My first shopping experience.

[theresa renee]

i had been utilizing ebay for my purchases. the anonymity it allows has been pretty fantastic as i learn what sizes translate to my frame, and i get to spend a little/get a lot while i suss things out.

i had my eye on a certain pair of knee-high boots, and much to my chagrin, my size had run out online. i guess i figured that i should visit the retail outlet to determine if there were any in stock at the physical location, and... wait, what?! actually go to a store and buy shoes?! i was halfway to the mall when i thought to myself, "what am i doing? i'm about to expose myself, here!"

the store in question didn't have the boots, and had a very small section for my size... i fooled around a bit looking at the equally small selection of men's shoes until i pretended to be staring at my phone, wandering over to the women's section. sure, i looked calm, but i am FREAKING OUT inside.

nope. nobody cares. everyone's absorbed in their own shopping to notice what i'm doing.

still, i feel i need to escape, while simultaneously feeling i need shoes. i make my way to another store, and the women's size i need is in the same aisle as the men's shoes. i always knew that as men, we have a limited selection, but i'm REALLY noticing it now.

i keep getting bogged down by people coming into the aisle. i can't try anything on without feeling completely self-conscious, and then i finally catch a break: i spot a cute little pair of flats and am about to try them on when i hear someone coming into the aisle. i drop the flats and watch the woman thundering down the lane pick up the flats, try them on... and she took them! she took my shoes!

i leave the store to wait for it to clear out, and returned fifteen minutes later. i got flustered, but upon my return i bit the bullet and went up to the sales clerk and said, "okay, so... i spotted a pair of flats and i think the young woman took them."
"oh... oh, i see. yes, i know which shoes you're talking about. let's go see if we have your size!"

she was so nice. she found me the pair i wanted, and suggested a few things, and... and i won't share details here but her name began with a "C" and i'm pretty much going to remember her forever.

i am well aware that i live in a bubble in this city, and that this experience might not be so positive elsewhere, but i will take what i can get. thank you for everything "C" :)

[IamWren]

OH MY GAWWWDuh!
I can completely and totally relate to your experience right down to "pretended to be staring at my phone". As I was reading it, I could feel my heart start to race as I remembered my last experience when I went back searching for some heels that I saw the day before.

Fortunately for me I wear a size 7.5 or 8 and can get away saying I'm buying some shoes for my wife as a gift. I used that line once and I'm not so sure the guy behind the counter bought it, although he did say, "I think she'll like these. They're really nice."

Grabbed my stuff and headed out quick!

[Krisi]

You were probably in Payless. They have large sizes in women's shoes and the large women's shoes are usually across from the men's shoes.

You'll attract more attention skulking around and running In and out of the store than if you just walk in like a customer, pick out what you want, try them on and take them to the counter to pay for them. If you're nervous, go to a store farther from home.

Sue, Men don't buy shoes for their wives. Nobody is going to believe that. It doesn't matter if the clerk thinks you are a crossdresser unless he knows you.

[theresa renee]

well, true - Krisi, ya got me :)

and you're absolutely right! i was texting with a friend who kept telling me to calm down. how could i? everybody's nervous the first time!

Sayyidah, you have small feet. i wear a 10.5 men's, so that's around an 11.5 or 12 in women's sizes.

[IamWren]

I'll tell you Theresa... some of the things that I've been so self-conscious about as a male are that I am VERY short (five foot two... yes, really... i am THAT short), that I have small hands (in college I had female friends who used to love to compare) and small feet as well (although they're kinda stubby and look like Barney Rubble feet). To top it off, I'm more of a grower than a show-er so I have small than average dangly bits.

Turns out all those things are perfect for someone who want to dress up! :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Eventually you get over the nervousness when you realize the SAs don't care. Shoe shopping though is tough for folks like me with big feet, a 11 or 12 in women's and Payless is usually where I go. DSW is another good place.
I hope Theresa you start going out more often it's so much fun good luck
Leigh

[theresa renee]

Sayyidah, you beat me to it - perfect size for passing!

Leigh, actually, it was DSW that ran out of my size boot.

wow, i feel closer to everyone! you know EXACTLY what's going on.

[DaniChan]

Theresa, I can totally relate. :hugs:
I guess unlike many here, I actually started buying my clothes in a physical store.
Being closeted and living with my parents made buying stuff online somewhat risky...
At first I bought stuff at department stores so I could look like I was just another guy looking at guy stuff...
In reality I probably was as discreet as a pink elephant yelling ! :bonk:

Like you, I looked at my phone, went to different sections and back, waited for people to leave the area so I could grab the clothes and get out as fast as possible.
But it does get easier with time :) Today I have no problem going to a store that only sells feminine clothes and get help from the clerks :D
I still get a bit nervous, but I actually enjoy the adrenaline :D

[Camille15]

Thanks for sharing your story. I think you were so brave for going up to the sales clerk and getting those shoes. There's no reason in the world that you shouldn't get the shoes you want. And I bet the sales clerk was truly happy to help you. I think it will only get easier for you from here. :)
Camille

[theresa renee]

i think you're right, Dani and Camille... but for now, i think i will "scout" locations before making purchases, though. safety is still an issue.

[Laurana]

Theresa, I had almost the identical experience when I went shoe shopping. I walked into Payless and wandered around until I made it to the womens section. I saw a nice pair of black heels in what I thought would be my size so I picked them up and went to try them on. They didn't fit,but as I was putting them back the SA came up and asked if I was looking for a heel. I said not really and then she proceeded to help me find a pair of shoes I liked. There were people coming and going and as far as I know nobody cared.

[ChristinaK]

If you go en femme it's easier, believe it or not.

Congratulations on a successful shopping trip. Exhilarating and fun.

[deebra]

Theresa most of us can relate to the anxiety you felt in trying on and walking in heels in Payless. Next time wear hose under your girl jeans, they make slipping your foot in the shoe easier, if you put on the free hose/sock at the end of the isle that can be a little tricky until you have tried it a few times. I love trying on heels and pumps and walking around the store in them, it's like a kid in a candy store and nobody says anything negative and it's reallly cool that I can walk just as well as a woman in them. All of the women that have seen me in women's shoes didn't care or we engaged in some nice conversations. We are our own worst enemy, thank goodness the SA's are so nice and non judge mental; after all neither gender should be judged for their preference in clothing/shoes, that said we all know men are discriminated against and women aren't. The more we are seen the sooner we're accepted.

[Krisi]

Payless and most other store's staff don't care but there's always the chance that while prancing around the store in those heels, your mother, wife, best friend or preacher might walk around the corner. I try them on, stand and take a few steps and decide if I want them. Personally, I'm not big into shoes and the five or six pairs I have are pretty much all I need. The last pair I bought were the same brand and size as some I already had so I just paid the $5 to ship them to my home. It would cost that much to drive to the mall and back.

[Jennie2]

Hi Theresa
Isn't it exhilarating when you make that first purchase, what a rush. The more you shop now the easier it will become.
Enjoy your shopping.

[Gabby6790]

Kudos for going up to the SA. I have yet to go there but I have done the cell phone thing as well as skimming the male section next to the fem section.

It am sure it gets easier but it is nerve racking. Congrats on the milestone.

[Stephanie47]

Welcome to the great Pacific Northwest. I saw from your introduction that you are in Seattle. You are probably living in one of the more accepting places to live in the USA. Shopping in the PNW can be very uneventful. Enjoy the experience. There are some cross dressing social clubs in the Seattle area. And, there is an annual convention/meeting in Port Angeles every year. Enjoy the experiences.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Theresa, I go on line @ www.payless.com and find what I want in size13 then go to the store to see
if they have them if not I will order them, pay for them & have them delivered to the store in a couple days.:daydreaming:

[Teresa]

Theresa,
Hey snap on the name !
I did the online thing and made a list of shoes I wanted to buy and chose a wet Monday morning as soon as the store opened, just an SA in sight and asked her straight if she minded selling me women's shoes, she was so wonderful and caring I ended up going back twice more to the store ! We had some fun when a guy stood staring when she was zipping me up in 4" heeled boots. After that she gently teased me into buying a pair of pattered heels from the sale rack, I nearly took her some flowers for being so caring and making shoe shopping such a pleasure !

[trishacd]

I wear womans size 13 and find quite a few at payless. The sales people are easy to work with ,i used to be so scared to go in there.Now i wear hose so i get the proper fit.one ladu holds the cite ones for me till i come in.

[Krisi]

Blue, the payless website has a feature to see if the size and style you want is in stock at any of your local stores. You don't have to go there in person. And if they are not in stock you can order them yourself off the website and have them delivered to the store (for free) or to your home for about $5. I figure it costs $5 to drive to the store and back.

[Nolacdflorida]

I buy all my shoes at Payless. I buy them online and have them shipped to a store near here and They call me when they arrive and I go and pick them up. I have never had any problems with any of the girls working there. They asked me once were the shoes for my wife and I just said no they are mine. She smiled and that was that. They are used to it.

[theresa renee]

it's been a few days, and i've been offline, but i come back to see all of this support and information, and it feels really amazing. thank you, everyone!


... but there's always the chance that while prancing around the store in those heels, your mother, wife, best friend or preacher might walk around the corner.

OMG YES.



Welcome to the great Pacific Northwest. I saw from your introduction that you are in Seattle. You are probably living in one of the more accepting places to live in the USA. Shopping in the PNW can be very uneventful. Enjoy the experience. There are some cross dressing social clubs in the Seattle area. And, there is an annual convention/meeting in Port Angeles every year. Enjoy the experiences.

oh, i've been here a long time, Stephanie, i'm not new. i'm not from here, but i'm not new by any stretch. let's just say that i've been here long enough to have seen it change from seattle to paulallenville to bezosapolis.

it's a complete bubble, too, and that's something i have to keep in mind when/if i leave city limits... or even if i leave certain neighborhoods. my area is quiet and sleepy (i'm clearly not in capitol hill!) and i'm sure i wouldn't encounter any issues here, but i still tread with caution. it's important to be AWARE.

social clubs? i'm not sure i'm ready to go out or anything, but... send me a pm. i'm curious.



Theresa,
Hey snap on the name !

!!!

we are so going to be friends :)

[mikayla1964]

in no time at all you will just walk in and get what u want just u do shopping for guy shoes and things ..

[Helen Waite]

All this discussion of shoes and sizes..... I was shopping at Gabes (East coast/Midwest discounter) one time and found some 4" black stiletto Betsey Johnson knee boots. $29.99! OMG.... needless to say, those flew into the cart. They stocked more styles over the next few days, so now I have two pair black leather, one black suede, and one light tan suede. Their prices are incredible, and items just fly off the rack.

As for sizes, I have found that most women's shoes seem to be sized the same as men's. Any time I go by the "conversion" charts, I end up with oversize rowboats on my feet. I've only got one pair that was true to the defined women's sizing. Anyone else have this experience?

[JenniferR771]

Sure. I wear size 10 in men's shoes. And also size 10 in women's shoes. My men's shoes are a bit loose and my women's are a bit tight. I am slender so I do not have a fat foot, that helps a bit I suppose. Payless is nice to me.

However, I mostly shop at my favorite thrift store where the girls know me--since I introduced myself. Sometimes they mention new things they have shelved that they think I might like. They are always OK with the idea when I want to try on a few dresses.