Depression :(

[meghana]

Hello! wonderful people,

I know it's been aeons since i posted anything here except some random pictures. This is some kind of an update on what's goin' on in my life.
It's been quite an extraordinary journey, i can't believe i made this far. I've always knew i was different from my childhood but i thought it'd all go away as i get older. I was wrong, things only got worse and complicated. The self discovery of being transgender was incredibly confusing to say the least. The constant feeling of gender dysphoria has pushed me into severe depression. The hardest part of depression is that you really feel lonely and makes you shut the world out. I lost most of my friends and i found it extremely difficult to cope up with it. I've never been so hopeless in my life that now i see no purpose in living it. Nothing interests me any more, even the things i loved the most. I've been living my life, constantly resisting the desire to end it.

It is scary and extremely complicated to take those hard-life-changing decisions. Call it cowardice, i chose a convenient choice of "Live for The Day". Hope one day, i muster the courage to get things that i always wanted.

Meg.

[Erica Marie]

It is so sad to hear of your struggle. But honestly I can totally relate. I wont admit it, but to a point I too am falling into a state of depression. Same thing, just lost the will to enjoy so many things that I used to. Funny how its so much easier to fall in to depression than out of it. But for all of us here please stay strong. One day, some how we both are gonna find that special place in life where we fit in. Trust me it will get better. I can see it around me how so many more people are understanding and accepting transgender.
Hold strong and remember we are all here for you :)

[Kelly DeWinter]

Run, don't walk to the nearest Doctor who understands and can treat depression. Find a close friend you can talk to , Depression is treatable, understanding the causes and taking steps to work through the cause bring healing. Kepp posting here.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Although we may be far away, you have many friends here. I dont have an answer for the pain you are going through, all I can say is you never know what the future will bring, change of circumstances is inevitable so please stay strong. Everything happens for a reason and eventually you will end up where you need to be. There are thousands of people struggling with the same hurts you feel so just know that you really arn't alone. You have many sisters here.

[Suzie Petersen]

Hi Meghana,

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Thats how you move forward even when it seems impossible.
Set yourself very small and very reachable goals, just little things you know will be a success. Doesnt have to be much at all. Every little completed task, or reached goal count on the positive side!
Bigger tasks to accomplish? Divide them up in small bites and handle them one at a time.

Life is a challenge for all of us. All that matters is what you do with the time that is given to you!

People here care about you! Dont forget that :-)

Hugs
Suzie

[Laura912]

A psychiatrist friend described depression as when the mind tries to eat itself. There are several forms, generally treatable but do require assistance from professionals experienced in the disease. You may require short or long term treatment, drugs or none but just supportive therapy. Please go get help. You would seek help for treating pneumonia and this is no different. We can support you, share your grief and happiness, and know in part the pathway along which you travel. Best.

[Robin414]

I'm not qualified to offer advice but I completely understand where you're at Meg! I wouldn't say I'm depressed per say but have lost interest in the things I used to enjoy. It gets better though! For your sake and all of your friends here if I have any advice I think you need to see a therapist ASAP though. Don't take that as negative, a two way conversation with someone who understands is no different than antibiotics for a throat infection!

[Genny B]

Coping with life can be so much easier with the right doctor! I don't know where i would be without my medication! Please, seek help!
Genny B

[ashleyjane15]

I feel your pain sweetie. I am battling with depression as well. But with the love and support of my SO and my doctor. (I know that sounds weird), I learned one very important thing. Nothing in this world is worth ending your life. It may seem that way at times but things do get better in time.

[carolynmartin]

Dear Meg,

I echo Kelly's sentiments. Please seek out a doctor knowledgeable about depression as soon as possible. I have had mild depression all my life, but nothing prepared me for the severe depression I have experienced starting three years ago. Suicidal thoughts grew so strong that I acted on them, but thank God I was not successful. With the right therapy and medications my depression has eventually eased, I find joy in life from time to time and suicidal thoughts are now as abhorrent to me as they were before I got ill. It sounds trite but this too shall pass, with medical help and support. Suicide, however, is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[Amanda M]

Sorry to hear what you are going through! I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from a course of anti-depressants and some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.

These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.

Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:
http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

Best wishes,
Amanda.

[Katey888]

Hey Meg,

You know you'll always get a sympathetic ear here - we understand! :hugs:

Carolyn got it right: Irreversible solution to temporary problem is not the way to go... there are positives in everything, however tenuous they may seem - you know this aspect of you now, try not to beat yourself up about it but find a way through... Find some help and others to share this with - there must be some local resources...?

Keep Calm & Carry On! :D

Katey x

[Raychel]

Having dealt with depression in the past, I sure do know where you are coming from.
I went to therapy for a while and it did help me get thru it. At my low point it was pretty bad.

I still get time, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, that it still hits me.

If you need an ear to listen, or a shoulder to lean on, feel free to PM me. :hugs::hugs:

[Maria 60]

Iam going to be alittle hard on you now but it's for your own good. WAKE UP! Take a step back and get it together. Life is a gift and when one is born healthy without any disability its even a bigger gift. We have one shot at life everyday passed is one less day to enjoy our gift. Iam not a religious person or any kind of dictator, I am a person who wakes up everyday and tries to find the positives in life and people. You've been down and out for a little while, instead of taking the easy way out and killing yourself, why not try to enjoy or see the positives of your life. you have to take it one hill at a time and soon you will climb the mountain and then the hill will be easy to climb. I hope your next post will be more positive and just take a step back and breath. I hope I wasn't to hard.

[CynthiaD]

Severe depression is a medical condition that needs to be treated by a medical professional. If you're losing all your friends, you've almost certainly gone beyond the stage where "adopting a positive attitude" will help you. See your doctor immediately.