"Who is that Woman?"

[windycissy]

So I got a little careless this morning, looking at these pictures of myself en femme on my computer, when my SO surprised me and saw them! “Who is that woman?” she demanded as I hurriedly closed them. I fumbled something about pictures of Miss America – the first thing that came into my mind – but she wasn’t buying it, and went on and on about how disappointed she was and how would I feel if I discovered her looking at pictures of men on the web? The storm is over now, and I guess I’m just glad that she thought the pictures of me as a woman were really women!

[Alice Torn]

Close call indeed! I would think more than a second or two and she would have clocked you!

[Lauri K]

Windy tale you told your wife (miss america photos), I think I would have had to say you may want to "look a little closer dear"

But if you are in situation where she does not know anything about windy cissy maybe you done the right thing.

I think you better be getting your story ready in case she inquires further, maybe not but I suspect she is on to something.

[heatherdress]

Can you tell her, Cissy? She saw your picture. Maybe not clearly, but she had concerns about it. She was upset you were looking at other women. Won't she continue to be concerned about that? Or maybe she will discover other pictures and be more upset because you did not tell her? You know your wife best. Good luck.

[Rogina B]

All this time I thought you were an "out" girl...

[Adelaide]

Does she know or she didn't recognize you?
My S.O. doesn't support me at all....so I could relate to your difficult situation...

[Jazzy Jaz]

I would be worried about her starting to suspect an affair potentially.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Windy,
OMG! Does that story have a familiar ring to it!
My SO had caught a glimpse of a pic of me on my phone,
she wasn't going to just walk away from me after seeing it though.
My reaction to her persistent "who was that girl?" questioning made it so
obvious that I was hiding something, that I had to give in, and come
out to her.
I couldn't have her thinking I was seeing some other girl.
It was the hardest conversation I have ever had.
But the relief that came from being honest with her made it worth it!
Be careful with those pics.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Meghan4now]

Windy, dear, it's time.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Windy, I too always thought that you were OUT, Please clear this up for us.:hugs:
I think that I should clear some of the pictures from my cell phone.:daydreaming:

[Candice June Lee]

Think to my self, it may be time to tell your wife. It's better to be honest than to remember all the lies and when you told them. I am just glad my wife knows and does support me. I don't think I could deal with hiding it anymore. It was getting to unbearable.
Shocked that your wife hasn't suspected an affair.

[jenniferinsf]

wow what an awkward situation...after reading responses i would tend to agree with both kandia and heather dress. i know it is and would be difficult but when presented with an opportunity to begin a dialogue.....

[Stephanie47]

There's a good reason for not posting pictures on any electronic device, whether you're out to a wife or not. You may have bought yourself a little more time with your reason. You don't look like a Miss America. If she did not recognize you because of the angle, but, thought the pictures were of a mature woman, then you would have been better off looking at Miss America pictures. Any wife knows her man does not have access to young Miss America types, but, could very well be conversing with a woman more her husband's age. I'm sure your wife has filed this minor transgression in her memory banks. You know your wife, so I'm not going to recommend having "The Talk" now. But, get your story straight.

[windycissy]

Wow girls, thanks for all your good thoughts. First things first: things are back to normal, so I think I dodged a major bullet. So stupid of me! And I have to admit, for a brief moment I did think about fessing up to her, but as someone said, I know her best, better than anyone in the world, and I can just tell you that she would not react positively. It's too bad, but that's her...and to tell you the truth, I kind of thrive on the secret - I know that's hard to understand for most people, I guess I should have been a double agent!

Now, as for whether I'm "out" - I've been very lucky in life: several years ago I sold my business, and the company who bought it asked me to stay on as a consultant. I agreed on the condition that they provide me with an office/apartment nearby, which happens to be several hours away from home. So once or twice a month I get to live 24/7 as a woman, which is heaven for me. All my Cissy stuff is stashed away in a storage room. Like I said, I should have been a double agent!

I really do like having and keeping secrets....

[ReineD]

Gosh, I didn't even know you were married! I thought you were single and had a boyfriend.

Anyway, glad you dodged the bullet. I won't preach on whether or not to tell your wife (or what you do when you are away) if you prefer the secretive aspect of it all, as long as you are both satisfied with the status quo. Will you retain your apartment in the foreseeable future?

[windycissy]

I hope so! It's like living a dream...as for my boyfriend, yes it's true - he's married too, and we kid ourselves that we're really not cheating, it's just a night out with the guys, only instead of beer and football, one of us is into lipstick and nylons. I know, I'm a bad girl....

[Robin414]

Kinda reminds me of a humor thread I read "when did you start cross dressing, when my wife found a bra and panties in my car! 😡"

[Momarie]

You are not being kind or fair to your wife.
You want your cake and to eat it too.
But all is well, YOUR needs are being met and that's all that matters, to hell with your wife and her feelings.
What a selfish, dishonest "husband" .

[reb.femme]

Hi Windy,

I had sympathy with your situation when first reading your post but to be honest, reading your last couple of replies made me feel this was / is a bragging post. I understand hiding the cross dressing but the boyfriend on the side is another point entirely. I totally understand Momarie's standpoint.

Rebecca

[Buttercup's Princess]

I once dated a guy, this is maybe six years ago now, who came out about his cross dressing to me one night. When I asked him how come I had crabs, he admitted that he had slept with four men while we were together. It took me years to pick myself up from that; I ran myself into a ditch. He caused me immense confusion and loss of self worth and esteem, and we were not ever in a serious relationship like marriage. Please do not be that person. Your wife is suppose to trust you, and what you are doing in not a joke and there is nothing acceptable about it. What a poor lady, you have made me very sad. What kind of role model are you being for cross dressers out there? This is one of the first threads I have read, so now I am thinking, is this what all cross dressers do? Can I trust my boyfriend? I can obviously tell from the responses that the cross dressers on here do not all cheat on their wives and sneak around with other cross dressers, as they are not supporting your lifestyle. I do very much believe that I can trust my boyfriend, and if he ever does or is doing that to me, which I have specially explained to him is crossing my boundaries, than I am a fool. Reading this certainly brings back some emotions that I put behind me long ago. Not at all the support I was looking for today. Your wife to tell her the truth, hell, maybe she'll want to join in the fun, or in the least, give her the chance to set her boundries. And if not, I don't blame her and you gotta ask yourself if you are really with her for the love. Because what you are doing is NOT love, that I am sure of.

[Melanie 0339]

Well said buttercup xxx

[Sarah L]

I hope so! It's like living a dream...as for my boyfriend, yes it's true - he's married too, and we kid ourselves that we're really not cheating, it's just a night out with the guys, only instead of beer and football, one of us is into lipstick and nylons. I know, I'm a bad girl....

This is a horrible thing you are doing to your wife.
Not just your wife, but his wife, too, as you know he is married.

Does he know you are a crossdresser? If he is cheating on his wife (physically or in spirit), he deserves what he gets.

Your behavior is something a wife is likely to fear when her husband comes out as a CD and you are making this a reality for your wife. She will find out.

This kind of attitude hurts all CDs who hope to find someone special and accepting. This is going to come back to haunt you.

I don't know if I will get a warning for my comments, but it doesn't matter.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

[2B Natasha]

Hi Windy,

I had sympathy with your situation when first reading your post but to be honest, reading your last couple of replies made me feel this was / is a bragging post. I understand hiding the cross dressing but the boyfriend on the side is another point entirely. I totally understand Momarie's standpoint.

Rebecca


I am so with them both on this. And yet people wonder why we are looked at as a bunch of losing sneaky losers.

[DanielleLee]

When I first saw your post on Monday... I thought to myself that I hope he can find the courage to come clean to his wife and even had some empathy towards you being closeted...

Since reading the later responses to this thread... I know that won't happen. You simply are without courage. I cannot even begin to understand how you can make light of the fact you are a cheating and lying husband: "as for my boyfriend, yes it's true - he's married too, and we kid ourselves that we're really not cheating, it's just a night out with the guys, only instead of beer and football, one of us is into lipstick and nylons. I know, I'm a bad girl...." You aren't a bad girl, you're just a jerk :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

Mods, I do apologize if that was out of line/disallowed by forum rules. It was about as clean as I could keep it. I'll understand if that comment has to be edited or removed.

To Buttercup's Princess.... We as a collective are pretty decent people. WC is not the rule, but rather the exception. I do hope that you and your SO are able to accept this part of him together as a couple; and wish you both the best.

[Lily Catherine]

You knew with a guilty mind you were having an affair, ergo you and your boyfriend were kidding yourselves into believing otherwise. The time has come to face it.

[BillieAnneJean]

I keep no secrets from my SO. I hope she keeps none from me.

I will never ever NEVER break her heart. That means no cheating of any kind or form or Bill Clinton definition.

My SO knows everything about my CDing. It was NOT easy for her and it was even worse for me while she came to grips with it. An I told her BEFORE I started. Once she began to believe me and not add anything to it, she became happy again.

Stop the "boyfriend" because it is going to bite you one day. Think this through and decide if the thrill is worth the risk. It isn't. You have NO IDEA how your SO will react. Remember "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned". That old saying was based on fact. You read on this forum of SOs having fury just finding out their guys are CDers. Throw CDer in with having a fling AND a fling WITH A GUY and believe me you will get a good glimpse of hell.

Think about all of this with the head on your shoulders.

[taylormercedes]

Windy I'm sorry to see all the negative comments on here, but unfortunately I can't say that it isn't warranted, some of your posts almost do seem to be "bragging" about your situation as another member put it earlier. Most of the time I live by a philosophy of let others live their lives as they choose to live it as long as no one else is hurt. Windy in my opinion I think that if you're happy with your current situation then by all means continue on , with the one caveat that you should tell your wife everything. Yes it will be difficult and painful, but such is marriage, 2 separate lives becoming 1 and she deserves to know everything. Unfortunately I don't think there'll be anyway for you to minimize the pain she'll feel, but unfortunately there is no such thing as "having your cake and eating it too." Hopefully something good will come out of your current predicaments.

[BillieAnneJean]

Stop the "affair" get a STD test, and THEN tell her about your CDing. But if the "affair" is over with and you intend it to never be initiated again, perhaps sparing her the trauma of that bit of bad judgement may be warranted. It is going to be tough enough for her without the "affair" thrown in too.

[Jenniferathome]

...as for my boyfriend, yes it's true - he's married too, and we kid ourselves that we're really not cheating,.... I know, I'm a bad girl....

Wow. You take pride in this? I got nothing.

[windycissy]

When I put this out there, a dear friend urged me to take it down immediately before the s#!tstorm began, but I figured we're all adults so what the heck. I make no excuses for my failings, except I will say I hope all of my critics are still married to their first wives and have never cheated with another woman. To the ggs I've offended, you are right - but don't worry about your husbands unless they are abLe to pass as attractive women and are crazy enough to try - all my life I've been driven to explore my feminine side, first it was the clothes, then going out, and when I realized that i passed as a pretty woman, taking it all the way. My boyfriend is a wonderful man, and what we share is very special, but this has made me question how foolish I've become.

[Meghan4now]

Windy,

While I do not agree with or condone your choices, they are yours to own.

I will, however, suggest that you are in a situation that requires a choice. You dodged a bullet for now. I'm inclined to believe that your wife has chosen to stick her head in the sand. I would not expect that to last. Once she faces the truth about you and your relationship, the dam will break. And the flood will be proportional to the amount that she has been holding back.

I can not say that your relationship is irreparable, stranger things happen. But if you go by likelihoods, I don't see a great chance of that. So your boyfriend is wonderful? Are the two of you prepared to leave your spouses and live happily ever after? Or will he kick you to the curb when he is done, trying to save his own marriage.

These are harsh questions, but you'd better be ready to deal with them, because this is reality, not some romantic TG fiction story.


I wish you good luck and hope you make good decisions.

[windycissy]

No way he'd leave his wife for me, any more than I'd give up my "real" life for him. There's been lots of good advice here, except the one thing that always bugs me is the mantra that "you must tell your wife!" Doesn't that depend on the person? How can you feel so strongly about urging that when it might destroy a marriage of two people you've never even met? I totally respect those who have done that, and envy the happy marriages of crossdressers whose wives support them, but what happens when the revelation destroys the marriage?

[Sarah L]

No way he'd leave his wife for me, any more than I'd give up my "real" life for him

When your wife/family and friends find out, you may be giving up your "real life" involuntarily.


How can you feel so strongly about urging that when it might destroy a marriage of two people you've never even met?

You don't consider your actions potentially destructive?

[IamWren]

I am very new to the forum and don’t know everyone very well so I’ll try keep my opinion as objective as possible.

What Windy seems to be participating in is deception.

And not to throw everyone’s panties into a bunch but MANY of us here are doing exactly the same thing… participating in deception. We are after all genetically, physiologically men attempting to fabricate the illusion (deception, if you will) of looking like a woman.

So to suggest that someone who is participating in deception should come clean and say, “look, I have something to say, I’ve been lying to you.” seems a bit hypocritical. I mean, pushing that logic further with a broader brush to all of us CDs, then shouldn’t we all walk around while we’re dressed in women’s clothing with a sign above our heads that reads, “I have something to say, I’m lying to you. I have dangly bits and am physiologically a man.”

I’m not trying to condone (because I don't) or come to the defense of what Windy is doing. I’m just trying to point out the irony of suggesting she come clean about the deception.

As for Windy's relationship with her boyfriend.
Girl... you need to end it and it now. If by chance your wife doesn’t know, or even if she does but has her head in the sand, I personally think you should stop meeting your boyfriend for ‘guy’s night out’. Your original post showed how close you came to being discovered. It’s just a matter of time before someone gets caught. The fallout and collateral damage will be uglier than a CD doing the walk of shame at 7am, heels in hand, mascara smeared on a Sunday morning. I think you should ask yourself and honestly think about this question. Do you really want to be the type of person that causes such heartache and emotional trauma to innocent people who did nothing to deserve this treatment?

[jenniferinsf]

i replied earlier before i guess i/we knew the facts....now with the latest revelations i have side with the girls that say......."whoa girl you are way off base"

in addition in one of your earlier replies i noticed a blog link so i checked it out...not sure if you are the onr to be giving out advice. just saying that your choices are your choices but to the unaware they could be devastating.

[Meghan4now]

A fair question.

1. You may consider the likelihood of your secret being exposed, and how that will play out, especially if it doesn't come from you first. Clearly, from the beginning of the thread, you indicate that your wife has seen clues that you know about. Probably also ones you are not aware of.

2. By perpetrating a fraudulent facade, how are you building a trusting and respectful relationship? What does this do to your respect for her. How does this build trust from her, and what happens when that is breeched.

3. How does the situation help your own self image? Are you sabotaging you own self esteem? Are you proud of yourself when you look in the mirror? Are you a person that you yourself would trust?

4. Is it possible that you are avoiding the inevitable? Have you discovered who you are?

Windy, I am not trying to be mean or judgemental. I guess I see an awful lot of "anything goes" here and not a lot of aknowledgement that our choices can hurt not only others, but ourselves in ways we do not recognize until the damage is done. In business, if you are wasting time on things that are not core values, then you are taking great and unnecessary risks. The same is true in our personal lives. If your wife is more important than this "boyfriend", then why waste your time and energy? A value is not a value if you do not value it.

[Momarie]

1. You don't pass, let alone as a "pretty woman".

2. The foundation of your marriage is made of quicksand.
It's based on lies, deception and infidelity.

3. Your wife has the RIGHT to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know and to protect herself from you exposing her to sexually transmitted diseases.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know you are having sex with a man.
You stated she would never accept this, that is her RIGHT, not yours to steal by deception to satisfy your fetish.

[Melanie 0339]

Many of us here are like what was said earlier are guilty of being deceptive to our SO's about our dressing myself included. The difference is most of us closeted CDs feel guilty about keeping the secret from loved ones and again many are trying to build up the courage to come out to their SO. You on the other hand appear to get a thrill out of cheating on your wife and will have no intention of fessing up as part of the thrill is knowing your wife has no ideal about your affair. This makes you in all honesty a truely horrible person crossdresser or not. I like to think I can be non judgemental at times regardless of whatever the situation but this thread has rattled my cage and it appears I'm not the only one.

[2B Natasha]

1. You don't pass, let alone as a "pretty woman".

2. The foundation of your marriage is made of quicksand.
It's based on lies, deception and infidelity.

3. Your wife has the RIGHT to make her own decisions and set her own boundaries.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know and to protect herself from you exposing her to sexually transmitted diseases.
Your wife has the RIGHT to know you are having sex with a man.
You stated she would never accept this, that is her RIGHT, not yours to steal by deception to satisfy your fetish.

Testify Momarie. Testify. I stand there right with you. The wife has the right to know. All of it.

[Jenniferathome]

... but what happens when the revelation destroys the marriage?

Windy, as you can read on this forum, cross dressing does not end marriages. It's everything else, the narcissism, and complete lack of objectivity that breaks bonds. That's not to mean that all wives are ok with this, but they work it out. Infidelity, with a man no less, will quite likely break things. When you get found out, it will be Hiroshima in your house. Yikes.

[nvlady]

I have been reading this thread for the last few days, and I only want to ask, is your wife the kind that if she finds out about your boyfriend, will she call his wife and tell her everything that she has learned?
If so, then you will have destroyed his marriage also.

[reb.femme]

...when I realized that i passed as a pretty woman....

I know I don't pass, but never in a million years would I describe myself in such preening terms. The initial part of the thread was a situation common to many, but I stand by my earlier claim that this was / is a bragging post but now with heavy overtones of self delusion.

[cdinmd206]

WOW I did not realize we had so many head doctors on this forum. NO more $200 an hour head shrinks for me.

[LaurenS]

At the risk of offending anyone (and I always love it when I get a chance to quote Jay-Z):

"Love is cursed by monogamy."

I never had an affair, but I don't judge those that do.

"The ability to hold opposing thoughts of view in your mind is a mark of intelligence"

I would posit that anyone judging windy negatively, and at this same time is in a DADT arrangement is basically cheating as well. I believe honesty is the best policy, but I doubt there is a single person in this thread that has been truly honest and open about EVERY aspect of their lives. I know I haven't!

Please be supportive even if you disagree with windycrissy. Some of you are harshing my mellow.

[reb.femme]

WOW I did not realize we had so many head doctors on this forum. NO more $200 an hour head shrinks for me.

Nor me, I think for myself.


At the risk of offending anyone (and I always love it when I get a chance to quote Jay-Z)...
Ah, the great Philosophers, Plato, Socrates, Nietzsche and not forgetting Jay-Z.



"The ability to hold opposing thoughts of view in your mind is a mark of intelligence"...Please be supportive even if you disagree with windycrissy. Some of you are harshing my mellow.

And by that quote, you would deny the right of others to hold a contrary point of view to your own, n'est-ce pas? I believe Windcissy isn't expecting or requesting support, these are merely points of view from others and change not one jot, his/her life in reality and nor should it. But if you subject a theory to peer review, what would you expect? Opinions are the norm, are they not? Sorry to hear your 'mellow is harshed', but I'm sure that the lyrical master Jay-Z has a cure for that too.

Rebecca

[heatherdress]

Windy - I typically do not like judgmental comments which appear on this site when they pertain to personal beliefs and life styles. But I feel you have brought upon yourself the negative replies many have made. Infidelity is considered by many to be a significant moral issue. Your remarks and behavior go well beyond hiding from your spouse that you like to wear a dress and a wig in private.

You are not simply hiding crossdressing from your SO. You are bragging about "living the dream" - having a secret relationship - which is being unfaithful. An affair is a significant betrayal and you seem to be justifying it because you are a crossdresser. You are also hiding a secret relationship with a married man, which is also significant. He is cheating, too, with a married man - you.

You cannot diminish the reaction people have by arguing whether or not everyone should disclose their crossdressing to spouses and girlfriends. Although not telling a spouse that you wear a dress in private is deception, it does not match the betrayal that being unfaithful to them with someone might be.

Sorry to sound preachy, but your comments and attitude may be more negative than you realize. Maybe you should rethink if your continued relationship with your boyfriend is really so "special".

[LaurenS]

Sorry to hear your 'mellow is harshed', but I'm sure that the lyrical master Jay-Z has a cure for that too.

Rebecca

I think I would go to Taylor Swift for that... "Haters gonna hate, hate, hate..." ;)

Opinions may the norm (which I believe the world is what you make of it), but if you are correct in that windycissy wasn't expecting or requesting support, perhaps she wasn't expecting or requesting judgement and meanness either.

Oh by the way: http://www.juliusbailey.com/book-three.html

Not classic, but modern/pop philosophy.

This is only my opinion, however. :)

Your points are noted.

[char GG]

this has made me question how foolish I've become.

You said it yourself!
:brolleyes:

[Krisi]

Wow, this thread has really taken a left turn! I think the risk of your wife finding pictures of you dressed as a woman pales compared to the risk of her finding out that you are gay and having an affair with a man.

On the one hand, it's none of my business but on the other hand it does reinforce the common notion that crossdressers are gay. In that sense, it is my business. I'm just glad my wife doesn't read this forum.

In my opinion, it is time for you to step back and consider where your life is headed and the potential consequences of what you are doing.

[Jaylyn]

I not a Judgemental person of anyone but try and live the golden rule. I feel that a cd should be up front with the wife. I also feel the wife has a fifty percent say in the relationship as well. I told my wife about my feelings for cd and she cried tears of joy because I trusted her enough to let her in on my deepest secret. I feel love is having no deep secrets from each other. We were teens when we married and we will ( already are ) in our last years of life. We both want to live to be a hundred and strive to keep drama out of our lives. Lying, cheating, deceit, causes stress in a relationship. We just don't do that to each other. By telling each other everything we have fell deeper in love daily. Using my own life a an example and I know every marriage has ups and downs but you my friend are creating some deep strife that will be very hard to overcome for yourself and especially your wife. Just how far that you let it go is only digging a deeper pit you'll have to one day crawl out of. A broken trust is one that is the hardest to overcome in marriage. Just as we feel the need to CD, you may feel the need to be gay. Both could be very deceitful if you and your spouse are not in alignment with what is going on. I have nothing to hide except her Christmas and birthday presents and there fore can lay down and sleep every night with a clear conscience and a happy heart with my wife at my side. Why would you want to jeopardize your marriage or waste her marriage to you when you admit that it is fun or an adventure to try and hide your feelings from the one you should be closest to? Just my opinion and I know it's worth nothing but that's how I feel about what is happening from your writing here.

[Meghan4now]

Ok.

Windy has gotten an earful, and I think members have expressed their concerns with how this post may look to spouses that are concerned about CDing, cheating and the whole "is he gay" issue. At this point Windy will make her choices and is probably more aware of the consequences of her actions than before. I doubt that any more piling on is going to benefit Windy, and may even have a less beneficial effect.

There were some good questions raised here, but I feel that any further discussion here is flogging a dead horse. Hopefully, with Windy's concurrence, the moderators will close this thread. Any lingering questions probably deserve their own thread.

[MelanieAnne]

when my SO surprised me and saw them! “Who is that woman?” she demanded as I hurriedly closed them.

Congradulations! You definitely passed.:D