Tonight is the night !!

[Stephanie kirby]

Tonight is the night I've , rightly or wrongly, decided to reveal all to my Wife ,she already knows I under-dress but not that i fully dress when alone, forms,wig,make-up, the full monty, Im going to pick my moment and tell her,wish me luck !!

[JennykBailey]

Best wishes, I hope it goes well for you both

[kimdl93]

Good luck. I hope you're well prepared.

[Laurana]

Good luck.

[Sarah Doepner]

Best of luck. When I told my wife it took several days for her to do her research and process this new perspective of me. You've been growing into this for a very long time, she may need a while to think over all you have been thinking and feeling for a long time. And there may be an issue of trust to deal with as well, why you kept this from her for so long. In the long run that turned out to be a bigger problem than my crossdressing. Expect the unexpected, be comfortable with who you are and remember you got together in the first place for your love of each other.

[BillieAnneJean]

Start out with "I love you and you are the center of my world." Repeat this about every five minutes.

Be gentle.

Don't overload her.

Let her absorb it.

Don't overload her.

Be gentle.

Gently tell her where you see this going to. Hopefully it is just CDing.

I wish you both the best because you are revealing that you have been doing something she might not be aware of.

Otherwise maybe you could ASK her if she would mind you doing this now and then. If she says NO then don't, wait three months and ask again. But if she says OK then proceed slowly.

[Amy Fakley]

Are you planning to surprise her, by meeting her out of the blue in all out girl mode?!

I can only speak from my own experience, but doing that seems like a *really* bad idea!

My advice, for what it's worth: sit down with her (in boy mode), perhaps over a nice diner and some wine, and explain what's going on. There will likely be tears. There will be a lot of serious stuff to work through . As others have said, be kind, be patient, be completely open and honest. Work through all of that.

When she's ready, ask her of she'd like to see some pics (make them tasteful). Then, if she says she even wants to ... then let her meet Stephanie.

I know the "BLAM! Got it all over in one go!" approach seems tempting from our perspective. I considered it myself, before realizing that my motivations for wanting to do that we're primarily selfish. I wanted to have it all over with quickly... stop to consider how your wife might prefer to receive this life changing sort of info.

[CONSUELO]

Don't do it when dressed. Have resources that she can turn to to help her understand- readings and videos perhaps. Be prepared to suggest going through counseling together. Good luck!

[Suzanne F]

Be loving to her and yourself. You are not a terrible person so don't act like it. Breathe and calmly tell her the truth. I am hopeful for you!!!
Suzanne

[Amanda M]

Go with BillieAnne! Be gracious. Be gentle, and make sure that everything you say reflects your love.

[Sarah_B]

Good luck Stephanie.

It will be a roller coaster of emotions for both of you. Remember, it is only the beginning of another long road. I can talk from experience. Lots of patience and re assurance will be required, coupled with some undoubted strong and probing questions. Please stay calm and do not pressurize her into acceptance. I sincerely hope for a mutually beneficial outcome and that there is some or full acceptance as it makes your relationship stronger without the element of hiding and the fear of discovery. I look forward to reading of the outcome.:hugs:

[Sarah-RT]

Best of luck!

Just remember a few things though;

Her initial reaction may not reflect her attitude, she may be confused and worried at first.
It may take her a few days to reflect on everything.
Be honest, if your going to bring it up tell her the complete truth.
Explain why you wanted her to know, honesty, freedom, to reduce fear etc etc
And be patient! While it's great to get things off your chest it is easy to become miserable when the response isn't what you thought it may be, or a resolution doesn't arrive as fast as you would like.

And lastly you know why you are doing this, so when the right moment comes up be brave and go for it, you can only be you and you can only do your best but hesitation will prevent that

Sarah x

[Jennie2]

Good luck Stephanie, I understand how you feel, it's a hurdle I've yet to overcome

[Sandra]

GG posting

Take it slow with her but tell her everything don't only tell half a story. Ask her to let you finish talking then listen to her questions. Don't expect it to be all fun and lovey dovey and don't expect her to be all accepting straight away, she will have to process what you have told her and then the best thing she could do is get an account here so that she can talk to other GGs in the FAB section which is private.

Good luck.

[Pat]

Good luck! Pick your time; be gentle with yourself if you decide to postpone.

[alwayshave]

Stephanie, the best of luck to you. My only advice is breath.

[Kandi Robbins]

I'll be thinking about you on this one. The door seems already slightly open and all the advice here is great. Did this myself last December and it changed my life, but everyone's situation is different. Good luck!!!

[laurenp245]

Good luck! My wife had several questions for me when we had this convo, take the time to answer them all straight from your heart. It's nerve wracking as heck having this talk with your SO, but let me tell you after it's done, you will know no greater relief. I'm so happy for you, hope all goes splendidly!!!

<3 Lauren

[Jenniferathome]

This is very doable but as Sandra wrote, tell it ALL.

[Tina_gm]

Good luck. On the one hand, her knowing that you underdress may be of some help, it may buffer some of the shock. But, don't bet the farm on that either. I was sort of leaking it out to my wife so to speak, was already shaving my legs and underarms by the time I told her. She was still quite taken back by it all. I do still think that overall it might have been not quite as much of a shock, but still a lot of high voltage went through that night.

If there is one thing I have learned, is, don't treat it like you have some BAD condition, or are a bad person, or make it out to be some negative thing. You can and may likely have to apologize for not fully disclosing. Be prepared for that as much as anything. That will hit her harder than anything.

[Stephanie kirby]

*UPDATE*
well I started off by bringing up the subject slowly and very gently, with suggestion's like what if you saw a man dressed has a woman ? etc etc. she then looked me in the eyes and said "oh your talking about the way you dress when your alone" I replied "well yes" she said " Ive know'n for years " turns out she first found out a few years back from our security cam footage, one time when I went into the yard dressed, and it never occurred to me that i would be on camera ...doh ..,but we continued to talk and talk, and shes perfectly fine with it all,she has even been online tonight and purchased items for both of us,. thanks everyone for the advice you gave me xx

[Elli87]

thats awsome

[chris63]

Very cool! So excited for ya'll.

[Marcelle]

Hi Stephanie,

Good luck and give her time to digest as this will be a lot to take in. I started a thread some time ago about communicating after the big reveal. Lots of folks posted and provide a good basis http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?226009-Communication-and-moving-forward-All-observations-welcomed-GGs-encouraged/page2

Remember we are here for you.

Cheers

Isha

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
Well done for getting over that hurdle, but take it slow now , you may think the brakes are off but sometimes you have to take a few steps back.
Give it a few days to let the dust settle, I guess it's going to be interesting when the items arrive will she want to see you wearing them, depending what they are ?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Stephanie, That was a great story with a happy ending with a surprising twist.:daydreaming:

The ball is in her court now just don't overwhelm her .:hugs:

[TrishaTX]

another great story....still make sure she is comfortable with your progress...but I am happy for you

[Suzie Petersen]

Stephanie,

Sounds like a good first talk, but .... you are in a very dangerous situation right now!
Be careful what you do next and be very aware of, and sensitive to, the signals your wife sends you over the next days, weeks and .. years!
Dont focus too much on what she says, focus on what she tells you through other language.

Good luck
Suzie

[Shayna]

Congratulations on both your honesty and having an understanding wife.

[Pat]

Congratulations! It will be interesting for you to find out what she was thinking all those years you didn't know she knew....

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

You have absolutely no idea how happy I am for you!!
My spouse has not taken things nearly so well... She seems to think I either have a brain tumor or have experienced a psychotic break; her words, not mine.

It sounds to me like you have a BFF in the making, as well as a fantastic wife!

[Jazzy Jaz]

Congratulations! If you're not ts and the topic comes up I think ReineD made a good point in the what i do/who i am thread about specifying that this is PART of who you are so that shes not left constantly wondering if you will eventually lean towards transition. So far her response sounds very unjudgemental and promising and I wish you the best, just go at her pace.

[bridget thronton]

You lucked out I think - you also have a great wife

[Sandra]

Pleased it went well....now don't rush things don't think that just because she's said its ok that you can go and dress all the time and go spending money all over the place, because believe me it will backfire on you. Also she may nave days where she is having different thoughts and may not be as happy as she is now...all I can say is when this happens talk to her and be there for her.

[JeanetteX]

I hope it all went well for you Stephanie. Are you going to tell us about it? If so I pray its good news!

Oops....sorry, I see you already gave us an update. So pleased it went well girl

[Amy Fakley]

Congratulations! What a great outcome!
I love reading happy endings to coming out stories :-)

[Heidi Stevens]

Stupid security cameras! So glad your talk went well, Stephanie. But you did prove the old adage that you can't keep a secrete from you're spouse forever, so you may as well get it out there. Take your time now and do not neglect her wants and needs. This woman is a keeper, give her a hug from all of us!

[carolyn todd]

Hello Stephanie
WELL DONE (jamme begger) like every one says take it slowly,
you been hand every thing on a plate but just take it slowly.
you've got a KEEPER there look after her they are like gold dust.

Carolyn xx

[Sarah Doepner]

Amazing, she had known for years and hadn't addressed it. As the others say, don't be a kid in the candy store now that the door is open. Keep talking as this awareness and your new understanding on the depth of her respect and love for you is something brand new. She deserves to live with no new surprises for a while.

[Krisi]

So your security system outed you. That's something I've been warning people about. Of course, walking outside can out you to neighbors, it's a risk. I have to wonder though, why your wife never brought it up.

Regardless, it's out in the open now. I suggest you take it slowly and reassure your wife as often as you can that you love her and appreciate her tolerance of your "hobby".