Asked out

[StefaniLara]

I tend to be active on social media, both in boy and girl mode. I'm fascinated by how much more interactions I receive as Stefani than I do in my male life. A lot of it has to do with men hitting on me because to them I'm not a person but rather as some fetishtic thing." It's annoying, but I put it into perspective, and try to be positive that anyone has noticed me, unless they go too far with it. I've had men send me pictures of their junk. I doubt I'm the only one that has happened to. It was amusing at first, but the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

Recently, I was asked out by a guy from another town who wanted to meet me. I was flattered to be sure, but I'm skeptical of his motivation. I don't know him and I'm not inclined to meet someone I don't know. I'm not interested in men, or maybe I should say I haven't been interested in men, though now I'm curious as to what it would be like to date. The fear though is that they are interested solely in sex, and that's not were I am. For now I'm refusing all advances, most especially from strangers who talk to me online.

[Tracii G]

You never know if sex will be involved until it happens so have a back up plan in case it does and your not into it.

[Katya@]

I would stay on a safe side too.

[Rachelakld]

Well of course men are interested in sex, some try starting with a relationship, some like to skip this section.
Adventures can be fun, just take a friend when you first meet up, like most girls do.

[AngelaYVR]

It's annoying but you're a bit interested? Don't let flattery lead you astray if that isn't what you want.

[AllieSF]

I agree with the others. However, I wonder, are you complaining about what is happening? If yes, then just remove that female profile and problem solved. What did you expect when you posted it? Yes, men are interested in a lot of things, including getting to know attractive person, which may eventually lead to sex with them.

Now, if you are interested or curious, then start the dialogue to either eliminate the admirer or get to the point that you are comfortable and feel safe enough to meet him. This is definitely not rocket science.

[Jennie2]

I agree with the other girls your well being and safety are paramount, if you do decide to meetup with him go somewhere with lots of other people and make sure you have an easy and safe way to get home, if you want to.

[Fi-Fi LeFemme]

I think that most of us often get attention we don't always want. If somebidy communicates with me I do my best to guage as much about them as I can. I do tell them up front that I'm not able to meet up and those that continue to talk to me go up slightly in my estimation. I'm fairly certain that they all have one eventual thing on their minds but I am quite a flirt so can't help chatting to them.
I think for face to face meetings it is a different thing though. I'd try to get to know them as much as possible online first before jumping into a meeting. And then I would try to meet them at an event ir sympathetic venue where there is more safety.

[prene]

I agree with the others ... be safe.
I have been asked out a few times by guys.
If you go that way only go out to a well traveled place, where it would be safe.

[joanna4]

Its a extremely common, its most likely that he wants sex rather than a platonic friendship.

[Donnagirl]

I did accept an offer like that and had a wonderful evening. I did set ground rules starting with no touching... I let it be known that it was dinner and nothing else. I was, however quite confident that I could enforce my rules if required. He is still a friend and, who knows we might even do it again...

[pamela7]

Hi StefaniLara,

After a lifetime working/socialising with men, and 15 years of working as a therapist I can assure you most men (99%) are only interested in sex (perhaps the CD'ers are the exception?).
I can also assure you that in the latin world most women have been raped or abused, and that the % in the Anglo-American world is also massively higher than reported. So when you're presenting as a woman you are a) a sexual object, b) prey, c) to be exploited. I wish this were not true, but no rose-tinted glasses here, your safety depends upon being hyper-aware (there's a reason for feminine-intuition) and following any suspicion with assuming its true.

[Krististeph]

Men generally want sex. Period. Double period.

If you want to entertain any kind of interaction, let him know up front- your limits.

Do not be shy. Do not be coy. Be very direct. State your limits stolidly.

If he still continues to court you, he knows the rules. If he is willing to accept the limits, okay- but do set limits on the first meeting.

Always consider the CIA mantra: "I know I am being paranoid, but am I being paranoid enough?" It works, and there is a reason it works...

-Kristin (being serious)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Stefani, Be careful, Be careful of what you wish for, Everyone's idea of a happy ending is not the same. :daydreaming:

[heatherdress]

For now I'm refusing all advances, most especially from strangers who talk to me online.

Good for you Stefani.

[kimdl93]

Don't let the fantasy lure you into something potentially dangerous. Of course you're attracting a lot of male attention on the social media sites. That's where all the predators hang out these days.

[Jenniferathome]

...The fear though is that they are interested solely in sex, ...

Ya think? I doubt you met this guy on E- Harmony. Of course it's about sex! Come on.

[Sarah-RT]

When I set up a facebook profile I was initially inundated with friend requests and a few nefarious private messages, seemingly when you add a person some of these people come out of the woodwork after to check out your profile so I have since returned to it just being my RL friends, the fetish stuff that you see is overwhelming too and im not about that so Ive avoided any groups or anything related to dressing as it opens a can of worms.

As for being asked out, the positive reinforcement you get from the idea of it cant be ignored but I have 0 interest in men and would not pretend to be anything otherwise if the situation arose. Thread carefully

Sarah

[Ezekiel]

Do whatever you feel you have to do, whatever you want, but... if you want to know how I see this kind of dates, here goes my opinion...

Are you interested in men? No? Then its easy, don't go. Not to scare you, but you know it can get dangerous, and if you are not interested in men, well, really, I don't see the point of going in a date with one, seriously.

But you know what you have or want to do.

[Stephanie47]

I will agree with the obvious...be safe. Meeting for dinner or coffee at a well patronized coffee shop (One of our local Starbucks is in a Barnes and Noble book store) should be your safest bet. Not being a woman I really do not know how the female brain works. Women I know do not throw caution to the wind. My personal thinking is any man who is interested in a MtF cross dresser is interested in sex, and, probably has had multiple hook ups. As in the dating world whether it is a guy meeting a gal, there is always sexual motivation involved. Some men are true gentlemen and are willing to do the entire courtship thing before reaching the ultimate goal. Others, well, as it has been said, there is an assumption the gal may get bedded at the end of the first date.

I read your introduction of July. If you have not ventured out much as a woman, why even consider meeting with a man. As a married man I have no interest in the dating world. However, as a MtF cross dresser I would feel more at ease developing my female social skills with similar situated gals. I will admit I am "chicken" due to not having an accepting wife, but, I would love to be a part of a group of gals who meet for dinner at my neighboring large city.

I do not agree with Pamela's assessment of men, but, I do think there is a very high degree of certainty the man who wants to meet you is totally interested in a sexual relationship.

[Nashmau]

well in case you want to satisfy your couriosity here some stuff, you might wanna keep in mind to reduce the danger (thats what i do when i meet strangers, especially man):

- meet in a puplic place (mall, coffeeshop, restaurant etc) and very importantly in a well lighted place.
- if you drive by car, park in a visibile area (no parkhouse) and again no dark places.
- if possible and you decide this guy isnt for you let him leave first, stay were you are for a little bit longer. that way you can get a better feeling if you are being followed
- if you feel like being followed, stay in the near of other people until you reach your car, get in and make sure noone can open the door from the outside.

mhh there is some other stuff to keep in mind, but i am not sure if that applies to crossdressers, so i will leave it out for now. no reason to scare you, if you dont plan on meeting a men.

[StefaniLara]

I think I'm a long way from ready to meet anyone, period! Even were I to do so, I'm naturally so distrusting of people that I'm hesitant to meet anyone I know IRL, much less some one I met via Facebook or some other site. I question everyone's intentions, suspect that it nefarious in some way, and keep on guard. I appreciate everyone's opinions, and if and when I am ready, I'll keep your suggestions in mind.

[Tracii G]

I have gone out on dates with guys that asked but on my terms.

[TrishaTX]

allot of good advice , if you want to go down this path take all of the advice on here. You need to be honest and set limits. Meet in public and be yourself. ...you decide what occurs thereafter.