Beth-Lock
09-15-2015, 08:40 PM
Other threads have considered, 1) how we are not supported in a kind way by society, even lacking basics like trans medical/health services and securing our personal safety, and 2) how other individuals treat us badly, at work, at home, and around town.
The one topic not thoroughly discussed, is, the third kind of problems, how the problems of our transition and our own psychological difficulties that are natural and unavoidable, make us hard for others to deal with, for example in how hypersensitive we can be, during at least a long part of our transition. The good news is that eventually, most seem to get over that phase, making their own peace with their transition and the end point we have reached, perhaps not being perfect, or resulting in a good looking, popular, and all round perfect woman, the way we imagine a woman can be in her prime -- but something that is okay anyway. .
I am not saying it is our fault. I am not saying we can stop being temperamental, and should never make an issue out of it when we are accidentally, (and hurtfully), misgendered, and so on. But if we understand what is going on, maybe we can relax a bit. As well, we can analyse how our hot buttons being in unexpected places where they are not found in most other people, cis folks, can complicate our adjustment, and all this must be taken into account. We are by our nature, as trans, likely going to be very sensitive for a while. If we understand that we may feel better, even if we cannot do anything about it.
But, where this becomes crucial, is in trans support groups. It may be the reason those groups may never grow to a size where we shall need to be taken seriously by those in power, as pressure groups, and as the conscience of the larger community on trans matters.
I have noticed how some trans, after a good length of time after GCS/SRS, settle down and become comfortable with who they are, of maintaining some pastimes from their male life, of their contradictory nature in being ex-men, and dressing in a party dress for a special party, but more casually most of the rest of the time. They seem to find some peace from the demons that assault us, and these have assaulted us, just in the middle of the time when we have most hope, in the early part of our transition. We must not jump to the conclusion that because we find these things, the misgendering, the long looks that seem hostile, intolerable to bear, early in our transition,but we will later take them more philosophically.
When others treat them poorly in public or when other trans might feel self-conscious, they just say, "That is me. That is just the way I am." And they imply that it is the natural expression of the state we have reached, after transition, and they are not going to try and change because it is just, okay right now, and forever, if need be, without our changing much.
Footnote: GCS = Gender Confirmation Surgery
The one topic not thoroughly discussed, is, the third kind of problems, how the problems of our transition and our own psychological difficulties that are natural and unavoidable, make us hard for others to deal with, for example in how hypersensitive we can be, during at least a long part of our transition. The good news is that eventually, most seem to get over that phase, making their own peace with their transition and the end point we have reached, perhaps not being perfect, or resulting in a good looking, popular, and all round perfect woman, the way we imagine a woman can be in her prime -- but something that is okay anyway. .
I am not saying it is our fault. I am not saying we can stop being temperamental, and should never make an issue out of it when we are accidentally, (and hurtfully), misgendered, and so on. But if we understand what is going on, maybe we can relax a bit. As well, we can analyse how our hot buttons being in unexpected places where they are not found in most other people, cis folks, can complicate our adjustment, and all this must be taken into account. We are by our nature, as trans, likely going to be very sensitive for a while. If we understand that we may feel better, even if we cannot do anything about it.
But, where this becomes crucial, is in trans support groups. It may be the reason those groups may never grow to a size where we shall need to be taken seriously by those in power, as pressure groups, and as the conscience of the larger community on trans matters.
I have noticed how some trans, after a good length of time after GCS/SRS, settle down and become comfortable with who they are, of maintaining some pastimes from their male life, of their contradictory nature in being ex-men, and dressing in a party dress for a special party, but more casually most of the rest of the time. They seem to find some peace from the demons that assault us, and these have assaulted us, just in the middle of the time when we have most hope, in the early part of our transition. We must not jump to the conclusion that because we find these things, the misgendering, the long looks that seem hostile, intolerable to bear, early in our transition,but we will later take them more philosophically.
When others treat them poorly in public or when other trans might feel self-conscious, they just say, "That is me. That is just the way I am." And they imply that it is the natural expression of the state we have reached, after transition, and they are not going to try and change because it is just, okay right now, and forever, if need be, without our changing much.
Footnote: GCS = Gender Confirmation Surgery