START Something

[STACY B]

God it's getting so Boring,, I Never thought I or We would EVER run out of things to say here,, I know there are chix in the CD side that are New and this is the greatest place on earth for them as it was for me when I was looking for answers.

But I guess this is all that there is after you have been here for so long,, I remember the day of nothing but talk of shoes and outfits and waiting on other chix to post pictures just to see how good they could look. But after you have been there done that and got a T shirt whats next?
Maybe its the realization of knowing down deep in your heart that the only way to look Great is to really put in the time and do the hard work for it and mostly play the long waiting game of HRT and hair removal?

It's all Crazy to think how far a lot of you have come on this side of the fence, Those of us that a couple years ago were just CD's and wanted to be able to just go out and walk around or be outside period. Now look at us,, Some have Transitioned all the way and are now living as woman full time without any trouble to speak of. An also its Crazy to think of before when we thought the more female stuff we put on the more we would pass,lol,,

Well you never know this little thread might spark some conversation and get you lady's out of the rut your in? I thought if anyone could kick the Ant Bed it would be Me ,,lol,,, Anyhow just wanted to see if anyone still remembered days gone by like I do? Sometimes it seems like a long time ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday. After the transitioning process starts to take place all the little outfits seem not as important as the total package . Just seems easier to me to try and get that natural look down,, I am Lazy and don't do makeup to well,, Anyway its Hot as hell here . Just do me a favor and see what yall can do with this thread ,, I wanted to see some ACTION,,,,,,,,

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i was recently wondering what the difference between a transgenderist and a transvestite was...

also i think transition must include 3 weeks of knitting and a Celine Dion concert or its not transition

[Badtranny]

Well hell the least I can do is support my girl StacyB! I have been there, met her AND I have the T-shirt to prove it. (she gave me one of her company shirts)

I think Kait's on to something. Aside from the knitting and Celine, it's also important that you mix in at least one reality TV show viewing per week. We gotta do what men think women do, or we're not really women.

...yoga pants and pumpkin spice!

[Dana44]

Actually as a CD, I found this site a great resource and I never thought I would read about you girls going through transition. I read through them with wonder in my eyes. Although as a androgynous critter, I could not do that but in every way switch from male to female.
I do understand why some of you have to go all the way and I appreciate all of the posts that you all do. But me as a male mostly. When I switch to female. It is very real. I am intrigued by the fact that one can be a girl in a mans body and that so many here are girls and not men. I would rather be one or the other but my body just switches and when one don't get their time to express then there is a funky day of both happening. That is not at all fun as both sides try to take over. Although I feel gifted with this condition, I admire that you can be what you want to be as one or the other. It was always hard for me to be with type A men for any length of time and like some of you it is better to be in women's company. We all have a lot in common.

[Persephone]

Yes, Stacy, for those of us who have been here for several years it has been quite a trip!

I've gone from CD to HRT/Full legal during that time. Did the forum "cause" my transition? I think not, but I do think that the support and encouragement of many here empowered me to see the flowers in the garden I was already walking in.

What is there left to do here? I think it is important to continue to be mentors, even when the same situations and the same questions appear over and over again. I do not believe that it is our role to "push" people in any specific direction; each person should find his or her own journey. But I do think we should provide information, a warm smile, and a listening ear to those who come along.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[stefan37]

Or we can just go out and dig trenches.
250637

[Angela Campbell]

Geez, I came here to find makeup tips, and now see what you've done to me. ......

[STACY B]

SEE that's what I'm talking Bout,,, I came here to see if I could get some new ideas and look what I found out,,lol,, My SO used to ask me all the time about Transition. Always the same answer,, No,, No Way,, Never,, Naaaaa I just like the clothes,, I would NEVER go through all that Trouble ,, Yea Right !! I used to watch my friend in HORROR when he Stuck himself with a needle from Diabetes medicine, Look at me now,, Can't wait for that shot like a drug addict ,,lol,,

Just goes to show you never know what around the corner ,, Never say Never,, Some think of themselves as CD's for a long time and times are changing all the time and stuff is getting a lot more attention now days and people are starting to notice that were real people not just a bunch of sex workers and weardo's .

Like I said I never knew what I really was until coming here and learning that everyone that is afflicted with Gender disorder are not the same by no means , We are all different in so many ways what one wants isn't always the same as what others want or needs,, I learn things about me daily that were not clear years ago. But if not for this site I would still be in the dark,, I just wonder if the people who built and run this place REALLY know how much this site changes peoples lives? I just want to thank them for doing it and giving it to us and letting us be able to learn about what and who we are without all the Dam sex talk and clearing up the way for normal people to get a grip and get Educated on the subject!

[becky77]

Thanks for giving me a reason to post, I absolutely have no point to make other than its too quiet currently and I feel the need to say something!

I had a really poop day today! Bring on Friday.

[ErikaS]

I for one love this site. I was looking for answers and some in site as to what and why. I know I don't post much but I do enjoy your all company. I knew I needed to do something and I'm still scared as my own journey but with support from others and you all wonderful girls it been better. I look to each day as a hey I'm out having fun but safe. Thank you

Erika

[Rachael Leigh]

Since I've been here now in my second year what this place has done was show me being a CD was not as bad as I always thought and finally having no fear of going out has been really cool.
Now it's brought about other issues with my wife but we are still working on figuring it out and hopefully someday it will work out.
I've truly enjoyed the support I've had from here and wow has my makeup gotten better lol

[PretzelGirl]

I think sometimes we get a new subject in. But one thing I think I find valuable is that thoughts change over time among us because laws, perspectives, etc all change in society. So keeping things aligned in my mind becomes a good effort. We are speeding up on change and that affects a lot of the efforts and advice we give.


also i think transition must include 3 weeks of knitting and a Celine Dion concert or its not transition

Does singing Celine in my car really loud count?

[STACY B]

Tell all of you people on here Bar None the Worst I mean the WORST thing about all of this Gender Dysphoria stuff is the Secretes ! If all of us would come out and tell the whole world we are not going to live this way anymore and we are going to be who we are and act,, Wear,, Live, Work, And command everyone to accept us as the gender we are meant to be in our minds and hearts this stuff wouldn't be a fraction as Bad as we and they make it.


But until that has been done we will never be at piece with ourselves or each other. I live in one of the worse places for this and I know first hand what it like to feel ashamed and ridiculed about being different.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

yes singing counts....singing is even better

[flatlander_48]

I gravitated to this place from a couple of LGB forums. Once I realized that I was a crossdresser, I went looking for a more appropriate forum and landed here. I still visit the LGB forums occasionally, but the "I do this and that. Am I gay or bisexual?" threads get old. There is also such an impatience to sort things out. Honestly, if you have been supressing your sexuality for 45 years, say, does it make sense that you will understand it and come to grips with it overnight? Anyway, I think that fact that we are an older group does help to damp out the BS.

This forum goes a long ways towards helping to understand the Human Condition. For all of the differences between us, we can appreciate the very personal struggles that face us all. We have been given these challenges and how we deal with them will define our success or failure. However, the good part is that we all have this collective support and intelligence to draw upon.

DeeAnn

[kimdl93]

Ok, I'll bite. I've got the yoga pants, and a kale, flax and cashew smoothie.....does that count?

[steftoday]

I really like coming here to this part of the forum. I actually start reading here and spend more time here than almost any of the sub forums. I try to absorb and learn about what TS means and what it's like.
You women are incredibly courageous, and you have my deepest respect.

[I Am Paula]

It all started five years ago. I wanted to know if I could wear those little nylon footlets under my work shoes.
Angela Campbell told me about the error in my ways. To truly enjoy them I must start beard removal, hormones, and get some boobs, and a vagina. I didn't know any better, so I followed her instructions.
I have now lost my job as a male model, but I do enjoy the footlets.
Thanks Angela!

[Bria]

Paula, I'm really glad that I've never wanted to wear footlets with my work shoes, I has saved me a lot of money. Actually, I've been wearing Birkenstocks to work for the last couple of years, I'm pretty sure that the are the OSHA approved model. They help keep the foot fungus under control and I don't need any kind of socks.

Hugs, Bria

[Angela Campbell]

It all started five years ago. I wanted to know if I could wear those little nylon footlets under my work shoes.
Angela Campbell told me about the error in my ways. To truly enjoy them I must start beard removal, hormones, and get some boobs, and a vagina. I didn't know any better, so I followed her instructions.
I have now lost my job as a male model, but I do enjoy the footlets.
Thanks Angela!

lol, misery enjoys company

[LucyNewport]

Well, I came here earlier this year looking to shore up my shaky conviction that I would never transition. It's not really working out that way- I start the laser next week. So... thanks, I guess.

[Zooey]

...yoga pants and pumpkin spice!

But seriously though... I loves me some pumpkin spice. Mah Sturrbucks card is perpetually warm from use. :D

[mechamoose]

It isn't about clothing so much as it is about identity. A lot of folks here seem to have a hard time differentiating between the two.

Not that I a throwing shade on any of our members. I'm just stating as an 'other' that I don't always fit with even OUR 'standard model'.

This place isn't so much as an echo chamber (although you can get there from here) as much as it is a place where you can figure out where you fit.

We are all glorious and wondrous creatures. We each have our own experiences and baggage. This place helps us find people who are kinda-sorta in the same place that we are. This shouldn't be a mutual mast* session. This place should be a place where we ask questions about ourselves from people who have chewed the same dirt that we have.

If all you get out of this place is an echo chamber, then you have missed the point.

If so, then I totally get your frustration and jadedness.

- MM

[Badtranny]

If all you get out of this place is an echo chamber, then you have missed the point.


Did I miss something?

[mechamoose]

Did I miss something?

Yah, maybe you did.

I don't want to give any new member the idea that this isn't a wonderful place.

We might kinda-sorta have our own agenda and goals.

Not that they are wrong, but you have to acknowledge that we have them.

I'm a rabid beast over LGBTQ issues. Some members are just barely out of the closet.

We all need reality, we need opposing views. Without them we are just puppets.

It is EASY to be brave in a space without dissension. It is far better to equip our members to stand up in spite of that kind of thing.

There isn't a day that I go out without some sort of dis-gendered presentation. I am still here. I am still me.

I don't want any of us to think that because we have acceptance here, that it means acceptance anywhere else.

We need the support from this group, but really, what happens when we can't be online?

This is the nicest 'echo chamber' that I participate in. Hearing only voices that agree with e gives e strength... until I get 'out there'. It is only ME then. You are not there. I'm alone.

But at the root, we are all supporting each other, giving positive messages, backing each other up.

Nobody else is out there on that street with you. Nobody else is beside you in your dress.

You have to learn how to handle this stuff when nobody else is around, or you will always be lost.

We get strength from here, but nobody else is walking in that space but you.

I can be all rainbows and unicorns about how this works, but when YOU get out there? It doesn't work that way.

Your courage and strength is YOURS. Not just because we said so.

- MM

[BillieAnneJean]

The OP talks about transitioning almost as it is what comes after cross dressing. I want to point out, for any new SOs doing research here that the majority of CDers do not want to nor ever will transition. Of the maybe hundred gals that have filtered through our support group in the last few years, only two have or are transitioning. For the remainder they do it for fun, for the escape it provides from the male world, for the clothes, for the experiences, and a very few do it for the stimulation. For the remainder, they say they have no desire to transition.

As for remembering when? It is still FUN for me. Maybe the scary fun part is gone but the "feeling right" fun or comfortable feeling fun has more than made up for it. As for transitioning for me? Never, I am "just a CDer".

[mbmeen12]

I have a choice of digging trenches and in heels.....or wear my ole combat boots with a dress.

[mechamoose]

...and again, I get myself stuck in an argument in the TS forum.

I was answering this as a member of the CD/TG forum.

(^%$#)

I believe what I believe, I'm sorry to intrude. I live this how I live this.

<3

- MM

[stefan37]

What's so hard about posting in the correct subforum. This section is hardly an echo chamber. I would say it's the exact opposite of one.

[mechamoose]

Again, 'New Posts'.. 'Reply'.

No, it isn't an echo chamber.

My own fault.

- MM
My apologies.

[Zooey]

Sigh... This is why we can't have nice things. Seriously, I feel like at some point in the minute or 5 that it takes to type out these posts, taking the 0.5 seconds required to check which forum you're posting in is reasonable. :doh:

More importantly, we've lost track of the most important discussion here... Does my love of pumpkin spice necessarily make me basic? If pumpkin spice makes me basic, then my Starbucks rewards account says I'm queen of the basic b's.

[mechamoose]

I *care*. I'm a willing advocate.

I don't *want* to intrude, but I don't want to turn a blind eye either. I don't just want to sit down and shut up. What can someone like me do without treading on toes? How do you and us interact and support each other?

And I'm sorry, pumpkin spice is an abomination.

- MM

[stefan37]

No crossdressing doesn't mean that transition will follow. But for those of us that did crossdress. After awhile it gets boring. So to introduce some challenge in our lives we transition. What other reason could there be to transition?

[kimdl93]

Mm, I don't think there's anything to apologize for. Stacy was trying to liven up the TS forum a bit. I don't think the conversation was meant exclusively for the TS tribe, to borrow a term from Melissa. It's more about reflecting in a sometimes amusing or ironic manner on how far many of us have come from thos earlier days...when many of us thought or perhaps hoped that we were 'just' CDrs. And I'm sure that she didn't mean to imply that CDrs were less than...before someone grabs onto that term.

I can relate to the notion. All I have to do is go back and read some of my early posts to see just how full of it ....or how little I knew of myself. It's an interesting exercise...I would encourage anyone to try it.

To Stacy's point, we all have a much different perspective on ourselves today than when we started. Does that mean we changed or does it mean that we discovered what was already there? I lean towards the latter, but can offer only an analogy, not proof. I see my experience rather like excavating a fossil...at first you see nothing, but as you pick away the encasing sediment, something long buried begins to be revealed. Even after freeing a fossil from the rock, it may take time to fully recognize it for what it is.

[mechamoose]

I never thought, even for a moment, that CDing even came close to true gender disphoria.

I don't need or want to transition. I'm quite happy to straddle the gender fence. I like both parts of me.

That does not mean I have anything less to think of you folks. In fact, I respect the hell out of you. You folks risk yourself FAR more than a bull male in a skirt like myself. I'm just me. I'm seen as 'just gay', you are looking to be 'hidden'. I could never do that.

<3

- MM

[STACY B]

MM You are Right and the others are Right also,, That's what makes this SITE so GREAT,, It's NOT just a Gender site in all aspects it is a Human site, We are all humans and have different views on things. To all the wives that look here for answers take what you see with an open mind, Most Guys that CD are just that CD'S.

Not every Man that dresses in women's clothes will take Hormones and transition! I for one did CD off and on for the better part of my life in some way or another MOSTLY CLOSETED mind you,, Every once in a while I would sneak out but NEVER main stream Full on Out in Public,, Like Bars ,, Night Clubs, CD events, Advacated, Or in Groups, Nor with anyone or meet up with anyone,, Just with the SO or alone,, So Many, Many Different aspects of Gender expression you will go Crazy trying to figure out what why who and how far they will or would want to go until said person gets there fill or has a road block or just runs out of gas?

As far as the CDing goes for me one of the main things was not being genuine, Real,, Tricking people with a Costume and not being the real me. I tryed to dress and pass or blend or interact as some sort of female illusion of some sort and just couldn't do it. It was all about the clothes and shoes and makeup UNTIL I found out different!!
When I finally got enough clothes,, Enough shoes,, Enough makeup, Enough hair,, An no matter what I did or how I looked it wasn't going to work, No MATTER WHAT ! That's when I ME realized that I needed permanent CHANGE, Not just appearance on the outside, Inter change, Outer change, Without this place to Gage my faults and successes I would have never knew if I was doing it right with no one or nothing to compare it too or with. Now do you see why this site is so important?

Most site deal with the Sexual aspects of all of this an the real story gets lost in the Porn of it all, This place cleared it all up and kept it PG 13 AND MADE WAY FOR REAL PROGRESS WITHOUT ALL THE NONSENSE !! Hell those Porn, Dating, Hook up sites are a dime a dozen, Nothing wrong with keeping it in that lane if that's what YOU WANT,, But I was looking for Real people in real Life struggles that were going to do something about it forever and not just sit in front of a box and talk about it forever. So for all you that come here and are new,, READ,,,READ,,,READ,, All you can of the old threads and don't be afraid to start new ones.

But as far as the TS section when you first get here you can't expect to Cut all the way to the head of the Line and we all approve without knowing anything about you and what you intentions are here? I am not the best at this,, Maybe I am the worst, But most know by now my intentions and have proven my worth over and over for real . We can't and won't all ever get along with each other even if this was any kind of other site, People are just people from different places and different times, We are all looking for something simulure not exactly the same but almost. So just stop and read and take what you want and move on to another place and do the same. There is a lot to be seen here and just enjoy the company of others kinda like you and try and be kind enough to get along,, Like the old saying goes if you aint got nothing good to say,,, Don't say nothing at all,,,lol,,,

[mechamoose]

Again, I just don't want to intrude.

Again, how can someone like me help YOU? Here is good, but I'd love to know how to support you when I go to the mall. I just don't know what to do. I 'make' some of you, but pointing that would be betraying your cover. There is no 'secret sign' for us.

Is saying nothing the best course?

- MM

[kimdl93]

I can't speak for Stacy nor anyone else. My advice is to stop apologizing.

You're not an intruder. A topic interested you and you responded. There's no gate keeper.

One thing I find that is helpful is asking questions. We are conditioned to offer opinions and advice, which invariably create the potential for opposing opinions and contrasting perspectives. All well and good, except that positional discussions tend to devolve into arguments. A question and a reply can pull us away from opinion stating and towards better understanding each other.

My other though is that you don't need to 'help' other than treat 'us' (whomever you want to include in that group) like you would anyone else.

[STACY B]

Like I said people are people and everyone's not going to get along and live Happy ever after we all have different motives in this. And for the most part anyone that is at the Mall or out in a Bar Looking Great and getting along maybe would like to be pointed out so much when there in front of everyone,, You could pass them your number for later real slick and maybe they would call or get into contact with you? That is pure people skills there and not some Trans secrete ,,lol,, Hell there are Hot Rod people all over here and they are the worst people in the world for getting along with each other and they all Build Cars and Trucks and almost NONE OF THEM GET ALONG!!

[mechamoose]

250662

That is me on the left. I *love* a full skirt and love to be girly. How girly do you think I can get?

I'm interested in all of our disphoria issues. I want to make it better for all of us. I just need to know what I can do.

I don't like the answer of 'nothing'. There has to be something.

- MM

[kimdl93]

This is getting a bit off topic, but I don't ink it matters. Making 'it' better for all of us is a very tall order. My guess is that you do make things a bit better for all of us by the way you conduct yourself. Perhaps it's true that everyone should be entitled to respect, but in a world where rights and respect are lacking for people who diverge from the binary gender norm, we must earn both. I find that progress is made one person at a time.

[STACY B]

Hell you are WAY SMALLER than me when I started,,lol,,,6 foot 450,, Full beard, You have to make a decision on what and how much you want? Like I said we are all different for sure,, I have seen worse than you come out the other end better than Most !!!

[larry]

I admit it. I am just a boring non pretty CD. I just want someone to make me pretty. This place is just a great place for me. I call it my Learning Center !

[mechamoose]

My Mom taught me that if I' going spend energy on something, especially when it is important, then I have to focus that energy in order to make 'a change' or 'a difference'.

I'm frustrated that I don't see how to do that in this case.

- MM

[sarahcsc]

Don't do something for the sake of doing something, nor say something for the sake of saying it.

But if you're intending to goof around, well, I'm perfectly fine with that. :)

[STACY B]

My Mom taught me that if I' going spend energy on something, especially when it is important, then I have to focus that energy in order to make 'a change' or 'a difference'.

I'm frustrated that I don't see how to do that in this case.

- MM

Your first step is ACCEPTANCE in your self,,, That is the Big One,, Believe me ,, It took me 45 years ti accept it. Once you do that you will have way smaller WTF moments but never nothing as bad as Now. Some of us go the distance of life without ever accepting it,, Just Dip a toe in and then Run,, Denial is the number one symptom of Transgender issues,,, That is why we go to the Therapist and Talk,,Talk,,Talk,,It didn't take me long,, Some folks takes a lifetime and some take just a few sessions ? If you think that these Meds they put you on can't break Your Big But down and turn you into a little woman you got another thing coming ..lol :eek: :eek: :eek:

[Eringirl]

WRT to the OP....great thread! Good to see a little "unbridled" discussion!!

To me, it seems like only yesterday when I found this site....I knew I found my tribe. No longer feeling like I was the only one in the world going through this, I was able to start to find the truth, my truth. Sure, I started in the CD sub forum, and was welcomed there, met some great women and found some really good information. I thank them all so much. In time, moved on. With therapy....ALOT of therapy, I was able to find my way forward, out of the valley of despair. I since have found the entrance to the tunnel and now see the light at the end. In the 14 months since I have joined this forum, I have found a really great gender therapist, have 2 GPs, and a really knowledgable Endo on my medical team. I have just about completed laser treatments (one more to go), almost half way on my electro, and come out to family and friends and work. So, ya, wow....it has been and continues to be a wild ride, with its up and downs, and sometimes the downs are really DOWN....but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is all getting me to where I need to be, myself. Sure, we argue and disagree, but what family doesn't???

Getting different perspectives and different points of view make this a better place, at least in my opinion.....

And, yup, every know and again, I rock the yoga pants and a tee shirt, singing, dancing to Celine......what......so, occasionally I need to get my girl on !!! :D

[mechamoose]

Your first step is ACCEPTANCE in your self,,, That is the Big One,,

Oki, I'm a big ol' beast who is half boy and half girl. I'm totally comfortable with that.


girl Believe me ,, It took me 45 years ti accept it.

I'm 'only' 50', so I will defer to your seniority.



Once you do that you will have way smaller WTF moments but never nothing as bad as Now.

I'm not having a bad 'now'. I'm in a loving relationship with a partner who gets me and loves me for my 'oddities'.

I'm a deviant in more ways than one, especially here. I'm an 'in between' person, and I don't want that to be different. If I went girl, I would miss my bull, if I was all bull, then I'd miss my girl parts.

I'm seeing our gaps clearer now than I have before. We really have some spaces to fill.

We are all on the same team, yet we still don't seem to understand the other's perspective.

- MM

[Janet161]

Ok, I was thinking about dipping my toe in the water but I'm just going to jump in headfirst. I sent this message to Kaitlyn Michele and she sent me a kind, thoughtful and amazing response. Here goes my message:

I am feeling really awful and I want to talk to someone who has knowledge and experience and maybe get a little feedback/advice. So here goes. I am 54, married to a great lady, two great kids. I'm very lucky in that respect I guess.

I never understood my crossdressing. I had a dormant period of about ten years that ended about 3 years ago. I'll fast forward by saying from that point I basically fought it off or substituted other things for it up until about last November and since then I have come to realize who I really am and need to be. I have been miserable. Since like February I have pretty much shut down. I am a lawyer and I can't get anything done. The only time I can work is when there is an absolute deadline and I have to do something or I'll be super screwing up. So I had this botched coming out to my wife in February and I let her chase me back into the closet. I kept dressing and going out by sneaking around-which I hate. The good part was that in going out I was meeting people and making friends and creating actual relationships with people.

Of course, s*******l ideation is a constant. Everything kept getting worse until June of this year when I just couldn't take it anymore and I came out to two friends of mine, a married couple. They were very supportive and recommended a therapist (I had been seeing a nice person but she was more just someone for me to talk to and vent). So this new therapist helped me out a lot. I was freaking out about what would happen if everyone found out and if I had to transition and he asked me-what is the worst that could happen. So, I said I would lose my wife and kids, my sisters and their families would hate me, I'd lose all my friends, I would lose all my clients from my law practice. It was an emotionally wrenching thing for me to describe all that. Then, what was amazing was that later I realized-so what, I don't care, its better than feeling the way I do now.

So, with his advice, I was able to do a re-reveal with my wife. I was ready for her to say its over and that she was angry and was going to out me, whatever. She surprised me by saying she loved me and loved being my wife and she did not want to lose me. I told her that I would stay with her, but I had to be able to go out and she was going to have to be able to live with that. She is very fearful of me being outed and losing my law practice and my ability to support her and the kids. I understand that, so there I was, basically agreeing to stay in the closet. (in some ways that is a relief because I don't have to face the many challenges of transition and I can blame this noble idea of protecting my wife and kids).

So that was in June and since then it has been rocky. She is having a hard time with it. I was feeling better. I came out to my little sister and she has been wonderful. I am making more friends. My wife doesn't like that because she sees me escalating and becoming more and more this person she does not know. She does not want to be married to a woman. I know that if I had my wishes, if I transition, I would not want to be married to a woman. I do not know what is going to happen to us.

So now things are getting worse for me again. I have shut down at work the past couple of weeks, totally. I am dropping balls and making mistakes. Its very hard. Every task seems impossible. Drafting a new pleading is like trying to lift a 1000 pound weight. And I am so sad. I went out recently night and I was visiting with some friends and after a while, they left. I don't mind being alone when I am out, its one of the ways I meet new people. But I was sitting there in this bar and I just started crying. I feel like dressing and going out is really a coping mechanism and it is not working. It used to be kind of like a booster shot, but now it isn't.

I am kind of scared because I don't see an end to this and I don't see how I am going to be able to continue to function in the world. I don't really see a future. I really have trouble looking past today. That has always been something for me. I have been going through the motions all my life and just making my way doing what I thought I was supposed to do but I can't even do that anymore. So, last night I told my wife how I felt and that I was afraid I was going down and I was going to take her down with me. She became very upset. I think she has been holding on through this hoping that it would go away or I'd get over it.

Ok Stacy B, you asked for it.

Janet

[STACY B]

Sound Pretty Dam close to my life and trust and believe I have been on the edge before . Siting there listening to 3 doors down Loser over and over. I had talk after talk with my wife and can't tell you what to tell yours nor what to tell everyone around you in your life? But I know one thing for sure that staying stagnant and Not doing anything doesn't work , Sorry,, Once your outed they all watch you and wonder whats next? Doing nothing scares them more than moving ahead, I just eased ahead and went on about my life as usual and didn't dress Crazy just kinda leaned toward the fem side and let it sink in and watch for reactions of those around me.

I think the HRT did the most for me and it gives you time to get your head on right and also some type of hair removal is going in the right direction and gives you some aspect of pushing ahead. But as far as the wife thing that's a Crap shoot,, Some Love is really strong enough to weather the storm and some is not,, So if the foundation of the marriage is there for the right reasons chances are pretty good for you. You may have to distance yourself from some of the people that are negative and try and surround yourself with possitive people. I had a lot of soul searching to do and it didn't happen over night,, I was prepared to let ot all go and try and rebuild it from the ground up. Anything other than that was just a pleasant surprise.

[Zooey]

MM, I have absolutely zero problem with there being a rather diverse group of people posting here, asking questions, learning, etc. What I'm not in love with is constantly posting from the wrong context, and then having to apologize for it. Some of the things you've posted make perfect sense to me in the context of the CD forums, but when you say them in here it feels inappropriate, especially when it's repeatedly unintentional.

With respect to being an ally/advocate/whatever... Stop trying so hard! We don't need a hero to swoop in and save us - just call out people in the wild when they're being shitty, and be there if somebody needs a friend or a shoulder to cry on. On this forum, calling out CDs who believe that TS folks are exactly like them but "took it all the way" would be super helpful, thanks. :p


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1EyN9xTK94

It's a fine line between being a good ally and being kinda of a bully or pest. It's all about context.

I am a fierce advocate for women's reproductive rights and the NEED for reliable access to quality care. I am an ally in that regard, but when I'm in a group of natal women and the topic turns to the care and feeding of vaginas and ovaries, I tend to shut the eff up. Why wouldn't I? I'll ask questions, respond if I've been asked a question, and I might offer an article if I read something interesting recently, but I defer to their life experience - that's their conversation. I don't need to speak for them when they're already speaking much more effectively for themselves. When the topic turns to transgender issues, they extend me the same courtesies. If the conversation turns to the more obnoxious side effects of hormone-affecting drugs like birth control or my "total reboot" cocktail, we're on more or less equal footing (although I ironically have more experience with common hormonally-induced symptoms of early pregnancy).

Just try to be mindful and post appropriately to the actual context and your place within it, and everything will be great! :)

Also, pursuant to your earlier response to me - you could not be more wrong. Pumpkin spice is amazing. Mmm, pumpkin spice latte. My diet says no, but my heart says yes.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm seeing our gaps clearer now than I have before. We really have some spaces to fill.

We are all on the same team, yet we still don't seem to understand the other's perspective.

- MM

what team is it exactly specifically?? be specific
what spaces are there to fill? be specific...

my point is not that its "bad" to understand but that is of little value to those of us that change our lives to match our genders in such a drastic way...its of little value to fill in the spaces of understanding when you are facing telling your boss and your wife and kids that you are blowing up their worlds...its of little value folks that suffer extreme gender dysphoria to feel like we have cool teammates that can rock a biker outfit and wedding gown..

what makes a person successful as an inbetween person doesnt strike me as very helpful to a person that is anything but in between....

and what's more, if you are truly looking to understand someone else then what is there to talk about ? just listen..
..over and over the ts women tell it like it is...and over and over there is blowback about being too negative, or too exclusive or whatever..\
it makes me feel like you don't understand and there is no way to bridge that gap if there is pushback about real life experience...

its always better to be nice and to care, but it doesnt feel that great to be on the receiving end of cd success stories and complaints about what i write about...
most condescending is when cd people here tell me i don't get it or have an "agenda" which has happened numerous times in the last few months...its a joke

here is my agenda btw... share my experience for ts people and people wondering if they are ts... hopefully support them and encourage them that they can beat their GD...

platitudes and pollyanna does nothing for transsexuals...there is very little "feel good" time in the middle of extreme GD.
what saves transsexuals is almost always action, anykind of action that creates female expression that is hopefully reflected back to the person...if you can help with this, then i think the best way is to encourage ts people to understand they are NOT gender fluid, that they are not crossdressers, and that they need to do something to improve their quality of life and if they don't their quality of life will likely deteriorate....nobody has to transition until they have to transition....you take steps....all the ts people know all the steps (quibbling aside on which steps matter the most)...

i'm pretty sure by your posts that you understand this and probably agree about it..

so i wonder what it is SPECIFICALLY you are going on about?? what are you trying to accomplish here and what are you doing to accomplish it?

[Badtranny]

It's funny because StacyB is one of the "people" that I'm always talking about around here in regard to authenticity.

When someone comes in the TS group with an impassioned post about how TS they are but they could just never transition because they are too big, or they have a family, or they love their wife and kids too much, etc etc. By all means. live whatever life you want to live, but again, in this little forum, we transition here.

StacyB is a big gal who loves her wife and kids. I met her wife in fact and those two have a really great and enviable relationship as far as I could tell. She is the living embodiment of EVERY reason not to transition, but let me tell you something. When I was sitting three feet away from her in my tiny hotel room as she was relaxed on one of the beds (bitch makes herself at home), there isn't a fake bone in her body. She is for real and even though she looka like a man at this early stage, she absolutely has an unmistakable feminine energy. She's a butch broad, but I think she will be just fine.

She deserves our support but what she doesn't deserve is to be diminished or discounted by people who try to elbow their way into our group, yet will never transition because of whatever.

[STACY B]

Hey Kid,, Thanks and I do like to make myself at Home where ever I go,, An one of my Worst Habits that the Wife stays on me about is when I go to someones house No matter who they are or What we are doing there I will open there Refrigerator and have a Look. My wife has a stoke when I do that to people,, I can'thelp it,, That is how I find out what your all about,,lol,,

I love to do things to the Fullest and Love the Shock of it all,, I think if you gonna do it ,, Do it Big,, I am on a mission to conquer this deal like I did the Food addiction ,, Alcohol Addiction ,, This one is going to be the Biggest one yet for me You will see. I plan to go from one end of the spectrum to the other,, Polar opposites in Due time My Dear,,, Due Time,, Like My Old Buddy used to say,, I can show better than I can tell ya,,,lol,,,

[Leah Lynn]

I have yoga pants. I'm not real fond of pumpkin spice. I dislike Celine Dion. I love Broadway tunes. Coffee black, no sugar. No ice or water in my whiskey. I love beer. Let me clarify; CERTAIN beers, most are undrinkable.

Someone once asked if I knew the difference between CD's and transwomen. Transwomen are the ones in T shirts, jeans and sneakers. That describes me most of the time, although I do have plenty of dresses and skirts in my closet that do get worn.

Want to kick it up here? Let me go Grammar Nazi for a day. Better still, let's pass on that. I have too few friends as it is.

I oft times make comments that are tongue in cheek. Some comments are made in all seriousness. The reader is left to her own devises.

Leah

[mechamoose]

It is kind of funny.

My wife, when given the choice, will do shorts and a T-shirt. Should I be calling her a crossdresser?

<3

- MM

[Rianna Humble]

Why would you do that? Because the joke said that the crossdressers are the ones who don't wear that?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i was thinking the same thing...oh well...

[mechamoose]

I guess my (missed) point was that we all have the right to be who we are. CD/TG/TS... we ARE all kind of the same.

Our society has presented us with a binary dynamic. We need to be different than that. We AREN'T that.It isn't us.

I believe that our identity and our 'gender' are free moving things. If you are someone with straight on GD, then you have it worse than I do. I'm content to straddle the lines.

You folks though, don't have that room. You are who you are.

I get that.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hmmmm

We do all have the right to be who we are.
Does this not include the right to say what we are NOT
Outside of the broad idea of we are all humans where are we the same.

I firmly binary gendered. You are not. we are not the same gender. It creates two sets of different issues with different challenges and different problems and different constructive solutions.

I support you bring yourself. I have very little to say that would help you with your challenges.

What you say does not resonate with me gender wise. What you say strikes me as unknowing as it relates to my gender identity. That's how I know we are different.

I can sympathize with you and support you but what we experience is just so different.

[arbon]

I guess my (missed) point was that we all have the right to be who we are. CD/TG/TS... we ARE all kind of the same.

Our society has presented us with a binary dynamic. We need to be different than that. We AREN'T that.It isn't us.

I believe that our identity and our 'gender' are free moving things......




I don't think we are really the same MM. I don't feel gender variant. i feel like I fit on one side of the binary. I don't want to be trans. or in between or different. I want to escape from that. I want a normal life as a woman.

Edit / added: that does not mean I don't support those that are gender variant and crossdressers and people that identify as transgender and all. Because I do. I have. I have even been arrested standing up for LGBT rights and would do it again. I have no problem associating and being around crossdressers. But almost always they will feel we are the same while I feel very disconected from what they are going through and they can't understand the life I am trying to live.

[stefan37]

and here I am still digging trenches

[mechamoose]

I don't think we are really the same MM. I don't feel gender variant. i feel like I fit on one side of the binary. I don't want to be trans. or in between or different. I want to escape from that. I want a normal life as a woman.

Then all I ask is that you who are totally in the wrong body don't be critical of those of us who are not. I get the feeling that there is a 'purity' issue here. I'm sure that it isn't intentional,, but the 'purity' thing exists.

We ARE all sisters here. We may not have the same issues and goals that you do, bur please don't think for a moment that this difference makes the fear and doubt go away.

We are not 'TS-lite", we have our own place and issues. I really want us all to get together as a clan. Why dissuade supporters over 'purity'?

This IS 'crossdressers.com', right?

Please be mindful of the audience. Only a small percentage of us are where you are.

You still have my full support.

<Sorry, I'm angry about this>

- MM

[arbon]

I like you and don't think I have ever been critical for you being who and what you are. But that does not mean we are the same or that we are sisters. Why is that so hard to understand?
Why when some of us say this we get accused of being purists and and elitists?

[mechamoose]

Maybe because of the responses I'm getting in this thread.

I *want* to understand, I really do.

But this isn't 'TS.com' is it? I totally want to support you and your kin. I'm angry about how I have gotten feedback that 'I just can't understand' just because I don't have the same level of GD that you do.

Yes, we live in different spaces.

That should not matter. We should look at a bad-tranny in an ill fitting dress as one of us, because they are TRYING and have gone out in public that way, just so they could be themselves.

We won't all ever 'pass'. Kudos to those of you who do. But I'm just a big ol' Moose in a cute skirt, what do I know?

[Janelle_C]

When I first came to this site it was a life line for me! I was so deep in my closet I thought that's where I'd be for the rest of my life. But once I peeked out side that closet and saw a little light in my dark closet, she would not let me close that door again. I've been full time for two years and I don't come here as much as I used to. I get to get up every morning and just be me! I think that this is such an important Web site, I think it helps so many people, it help me alot!

For that thank you

Janelle

[mechamoose]

But once I peeked out side that closet and saw a little light in my dark closet, she would not let me close that door again. e

<3

None of us know how deep the rabbit hole goes until we dive down.

<3

- MM

[arbon]

I have been around here for a while and even used the line about this being a croddressers web site in similar arguments to what you are making. Funny how I have become one of those *itchy ts women I used to get so upset about. But back then I could not understand where they were coming from. Now I can much better. We will keep having these debates till who knows?

It is not about passing. I actually got called "sir" this morning. Fun.


We live in different spaces and have different gender identities and it does matter!

You can still support us. We can still support you. It does not mean we are the same, in the same clan, that we are sisters.

[stefan37]

True The main URL is CD.com. But this subsection is TS forum. A place to discuss challenges that those of us that are transitioning face on a daily basis. It is open to all and I welcome questions and comments. Individuals that are gender fluid may have some commonality when they are out presenting female. That is where it ends. Those of us in this subforum are not gender fluid. We identify as female and either are on our way or live as female 24/7. I can't hide behind a male identity with family, friends or work. Those of us here in this subforum have jumped off the cliff. We have put it all on the line to live authentically to our identity.

When an individual needs to transition. There is no compromises. No matter how much you love your spouse or family. Their reaction is out of our control. I love my ex wife. She loves me on some level. She is no longer attracted to me so that love and intimacy we shared is no longer. I would have loved to be gender fluid. I would most likely still be married. So how can a gender fluid individual day we are the same. It took me a long time to accept who I really was and then take action knowing I would lose my wife of 32 years. And possibly my family and my clients. The loss of clients would have meant the loss of my business.

[mechamoose]

When an individual needs to transition. There is no compromises.

+100

I agree with you. I just don't ever want to be told that I'm not girl enough because I don't feel the need you do.

Yes, I am having this conversation in the TS forum. I really think you might be alienating potential allies by saying things like 'we don't understand and can't..

Give us 'between' people a touch more credit. Maybe you folks just don't know how 'ideal' you are to us 'tweens. Many wish they could have your problems. if only they could get there.

- MM


- MM

[Lorileah]

I would send everyone to their respective corner but that would be divisive. OK Kids, quit throwing sand at others. There are really two answers here. First we are all in this boat together, the whole TG community, we sink or swim with each other. The outside world doesn't know the details. So we should work together.


The other answer is, yes, we are different. Broad differences and minor differences. This, being the transsexual section, is where you should come to find out about being TS not where you come to explain you are NOT. The TSs here should realize that many members don't know where they fit or are concerned they DON'T fit somewhere. In 5 years I have traveled the road from point A to Point Z (well I'm at W in my world but hope Z is soon). I remember discussing what transsexuals "should" do for those who aren't on these boards. I believe that I should stay in touch with the T community when I finish. Many want to disappear. Either is fine. But infighting over minor wording or slight differences help no one.

Yes I label myself as Transsexual. I did label myself as Crossdresser. I am still the same person but my mind set has changed. That's all. Same chewy center with a new wrapper (and a higher cost).

No minority has ever achieved anything fight within the community. We need a united front. All we accomplish cubby holing each other is that we weaken our power.

[arbon]

Do you ever wish you could talk to your past self? I could have this same argument with myself from 5 years ago.

[stefan37]

Don't be putting words in my post. I never said nor implied gender fluid individuals won't or can't understand. I have extensive experience living in the middle and living the last 2 years full-time. I will tell you the experiences are not even close. As a matter of fact living the first year pre full-time is way different than living full-time. That's just a fact. There is no similarity of my first year in transition to my first year full time. Gender fluid individuals can argue that all they want. But until you live full time and that means every single minute of every day can you truly understand what it's like.

[Carlene]

Thank you Lorileah

[mechamoose]

<Sits in the corner>

I don't want to fight with any of you. I was looking for debate, I'm sorry that it went beyond that.

Namaste

- MM

[LeaP]

I can't figure out WHAT this thread is about. Read it 5 times. Didn't help.

So I just want to say that I'm all for yoga pants and pumpkin spice lattes. I'd particularly like to wear my yoga pants and have a PS latte while aboard a nice, new tractor ... even with my beat-up canvas work jacket, boots and gloves on. (nice compact, Stef ... Kubota BX?) I miss my tractor - sold it when I put my house on the market. What else? Oh yes - give me almost any beer except for some of the weird Belgian stuff that tastes like it was fermented at the dump. And I hate Celine Dion, at least until she starts singing Chicago blues.

I also want to say that I pass. Fully. 100% of the time. As a man, unfortunately (ba-da-boom!). I made a comment about my passability to my electrologist the other day. She said I looked "reasonable." (OUCH)

Other bits and thread ends: I don't want to straddle any fences until I'm post-op (ouch again). No dresses, girly or otherwise, thank you. Lorileah - of course there are broad differences. What would you expect in a group of women, trans or not?

I don't think this is a team. It's a big-ass cocktail party. One where no-one is paying attention to the start or end time, people float in and out, it's hard to hear because the noise is deafening, and because you don't like some people, you hang on the sofa in a corner with your friends and get drunk. There's OBVIOUSLY no dress code, and it looks suspiciously like there are a bunch of party crashers. Occasionally someone wants to start a line dance or play games, but gets shouted down or ignored. Every once in a while a troublemaker gets summarily tossed out on her can. Buh-bye!

[arbon]

wish there was a "like" button!

What this thread should be about, what I want to talk about, is PTD and bunny ears......
Can we talk about that? or

[stefan37]

Yeah it's a borrowed BX25. It's actually a little small. Have to move it alot.

[becky77]

I can't say I'm joining the Celine Dion club, but does my love of Whitney Houston count?

I'm probably being dim, but what is PTD?

[arbon]

Well, you know...
I think I could get into trouble if I actually do try to talk about it here
but like, say you have new parts down bellow
and your alone in the world.
So there are things you can buy to test drive, in a sense you know, to see how new areas work and feel, call it PTD, - can I trademark that?
but when you go to one of those types of stores where they sell those things there are a lot of different ones you can choose from, that do a lot of different things and come in a lot of different sizes, and it is confusing about what you should get.
Some have bunny ears.
Some have other things.

how do figure out what to get when you are newly PO?

I'm gonna get in trouble.

[STACY B]

Exactly,,, Thread is about whatever you want to Talk about,, Just flem flam around and makeup anything to START SOMETHING,,,, It got SOOOOOOOOOO BORING ,,lol,,, I just wanted to see someone say whats on your MIND,, THANKS,,,

[becky77]

Ah, like a Rampant Rabbit!

[gonegirl]

Well, you know...
I think I could get into trouble if I actually do try to talk about it here
but like, say you have new parts down bellow
and your alone in the world.
So there are things you can buy to test drive, in a sense you know, to see how new areas work and feel, call it PTD, - can I trademark that?

I don't want you to get in trouble, Theresa... and you shouldn't because it's totally legit, but I'll go ahead and say it for you just in case: "Pu*sy Test Drive" TM.

My surgeon has a person on staff who's job description involves advice to women on this very thing. Nothing wrong with that.... on the contrary it's actually kinda cool. Just a natural progression of knowing thy self... :))

[Robin414]

<Sits in the corner>

I don't want to fight with any of you. I was looking for debate, ...

- MM

I don't want to fight with any of you. I was looking for debate.../QUOTE]

Hey everyone! I'm certainly not looking for a fight with any of my friends here either but as a 'tween' myself, I can relate to and agree with MM on numerous points...just saying ☺

[Rianna Humble]

This thread - which had a very tenuous link to anything Transsexual-specific in the first place - has run it's course.

We will never get agreement between people who say they want to be allies, but reject the gender binary that defines most of the transsexuals who post here, and those for whom the gender binary is our daily existence.