Don't want to go to this wedding

[JeanetteX]

I'm off to a relative's wedding in half an hour. So here I am behind my computer wearing this awful suit and tie. I am so not looking forward to this day wearing this crap for hours and hours. I can already picture it...us men walking around like a bunch of penquins in boring suits while all the women will be all dolled up in their beatiful dresses, pantyhoses and high heels. Its going to be a tough day for me I'm afraid so wish me luck girls! Can't wait to be back home and put on something nice myself.

Does this sound familiar to any of you?

[ReineD]

I'm sorry that you feel badly. I haven't felt this way (I'm a GG), but over the years I've read posts from many people here who have felt the way you do.

Do you mind if I ask you a question. Would you feel better at the wedding if you didn't pay any attention to what you are wearing and instead focused on the friends and family you will be with and enjoyed your time with them? I know it's not the same because I'm not a CDer, but when I go out, I forget what I have on. I don't think about how I look, I just enjoy the experience of being there, interacting with the people.

I once was in your situation (not being able to wear the clothes I wanted). There was an occasion many years ago when my ex husband and I flew to a fancy convention related to his work. All the important people were there. We both wore jeans on the flight and our luggage was lost. We arrived in the afternoon and that evening there was a very elegant semi-formal dinner as a welcome to the convention. My ex husband and I attended, wearing the clothes we had worn on the plane (our luggage showed up the next morning). I have to say that people didn't treat us any differently than if I had been wearing my cocktail dress and my husband his suit. We sat at the table with all these elegantly attired people, and we still had a great time with them. I actually forgot that I was wearing jeans! :)

I don't know if this helps or not.

[pamela7]

Jeanette, emphatically YES, its SO familiar. I've discussed weddings (and funerals) with my SO, and the problem is that the day is about the happy couple, and not the "stand-out guy in a dress", however, I WILL be in a dress at my daughter's wedding, and my ex will have to deal with it!

[Katey888]

Right about now you should be in the midst of the ceremony, looking forward to the first of the canapes and champers... or herrings and beer if it's traditional... ;)

So this encouragement will come after the event, unless you're one of those young people that is never detached from a smartphone, which also might be a bit sad... I kinda get what you're saying, Jeanette, but for me the intense feelings of shame and potential embarrassment always suppressed any desire to be out amongst friends and family - but a lot of satisfaction and education can be gained from just looking and appreciating women at weddings... without making it too obvious, there probably are worse ways to spend a few hours with free drinks, food and a bit of a fashion show thrown in... :)

I hope the weather is nice for you - we have sun here and we're not a million miles away... :D

Katey x

[Princess Chantal]

Why not spice up your suit with some awesome accessories. Hats, tie or bowtie, a flashy vest, cufflinks, suspenders, belt, and shoes. There are many ways to fancy up men attire. Men clothing could be just as interesting as women clothing if you open your mind

[Samantha_Smile]

LOL
Sometimes... not often. I'm usually getting pumped to hang with my friends :) and pre-loading a few jack n cokes :D

[ReineD]

I'm usually getting pumped to hang with my friends :)

Good for you! And they probably sense that you're into having fun with them, which makes for a better time for all concerned! :)

[Teresa]

Jeanette,
Can you imagine being a professional photographer as I was for thirty years , going out and seeing all that week in week out ! OK I was lucky, I got to handle the fantastic dresses and that pleasure never went away !
Consolation for me I had all my stuff in the darkroom so I could spend hours dressed when processing the pictures !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jeanette, That is the thing that I enjoy, Seeing all of those lovely ladies dressed to the NINES.:hugs:

[kimdl93]

You'll survive. For the benefit of those around you, try not to think about what you're missing. Instead, focus on socializing. Modesty soon you'll be enjoying yourself.

[Sharon B.]

Jeanette; I know how you feel I have a wedding to go this coming Saturday, where I have to wear a men's suit and tie. I think I am going to mix it up some with all feminine lingerie under the suit. Once out of the shower use scented body lotion, spray myself with perfume, panties, pantyhose, suppose to be cool here and thinking of wearing a all-in-one body brief, then don my male suit.
Stay long enough then leave and change into heels and insert breast forms for the drive home.

[Krististeph]

Oh yes. And this actually got me dressing more (I had been in a slump).

I was out on the US East Coast training for a job, shirt/tie & the occasional jacket. Not a big deal, but male enough that I wanted to rebel.

But for some reason, rather than going out and buying a dress, I started thinking of the feminine equivalent of what i was wearing to work- , when I bought my first pantsuit! I picked up a rather dressy&chic number- grey with light blue pinstripes and a blue shell sweater for underneath. It also worked good with a few men's oxford shirts I had.

It was a really neat / sublime feeling - almost like being a double agent- I was wearing a pantsuit- but one with decidedly menswear-like touches- just like a female in my job might do. I was delving deeper into being feminine by NOT overdoing it.

I never crossdressed (outward) at that job, but it was lot of fun to play when I was on the road. But it did make dressing in male business wear more fun- and some of the nicer menswear has touches of refinement you might see on some nicer women's wear as well.

But I WAS glad to get out of that and back into dresses. The suits- I got a fetish for them- over a dozen skirt & pant suits now- they are great. They exude femininity without screaming it- probably why I find them so attractive.

[Amy Fakley]

Yeah I know exactly what you're talking about. Been a while since I had a wedding, but office holiday parties can be that way, or heck .. Sunday morning at church can be that way too.

Like most things related to my gender issues it comes and goes. On a good day, I might not even notice.

On a bad day, it feels like ... god I don't even know how to put it ... it's like taking a dog on a walk through a bacon factory ... being completely inundated with one example after another of just exactly the sort of experience I'd like to have in life, and knowing without a doubt that this will forever be as impossible as walking on the surface of the sun.

That feeling can be such a gut punch, in the midst of an otherwise wonderful day.

Over the years, I've come to understand it as a form of self pity, and as my Lutheran pastor used to say when I was a kid "that's poison, yo!". Realizing that, I try to avoid indulging that line of thought. Sometimes it even works, lol.

Best of luck at the wedding. Try not to let it bother you too much!

[Ninna]

Oh honey!! Im sorry if you feel like that :( I know what you are feeling, but im sure you can enjoy tje party, even in male mode, maybe you can put some nice girly undetwear or paint you'te toenails!
On tje other way, like the ladies said, mayhe you can forget clothes for a time, and enjoy youte family and friends.
And don't worry im sure you are pretty that all the ladies in tue wedding, but lets say, this time, you gonna let them shine becouse you dont wanna overshadow them!! Hihihi
If you go with a cute dress and make up, maybe all the girls die of envy!!

[Stephanie47]

OK, I'm going to be a little critical. One phrase: self absorbed

If you stop thinking about yourself you may actually have a great time. If you do not care for the bride and groom stay home. Yes, I see many nicely attired women at functions. I don't choose to stay home and sulk because they are pretty. Before I was retired, when I went to work I interacted with many professional women who wore business suits, dress, skirts and blouses, heels and hosiery. I did not skip work because I was attired in dress slack, shirt and tie and dress shoes.

[Kate Simmons]

Oh I get that Jeanette but these days I can have just as much fun attending functions in a suit and tie as I can dressed en femme. Mostly because it gives my GF a lot of pleasure. I especially like dancing in a suit and tie even though I can sort of "get away" with more different moves when en femme. Just a matter of perspective I guess. ;):)

[jackielou]

do what Katelyn Jenner said on the Ellen DeGeneres show she wore a bra and pantyhose under her suit for years as she was giving pep talks to athletes so she could feel normal,i under-dress everyday every where i go bra and panties ,no problems

[Katie01]

If the couple means anything to you, you'll remember that it's about them and not you. If they don't mean anything to you, you might consider opting out. If you're just doing some girly venting that ok too! Sometimes a girl just has to say what's on her mind! :)

[carhill2mn]

Familiar? Oh, yes! I had similar feelings when on cruises and the women got to dress in their finery. I was sure that I would have looked better than some of them!

[Julie Denier]

Weddings yes, but seeing smartly dressed women at trade shows and work conferences also trips my trigger ;)

[Sarah Beth]

I feel for you I know just what you are saying. A few weeks ago I went with my wife to her nephews wedding and I remember looking at the crowd and picking certain ones who wearing something really nice and thinking if only. There were a couple of them I wish I had a chance to ask where they got their dresses from.

[Midasgirl]

Wedding dresses & bridesmaid dresses - makes me so jealous to see them. Especially the glossy, satin kind. I so much want to be dressed up like that. A cousin of mine got to wear a gorgeous satin dress as a flower-girl when we were kids - I was green with envy.

[AngelaYVR]

It used to be that for a wedding you would wear a morning suit, which is a very fine thing to wear and looks very dashing. You can also buy waistcoats in any number of colours these days, not to mention ties. Vintage/retro - like Victorian - suits can also be fun for the daring.

[Kandi Robbins]

Well Jeanette, I had to go to a wedding this summer on my wife's side of the family. But I had to do it with my wife and two daughters. Love them all to death, but it's a hard time watching everyone get all dolled up all day (only my wife knows about Kandi) and then going to the wedding. Outside of my family, I think I might have been able to be in the top 3 dressed women at the wedding had I been able to wear what I wanted!

[Jennie2]

Hey we all have to do things we are not comfortable with that's part of life, make the best of it and underdress, Sexy panties, suspender belt and stockings, then you can think to yourself, I bet I am wearing sexier underwear than the bride and all of the bridesmaids, and that will be your secret and help you get through the day.

[sometimes_miss]

As much as I hate to have to bring this up, please remember that this particular party is all about the bride and groom. It's not all about you; you're there to (hopefully), along with everyone else there, send them off on a lifetime of love and happiness, and at least have a grand old time on their wedding day. So put on your best suit, your best smiles, and be happy for them. For they only have a two in five chance of getting through this thing successfully, and marriage is a lot of work. They just don't know it yet. So let them enjoy the good times while they last!

[Patrica Gil]

Yep for so many years having the same thoughts about weddings and being one who would like to wear the pretty dress, heels, and hose that would have made the events much more fun for this person. Well in the end what did happen is wearing pretty panties, pantyhose and camisole under the boy clothes felt wonderful. Shaving my legs and underarms before getting dressed made the experience much better. My choice of pantyhose were black so that way no socks were necessary and the feeling of being one of the girls a bit nicer.

[Krisi]

I think that if you've reached the point where you would rather stay home and prance around the house in a mini skirt and heels than attend a relative's wedding and interact with people in men's clothing, it's time to take a look at yourself and your mental condition. That's just not right.

Where many crossdressers get into trouble with their spouses and families is getting so involved with dressing that they exclude other activities and other people.

To be mentally healthy, you have to be able to turn it on and off as appropriate. I am about to leave on a two week "vacation" where Krisi will be left behind. That's fine, I will enjoy myself as Homer and Krisi will come back out when I get home. If you can't go a few hours without dressing, you have a problem.

[Joni T]

the day is about the happy couple, and not the "stand-out guy in a dress", however, I WILL be in a dress at my daughter's wedding, and my ex will have to deal with it!

Seriously?!?!? Have you discussed this with your daughter?? It's HER day, NOT yours. The affair should be remembered for its intimacy and beauty, NOT for '' Did you see that dude in that dress''? And leave the '' ex'' thing out of the equation--that's a pretty petty attitude on your part. She's an '' ex'' for a reason.
I'm just sayin'......
Jon

[Jenn A116]

Might be a good opportunity to mentally critique what the ladies are wearing. Which ones are wearing a style that compliments/accommodates their figure? Which ones should have looked in a mirror before they went out? How would a particular outfit look on you?

[Lorileah]

it's time to take a look at yourself and your mental condition. That's just not right.

. I assume you have some sort of degree or proof for that statement

I really never felt the way the OP feels. I know, sounds strange for a TS but when I dressed up as a guy, I rocked the look to best of my ability. I had a tux that was fitted and I had several sports jackets that were different cuts and colors. I hated ties so I would wear a shirt that didn't have a collar or had a special collar. Shirts could be colored or have a subtle print. Ties could be bright or even comical.

I always have to wonder about the complaining of who wears what to whatever ceremony or party, The women's clothing is just as much a uniform as yours. Expected lenght, cut, color, style. I know people here "live" for hose...but most women HATE them, yet wear them to functions because they are "expected" to. It also confuses me that the same people who complain they "HAVE" to wear something wouldn't wear a dress or heels or whatever if it were allowed because they are afraid.

I will agree with Krisi and say "Suck it up, Buttercup." Life has requirements that we ALL live with

[ReineD]

Which ones are wearing a style that compliments/accommodates their figure?

With all due respect, Jenna, would you like people to parse you like that when they see or talk to you (whether in guy or girl mode), or would you rather they base their opinion on how you interact with them: your personality, the things you say, etc.

I do see people sometimes whose choice of clothing stands out in a critical way ... usually when they are showing way too much skin for their body mass index, or they are way outside the rather large range (http://www.technologytell.com/hometech/files/2013/03/People-of-Walmart.jpg) of what people do wear, but this happens rarely. For the rest, my opinion is that we all have different tastes and a person's tastes are appropriate for them. So what they wear is secondary and the focus is not on their outward appearance but on who they are as people.

[pamela7]

Seriously?!?!? Have you discussed this with your daughter?? It's HER day, NOT yours. The affair should be remembered for its intimacy and beauty, NOT for '' Did you see that dude in that dress''? And leave the '' ex'' thing out of the equation--that's a pretty petty attitude on your part. She's an '' ex'' for a reason.
I'm just sayin'......
Jon

See my other thread on my daughter. Chances are my ex wants to give her away, so she can therefore wear the trousers/suit, and I can wear the frock - it works on many levels. My daughter wrote me a lovely card saying how me dressing/being me had shown her its okay to be yourself, different, and she's proud.

[Tabitha_Lynn]

I am certain that Jeanette wasnt intending to sound selfish with this thread. Those of us that are native English need to remember that there are some on the forum who arent as fluent in the language. Add tat to the difficulty of conveying emotions and feelings in the written word and there can certainly be misinterpretations.

What I feel Jeanette was trying to say is that the wedding was going to be a challenge seeing all of the pretty dresses while dressed in drab. I can relate in that seeing pretty women in pretty clothes sometimes makes me a bit jealous. So I can imagine being at a wedding if you really like drssimg to the nines.

[CarlaWestin]

Don't want to go to this wedding


Jeanette,
Can you imagine being a professional photographer as I was for thirty years , going out and seeing all that week in week out ! OK I was lucky, I got to handle the fantastic dresses and that pleasure never went away !
Consolation for me I had all my stuff in the darkroom so I could spend hours dressed when processing the pictures !

Uhgg! I know what you mean. As a teenager I would service weddings. My father had a home based floral business and my brother was a photographer. But, I got to pin the corsages on the bridesmaids. Pinning carefully with my left hand protecting their delicate breast from a mishap with the pin. Then I would hang out for the reception. Free booze and food. And I looked great in a suit with long hippy hair. But, weddings just suck. Recently, wifey relieved me of having to travel to an east coast wedding in her family. I was soooo relieved. I also hate traveling.

And now I'm getting a week of private Carla time!

[daviolin]

I know the feeling. One of these days I'm just going to be me, if I don't chicken out first. Daviolin

[Mink]

just show up wearing a wedding dress!

one more beautiful than that of the bride!

that'll show 'em!

[Lorileah]

What I feel Jeanette was trying to say is that the wedding was going to be a challenge seeing all of the pretty dresses while dressed in drab. I can relate in that seeing pretty women in pretty clothes sometimes makes me a bit jealous. So I can imagine being at a wedding if you really like drssimg to the nines.

I learned jealousy is a wasted emotion. It doesn't do anyone any good. And if you focus on what you are jealous of, it gets far worse. We all want something that is out of our reach at this time. Money, love, wearing what you "want", but stewing over that just makes you go to the next emotion....anger. Anger doesn't fix anything either so it is a loop you should not get into (yes I get angry but then I get vindictive). The points here are 1) it ain't your circus, don't tease the monkeys, 2) It's only for a few hours 3) Would you REALLY wear it if the Bride said you could?( 90% here wouldn't) 4) do something subtle to make YOU feel better 5) Why stir yourself up?. There is absolutely NO reason to not have a good time unless you don't want to have a good time

[Badtranny]

Yeah this is one of those times when I don't have a clue about CD's

First of all, there is no way you're ever gonna wear a dress to a wedding so let's be real here. Second every girl knows that accessories make the outfit, so why not just accessorize your tux or suit or whatever?

Now I don't understand the fascination with underpants, but do whatever you gotta do I guess. What I'm talking about is maybe a nice silk shirt, in a nice fem color, lavender, aqua, something that would really set off your skin or eyes. If your ears are pierced, then how about a single stud that matched the color of your shirt? If your ears aren't pierced, then how 'bout a nice chain around your neck. Not a choker type, but slightly looser with a matching bracelet? Also, a lot of guys overlook a great belt. A sassy belt in a great color can really set off an outfit. What about socks? Your socks can be flashy and match your tie for example. And don't forget all of the awesome options for ties.

There are soooooooo many options for a guy to look sharp or perhaps even a little fem, with the added benefit that that ladies will absolutely be into it. Pro tip: We LOVE a guy who knows how to dress.

[jjjjohanne]

When I go to a wedding in a suit, I always underdress with pantyhose. Weddings are about the only place where I ever go where I am not the only person in hose.

I have considered going to a stranger's wedding while dressed pretty.

[abby054]

Just make up your mind that you are going to have a great time despite your attire and everything else. It works!

I went to my youngest brother's wedding awhile back--on my birthday. I have six brothers. In a big family where the status of being kinfolk is a big deal in weddings, he rejected all of us for his wedding party. He chose four of his college buddies and all three of his brothers-in-law. Mom had her hands full trying to calm everyone down. When she found me, I told her that I had made up my mind to have a great time and nothing that anyone could do would change that. And I did have a wonderful time. I have some awesome uncles, nieces, cousins, shirttail relatives and family friends! Some folks were unhappy and stayed that way for years. The rest of us partied late into the night.

It is what you make it. Or as my First Sergeant in the Army told me, "Any fool can be miserable. It takes a smart guy to be happy regardless of the circumstances."


I learned jealousy is a wasted emotion. It doesn't do anyone any good.

How right you are! Envy is the only one of the "seven deadly sins" that offers nothing but misery. With gluttony, at least you get some good food before bad things set in. With sloth, you get some good time off before it catches up to you. With lust, you can get some time in the sack. But with envy, there is nothing up front to sweeten the pot. So don't give in to the temptation. Go out there and intentionally have a great time--just to spite the temptation if for no other reason!