Courage, is it always there ?

[Bobbi46]

I thought that as time went by going out and buying things would get easier but now I am beginning to doubt myself again, my courage to go and ask has diminished somewhat and not having had much success via the internet I decided that I should actually go and be measured for a bra, but try as I might I cannot get up enough courage, take the bull by the horns and go and ask.
Has this happened to any of you girls as well ?. Where do I go from now HELP

[Sarah-RT]

''There is no courage without fear''

Ive gone from courage to fear over the years, at the moment im quite happy to walk into a big department store and browse and purchase clothing, still worried while I do it but I can do it. As for small brick and mortar shops im not so sure but what you cant do now does not mean you wont ever, Keep strong and you will find a way!

[Krisi]

You can measure yourself for a bra or have a friend do it. Use the instructions usually found on the manufacturer's website because some manufacturers size their bras differently.

I wear Ahh Bras and Genie Bras. These are sized very differently and stretch to fit. I can wear my 2X with or without my forms, they fit either way. eBay is a good source.

[Bobbi46]

hi krisi, I tried that but I was not very successful at it and had a couple of wrong goes that is why I would like to go and get measured properly I need to rekindle the courage and go and do it, thank you for your suggestion.

[Christie ann]

Is courage always there? No. I often feel just fine at home but when I venture out I get that same pit-of-the-stomach feeling I used to get before every race.

[mechamoose]

Being afraid just means that you understand that there is a risk. Courage is seeing that risk and doing it anyway.

- MM

[Stephanie47]

I'd pretty much follow Krisi's recommendation. There are numerous Internet sites for measuring band and cup sizes. Frankly, since most of us do not have any flesh to pack into a bra cup, I really don't see too much difficulty in finding a bra. You may be having difficulty in assessing what image you want to project. Is it a full figure? What type forms are you going to use? I consider myself full figured, especially since I wear a size 18 or XL dress. If you're petite then trying to project a large bust may not work well. There is usually some correlation between body type and cup size. If you are going to be measured by a professional, the recommendations are probably going to be somewhere along your body type. If you're band size is a 32, I doubt your cup size is going to be DD.

The problem I have encountered sometimes has been in the length of the straps. Somehow I attribute that problem to a design floor. I've bought some bras where the cups ride up on the chest, even though the band size is correct. There was just not enough strap to allow the band to ride correctly where a natural breast would be. I just chalked it up to, "oh well, live and learn!" Those issues are not going to be corrected unless there is an in-person fitting. You may find reading the comments for an clothing on retailer websites, such as J C Penny. Many women will comment on the fit or issues they encounter. Sometimes you'll find comments by cross dressers. For instance, comments on dresses may indicate the dress for a size may run small or large.

You may just have to suck it up and call some stores for a fitting. I would not just walk and ask. Some SA's may be apprehensive measuring a man for a bra. If you're going to try a bra on at a particular store, such as Catherine's (plus size) be prepared to buy something. I'd check a chain stores on-line offerings to make sure there is some style you really would be interested in buying.

Halloween is coming up soon. You may be able to get some courage up by indicating you want to go to a party as a woman, but, not as a tramp. With Halloween on a Saturday, there should be ample reason to dress Friday, also.

Good luck.

[IamWren]

Being afraid just means that you understand that there is a risk. Courage is seeing that risk and doing it anyway.
- MM
Ooooh, I love this. This could be used for anything.

[Amy Fakley]

The great thing about having removable boobs, is that it makes bra fitting ridiculously easy.

Get a tape measure and wrap it around your chest where the band of the bra should sit. This is your band size. For instance mine is 42. I have C sized forms. Hence I wear a 42C. Has worked like a charm every time so far. No need for a fitting :-)

[Krisi]

Bras come in even band sizes (38, 40, 42, 44, etc.) If you measure yourself and buy a bra based on your measurements, it will either fit, be too big or two small. Take it back and get the next biggest or smallest size and it should fit. The cup size depends on your forms so that may take some experimenting as well but the band size will stay the same.

Again, the Internet is your friend here. Do a web search on "bra sizing" and study the results.

[Kate Simmons]

Most women's clothing catalogs explain how to measure for a bra. Of course the actual cut depends on the company making it, where they are located, etc. Just like any other piece of clothing. There is really no "holy grail" to doing this other then trying it on before buying.:)

[Sandra-Bumstead]

How do you account for moobs? It seems I have a natural b-cup.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bobbi, You will regret the things that you didn't do more than the things that you actually did do as you get older.:daydreaming:

[Nikkilovesdresses]

My feeling, having lived in darkest France for 10 years, is that the Brits are a more tolerant people than the French. I just don't see crossdressers on the street here (Provence). Male and female roles are very traditional, roughly what they were in 1950s UK; France is basically ultra-conservative. I bought make up at Sephora in Avignon and although the girl handled it well, I could tell she was not used to dealing with a man asking her questions about foundation and eyeliner.

My advice is study the art of measuring, then go and buy a few cheapies in and around what you believe your size to be, and learn from the experience. Go to a huge chain store for low prices and anonymity. Once you have a feel for what you want, then either go back online, or just go ahead and buy what you want in a lingerie shop - believe me, times are hard, they want your business.

On the other hand, if you really want to do it the proper way, go into a number of lingerie shops (there are at least 3 in any sizeable town) until you find an assistant/owner you like, and lay your cards on the table. What's the worst that can happen? Some minor embarrassment? Faint heart never won fair lady.

[pamela7]

the only problem with that Nikki, is that those first-time nerves can have even people like me stammering and shaking like a leaf, and that can look quite close to the pervert's excitement to an observer. That aint so good. So I feel its necessary to do gentle steps at a time, increasing confidence with each little win.

[CynthiaD]

Sometimes it's easier to do something for the first time than it is to do it over and over. Your first time, you're doing something new and exciting. The excitement makes it worth the risk. After you've done it for a while, it becomes ordinary. Once it's become ordinary it's no longer worth the (perceived) risk. What you're feeling is normal.

[mechamoose]

Nobody sells a 46A :/

- MM

[Teresa]

Bobbi,
I was confused about bra sizing so I rang Ultimo helpline , she couldn't have been more helpful and gave me my correct size from my measurements.

There was an interesting article in a national newspaper a while ago about bra sizing, a journalist tried about a dozen well known shops in London and came out with one perfectly fitting bra . As a GG she had no fears obviously but fared little better than a CDer, at least most of us can alter our bust size at will !

[Krisi]

For anyone looking for an "A" cup bra or "AA" cup, check for mastectomy bras. A woman with very small breasts wouldn't normally need to wear a bra but if she loses a breast, a bra is needed to hold a form.

And, as I have posted many times, an "Ahh Bra" or Genie Bra will stretch to fit most anything within reason. I'm guessing a 4X Ahh Bra would fit a 46A.

[AllieSF]

The interesting and troublesome aspect of following directions to get he perfect bra size is that there are at least 2 different ways to determine bra band and cup size. The old tried and true method is as described in one of the previous posts above. measure where the bra band would be and that is your band size. Then measure over the fullest part of the breast and the difference in dimensions would indicate the cup size, normally rounding up is having an odd number measurement/difference. Now, I have recently run into that other method of measuring your band size and then adding 4 inches to that to determine the correct bra band size. One p-lace that follows that method is Janet's Closet.

If you are wearing forms, it has always been recommended that you use an underwire bra to keep those forms from migrating around and possibly out of the bra cup itself. I understand that some have had no problem using bras without an underwire, but I personally have. So, that is another thing to consider. I prefer a tighter fit that keeps the forms in the right place and orientation and helps develop a little cleavage too.

[mechamoose]

I own 'sports bras' They are not the same thing as a bra with cups..

I don't want forms. I want pretty things meant for ME.

This comes close: Body Aware ("https://bodyaware.com/)

I'm a girl, dammit. Yes, I live in a big male body. I didn't get any say in that. I wasn't consulted.

My wife agrees.

- MM

[Bobbi46]

I guess there is no easy way out of gaining courage to go into shops to buy lingerie or skirts or whatever I suppose the more one thinks about it the harder it could get to go out to the shops and buy whatever, If only there was a friend near me who could come with me one day and thus give me moral support.

[Cassandra*]

Courage begins with you looking in the mirror and saying I can do this. Everyone has this problem and has to work through the nots in the stomach. For instance I've recently been given the chance to take on a managers position. I have to try it so should you. I was sized at a CD store and I recommend you do the same if possible. I walked in as a man and they sent me out as a woman. Good luck Bobbi you can do this‼️💄

[mechamoose]

You can do this.

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[Meghan4now]

You can address your fear after you name your fear. What is your fear? Once you identify your fear, look at it rationally. What are the outcomes, what are the probabilities, what is your loss for doing and not doing? Then confront your fears.

Is it easy, not necessarily. But when you have succeeded, you have built something.

[NicoleScott]

Going out and buying things was never about courage overcoming fear. The fear was always there. It was the desire of having things to wear more compelling than the safety of not buying. No courage involved, just that internal drive to crossdress.

[mechamoose]

I'm a male buying girl things at your shop.

I don't see how this is a problem.

The first time I did that I was scared. Maybe even the second or third time.

It gets better.

- MM

[kimdl93]

Is it courage, really, or a sense of embarrassment? Getting measured for a bra is not a potentially dangerous act. What your feeling is more like stage fright

[Nadine Spirit]

Here is my take on the courage thing...

Before I ever went out, I was terrified of doing it, but I didn't know about the real world. I was very nervous of what I thought might happen, but without ever venturing out I had know real experiences on what would actually happen. Somehow I pushed past my nerves and got out, and I have gotten out lots!

Now what I have, after having experienced nothing but 99.9999% positive experiences, is a whole lot of REAL life positive experiences. But even so, I still feel the same nervousness that I first felt before I ever went out at all. So I talk to my brain and rationalize with myself, and compare the evidence. Real life vs. my paranoia of what might happen. Real life wins everytime.

Does that even make any sense at all?

[Robin414]

Mmm, phylosophy, wait till I glue on my super long wispy gray beard and mustache. ...there we go! Courage my child is an orange...an orange you inject with vodka and toss in your lunch bag and enjoy before asking your boss for a raise ☺ OK, pulled the beard off...I have the same problem, ebb and flow. I remember walking into my favorite all female clothing store and confidently using the change room, speaking to people while presenting completely femme but sounding like Hulk Hogan and not caring a damn (and no I didn't enjoy any of those 'oranges' on those occasions at least ☺) While other times I'm terified; for me I think reality sinks in 'what the heck was I doing' and I chicken out. I don't have an answer other than to just remember life's short, enjoy every sandwich (and an orange for desert LOL)😉

[ptp009]

Bobbi, Courage sometimes comes out of necessity, at some point you need (Unless your in your town you have a spouse problem) to get out dressed and test the waters. I have called woman's stores explained that I was a cross-dresser and needed to get fitted for a bra, they said no problem come on down. I also regularly shop at Lane Bryant they can't wait to get my money, and the sometimes going someplace special dressed I go to MAC Cosmetics they are more than happy to make me up as long as I buy some make-up. Going out for the first time is scary but at some point in your life you will need to go out and once you have tried it, at first seemed scary but you love the freedom of being a woman in public. I shop, get my gas go out to lunch (And HON!! I don't pass) but most people don't notice but most could care less. Don't be afraid when time comes you wish you have done it a lot sooner and want to it more for yourself.!!!! Listen to Robins post she's right on about it.

[Adriana Moretti]

Halloween is coming up soon. You may be able to get some courage up by indicating you want to go to a party as a woman, but, not as a tramp. With Halloween on a Saturday, there should be ample reason to dress Friday, also.

Good luck.

Everyday is halloween xoxo

[Bobbi46]

hi ptp0009,thank you for your encouragement, I do not have a spouse or anybody else in my house to have any worries about what and where I should wear certain things, I do not live in a town but a tiny hamlet with only 11 other people as yet they do not know that I cd but at some point no doubt they will find out but first I have at least to overcome my reticence/fear/embarrassment/shyness/knots in my tummy or whatever,and get out and to try and achieve what I want to do, in that this first hurdle of getting measured. One shop I did manage to get up some degree of courage and ask for a skirt was met with kind helpfulness. My difficulty/fright is in going back to this very lovely SA and asking for the obvious.
I do so wish that this world in which l and all you lovely people who are so supportive of me are in, was a lot more tolerant of what we all want to do.

[Alice Torn]

I know what you mean. I went out yesterday, though very tired, and irritable. My voice, and size and huge hands and feet, cause my courage to wane, a lot. But, i went out finally, and came across quite a few college students while walking. None seemed friendly toward me, though. I said hi and smiled at some, but none returned it. At six foot six barefoot, and huge hands, i guess i really don't fool anyone close up. But, i go out occasionally, anyway. Not in the redneck towns around me, though. It takes courage just to go out bicycling as a guy, or walking. I have had more guys shout things at me, while in guy mode!

[mechamoose]

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

- Frank Herbert

You do what you do and don't be sorry for it. You are a wonderful and glorious human. I don't care what you present, I don't care what role you were assigned. Live life like you have nothing else left.

- MM

- MM

[Bobbi46]

yesterday I took the plunge and underdressed completely then pants a semi plunge blue silk blouse, nail polish as well and went out shopping all was good even when I went to treat myself to a new bra which when I got home did not fit properly but on going back I got even more sympathetic help from the sails lady who said I could try it there and then. What a thrill to be able to achieve what I at first thought was going to be so difficult, things should go from strength to strength now I hope