Team? What's a team? (TS responses only)

[LeaP]

All the discussion of teams and leagues had me wondering this morning why the concept of team resonates so poorly among transsexuals. As advocated, it applies to common goals and efforts toward trans support and politics. That sounds like a Good Thing.

I wonder, though, if in arguing all around the topic about definitions, team composition, leadership, etc. that we are missing a more fundamental point. I question whether there is some about the condition itself that leads us to reject certain types of affiliation.

I'm tempted to answer yes on two bases - projecting my own (loner) experience, but also on speculation of common alienation issues. Yet many of us freely, happily affiliate for family and marriage, actual teams (e.g., sports), charity, religion, and recreation. Some are outgoing and social. Some function well in complex organizations and even ad-hoc task forces and temporary teams.

But transexual organizations? Not so much. It's not common identity - whether considered as trans or female (MTF), identity is strong (as I would expect), noting that team affiliation is foreign even when limited to transsexuals or further limited to transition and transitory status. There's no lack of issues to address. There's no lack of potential leadership, as there are scads of brilliant and capable trans people. There is desire to help and support. In short, a good mix of the criteria that make for a solid organization. And there isn't one. Personally, I don't expect one, have no desire to belong to one and would likely reject any association with one. Interesting, isn't it?

No Team Trans ... Is there an underlying reason?

[arbon]

being trans gets old and most who transition just want to get on with a more normal life

[LeaP]

Yes, but there is no organization even when trans people are engaged! I understand moving on ... but that's a reason people would *stop* participating. It doesn't prevent it.

[stefan37]

I never thought of having this condition and belonging to a team.

[Badtranny]

Well, I've never been much of a 'joiner'.

I chalk that up to a lifetime of self imposed isolation (a TS hallmark)

The problem with Trans Organizations that I've found is that they are waaaaaaay too inclusive. For example, there is a Trans Employment group that I investigated because at the time I wanted to mentor young professionals (before my career imploded) but it isn't that kind of group. I went to a couple of meetings and there were people there who were pretty clearly not transitioned. I would hand someone a business card, and they would laugh and say "my real name is".

Here I was thinking that it was a group of Professional Trans people, and there are a LOT of us here in the Bay, but instead it was more like a social club and that was fine, just not what I hoped it was.

I've also joined a couple of Trans Orgs on LinkedIn, stupidly hoping that it might be a good way to network with Trans men and women professionally, but nope. What you get are posts and pics of CD's in their best "office girl" outfit.

I would love to be a member of an organization for Trans Men and Women, so we could network, support each other with business and mentor the young ones, but I don't think it exists.

[becky77]

Go over to the CD section and some people call it a 'Gift'!
To me it's a curse, who wants to be TS?? Let alone join a TS club, why would I want to be part of a group that constantly reminds me of what's wrong with me?

I want normal, Trans clubs aren't normal.

I'm a team player but not this team!

Meeting other Trans is like having a mirror held up, I have way too many self-esteem issues to cope with that.

I'm happy to be in contact with the serious people, but as Melissa said whenever you find a group they are typically in the closet, therefore it won't work.

It's about shared experience and those of us full-time don't need a group to live our life. I simply don't want to talk about Trans or gender stuff all the time.

When I did make an effort to meet people, I found once you talk the trans stuff to death you are just two strangers with no other shared interests.

[Angela Campbell]

I have been to groups in the past and although the main goal is either support or sometimes social, they always seem to be so inclusive that few have much in common with each other.

Being a transexual and transitioning is something most of us do after a long time of keeping secrets. Some to the point of isolation. Not the best candidates for a team. Most I have known joined groups at first then shortly after transition lose interest or are kinda set aside by other members.

If we were a team, we are playing something like bowling where we concentrate on our own scorecard, and yah shoes are involved.

[Lorileah]

Fascinating. I never really thought of the "team" as a group like a bowling league. When i think of being on the TS team I think of the big picture and how I can help those on the path and those that will soon be on the path. I think of the group as working toward the important things like rights and insurance and keeping homes and jobs. But we know how hard it is to be trans and we, at least I, should make the path smoother. I want those around me in this "tribe" to know they aren't alone. You all know what being alone is because most of you have said that was your life. So you want to perpetuate the loneliness or you want those who are on the same ride as you to suffer like you did?

I don't get why we shouldn't help others and that may look like a team but really is a community. If it wasn't for those who went ahead of me my insurance wouldn't cover GRS now. As it stands other insurance providers offer MORE than mine does and some offer a lot less. Why shouldn't this team try and even that playing field?

Yeah we complain, but if we all are on the same page, we can work out those complaints. Then we can get around to discussing what style or color of panties you wear. Because THIS is serious. This isn't the make believe world of dress up.

There are many who were here and a few who still are who helped me get to where I am today (BT...;)) and there are several here who I felt have tried to throw up barriers for others. I don't get it...I don't want people to work as hard or have the same obstacles. I want other TSs to spend more time being happy and less time worrying how to get there. But that's me. So yeah, call it a team. Call it a community. Call it a life. Life is too damn short to have to fight for every inch you get. Gong back to the team analogy...isn't it easier if someone is blocking or opening the way?

My path is getting near the end I hope. Will I fade into the woodwork with 2,37 children and a minivan and NEVER be spotted as a Trans again? Nope. But maybe those behind me won't have that same issue. No I am not a Pollyanna. I know that every minority has been through this and no I don't think they live without people thinking "There goes a...."everyday. But doesn't stop me from trying to make it better

[Kimberly Kael]

To most there's no positive connotation to being trans. We've been inundated with social conditioning to consider transgender individuals undesirables, and this has a lot of unfortunate long-term effects. Some find it difficult to socialize effectively and wind up being outsiders from a relatively early age, which seems to be even more common for those who were rejected by their families. This just serves to reinforce the perception that being trans is something no sane person would choose or associate themselves with.

It takes a long time for many of us to accept who we are, and some do so only by distancing themselves from the negative connotations. That's the fairly predictable "I'm not one of them" response. There's also a simple truth that we don't necessarily have much more in common than the one quirk of gender identity. I may be blonde but I don't feel strong kinship with other blondes. So there's that. In the same way being trans isn't a defining characteristic for me. Both just happen to be true, and it's not like I go out of my way to deny either fact but I can't deny the nagging feeling that one is much less positive than the other. The difference between the two characteristics is the attached stigma. This is where I feel it's a shame that people distance themselves and assert that they don't have any feeling of community. We would all benefit from working toward reducing the negativity that affects us rather than fooling ourselves into believing that it doesn't apply for some reason.

I choose to focus on the ways I have benefitted from increased awareness of gender issues in society because of the path I've lived. No, it isn't all sunshine and roses but it has certainly made me a more empathic human being, and for that I am thankful.

[LeaP]

I'll confess to being pretty jaded about the idea of "team." It is something that is used to manipulate employees in large companies all the time. "We're a TEAM," the exec says, looking each person around the room squarely in the eye. ... And we're going to win! We're in it together!" And the employees roll their eyes and think, "here we go again - please drop the BS and just tell me what you want." When the teamwork is done, everyone gets a tchotchke with the company logo and some pizza. The exec gets an extra $50k bonus and options. Then fires the team because, after all, the game is over.

[Kate T]

Interesting indeed.

Lets face facts, most of us by definition have never really been team players. It seems to be almost a cardinal signalment that a TS would "never quite fit in". When we do "fit in" it is almost because we do it consciously and deliberately, at least that was the case with me. So maybe we just never ever learnt how to deep down feel like we belonged anywhere?

The other problem is that we are all so individual, often high achievers, and often a personality type that has basically said screw it, I'm going to do it the way I want, not the way team society wants. I don't even like the term Transexual. But that's just me personally. And I'm not even sure if Team TS wants me to play with them. I mean yes I am on hormones, we are now coming out to our local community and yes I will live full time as a woman blah blah blah, but I have no intention to have any type of surgery. So do I get to play with the "cool" girls? I don't know. Don't get me wrong please, I have absolute respect for those who do need to pursue surgery and I understand why they feel the need for it, I just struggle with empathising, I have no real personal frame of reference for understanding that need. Is that empathy needed to create a really strong team? or is understanding and a common goal enough. Saying that I'm not even sure what our common goal is. Acceptance as binary gendered men and women, acceptance as gender variant, it is really unclear to me so goodness knows it must be pretty hard for Joe Public to work out what the hell our goal is.

Maybe we need to stop trying to even be a "team" and just be who we are and perhaps something will evolve??

[Angela Campbell]

I've been known to run with scissors too.

[STACY B]

No,,No,,No Team for me,,lol,,, This whole deal is more of a very inclusive for the simple fact of Most People that this Trans movement that we are in doesn't pertain to them they could care less and for the most part would LOVE it to just go away and never be seen or heard of or from again. We are all pioneers in this deal and most likely will never live to ever see it through to the end we all would like.
We have to eek our way through this whole deal as quiet as we can so we can salvage some kind of life after Transition. That's why you very seldom see those with somewhat good transitions never to return here unless they have a problem. Hey,,Hey,, Don't Kill the messenger ,,, The stats speak for themselves. Just saying,,,

But the whole Team deal is a Gumbo of different people with all different types of Goals in mind and all different ways to get there or where ever they want to go ,, We all are not going to the same place so we just have a few thing in common and can never get together for one common goal because everyone's goal s are not the same.

[Suzanne F]

Do all gay and lesbian people agree on everything? Hell no. But they did band together politically to fight for basic human rights. No I do not agree with many things people say here. However, I am going to do my best to fight for our right to live and for medical care for us. I lost an appeal yesterday with my insurance company for required genital area electrolysis for SRS. I would love to join a professional trans group so that we could help each other with employment. That is just my opinion and I certainly understand if someone wants no association with anyhing trans. I am just tired of feeling like it is wrong. I just can't handle looking at it that way anymore.
Suzanne

[PretzelGirl]

I don't like it to be looked at as a team. Team implies competition. I do like community better as it implies coming together for the common good. There will always be differences in how we deal with this as we transition and after we have completed our efforts. Some go stealth and some stay visible. So the ones that stay visible stay in the community and those that are stealth effectively move out. That is okay as life is to be lived as each of us see fit. And how we proceed may impact our view of what the community can be.

I know I don't see eye to eye with everyone here as I reach my arms out wider when considering inclusion. That is okay. It is a by product of the life I am choosing right now where I am going out to help others and everyone will have their own view. In that, I can't stop and say that I won't help someone because they didn't do XXXX. So the result is my view has a greater inclusive nature.

Like Lori, I also have this sense of giving back. I had many benefits in my transition that are because of those that came before me, especially including the advice here. I hope that my efforts can make it easier for the next person.

[Leah Lynn]

I, too, identify as a loner. I don't like being in tight knit groups, preferring casual settings where one is free to come and go, and come back again. Free to give one's 2 cents on any subject, and others are free to comment on it as they see fit. Yeah, kind of like this forum. No oath to the group, no monetary dues are paid, albeit we have definitely "paid our dues" to be here. Some not so much; some have paid heavily and dearly. Yet we all have something to offer and something to gain from the group. Sometimes it's just nice to know that we aren't the only one out here trying to get through this.

This is not my team. No requirements of attendance or performance. I show up when I desire and often offer nothing, but I'm still a part of this. Just my 2 cents.

And I love this place.

Leah

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Interesting indeed.

Lets face facts, most of us by definition have never really been team players. It seems to be almost a cardinal signalment that a TS would "never quite fit in". When we do "fit in" it is almost because we do it consciously and deliberately, at least that was the case with me. So maybe we just never ever learnt how to deep down feel like we belonged anywhere?

The other problem is that we are all so individual, often high achievers, and often a personality type that has basically said screw it, I'm going to do it the way I want, not the way team society wants. I don't even like the term Transexual. But that's just me personally. And I'm not even sure if Team TS wants me to play with them. I mean yes I am on hormones, we are now coming out to our local community and yes I will live full time as a woman blah blah blah, but I have no intention to have any type of surgery. So do I get to play with the "cool" girls? I don't know. Don't get me wrong please, I have absolute respect for those who do need to pursue surgery and I understand why they feel the need for it, I just struggle with empathising, I have no real personal frame of reference for understanding that need. Is that empathy needed to create a really strong team? or is understanding and a common goal enough. Saying that I'm not even sure what our common goal is. Acceptance as binary gendered men and women, acceptance as gender variant, it is really unclear to me so goodness knows it must be pretty hard for Joe Public to work out what the hell our goal is.

Maybe we need to stop trying to even be a "team" and just be who we are and perhaps something will evolve??

you sound like me... we argue all the time but this is mostly consistent with my point of view... we need to stop TRYING SO HARD!!!!!!!!!! to be the same or to be on the same team...we don't really have common goals except to be accepted for ourselves...and of course we are all different!!!!

one thing i especially don't like is being told what to do
i spent my whole #@(@(#* life NOT being me.... in effect, i NEVER could do what i wanted... i couldn't even talk to people about it...i never said the words about myself outloud until i was in my 40's!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a high achiever, i get what i want, i worked incredibly hard...
So forgive me if now that i'm "realized" i don't like it when other people tell me what i am or what i did means i'm this or that...

Once i allowed myself to accept my ts nature, i did it MY WAY...i resisted help even tho some great people forced their helpfulness on me...

fwiw, i have respect for every single transsexual that goes through it...even if they don't transition...i know how hard GD is....if i was willing to be on any team it would b e the BEAT GD team...
I have a great deal of empathy for people with this condition and i strongly feel that my experience can help other people understand what's possible and give people ideas about what options they have and what kind of thoughts are most likely to improve their quality of life...

[LeaP]

I also detest being told what to do. I'll push back even if it against my better interests. Rather than being loners, perhaps the a better way to describe the characteristic is intense individualism. What could *possibly* be a better example of this than transition itself? And pre-transition ... Won't take direction? How about can't - and shouldn't? To follow is to lose yourself further. And to lead as yourself is to expose yourself. Post-transition, perhaps when things get old, as Theresa says, how many are able - or even capable of playing the counselor, advocate, and organizer? And no-one will join anyway!

[Barbara Ella]

I think that people get on a "team" it is when they are completely comfortable with their situation and find others of a similar level that wish to band together for a specific cause. Teams are typically drawn from an extremely large general population. Trans people are a relatively small group to begin with. Very few of us in a given locale are at the same degree of comfort with our individual situation. We tend to be a very diverse group relative to our position in our individualized transition, moving at different speeds, with a variety of end goals. Even though we all are in this together, it is difficult to get a team from such a diverse group.