Do you ever stare at the guy in the mirror?

[Sarah Doepner]

I can't count the number of hours I've spent looking in the mirror at the reflection of someone trying to look like a woman. I wouldn't be surprised to find it adds up to months and months of time as I try different outfits or makeup techniques or wigs. But over the last 30 years I haven't spent much time at all looking at the guy in the reflection. I'm trying to figure it out, I love looking at her but even if I try to admire the guy, my attention span gets shorter and shorter. He's just not as interesting, even if I make the effort of trying different shirts or ties or jackets. Admittedly there aren't as many options for changing the look, but is there something else going on here? I just don't have the love for his image. Is anyone else a Narcissist only for their female image?

[Stephanie47]

I don't get close to a mirror...period. When en femme I think I look nice from afar. I love the reflection in a full mirror on myself in heel and hosiery and dress...and wig. Up close there are too many wrinkles caused by aging. Of course the alternative may have been to die young and beautiful. In male mode I still see much of the image of when I was younger. Now I have the look of wisdom and experience. I'm six foot which is down from six foot one. I haven't gain much weight. I still walk with great posture. No beer belly. I still get nods from women. And, I am still an interesting guy. I enjoy both worlds.

[Kate Simmons]

I don't need to admire that guy. My GF does. :)

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I assume you mean when you're doing your makeup and waiting for the point when the guy disappears ? It doesn't happen for me until the wig goes on !
I will admit after I've shaved I look at my lips and think about them with lipstick on, or in a full length mirror think how much better my legs look without hair !
I guess looking at the guy in the mirror thoughts do go to how good it's going to look dressed, and how soon that moment will be !

From your last line AGP does come to mind, I certainly fit that label, I know Blanchard got so much wrong but he didn't invent the label only used it !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, I can't pass a mirror or a window with out stopping to look at my ...:)... <triple pierced ears. :daydreaming:

[kimdl93]

I don't spend a lot of time looking at myself beyond the time needed to apply my makeup. What I do notice, however, is that at least in my mind, the woman in he mirror is the right reflection...its me.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sarah,

Interesting thread. For me, I don't disentangle the two as they are (for me) one in the same. When I identify as a woman and am getting ready in the morning, I don't look at the reflection in the mirror and think "guy" for me it is still "girl" with a requirement for more adjustment to align my gender identity at that point (e.g., close shave, make-up, wig). When I identify as a man then the reflection requires less adjustment to align my gender identity a the time (i.e., shave only). Now before anyone thinks I am living in some "seven degrees of Narnia La La Land" . . . no I don't think I look like a woman sans make-up (heck don't even look like one much with make-up :)). I simply do not consider my face or physiology as a bad thing irrespective of which gender I am identifying with. It simply means I need more work to align my gender presentation as a woman than as a man.

Cheers

Isha

[Krisi]

When you stop looking in the mirror (or at photographs), it means you have stopped trying to look better. I look in the mirror to see what outfits look good on me or how I can improve my clothing selection. I look in the mirror to try to improve my facial expressions and makeup application.

It's no different than a genetic woman when she's getting "dolled up" to go out someplace special.

[Sarah Doepner]

It's possible when the reflection in the mirror is a female version of me I may be trying to fix that image in my mind as the correct, no, maybe make that the preferred image. But then the confusion comes in and it's commonly followed by all the why questions. And this happens even though I've read and studied this as well as anyone else here and I believe I've accepted myself as being a crossdresser. As I've mentioned before it is possible that the term "crossdresser" may be stumbling block for me as it might represent a set of criteria that aren't all valid for me. And it's just as likely it's not just the terms I'm using, but the difference between the expectations and the commitment I've made that is the problem. It may be that I'm still not satisfied with what I'm feeling or seeing and need to do something else and hoping the person in the mirror will come up with the answer. I'll go talk to the therapist tomorrow. Let's see if he can point me in the direction of an answer that feels as appropriate as that image looks at times.

[deirdre travesty]

I can't count the number of hours I've spent looking in the mirror at the reflection of someone trying to look like a woman. I wouldn't be surprised to find it adds up to months and months of time as I try different outfits or makeup techniques or wigs. But over the last 30 years I haven't spent much time at all looking at the guy in the reflection. I'm trying to figure it out, I love looking at her but even if I try to admire the guy, my attention span gets shorter and shorter. He's just not as interesting, even if I make the effort of trying different shirts or ties or jackets. Admittedly there aren't as many options for changing the look, but is there something else going on here? I just don't have the love for his image. Is anyone else a Narcissist only for their female image?

(1) Woman looks in mirror and thinks "YUK"

(2) Man looks in mirror "Yep, not bad..... pretty good in fact"

I look in mirror and think case (1) or case (2) sometimes simultaneously.

Bewitched bewildered bibuggered. Ya gotta laugh. Eh?