Don't forget this a guy you're talking to !

[Teresa]

I was thinking back to when I first joined the forum what things caught me out .

I was exchanging PMs with a member and we got to talking about family life and other things, we talked about children and she said she had a twenty eight year old daughter . I was looking at the very passable avatar and was about to reply that she didn't look old enough to have a daughter that age . My brain suddenly said stop right there ! This is a guy you're talking to, next thing we'll be comparing stretch marks and how long it took for our figures to come back !

I wonder if other members have been caught out and in what way ?

[mechamoose]

Hi Teresa,

No offence, but I think that limiting your thought process that way isn't helping you in any way. You either identify or feel female or you don't. I don't need a uterus to be a parent, of which I'm sure you are aware.

Especially in a relationship like mine, where I fulfill most of the 'Mom' roles in the house. I do that because it is what comes naturally to me, not because I'm following a checklist.

So, is it really being caught out?

(ZERO flames were included in this post)

- MM

[Maryesther M.]

Not exactly, but the femme avatar almost invariably hides or camouflages the underlying bloke's true age. For instance, My 'avatar' has four middle-aged children & eight grandchildren, the eldest of whom has already achieved majority at age 18.......and I have no stretch marks or cellulite to show for it!

M.

[Teresa]

MM,
I was new to the forum and the first time I'd contacted other CDers , I found the first few weeks confusing before I got use to the idea of interacting with people in this way .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Teresa, When I log on to this wonderful forum I put my mind into full feminine mode
and we are all just a group of lovely ladies having fun talking about This&That.:love:

[Krisi]

1) Not all the avatars are actual photos of the person you are corresponding with. Sometimes it's obvious because it's not a picture of a person, times it's obvious because the picture is pretty obviously a male in makeup, but sometimes, it might be a picture of an actual genetic female lifted off the Internet. When I first joined, I was following someone who later admitted to that and eventually changed her avatar photo.

2) You don't have to identify or feel female to post here. As a matter of fact, we cannot "feel female" because we've never been female and don't actually know how a female feels.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I realise the point about the avatars I'm sure the member wouldn't mind if I mentioned her name but I can tell you it was real, as I assure you mine is.
My reply to MM explains why I was confused. My question was have other members been caught out or maybe confused in some way when first joining .

[Maryesther M.]

True. There are a lot of non-revealing avatars out there. But mine is me.

The dressed-up appearance is transient at best and within a few hours must all be taken off again & stowed away. MOH mustn't find femme things and I mustn't stain the pillows with make-up!

MOH tells me how she feels all the time, but that's as near as I can get.

M.

[mechamoose]

So nobody is going to believe that my avatar wasn't one of me done by one of those 'character' artists at a street fair?

};>

- MM

[Allisa]

Sometimes to this day I stop and remind myself that almost all members here are genetic males but the topics we discuss are of a female nature, maybe it is the avatars that put us in a different state of mind. Plus when we log on I believe we are here to be that side of us and open up and express ourselves with out the visual need of dressing the inner part. Does that make any sense?

[reb.femme]

So nobody is going to believe that my avatar wasn't one of me done by one of those 'character' artists at a street fair?

};>

- MM

To be called a Moose is normally an insult, but not so in this case it would seem :heehee:?
Lovely slim waist though MM.

Theresa,

I can't say I've been or felt caught out but some of the people on here do have stunning presentations. I've definitely changed my outlook and understanding in the three years that I've been here, there is always a learning phase, so I can understand you're confusion initially.

Rebecca

[Krisi]

My avatar photo is actually a photo of me with the background removed through the magic of photo editing software. I would love to post photos of myself but I have to remember, this is the Internet and once something is posted on the Internet, we no longer have control over it. I remain "in the closet" for my wife's sake as well as my own.

Let me add this; Some people's avatar photos do seem to say something about themselves. How they are dressed, the expression on their face, etc.

[Teresa]

MM,
In that case dare I ask what your parents looked like ? If it was Scotland your father must have been Monarch of the Glen !

Allisa,
I agree with you on how easy it is to slip into fem mode and discuss clothes, makeup etc without hesitation it does feel right and natural.
Both of my counsellors have drifted into a conversation on female matters, last week I commented about the thread asking which hand is best to start with when applying nail polish, my counsellor said she'd try doing her right hand first because my nails looked so good in the pictures.

[IamWren]

a hair off topic but I think I'm going to side in the camp of Krisi on what I post as far as photos go. Although, this forum has taken great steps to insure safety and comfort of the members, I don't think I'll be posting any face pictures any time soon.

As to Teresa's question... as a very new member, it's happened to me almost every time I login. Some of the members here have amazing presentations and I've really enjoyed the photo thread of boy and girl mode pics. And although, I feel a wonderful wave of femininity come over me as I interact and read threads, I do catch myself thinking this is someone I'd could be hanging out with drinking a beer, discussing our favorite lawn fertilizer and telling fart jokes.

p.s. oh and my avatar pic is me. Obviously since my boobs look like two perfectly round grapefruit halves placed near my collar bone. :)

[CarlaWestin]

Yeah, I look at this site as a wonderful group of girls that I'm talking to. And I feel like I want to hook up with some of the trans men at the hardware store. How 'bout it Andy. Want to hook up at McFadden-Dale (http://mcfaddendalehardwarelv.com/)? I'll be the one in the pink six inch maryjanes.

[~Joanne~]

Teresa, I think I was right about the same way, I would forget who it was that I was actually talking to but in a way , it was a good thing as we all identify in different ways here and you don't know who is walking what path at the time or even now. I did get past it after a while thought and it feels more natural now. My avatar is obviously me from the ankles down lol I really don't like avatars lifted from the internet but I also understand trying not to be outed either.

[mechamoose]

MM,
In that case dare I ask what your parents looked like ? If it was Scotland your father must have been Monarch of the Glen !


I am mostly of Scottish extraction :) I thought of posting more pics, but I don't want to hijack the thread. My profile pic *is* a photo of me.

I find it gets easy to just go with the 'female' flow when talking with members, it just seems natural. We *are* tapping into that energy, after all. I would tend to just go along with that unless my conversation partner starts to express discomfort.

<3

- MM

[Melanie 0339]

Hi Teresa my avatar pic obviously not me but I'm hoping to change that in the near future when I get the chance to fully dress. I find myself at times forgetting that it is mostly men I'm chatting to on here but at the same time I'm a man too. Even though most of the times when I post I'm in drab 99 out of a 100 my state of mind is female and I believe the majority of other members feel the same. Someone once said females are a complicated bunch well a man wanting to dress/present/transition are even more so xxx

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hello Teresa,
Perhaps I’m wrong, but I think I know exactly what you’re talking about. When I take that deep cleansing breath and come there, I am in total Victoria mode. I am picturing myself in my minds eye as my feminine side and my mind is very divided. It doesn’t matter how I’m dressed or what I actually look like (as long as I don’t pass by a mirror). Honestly much of the time I’m not thinking about being on a CD forum, but rather just a forum of wonderful, understanding and friendly people.
I do have a very vivid imagination and I often use it to view this crazy world. When I’m reading posts here I do assign and attach a female voice to them. I’m really not sure if other do this, but for me it’s like the movies as I hear you speaking as I read. Oh and by the way Teresa, I do love you accent :) Of course Katey888 has a bit of a cockney accent that I think is adorable.
I do use the avatars a bit to build my metal image of people here. Whether it’s real, an obvious fake, or like mine just an image, it does go into the building block that makes up how I see you all.
So yes when I’m posting or writing someone and especially in the photo gallery, I do get that occasional nudge from my male side reminding me that I am actually talking to another male. I’m not saying I live in a fantasy world, what you all write, what you say, your thoughts and expressions are how I perceive you all as a person. I just like to think that here I get to see more of your inner souls of who you are in side.

A problem I do have is there is a good possibility that I may get to meet some of my dear friends here at some point. Because of circumstances, situations, comfort levels, a first meeting may be in drab mode. This has been on my mind rather heavily and I’m not really sure how I feel about it, but the deeper I have fallen down this rabbit hole the more I think this may be, and for lack of a better term, rather awkward.
Not sure if I have expressed myself right, but I do think I know what you’re saying.

MM- Really are you saying that your avatar isn’t your real image??!! I hope I misinterpreted that as I have dreamed about taking a trip up north just to see those wonderful beautiful antlers of yours and hear that iconic down eastern accent. (yes I know your from Mass. but for some reason in my mind you have a Maine accent)

Krisi- We can’t “feel female” Ok wow, that statement kind of got me. I’m sorry, but that is the thing I would expect to hear fro….#$(&%*47(&$39%2&((….no I’m going to leave it, but what is “Feeling Female”??????? is it really biological?

[Robin414]

I'm pretty new to social media (surprise!) but I think it removes the physical first impression dilemma and puts the first impression into 'slow motion'? I agree with Victoria, when I'm here I just think I'm in the company of "wonderful, understanding, and friendly people"!

[Prissy Linda]

Teresa
Yes I do realize that I'm talking to a man but where else can males talk so openly about their feelings on the joy of wearing makeup, putting on a pretty dress or which color of nail polish they prefer. Where else do males openly discuss their fears of being discovered, the turmoil within that happens when a spouse or loved one rejects one of us. A place where we can put our guard down and just be a bunch of girls chatting about whatever is on our mind. I know I feel comfort and peace being able to discuss what I think with another male. This may be a simple way of looking at the fact that I am discussing these thing with a male but sometimes simple is the best.

[Teresa]

Victoria,
That's really stretching it to put a voice to the avatar, I'm intrigued to know how you think my voice sounds ?
If you know the part of the country Katey comes from, Cockney is the last thing she'll sound like ! Come on Katey put us right !!

MM ,
Sorry you may be the exception to what I've said above I can imagine a deep booming voice ! Is it Moose by name, Moose by nature ?

I can see a whole new thread coming out of this one, What do you think ****** sounds like ?

[Katey888]

First of all Teresa, yes - I kinda get what you're saying about thinking of some of the conversations here and it is true regarding age particularly (my eldest son is twenty eight also... :battingeyelashes:) but that's the marvel of good concealer and foundation at work with a lot of us... but for the record I have never, never, ever, thought about comparing stretch marks... :facepalm:

Voices might be a giveaway, or not... but I can assure you all I do not sound like a Cockney... (Thank you VD... :eek:) So put all thoughts of Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins out of your head as I have a fairly standard, west of London, Home Counties feel - a bit like this lass but probably not quite as smooth...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgo022I1FZQ

(she is a voice coach...) - and yes, it would make it interesting if more of us were brave enough to post voices...

Katey Victoria Beckham Kensington Winslet III

:)

[Suzie Petersen]

I hear what you are saying with this Teresa, and I'm sure some might have a difficult time with this when reality dawns on them. But it doesnt have to be an odd or awkward thing in my opinion.

I have had the pleasure of meeting quite a few people from the T world over the years. Some I first got to know through the anonymity of a "chatroom" on the internet, some I met in person first, in their female presentation and some I met the first time in male mode, before seeing their female side.
I also know people who I first got to know as crossdressers but then later, during and after their transition, I had to rethink it and see them first and foremost as women, or transitioned TS's or however people like to see it, and secondly as someone I used to know as a male.

For me, it has not mattered what gender the person was or became, what mattered was that among people in the T community, I always felt much less need for the typical male defense mechanisms! It is like, the "shields" are down and you dont have to be as careful what you say or do, as if you are among the typical competitive male groups. Among T people, I could talk about anything I wanted! Didnt have to worry what they would think of me, and didnt have to hide if I was sad, confused or even happy about something. I could always share and people could share with me, without having to think ahead about how that might be persieved. It always felt like a safe situation.
About the Happy comment ... it is very sad really, but I often suppress happiness in male mode and among colleagues, friends and even family, because it might show a glimpse of a softer side which I dont always want people to see! How sad is that :-(

With my 2 friends who transitioned, it was the same feeling of comfortable safety, but I did at one point realize that I had changed from thinking of them as their male persona, who sometimes would be in their female presentation, to thinking of them first of all as the women they had become. It didnt make any difference, but I do remember at one point realizing that my mind somehow had re-categorized both of them.

- Suzie

[Jennifer0874]

I had an experience where I was out dressed at a CD function. I met another wonderful CD and we really hit it off. We exchanged email addresses. I heard from her the next day. They were really sweet emails like I would imagine emails between my wife and her friends would be after a fun night out. Then out of nowhere she started asking me about what sport teams I root for and I was kinda taken back. I just wanted my new girl friend.

Right or wrong I just wanted us to know each other dressed. I wasn't really looking for a new guy friend. I guess I really think of us as girls first here.

[Victoria Demeanor]

LOL….. Teresa, Okay, Okay, but my mind is a bizarre and wacky place and it just works is strange ways. Without trying to hijack the thread (you’re right we should start one) for you think Kate Arnell of Anglophenia, (see You Tube) Maybe a little more proper. Right or wrong not being able to speak to you in person, it is how my mind identifies you on this site. I truly do hope you take this the right way as I don’t do this in a mocking way.

Oohhhh I do apologies Katey and please, please no offense was intended. No, no Mary Poppins or my fair lady more or less it was just a slight hint, but rest assured I am now adjusting it to your example…. ctrl, alt, delete (Shutting mind down and rebooting with new settings)….
I truly do admire you so I hope I haven’t insulted you.

[Teresa]

Victoria,
No offense taken,it's good to have some fun with a thread, just keep that wacky imagination going we all need to let go sometimes !

[Kandi Robbins]

Not sure this makes any sense, but I almost think of all of us as our own separate gender when I am "conversing". We love to be referred to using female pronouns, we do talk about women's clothing, but have other topics unique to us. We talk about being fathers, being viewed differently, going out when in a different outfit going out would not be a "event", we talk about our wives/SOs, our relationships, our little victories, our big victories, our losses, our struggles, our guilt, being ourselves, we laugh, we cry, we support, we complement, we show pictures, we do so many different things here, I never really dwell on the fact that I'm talking to any one other than a friend.

[mechamoose]

Mainah (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNyQsTb09ow)

I actually lived in northern Maine (Limestone, ME) for many years, and my wife lived up theyah too. ("Ayup.. This is gawd's countreh, but he don' live here in the Wintah")

I wish I talked like Sam Elliot, but I'm a Tenor/Baritone. I add a lot of lilt to my 'girly' voice.

}:>

- MM

[reb.femme]

Victoria,
That's really stretching it to put a voice to the avatar, I'm intrigued to know how you think my voice sounds ?
If you know the part of the country Katey comes from, Cockney is the last thing she'll sound like ! Come on Katey put us right !!

I'll be doing a voice vid of me very very soon, so you can not only envisage a London stylie accent, you'll be able to hear it too. I'll do a Rebecca and boy me in all its hideous form. I'll be dressed but you can hear what a real southern accent in the UK really sounds like. I'm a born and bred southern with balls to match and there are no H's where I come from :heehee:. A proper cockney was one born during or within the sound of Bow Bells, which is the bells of St Mary Le-Bow in the Cheapside district in the City of London. I'm a south of the river girl so not a Cockney, but near enough for this discussion. I always refer to my mobile phone (cell) as 'me dog'.

Rebecca (Croydon born and bred with no ducking apologies) ...bloody spell checker :devil:.

[Maryesther M.]

Teresa,

Parents?....Physically big for their era and both fine athletes, later golfers, both now long dead. In Kerry , S.W. Ireland we also have plenty of glens, but although that County is referred to as 'The Kingdom', the King is in fact a mountain goat, crowned every August to preside over 'Puck Fair' in Killorglin.

So, no kings or monarchs, just medics and teachers. I'm a medic myself.

Re: Voice....I'm a strong choral, not solo material tenor. Never boom, but can entertain with funny songs, e.g. Flanders & Swan, Tom Lehrer, Noel Coward and Percy French.

M.

[mechamoose]

My last name in Gaelic means 'Big', my family crest includes a 10 point 'elk'.

Dad?

250291

Once you go Moose, you have mud in your toes.. er... never go back.


So it's moose, moose, I like a moose,
I've never had anything quite like a moose,
I've had many lovers, my life has been loose,
But I've never had anything quite like a moose!

The moose song (http://www-cs.canisius.edu/~salley/SCA/Bardbook/moose.html)

My speaking voice is actually kind of high-range. My singing voice dips pretty low. (I have like a 4 octave range. I have been a singer since like age 6)

My Dad was indeed 'Monarch of the Glen', and didn't feel shy about sharing it. I'm a bit more picky than he was. Far too male for his own good. He sired other kids beyond the limits of my family. Too bad I will never get to know them. Most of my friends have told me about 'copies' of me galavanting around where I grew up. Mom knows all about them, but she declines to discuss it. I don't press her on it.

He would not have understood my skirts & makeup. My Mom does and is fine with it. I know that even if he didn't understand me he would have loved me, even though he would have been loud and complainy about it.

<3

- MM

[Teresa]

Maryesther,
Does MM's song sound familiar ?
Mud,mud glorious mud,
nothing quite like it for cooling the blood !
Good old Flanders and Swan, the Hippo song !

The mods will be closing this down if it drifts anymore off the topic !

MM,
What's the betting you go off to work humming that song on Monday morning !

[mechamoose]

Teresa.. it is my theme song!

How can I deny it?

Mods: Sorry, I was really trying not to hijack the thread. It just happened.

- MM

[Candice June Lee]

I havent thought much about what i say here in regards to the gender to which i am speaking. I see us all as women, and very comforting at that. We are here all for simular reasons. These reasons are varying in depth and progression, but pretty much the same. I have determined to come out of my shell thanks to all of you guys, uh hum, girls. I do enjoy reading the posts. I find them all informative on lady things even if it is a guy writing them.
If its any consolation, my original avatar on this sight was what i found available here. Since then i got some good pics, and put it up, yes it is me all dolled up. Yay! :-)

[mechamoose]

I kinda hear Katey888 as Karen Gillan, for whatever that is worth.

I have a soft spot for Scottish red-heads..

- MM


I havent thought much about what i say here in regards to the gender to which i am speaking. I see us all as women, and very comforting at that. We are here all for similar reasons.

We *are* all girls here, The idea that we have to 'temper' ourselves has always bugged me.

There *is* no 'girl card'. We are either folks who identify or feel like women. I'm the 'Mom' in my house.

Nobody but you gets to call that. Don't let anyone tell you different!

(How the heck do you 'stack' consecutive posts?)

- MM

[sometimes_miss]

Sometimes to this day I stop and remind myself that almost all members here are genetic males but the topics we discuss are of a female nature, maybe it is the avatars that put us in a different state of mind.
And yet, if you live in a predominantly female atmosphere (all girl workers, or family is all females other than you), you can tell that the folks here are males. Women often write and communicate differently than we do; it's hard to pinpoint exactly when and where, and there are some times when you can't tell the difference. But read some women's forums and you'll see what I mean.

I have a very strong distrust of men; the only thing that keeps me able to write to everyone here is that I'm anonymous, and that you all know what I'm feeling and going through about being a crossdresser. I've been trying to get past this trust issue now for about 50 years. I'd like to think I'm making progress. But the feeling I guess may always be there to some degree.

[Teresa]

Lexi,
Maybe I'm too trusting, I just look at it that we're all in the same boat in this mixed up gender World and I have nowhere else to go to discuss the whole thing the way we do on this forum ! I feel we have to try and trust each other, there doesn't appear to be any reason why someone would cheat on you at the end of a keyboard, what do they have to gain ?

[mechamoose]

What Teresa said!

We are all just in the same boat and are just riding it out! }:>

- MM


Tom Lehrer.

Can you do 'The Elements' cold?

I *love* Tom L!

- MM

[Krisi]

I don't think of us as all girls here, we wouldn't be talking to a girl about getting dressed up and going out without being recognized or where to buy breast forms. Many of us think of ourselves as "part time girls" though.

I think of us as "crossdressers" because this is "crossdressers.com". I realize that there are a few members who are something other than crossdressers. Sometimes I know this, sometimes I have to figure it out by what they post.

[Maryesther M.]

Teresa,

Try this!

Hugs, M.

[jenniferinsf]

my avatar is also real and current and i am happy that i can share. i realize others do not have the freedom to do so but i do encourage the use of an avatar that is either real or like joanne sufficiently wonderful to be obvious.
jennifer

[Suzie Petersen]

Jennifer: my avatar is also real and current and i am happy that i can share.

Thats great Jennifer, except ... you are not showing an avatar!!

You have a nice profile picture ... but no avatar.

- Suzie

[Paula_Femme]

I'm a south of the river girl so not a Cockney, but near enough for this discussion. I always refer to my mobile phone (cell) as 'me dog'. Rebecca (Croydon born and bred with no ducking apologies) ...bloody spell checker :devil:.

Well Becks, perhaps you could change your Location to... Sarf London Mate Innit! :heehee:

Oh yeah, an' me Mum lives in Croydon! :)

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Teresa. When in Rome.....right? :battingeyelashes::)

[deirdre travesty]

A year or two ago I had a wowoopsie moment after a caf night and we gathered for photos on the footpath outside.
As we were departing on our different ways one of the ladies gave me a kiss on the cheek.
No big deal.........but it was another of those instances self discovery in my life.
A facet of self being revealed unto itself.
However here I am a man of 70 dressed as a woman being kissed by a man dressed as a woman. I felt pleasurably validated.

I'm the father of a mob of adult people and grandfather of even more. For some of these kids I'm their only grandad I love this role.
Here I was, off the narrow rails of my masculinity dallying ,like Tootle, amongst the buttercups in the meadows. I enjoy this role also.
Am I but an actor playing two (or more) characters?
Aaaaaaaaaah the sweet mysteries of life. What's gunna happen next? I wouldn't be dead for quids.