And my son knew years before my wife

[Sarah Doepner]

The other day I came out to my daughter and one of the things she said was "we've known for a long time". My kids are all in their 30's and with her support I was so pleased that I didn't think to ask what "a long time" meant. She pointed to her younger brother as being the one who made the connection first and shared it with the others. So yesterday I talked to him about it. Contrary to my expectations he hadn't snooped in my closet but at age 16 had been much more advanced in his knowledge of computers than I expected and had found some search history I'd not deleted back in 1998. That means he and the kids had information my wife wasn't privy to for another four years.

There are a lot of sides to this and some that will take time to explore. But the big one is they never used any of that information to their advantage, something one wouldn't expect from teenagers occasionally at odds with their parents. Next on the list is my son had been considering how to deal with what they might find if I had been hospitalized or died before sharing this. He wanted to make sure it was kept close so as not to embarrass me or mar my memory. That's all so damn mature, supportive and loving that it nearly takes my breath away. It's going to take a while to process all this.

[Stephanie47]

Sarah, you got great kids. It sounds as if your cross dressing being out in the open to your family is very positive. I'm sure the fact your children know will alleviate any angst you and your wife had. I think most of us dance around the issue of what would happen if we pass on and the wife or kids then become aware of dad's cross dressing. My wife knows and I'm sure if I predeceased her, she'd dispose of my wardrobe. She'll be very surprised of its extent, but, it's DADT. I often wonder what would happen if my wife and I passed on at the same time. Going through the storeroom would be eye openers.....so I think. I know when I was a young kid I use to snoop through drawers looking for Christmas presents. Be sure to tell your wife, if you haven't yet, that your kids also know. I think one of the greatest fears a wife has is whether or not the children and others will eventually find out.

Anyway, it's great they respect your privacy.

[Judith96a]

Sarah,
I'm more impressed than I can express in words with the mature attitude of your (then teenage) children. Even though you were unaware of it at the time they were a credit to your parenting skills. They still are!

[kimdl93]

Fascinating! You've got good kids.

[Saikotsu]

That's awesome. I often suspect that my dad knows but hasn't said anything, but I don't dare ask.

[char GG]

And why didn't your wife know?

[MissTee]

What an awesome blessing to know your children would move to protect your memory. Congrats!

[bridget thronton]

Great kids

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, You must've raised your children correctly correctly.:hugs:

[Sarah Doepner]

And why didn't your wife know?

I had done my very best to keep it a secret and paid a lot of attention to taking care of physical evidence. She did find out and ended up being supportive, but cautious concerning some of the trust issues that came from my holding back for so long. When she passed away a couple of years ago she had known for over 10 years and it was a non-issue for us. But with her death, I ended up back in a closet that would eventually be opened and create questions.

Thanks for the positive comments on my kids, I'll let them know how others see them and their choices in this situation. I do think they are amazing, but I may be biased, justa little. As of last night I've talked with the 3 of my kids who are available and they are all good with this. I'll need to go over some ground rules and expectations a few times, but it should be okay for the time being. I've been wanting to shake things in my life up a little, so it looks like I've made a pretty good start.