

I don't know your situation nor the attitudes and beliefs of this around you. What I can offer is just the hope that over time the situation may improve and you'll be able to feel more complete without the fear of losing those close to you.

[Persephone]

I can relate, Carlene, and I feel for you.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Janelle_C]

Carlene

I know the decision to risk everything to move forward is probably the hardest decision there is to make. I would not wish that decision on anyone. I hope you find happiness were you need to be.
💜💚💛

[Carlene]

Thank you all. Your kind thoughts are very much appreciated.

[Rachel Smith]

Carlene I think you are a very courageous, caring and loving soul. Only you can decide what is right for you and your family. Just who are the people you fear losing? Open up some and let us get to know you. We don't bite unless you ask. Of course in Melissa's case I can't be to sure :devil:. Whether or not you transition which from your OP I am guessing it is not in your future. That doesn't mean we can't/won't help and be here for you. Are you seeing a therapist? Don't mean to pry just trying to get to know you. Most of us here have been in the same situation at some point in our travels.

Hugs
Rachel

[Carlene]

I will lose my family, Rachel. I will lose my wife and my children. I can accept losing all others but I can't walk away from a lifetime of loving my nuclear family. That is what makes this all so difficult.

As for opening up, I have read many stories here that make my situation pale in comparison. I have nothing to add, no miracle answers for others, but I just need to tell someone how sad I feel sometimes. Having said that, I realize how fortunate I am, too. I have people who love me. I am not alone in this world.

So, at the end of the day, I come here to be with others of like mind and for the comfort of belonging.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Carlene

[karenpayneoregon]

Not sure how you can to this conclusion but do know that many lose friends and family members which is sad. Personally I lost several friends but also learned who my real friends where and actually gained new friends. All my family members surprised me and accepted me where I was 100 percent sure at least my children and mother would not accept me but they have embraced me as I am now, post-op.

[Rachel Smith]

So talk to us. Don't worry about other situations that seem more severe than yours. I will not try to convince you to transition. Just if something is bothering you get it off your chest and there is no better place then here where others have been and some still are where you are now. One thing I can tell you is if you try to hold in you feelings you have a good chance of getting depressed. Just talk to someone sister.

[Patty B.]

I'm also in the same situation and already am divorced because of this. I'm still the same on the inside and what is what is shown to the world. Each day is a challenge, I pray, meditate and as always fight what is the real me. I just don't feel that at age 63 what I would lose is greater than the gain. Always knowing that it's never to late at this point in life why make this type of transition. Its just what works or hopefully keeps on working for me.

[charlenesomeone]

Carlene, do what only you know is right for you. We are here to listen,
and give a hug.

[Thea Pauline]

Hello Carlene,

I can relate to what you have expressed and as is mentioned elsewhere in the thread, this decision for me, was the point of no return. The hardest decision I have ever made. The decision to accept myself for who I am. In my case, I would have ended crippled or killed by stroke or other cardiovascular event if I had not transitioned. As it is, my health is much better now than it was two years ago. I have a girlfriend in my ex, my daughter is a staunch advocate, my father and the rest of my relatives have been largely supportive and I'm mostly happy. None of these changes came without plenty of the pain of growth for all of us.

I say this only to illustrate that as others have said, we cannot possibly predict or control how people will respond to us, but there are good outcomes too. Not every decision we make will result in disaster in the long term, even if it seems like it in the short term. And surprisingly, some I thought would be the most difficult were a breeze!

My conclusion at this point in my life is that it's not selfish to take care of myself at all levels, first. So to get there, I had to ask at what point did my internal stresses begin to detract from not only my life, but the lives of those around me due to my attitude? If I'm not around to love someone because I forgot to love myself, that's my fault.

Please be well and seek the balance within. And always remember there is someone here who has gone through something similar if you need an understanding ear.