Are crossdress gay

[Sandra119]

I'm only new here so proberbly this thread has been around before
Most people I talk to who are not crossdressers seem to thing we are gay they don't know I am a CD and I won't tell them but they don't understand I think the percentage is about 50 50
What do you think

[Ezekiel]

In my experience, most crossdressers are heterosexual. You will find that most of the people here are either married or engaged in some way to a female.
But sure theres homosexual and bisexual crossdressers, just like in anything else, but the percentage I'd say its the same found in general population.

The "crossdressers are gay" statement is deeply ignorant and is a myth. People who say this, well, they have no idea and mix crossdressing desires with sexual orientation, and the two things are as different as apples and oranges.

And finally, talking about myself, I am heterosexual crossdresser.

[Shelly Preston]

Its the same as the rest of the population.

They just assume wanting to be a woman (or dressing like one) means being gay

[Janet Bern]

I think that only about 20% are gay... I am hetero

[Sandra119]

In my experience, most crossdressers are heterosexual. You will find that most of the people here are either married or engaged in some way to a female.
But sure theres homosexual and bisexual crossdressers, just like in anything else, but the percentage I'd say its the same found in general population.

The "crossdressers are gay" statement is deeply ignorant and is a myth. People who say this, well, they have no idea and mix crossdressing desires with sexual orientation, and the two things are as different as apples and oranges.

And finally, talking about myself, I am heterosexual crossdresser.
Thankyou that is a very good reply to my question

[Jennifer_Ph]

I'm happy, yes.

[ShriekCassandra]

No it is an old and common misconception where idiots are incapable of understanding the distinctions between one's identity / method of expression and sexual orientation.

[Alexis08]

I'm what people call gay. I find it odd that most crossdressers are heterosexual when there are many gay guys who are feminine compared to straight guys.

I wonder if it's because gay men, unlike straight ones, find masculinity sexy? Is it why there is just a few of them who crossdress?

[Jorja]

Some are, most are not. I think the last I heard was around 20% are.

[Kaze_]

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. ;p




I'm what people call gay. I find it odd that most crossdressers are heterosexual when there are many gay guys who are feminine compared to straight guys.

I wonder if it's because gay men, unlike straight ones, find masculinity sexy? Is it why there is just a few of them who crossdress?

Your last paragraph is what I was going to post. I think that is a large part of it.

[Krisi]

I don't think that not knowing that crossdressers are not necessarily gay makes anyone an "idiot". My wife asked me that when I started dressing around her. I think it happened to most of us here. Most members of the general public have not knowingly met crossdressers and have no knowledge of them other than what they have seen in movies or on TV. And those are not usually realistic portrayals of crossdressers.

Now let's ask this question - A gay man, by definition, is sexually attracted to other men. Why would a gay man dress as a woman to attract other gay men? The gay men he is seeking to attract are attracted to men, not men trying to look like women.

[LucyNewport]

For me its complicated. If you asked me 10 years ago I would say that I'm 100% hetero. Now, If I'm being completely honest, I'm not. I'm primarily attracted to women. I also find trans-feminine folks attractive. If I wasn't committed though, I could see myself with a dude. I guess that makes me bi or pan-sexual. Whatevs.

[Amy Fakley]

I think there are as many gay Crossdressers as there are gay non-crossdressers, by percentage at least. I think it's just the random combination of two independent traits your born with.

For instance being left handed and red headed. Some red heads are left handed, some arent. I don't know, but I'm guessing it probably works out to about the same number of lefties with red hair and lefties with any other hair color.

I can give the uninitiated a pass for jumping to that conclusion though. For one thing, there aren't a lot of stright dudes on 'Drag Race', and when you mention crossdressing, that's probably the most common mainstream portrayal of it.

For another thing, if you've never really had cause to think about it deeply before, it has a certain sort of simplistic logic. "Women dress pretty to attract men, you do this and you are a man, therefore you must want to attract men."

Of course when you think about it, that's only one reason some women like to dress attractively. There are many many other reasons, and for us ... for the most part ... those are the reasons.

You can't expect someone who's never thought about it before to know that already I don't think.

[Kaze_]

@Lucy

I'm similar... I find I can have romantic feelings for certain more feminine guys, but I have a very hard time being sexual with a male. Long story short, I'm just attracted to femininity

[Sara Jessica]

So you think the percentage is 50/50? I'm wondering where your perception comes from. Seems that although you have inside knowledge of being a CD'er, you are subscribing to the same exact perceptions as the public at large.

Just because you may have gay tendencies doesn't skew the percentages in our community one way or the other. Gender identity and/or expression is mutually exclusive of sexual preference.

[ShriekCassandra]

My older stepbrother made a crude joke about me being a 'puff' (British derogatory term for homosexual person) who liked to dress up in women's clothes because I passed a rare comment about liking a female character's jeans in a movie we were watching last Christmas (the irony is he was actually mostly correct in his insinuation despite not being serious about it), the tone he delivered it made it sound as if it was something to be ridiculed and ashamed about, it did make me feel ashamed and violated and that's why I hide. For that I regard him and everyone else with the same common demeaning attitude like his to be idiots and nothing more. I know there are others who make the same mistake at first but at least try to educate themselves to see beyond the cheap one dimensional pop culture stereotypes and exploitative news stories in the media, but they seem to be mostly in the minority.

[NicoleScott]

I agree with you, Krisi. There are a lot of people out there who don't know beans about sex and gender variance, and that doesn't make them idiots (or haters). For many people, gender is just a nicer word for sex (look at the forms you fill out, and listen to conversation, and see how the words are interchangeable).
"Are you gay?" Is just a question. You can answer honestly (Y, N, NOYB), or use the question to educate. Getting huffy and taking offense serves no useful purpose.

[Ezekiel]

Thankyou that is a very good reply to my question

I do my best to build constructive opinions. Glad to help you.


For that I regard him and everyone else with the same common demeaning attitude like his to be idiots and nothing more.

And you are in your right to be offended by such morons. Because I agree with you, they are nothing more than idiots.

[Samantha Clark]

According to the unscientific poll/survey started by @Smile here, the responses are:

Heterosexual 425 67.5%
Homosexual 34 5.4%
Bisexual 144 22.9%
Other 27 4.3%

The US Trans Survey just kicked off, and the results won't be available till next month. Well have to wait and see what that discloses, but it may not separately analyze the sexual identity of crossdressers.

Me, I'm a happily married hetero crossdresser.

[Junius]

We come in all shapes and sizes. I for one am asexual.

[Kate Simmons]

If by gay you mean happy, then yep, I'm gay. ;):battingeyelashes::)

[Jenniferathome]

I would bet that the average person today who thinks cross dressers are gay is 98%. It makes perfect sense. A guy wants to present as a woman, women are traditionally associated with men, ipso facto, cross dressers are gay.

What funny is that if you asked that same person what gay men like, they will say MEN, not men dressed as woman. So it seems obvious that a cross dresser is not trying to attract men. It's confusing.

As for the actual percentage of cross dressers who are gay, it should not be more than the population at large, whatever that is, 5-10% maybe?

[Ceera]

From my own experience, I'd say there is no correlation between dressing and sexual orientation. Wanting to look feminine or enjoying the feminine clothes isn't necessarily even a sexual thing with a lot of CD's, though it certainly can be a sex fetish too.

In my experience, I've met quite a few gay (or more likely bi) males who were quite interested in picking up a TG girl, without even asking if the girl had transitioned fully or not. Like anything else, there is a range of possibilities out there, and someone out there probably falls into any category you can imagine. So while probably most truly gay males aren't interested in a TG girl - and I've met many gay guys that were not interested in even dancing with me - it's also possible and proven that some do like us, and find us attractive. Some gay guys like masculine partners, and some like effeminate partners. A TG girl that hasn't had SRS could be considered the extreme end of the scale as an effeminate 'male' partner.

That also goes for lesbian and Bi GG's. Some aren't interested in us at all, but a surprising number of them seem to like us, or at least like associating with us. Some lesbian genetic girls like 'Butch' or masculine partners, and some like effeminate partners.

Either way, I would guess that the ones that are seriously interested in us are most likely bi, whatever their own gender is.

I've also met some presumably 'straight' guys that wanted to be intimate with a TG girl like myself, but who were unwilling to reciprocate with any act that would put them in the position of 'doing something gay'. I turned them down, and they went off after another TG girl in the same club.

(For what it's worth, I'm Bi, not Gay, and of the dozen or more TG girls I have met so far, I've never asked or been told their orientation, but I see some chatting up girls and some chatting up guys, with no clue how platonic or intimate they get with those people. As others said elsewhere, it's not as if all of us wear a badge declaring our status.)

[mechamoose]

Hi there,

I'm an outlier here, being bisexual. Most are heterosexual.

- MM

[Ninna]

I'm 100% heterosexual!! :)

[CONSUELO]

Some percentage of cross dressers are gay or bi-sexual but there is much argument over the number. Many people come up with a percentage with no data to back it up as in "In my experience only 10% of cross dressers are gay". Think about it. Even if a person has met a couple of hundred cross dressers and knows their sexual orientation (unlikely as sexual orientation is not a badge to be worn on the chest), it would be no basis for an estimate of what percentage of all cross dressers are gay or bisexual or heterosexual. As individuals we just do not collect data in a proper and coherent way to come up with the answer.
The current US Trans survey should give some solid data.

[ShriekCassandra]

I agree with you, Krisi. There are a lot of people out there who don't know beans about sex and gender variance, and that doesn't make them idiots (or haters). For many people, gender is just a nicer word for sex (look at the forms you fill out, and listen to conversation, and see how the words are interchangeable).
"Are you gay?" Is just a question. You can answer honestly (Y, N, NOYB), or use the question to educate. Getting huffy and taking offense serves no useful purpose.

I wasn't asked innocently or politely if I was gay. I was accused in an overly mocking and negative manner that I wasn't expecting from an unusual but fairly inconsequential observation I made from the TV and it triggered me,. I can't help how my messed up mind reacts or interprets things I take personally. maybe if I wasn't a closet case with such debilitating gender identity issues it wouldn't have bothered me, but I am and truth hurts, especially when that is the kind of impression I'm given of people like me from someone I know personally. I didn't get huffy after he said it, I didn't vocally react at all, just sat quietly continuing to watch the film while trying to bury the invasive thoughts of betrayal and self loathing that sprang from his comment. Doesn't mean I can't use that to form an opinion of exactly what I think of people who hold that kind of attitude in my head privately. I've tried to educate same level minded people in online debates before about other topics such as invisible illnesses like depression or agoraphobia and they don't want to know. They think it's just used as an excuse to be lazy and not work or interact with people, regardless of the fact it's rare that I can leave my own house by myself without having an anxiety or panic attack of some level if too many people are around. Why would these willfully ignorant types react any better to an equally misunderstood and unpopular / stigmatised subject like transgenderism? You can't force an ostriches head out of the sand.

[Chancey289]

If I had to call it something, it would be heteroflexible. I'm attracted to femininity. I love cute girls, so if they look like a cute girl, I'm game.

[Tina_gm]

It is a pretty solid consensus from those in the community and those who are professionals who deal with and help those in the community that most CDers are not gay. Although I personally would say that the % of CDers who are at least Bi-curious would be a bit higher than that of the general population. The one way it may not be perhaps is because CDers already opening up to themselves and others in such a non conforming way about their gender, may be a bit less hesitant to state their fantasies or thoughts. Although, it also seems that part of that with many on here who have stated it, is in part to how they feel when dressed and experiences at least physically that a woman would go through sexually. It seems quite common from those who have fantasies or desires or have had experience with men typically do so when dressed.

Still, while the % may be a bit higher just because yes, on some level I do think that gender and sexuality can intertwine... A solid majority of CDers are in fact strictly hetero.

[Elli87]

went through an experimental stage, though these days i'm Hetero didn't like it the other way

[kimdl93]

What I think isn't particularly relevant to the question, because I don't know enough crossdressers to make a valid assessment. However, people who actually do have the facts suggest that a significant majority of cross dressers are heterosexual.

[Adriana Moretti]

wait.....all crossdressers are not gay?? ...kidding !!!! very few actually are....very few, there are alot of bi ones, ( myself included) ..although I lean more towards gay I think, but I wouldnt kick the right woman out of bed, unless it was morning...but mostly on this forum its straight crossdressers...I see why vanilla people would think we are all gay though.

[sometimes_miss]

Let's see, so far we have:

So you think the percentage is 50/50?

there are as many gay Crossdressers as there are gay non-crossdressers, .

Some are, most are not. I think the last I heard was around 20% are.

Its the same as the rest of the population.

I think that only about 20% are gay

As for the actual percentage of cross dressers who are gay, it should not be more than the population at large, whatever that is, 5-10% maybe?
And the funniest,

According to the unscientific poll/survey started by @Smile here, the responses are:
Heterosexual 425 67.5%, Homosexual 34 5.4%
Bisexual 44 22.9%, Other 27 4.3%
Though I kind of wonder what the 'Other' in that last one could be.

In truth, no one really knows, mostly because no one really knows what percentage of the population [of males] crossdresses. Far too many are in the closet and won't admit it to anyone (I was one of these for the vast majority of my life, I know from where I speak). There are probably a good percentage who are bisexual or homosexual but can't even admit it to themselves because they were brought up in such a way that to be so was absolutely unacceptable in any circumstances. Many will also bury their true selves so deep in their psyche that they need to refer to any female behavior as a seperate female personality and refer to that behavior as if it's a different person entirely, to the extent that they need to refer to 'it' in the third person in discussion because to refer to themselves that way would upset the seperation that they need in order to be functional, as admitting that they have female feelings would create too much conflict within their minds and could cause a mental breakdown. Many more simply don't come to online polls or seek professional help because of their embarassment, so the real numbers will always be a best guess situation, again, where anyone's guess is as good as anyone else's.
So, take your pick. And know that whatever it is, you fit in with us somewhere, and we will accept you, as is, as a male, a female, straight, bi, or gay, or any combination of those. One friend referred to the world in this way: 'We're just a bag of mixed nuts. We're all a little bit crazy, just in different ways'.

[ReineD]

Though I kind of wonder what the 'Other' in that last one could be.

Likely asexual and autosexual.

As to the 23% bisexual, it would be interesting to know what percentage of respondents base their bi identity on fantasies of having sex with men vs. actually having had and maintained relationships (physical and emotional) with both men and women (not necessarily at the same time lol). Even if a person had sex with males a few times and didn't like it enough to repeat the experience and even if they continue to have sexual fantasies of being a woman with men, it does not make them bisexual.

[reb.femme]

Who knows and who really cares to be honest?
I'm straight so you can add that to your stats. :)

Rebecca

[DanaR]

I always answer the question "are you gay" with, do I dress like this to attract men; which my answer is no, because I'm into women. That must mean that dressed like this I'm a lesbian; which would make me gay.:confused2:

[Teresa]

Sandra,
Most of these opinions are based on media representation , whenever a CDer is shown in dramas they act very camp and usually have male followers in tow ! The other misconception is all gay men are effeminate .
Yes it is usually the first question most wives or partners make , or it's the first denial we make when we come out !

I'm totally heterosexual in drab or dressed, the sad thing is when this question is raised we give the impression that being gay is something wrong ! The laws were changed years ago but sometimes being a CDer/TG/TS or gay appears to be a serious crime in some peoples eyes !

[Confucius]

Personally, I'm 100% hetero.

Interesting subject. I did a bit of research and found the following articles:
Depending upon the surveys conducted about 20-30% of crossdressers report at least one homosexual experience.
http://www.jaimieveale.com/publications/Masters.pdf
"Benjamin (1966) believed that TS and transvestites could be differentiated in
terms of their sexual orientation, with transvestites being attracted to females, and TS
attracted to males. Some early studies have found transvestites to be an entirely
gynephilic group (Buckner, 1970; Buhrich & McConaghy, 1977a; Docter, 1988).
However, more recent studies using larger samples have shown predominance of
heterosexuality among transvestites to only be 69-89%, with 28-29% of transvestites
reporting previous homosexual experience (Docter & Fleming, 2001; Docter & Prince,
1997; Prince & Bentler, 1972). This is at a similar level to other males in the population
(Kinsey, Pomeroy, & Martin, 1948). "

That still means the straight crossdressers outnumber the gay and bi crossdressers by 2:1

[Sharon B.]

My ex-wife had asked the same question when I told her that I enjoy dressing as a woman.

[Yoshisaur]

I would identify myself as bisexual but not gay, and even so I don't think there's a connection crossdressing and sexual orientation.

[Alice_2014_B]

Just happy here!
:)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandra, I can't speak for any one else , But I'm a strait hetro. Crossdresser..:daydreaming:

[Rhian]

I'm definitely hetrosexual, part of my crossdressing stems from having lesbian fantasies.

[Maxi]

My crossdressing started when I was going through my divorce. I found comfort in sleeping in a slip, as I was used to curling up next to a woman in one for 18 years. It has gradually led to full blown dressing. I am bisexual but don't find crossdressing a part of that. I am in a heterosexual relationship with my wife, but do find chubby men attractive.
Many people can identify differently at different points in their life, just depends on where you are in life. This would be a tough question to answer,

[SexyMarianne]

I am straight myself but I prefer everything feminine. Being feminine is such a wonderful feeling inside

[notready4public]

I don't know about statistics in regards to sexuality among crossdressers but I know about me. I am not gay, I do not have fantasies about other men. I did experiment in early adulthood and discovered I did not like any kind of sexual experiences that involved another man. Even just having him watch was something I was uncomfortable with. So while I do like dressing I am pretty certain I am hetero. That said, I do not disparage or judge anyone who might be. What they do behind closed doors, or even within reason in public, is none of my business. Two men kissing on a public street does not make me sick. (As long as it is tasteful.) I have a problem with anyone sucking each others faces off in public. There is a time and place for all behaviors and making a spectacle of yourself is inappropriate for anyone.
I used to struggle with this. Growing up in the 70's and 80's with a father like mine it would have been difficult for any man with CD tendencies not to struggle with the notion that wearing women's clothing means he is gay. There wasn't any kind of access for me to support groups or anything like that. So instead of stopping the behavior I got better at hiding it. When I came out to my SO it was scary for me. I thought she would think I was gay and wanted to be with men. So after I showed her myself in a pair of pantyhose I could tell she wasn't sure what to think. I decided to sit her down immediately and explain to her that, for me, crossdressing is a fetish. It is not about wanting to walk around in public and be treated like a woman by strangers, or to have her treat me like we were in a lesbian relationship, or anything like that. I like the way I feel in those clothes. I am 5' 10" 230lbs, with a shaved head and a goatee. I don't try to present as female, but wearing a dress, hose, lingerie, and conservative heels makes me feel sexier than any men's clothing I have ever worn. That is something I want to share with her and only her. She took it amazingly and though it has taken many years to get fully okay with it she seems to be there now. In fact, last weekend we went thrift store shopping for a dress for me together. I am still really uncomfortable telling sales people we are there for me so we avoid that as much as possible. But we wear about the same size so it's not difficult for us to buy things without questions or even questioning looks.
In truth, even though they don't know, or maybe more BECAUSE they don't know, it is up to people like us to raise awareness among people that not all crossdressers are homosexuals. There are many straight men who just like to wear the clothes. And, since most of us who are closeted with it don't let it interfere with other aspects of our lives it is not any kind of disorder. For those who do it for my reason it is a sexual fetish. A sexual fetish is a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. The word abnormal in this use merely refers to something outside of the social norm as accepted by the majority of people in a particular culture.
A fetish, not of a sexual nature, is a course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment. I think many of the rest of the girls here can identify with this definition. Notice it does not say anything about an unhealthy or obsessive condition. Simply excessive and irrational, meaning more than other people and unable to explain it. Some men will crossdress as a prank, or to raise awareness for a cause, or for a Halloween costume. The do not necessarily crossdress regularly. It could be a one time thing for them or it could be a rare occasion for someone who does it regularly to go public without having to 'come out' about it. The beauty of it is that even those of us who do it often cannot be 100% sure of which it is for those people. And most of us don't have the desire to judge them either way.
So when someone says something to you about crossdressers being gay it is okay to point out to them that many crossdressers are in fact not gay but may simply have a completely harmless fetish for dressing in women's clothing!
Billy

[Alice Torn]

Some of us are lifetime singles, too, and i know most think i am gay

[Lacy PJs]

Heterosexual 425 67.5%
Homosexual 34 5.4%
Bisexual 144 22.9%
Other 27 4.3%

I know that people here generally frown on labels but in the numbers posted above, what can "Other" mean? That someone is not sexual at all?

Lost in a world of confusion...

Lacy PJs

[Lacyfem]

At one time I though I was hetero too. However, as my dressing went along and I would feel more like a girl I found men to be attracted to me. I was pleased that they liked me as a girl. So one time, after chatting with a man online, I dressed and invited him over for us to chat and see what would happen and how I felt with him. I felt great to his delight and mine and we had a great time chatting, then kissing and playing and I knew I was hooked and not longer straight male. Yes, he ended up taking me to be which was the ultimate in my crossing the line which shocked me but so enjoyed it.

[Katie01]

When I was much younger I thought I might be gay simply because I found wearing panties and lingerie arousing. Plus my teenage hormones we're going nuts! I even tried to have relations with a coworker who was gay and realized I was just not attracted sexually. I wasn't repulsed so much as simply not aroused. More or less like kissing a sibling. Haha. I thought I was a freak of nature! Loved being a guy. Loved being a girl but still attracted to girls. I even thought I might be lesbian! Much later I read that MOST CD's were hetero and everything clicked into place. Therapy helped as did finding a woman whom I trusted and who loved and accepted all of me.

[LydiaG]

Maybe the majority of us are gay because if we identify as girls when we are dressed and we like girls then that would make us lesbians :). And if we identify as male sometimes yet like men then that would also make us gay!

I'm mostly just kidding. Like others, I was born male and I 100% like cis-females. I identify as genderfluid so when I dress I consider myself a female lesbian. My girlfriend refers to me as a female when im dressed so it just feels right to consider myself a lesbian when dressed. She's bi-sexual so it all works out!

[Robin414]

I've actually had a bi curious dream but I'm fully heter...lesbi...gay...I dont know what I am but I like girls OK! 😄

[Sometimes Steffi]

When I was a teenage crossdresser, I thought I was gay (although we used a pejorative word back then), because I didn't now that there really was a rainbow. I guess I was an idiot, but before the Internet, there was no information available. And I did look in the library card catalog, but couldn't find anything except about Christine Jorgenson. Now I know I am hetero, but I don't think I really had much choice. My dad was very homophobic.




I know that people here generally frown on labels but in the numbers posted above, what can "Other" mean? That someone is not sexual at all?

Lost in a world of confusion...

Lacy PJs


I have a GG friend who claims to be "pansexual", where "pan" is the Greek for all. From my understanding, she's attracted to hetero men, gay (Lesbian) women and MTF TG/TS folk. I'm not sure about her feelings toward FTM, but her current "BF" is MTF.

[Badtranny]

Look, it as simple as this. MOST crossdressers are deeply closeted, so the general public has never seen a 'straight' CD.

The only men who are comfortable being seen in public dressed in women's clothes are in fact, gay. When the rather large and surly contingent of straight CD's decides to come out and be real, then the general public will begin to see things differently. Until then, even I think you're probably gay.

[BillieAnneJean]

NO! NO! NO!

Most CDers are NOT gay. I have been around many and most are definitely heterosexual. A few are TS, a few are Bi, and a very few are gay. The overwhelming majority are heterosexual. I facilitate a CDer social and support group and this has been my experience. And the same holds true for those who go OUT in public. The vast majority are heterosexual with a few gay, Bi, and TS.

[tiffanynjcd24]

to be honei am bisexual so lets just put it as that

[mechamoose]

The only men who are comfortable being seen in public dressed in women's clothes are in fact, gay.

That is a fine edge you are walking there, sweetie. I mostly agree with you, and the average Bubba wouldn't wear pink even if it was a powered armor suit.


When the rather large and surly contingent of straight CD's decides to come out and be real, then the general public will begin to see things differently. Until then, even I think you're probably gay.

Pretty dramatic, but I get the sentiment. This rolls back to a conversation about what 'normal' is. Normal is 'the prevailing view', and can be changed by what folks see every day. The more they see of us, the more normal it is.

<3

- MM

[Krisi]

ShriekCassandra, You are taking one incident and blowing it way out of proportion. If you continue to paint everyone with such a broad brush, you are going to find yourself alone and unhappy. And trying to "educate" people is not going to help matters because from their point of view, it may well be you who needs educating.

I hope you can find a way to have peace and happiness in your life. Thinking everyone else is wrong is not going to do it.

[flatlander_48]

I would bet that the average person today who thinks cross dressers are gay is 98%. It makes perfect sense.

No, it only makes perfect sense to people who have no other information nor have any predisposition to seek any other information.

DeeAnn

[ReineD]

DeeAnn, I think that most people in relationships with CDers will have a predisposition to seek information. The first thing wives ask when they find out is, "Are you gay?"

But if someone doesn't know a CDer first-hand, there is no reason to seek this information. Or, if they hear a CDer on a talk-show tell the audience he is female-attracted, they are likely to think he is the exception and then put the whole thing out of their minds because it's only a 15-minute segment on a talk show.

What's the percentage of people whose gender-identity matches their birth-sex, who have no inclination to dress as a gender opposite their birth-sex, and who at the same time are attracted to the opposite sex? About 95%. So it makes sense that they see the norms as what is around them every day, and since the norms for them are that women are attracted to men, they will deduce that men who dress like women are also attracted to men. Right? Even people in this forum have a difficult time understanding or imagining different motives or goals for the CDing than the ones they engage in personally. It's human nature.

I agree with Jennifer. Most people, until they have first-hand experience with a loved one who is a CDer, will believe that most CDers are gay. And when all the CDers do come out to everyone in their lives, there will still be 90%-95% of the population who will not be exposed personally to any CDers and they still will not know.

<Edit> And if some of the 90%-95% of the population who do not have first-hand experience with a CD loved one should come across this forum one day and read some of the threads, specifically where members discuss their attraction to men while dressed or fantasies of that nature, their opinion that CDers are gay will be reinforced.

[AllieSF]

<Edit> And if some of the 90%-95% of the population who do not have first-hand experience with a CD loved one should come across this forum one day and read some of the threads, specifically where members discuss their attraction to men while dressed or fantasies of that nature, their opinion that CDers are gay will be reinforced.

I disagree with this statement unless they look and only read those types of threads which are far from the majority here. If they read a decent cross section of the threads here they will see many more where the writer states that they are not interested nor fantasizing about a same sex intimacy. So, if they read general threads they will get the real story. At the current time we happen to have several active new threads on this topic, which is not always a common occurrence. Even within those threads there are many that state that they are straight with no interest in it. It will only be reinforced if they are already closed minded people who are looking for justification of their own ignorant and biased opinions. Common sense people exist and are by far the majority of human beings out there, so I would guess that they will have the necessary intelligence to truly understand most of what is being written here. I do agree that the majority of the general public will automatically think that we are gay until informed otherwise by what they see, hear or read. That happens to me all the time.

That is like stating that an SO who comes here and only reads an irate post by a wronged SO by a CD will believe that she/he is totally justified in totally rejecting her SO's revelation or unwanted exposure and refusing to try to understand and then stick her head deep into the sand hoping that it will all go away.

[Lacey New]

Nope, definitely not gay - but I might make a good lesbian.

[StephanieH]

I've been married forever, always considered myself a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Lately, wifey has been exploring a bit with her bisexual fantasies and that's been very exciting for both of us. I will say, it's also got me to thinking about it as well. While I've never done anything with a guy and I don't spend much of any time thinking about them, I believe I would consider myself pansexual these days - if the right circumstances ever arose, I don't think I would rule out much of anything - except barnyard animals - yuck! :eek:

[geek]

I would think that the ratio of gay to strait cd's would be roughly equal to that of football players or any other activity.

[Catherine383]

The issue I face as an aging crossdresser is that other gay men do not seek out older crossdressers for sex. So it really isn't a sexual thing anymore. When I was younger, in my late teens and early twenties, that was different. It was easy to find interested gay, straight, married, bisexual and pansexual men for sex. My GG SO and I have an open "cuckold" relationship now, and she is a self-admitted fag hag, and in many respects this is much better. We have a small circle of girlfriends, and it is nice to be myself in their company. I am free to enjoy sex with men, but this is always done un-made up, en masculine although my preference would be en femme.

My point is that no one really knows how many crossdressers are gay, straight, bisexual, or just fantasize about homosexuality and feeling like a woman during sex. I would venture a lot of men have fantasized about it from time to time. I do think that all men enjoy sharing their crossdressing with a GG female, whether it is their wife or bff or whatever. GG's rule!!!

[weyburn]

When I first started out I feel I was straight women only was married to a wonderful lady who supported me and the sex was great and she loved me in garters and nylons
After she passed I experimented with men and now would consider myself gay
Have outed myself and play the lady role all the time and as an older cd er I find there are lots of men out there looking for a session and they are mostly married

[Saikotsu]

Crossdressing is a form of gender expression. Being gay is a form of sexuality. The two are not one and the same. In cases where I am out to educate people, I like to point them to the "genderbread person" a convenient little diagram with lots of sliders on it that covers a wide range of pieces and parts that make up an individuals identity. I'd post a link, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to?

[ReineD]

That is like stating that an SO who comes here and only reads an irate post by a wronged SO by a CD will believe that she/he is totally justified in totally rejecting her SO's revelation or unwanted exposure and refusing to try to understand and then stick her head deep into the sand hoping that it will all go away.

But this happens all the time. Generally, people look for things that reinforce their beliefs, or that speak to their worst fears. You see it all the time in political or climate change debates online. People will look high and low for the ONE article or opinion that supports their view to use as a reference point, ignoring the hundreds of other articles/opinions that disagree with what they want to say.

Wives who come here and feel initially leery about the CDing will zone right into the sex-with-men/fantasy threads and walk away feeling afraid. Muggles who come across this forum by chance and who read it as a lark will pay more attention to the well-attended sexual fantasy threads than other threads and they will walk away smug with comfort that their opinions of CDers were correct. Or if they read threads by CDers who relate tales of non-accepting wives, these muggles will quietly tell themselves, "No wonder this is happening, if most of you fantasize about having sex with men".

Few people are trained in objectivity, I'm afraid.

[Heelios]

In the interests of the statistics i am heterosexual. I have seen men and thought they were attractive but not been attracted to them...if you know what i mean.

[lisa_vin]

Since I don't even like or trust most men (long story), the words "gay" or "bi" aren't even in my vocabulary. I crossdress for my own psychological and therapeutic needs so neither sex or nor attraction is not part of the equation. I've been doing this since about 3 or 4 years old.

[Meghan4now]

@Badtranny

Ha ha. They did Saturday night! Of course it was at a predominantly gay bar. Although 60 percent of the patrons were girls out on bridal shower bar hops. Glad you have ME "pegged", Of course don't tell my wife. I'd never get her back in the sack.

[laurenp245]

No more so than the rest of the population! For some people the perception of a man dressing as a woman automatically invokes thoughts of him being a homosexual simply because he enjoys the feminine side of life. This, as we here all know, is absolutely absurd. How a person dresses or presents themselves has nothing to do with sexual orientation, these are two entirely different topics. Just because I choose to make myself up, put on an awesome dress and some killer heels doesn't mean I suddenly desire to be with men. Are there CD's whom are gay? Yes, but it's the same small percent of the population of non CD'ers in this world.

<3 Lauren

[colleen_cd]

In the interests of the statistics i am heterosexual. I have seen men and thought they were attractive but not been attracted to them...if you know what i mean.

That's pretty much how I identify as well. There are quite a few transwomen I find very attractive too, so I guess I wouldn't say I'm 100% straight either - but who is, really?

[mechamoose]

Gay...

I don't care much for how you present.

I don't care much for how you identify.

You like what you like.

[fiona frisson]

does being particularly attracted to other convincing dressers - constitute gay;
- or a gay or bi element in that you know it isnt a gg - even if you also like ggs

[Ezekiel]

does being particularly attracted to other convincing dressers - constitute gay;
- or a gay or bi element in that you know it isnt a gg - even if you also like ggs

Well, honestly, I could not be attracted to any CD, no matter how close they looked to a female, because knowing they are men is already a turn off for me.

A man is a man, no matter how he is dressed.

[mechamoose]

I *adore* GGs, I just like what I like.

So pretty! I don't care if they carry a few pounds. They just ooze desirability, just wanna be like them.

I'm a big bull in an ill-fitting dress. I so want to be soft and curvy. I just know it isn't gonna happen, so I don't even try. I do my own thing and damn the consequences.

As far as 'gay', why are you worrying about it? If someone likes you, they *LIKE* you. Just roll with it. Nobody gets to pick their chromasomes.

GD, why are we so hung up on this stuff? It shouldn't matter!

- MM

[DebbieL]

I'm only new here so probably this thread has been around before
It's a good idea to read through some of the back threads, there are questions that you haven't even thought of yet, that have been asked and answered.
Check out all of the different forums as well, they can help you quite a bit.


Most people I talk to who are not crossdressers seem to think we are gay they don't know
Most people just assume that an feminine man is being effeminate to attract men. Historically, the press has given a lot more coverage to very openly out "screaming queens", who are more openly effeminate and seem to fit a stereotype. Often such men are "bait" and get approached by more "butch" men who are gay and looking to meet other men, and looking for someone who might be connected.

Not all gays are effeminate.
Not all feminine men are attracted to women.
Not all cross-dressers are transgender,
Not all transgenders want to transition,
Not all transgenders are attracted to men.


I am a CD and I won't tell them but they don't understand
Being a CD only means that you like wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.
What is more important is WHY you like wearing clothes of the opposite sex.
If it's just because you like the feel of a particular fabric in a particular garment, you may be a fetish dresser.
If it's because you like feeling feminine - you are transgender.

Keep in mind that there are two scales, one for gender identity, created by Harry Benjamin, and one for sexual preference, created by Alfred Kinsey.
For gender identity the scale is 0 to 6 - I'm using male to female terms here.
0 - completely cisgender, no desire to be feminine or female ever - usually an alpha male.
1 - Fetish dresser - usually wears a few items, primarily for sexual gratification - part of the fantasy is being female.
2 - Closet dresser - dresses for short periods of time, fantasizes about being a girl for a short time.
3 - Extended dresser - dresses fully as female, may even go out in public for short periods - still prefers to be male.
4 - Trans-identity - either prefers being feminine/female and/or dislikes being male - may or may not include dressing.
5 - Lives part time as opposite gender, has desire to transition, but not necessarily ready to take necessary steps
6 - Difficulty passing as birth gender, perceived by others as feminine or gay, strong desire to transition - may have attempted or sought castration or self destruction.

On the sexual preference scale of 1 to 6 (again using male terms here)
1 - Heterosexual, only attracted to gender conforming women
2 - Heterosexual flexible, attracted to gender variant opposite sex (tomboys, dominant women...)
3 - Bisexual attraction - attracted to men and women with preference for women.
4 - Bisexual activities - activities with both men and women, attracted to specific type of both sexes.
5 - Homosexual - practices - attracted primarily to men, but effeminate types preferred.
6 - Homosexual - attracted to gender conforming men.

Now, if you break that into a 6x7 matrix, you get a complex dance card.

A drag queen is often a man who is a 3-4 on the gender scale and a 5-6 in the preference scale. Of course, being the most unusual and rare, they get the most news coverage.


I think the percentage is about 50 50

Statistically, the extremes are actually quite rare. For example, someone who is exclusively attracted ONLY to gender conforming women is almost as rare as men who are only attracted to other gender conforming men. Statistics vary depending on the survey, test methods, and scoring, but it's usually something like this
1 - 5%
2 - 25%
3 - 35%
4 - 20%
5 - 10%
6 - 5%

So there is a skewing toward the heterosexual side, but the greatest portion is actually bisexual, able to be attracted to tomboys, curvy women, women who wear pants and no make-up, women with deep voices, but could also be attracted to men with softer voices, gentle manner, soft features, who like to dress up in suits or well fitted clothes.

Often people who claim to have "converted" someone from being "gay" have just had a subject who was a 3 or 4 on the scale and was active with men.

There is a similar breakdown on the gender spectrum, but a bit more skewed to the gender conforming side.

1 - 10%
2 - 35%
3 - 25%
4 - 16%
5 - 6%
6 - 3%

The balance is also a function of ages. Among older groups, the number of 6's drops substantially, because they have committed suicide. If you were to interview kids in kindergarten you'd see much more. By the teens, there is more repression of transgender behaviors, because gym coaches and other alpha males tend to persecute "sissies".


What do you think

If you fill in that grid across the 6x7 matrix, you would realize that there is a lot of purple and lavender and not as much pink and dark blue.

[Stephanie47]

Most people are ignorant when it comes to cross dressers. I suspect most people think we are gay. Most scientific surveys seem to agree the vast majority of cross dressers are no gay. I know I am not gay, but, why do I like wearing women's clothing on occasion? I don't have a clue.

[jackielou]

wearing a bra and or panties does not make a man gay

[Trishpdxcd2]

Just antidotal but I find very few gay cd's. I do think bisexuality is common among cd's, however.

[Crissy Kay]

Just antidotal but I find very few gay cd's. I do think bisexuality is common among cd's, however.

That's kind of what I think too. I believe more forum members lean to bi, then they are willing to admit.

[fiona frisson]

Debbie Wow what a connvincing analysis ...i fit comfortably into the purple lavender

[ReineD]

Debbie if you're going to write about past research, please don't change the words to suit your message!

For those of you who are interested,

THIS is the Benjamin gender scale (the actual table from his 1960s research article):
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_jJepePwUw6g/TEbZJLerRbI/AAAAAAAAAPo/8eFC_IidDg0/s1600/benjamin.gif

And THIS is the Kinsey sexual orientation scale (from the Kinsey website):
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/ak-hhscale.html

As to your first percentage breakdown, where did you get that 35% of the population has a bisexual orientation! Good lord, that's 1 in 3! Studies throughout the world estimate 3%-7% for all LGBTs (let's even say 10% to be generous) which would make the Bis a much smaller number!

Your second percentage breakdown of the gender scale ... again, there is no large-scale meaningful study that provides such figures. If you want a quick, common sense assessment, take the number of websites available to various groups of people within this community as an indication of the number who are at different places along the spectrum. Google "crossdresser" and you will be served literally millions of websites catering strictly to the fetish aspect of the CDing, certainly a great deal more than 10% of all the websites for CDs/TGs/TSs!

[trisha kobichenko]

I am hetero, dress every day, and have a wonderful 35 year relationship with my SO. I can't really address the question as to how many crossdressers are gay, but just confirm that I am not.

[Lacey New]

I am in the same place as Ezekiel - Completely heterosexual despite the fact that I love wearing panties and lingerie.
Well, honestly, I could not be attracted to any CD, no matter how close they looked to a female, because knowing they are men is already a turn off for me.

A man is a man, no matter how he is dressed.

[Jennifer B]

wearing a bra and or panties does not make a man gay

Correct. Although more importantly it almost certainly means that he has great taste in underwear. :)

[Paula_56]

No but I am willing to learn............

[josrphine]

Hi All going to put my 3 cents in, As I am one of the older C D's on here 74. Over the years I have taken part. I don't look my age so I do have other gurls that I have been with. Sex cross's all lines and I have found that having sex with my wife, I get jealous. She on the other hand " said ". I am not gay, but like to have sex with me as a women. I don't due it just too, I like to have a attraction , just like with a women. O K that is just me. JO

[Melanie 0339]

I can only speak about my thoughts as I'm new to the CD community (I'm that deep in the closet). I love to dress really girly (apparently this is sissy....whatever) and I enjoy certain activities with my SO that many gay couples also enjoy. Now to many conventional people with no knowledge or just plain ignorance this would scream gay. People fear what they don't understand and love to put things and people in categories personally I don't think of myself as gay but many would and that's fine by me whatever makes you feel safe sweetie xxx


Well, honestly, I could not be attracted to any CD, no matter how close they looked to a female, because knowing they are men is already a turn off for me.

A man is a man, no matter how he is dressed.

I don't know I've seen some incredibly attractive CDrs that have made me think twice.

[gabyespinotv]

95% are. You can tell because if you ask them they will say NO NO NO I'M NOT GAY!. You can find many in this forum.

[mechamoose]

All there 'polarized' views just go to confirm one thing: Gender and sexuality are different things, and can have ZERO to do with each other.

- MM

[Rachel05]

I love to crossdress and it has been part of my life forever, I am totally heterosexual just a heterosexual that loves to cross dress

I have never had any feelings towards being gay, never tried it, never wanted to or felt the need for me crossdressing is not about sexual needs and there is much myth and lack of understanding from people who don't know

[pony_gurl]

This is a complicated question to answer for me. I would say that I'm straight, heterosexual.

I'm not attracted to men physically but when I'm dressed I do enjoy the fantasy about being with a man or another cross dresser. Not so much a woman.

I suppose this must make me a little bi but I've never had any sexual interaction with a man so not sure which box i fall into.

[Ninna]

95% are. You can tell because if you ask them they will say NO NO NO I'M NOT GAY!. You can find many in this forum.

I think that's not truth, im say i'm not gay becouse i have 26 years and I know myself and I am absolutely certain whats my sexual orientation, I have no problems with gay people and if i was gay, i had no problems to tell, but im not, im really like GG, never interested in men! I think that ensure they are others, not knowing what they are, it's no good!