Trying to understand TS [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Lorileah

09-19-2015, 09:04 PM

obvious you don't understand being a TS. Why do you think we do this for fun? Not doing it to avoid "issues"? Clearly you don't have any idea.

Is your question how does an avowed CD decide they are TS? Or do you think that there is a choice where you are on the scale? So many times here CDs complain that the Ts keep saying "you'll change your mind" when we all know we don't. You are what you are. Yes, some, including me, have had to grow into that position. Trust me, many TSs wish they didn't have the "issues" either, but we don't get to pick and choose. Sure we can hide or submerge any thoughts we have of becoming the person we are, but that rarely ends well. Someone gets hurt. Sometimes they even die.

I am very happy you love your male part and life. You should be happy in life then, yes? Personally my male life or part was a sham or something I wished didn't exist. Great, you don't want the issues, bravo. You evidently don't have to have them to be happy with your life.

Is it a new movement? a cause Du Jour? The new "thing to be"? If that's how you see it, I am truly sorry for you. Keeping it from the family? Really hard to do when you are transitioning. But you can by simply stepping into your phone booth and becoming "Joe Suburb"

] why put yourself thru it? I will gladly listen to your alternative idea because I would love to live a life with no issues

MelanieAnne

09-19-2015, 09:07 PM

I've been CDing all my life, but never considered transitioning. I don't know much about it, but I've done some reading. And it seems that they cannot help but cut some rather important nerves down there. I cannot imagine how it would feel waking up from the surgery, and feeling all numb down in the important parts. And then being told it is irreversible. Just my take on it.

Lorileah

09-19-2015, 09:09 PM

:facepalm: Please....have you not done ANY research on this? Where do you get your information?

I give up

MelanieAnne

09-19-2015, 09:10 PM

I don't see how they can avoid cutting some important nerves during the transition surgery. I cannot imagine the feeling waking up from the surgery and feeling numb down there, and being told it is irreversible.

Lorileah

09-19-2015, 09:32 PM

OK once again I ask...where did you get your information? You obviously haven't researched any of this.

OK, here goes. One, you don't lose anything but the erectile tissue and your testicles. We get to keep most of it. And surprise we are sensate! We have feeling. We can orgasm. We can feel contact.

It isn't irreversible. It may be difficult but it has been reversed. Not really much different that a Female to Male Transsexual would be. Name the important nerves...please. Because if the surgeon cuts those I wanna know about it. The femoral nerve? The sciatic nerve? Sorta not the plan.

You have a whole site here with all the information you could ever use if you would just search. The site doesn't just cater to the crossdressers.

You don't want GRS (SRS) AWESOME, you don't need to get it. It isn't castration. It doesn't leave a "giant hole" like I was told yesterday by someone who has no idea.

Contrary to popular belief we don't have a quota to change men into women....well not after you get 5 anyway. We aren't contagious. The clothes aren't magic and make you a fairy tale princess.

If you are a fetish dresser, bless you, have fun, enjoy your kink and please be safe. If you are androgynous, swell blend into the crowd and have fun. If you are a crossdresser, terrific, wear the dress, shave your legs (or don't), pretend that you're a woman for an hour then go back to what you were doing. We support you. But please, don't wonder why we aren't like you. We don't wonder why you don't jump on the HRT bandwagon. Although we may question why you would think it would be a lark. If you love your boy part then by all means enjoy it!

Let me try and explain this again. Transsexuals don't do this for fun, we do this to survive and be who we are. We don't miss our boy parts because we still get to keep most of them. We don't end up eunuchs. We have known most of our lives who we are and we are just heading in that direction. Unfortunately up until a very few years ago we were considered mentally ill. If you aren't a TS but you like dressing, that is marvelous. But don't think we chose to be who we are and we certainly didn't chose to be what we are. On this railroad, you don't have to go the same station I am going to.

Please, do a search or read the Transsexual boards. Read about GRS on the web. Watch videos if need be. You don't have to join our club. But rush is next week so...

Rachael Leigh

09-19-2015, 09:41 PM

Lorieah I really appreciate your perspective and yes that's why I am asking, as I said for me I have enough issues trying to figure out why I enjoy women's clothes and presenting as a women in public.
As I said I do admire those who have made what must be a very difficult decision. I'm just trying to understand as the title says

Slipstream

09-19-2015, 09:52 PM

I can understand that there are those who truly believe that they are a woman in a man's body. I dress because it's something I enjoy in my downtime and thank God I have an accepting wife. Hence, no drama. The group I don't understand are those want to crossdress 24/7 but have no interest in transitioning. To me, dressing 24/7 would slowly erode the enjoyment of "enjoying In Moderation". I'm not trying to badmouth anyone but we are all at least a little different here. Some find it better to post on a forum than to research. No need to be harsh with the OP who is just trying to understand.

Lorileah

09-19-2015, 10:03 PM

Slip,why do you need to understand what others do? I don't agree with surgery or hormones just because someone thinks it would be a kick, but I am not going to try and analyze why they think that way, when I don't even know why anyones thinks the way they do.

I admire those who admit this but with all the pitfalls of going thru process why put yourself thru it? sort brings up the idea that we TSs make a conscious decision no? That we could, or should, just dress and be happy about it. The response to research was in regard to the false and misleading information about the surgery, not the OP.

TrishaLake

09-19-2015, 10:10 PM

I think everyone is different while I "stay" a CD it is by choice and life decision.Someone who transition, that is the path for them and I admire it. The best part of this country and being a human is choice....and hopefully with more acceptance we should all be able to choose who we are. I think yeah of us, knows inside who and what we are...getting there is at the hard part.

Slipstream

09-19-2015, 10:13 PM

I don't need to, but since we're all here in the same place, I don't see any problem with wanting to try. I'm sure that most do not understand themselves. I don't really know why I like to dress, but I do have opinions on why.

Robin414

09-19-2015, 10:24 PM

Not trying to throw another log on the fire but from the perspective of a 'tween' (more than CD but not TG), it's NOT a choice, it's how you were literally conceived! Not like you were given a checklist to fill out before your parents did the deed...OK, I wanna be full on boy, dark hair, blue eyes, etc, etc. As Lorileah suggests, do some research on the topic, it can get pretty technical at times but in the end it just plain comes down to bio-physics...laws of society are mere recommendations, but laws of physics, EVERYONE obeys those!

Mark/Rebecca

09-19-2015, 10:32 PM

Personally my male life or part was a sham or something I wished didn't exist
This brings us back to the question, Did you always know? Were you unhappy about identifying as male for most of your life? I can only understand how it relates to me, and I am happy as a male, but cherish my fem side. However when god was handing out gender markers at conception, I possibly would've spoken up and said "I am not sure but I may be in the wrong line"

PretzelGirl

09-19-2015, 10:38 PM

Leigh, the difference is that we are driven by a level of dysphoria that makes it something we must do. Everyone has variations to their stories as we all feel a little different. But we reach a point where it is time to change our lives to match our external sense of self to how we feel inside. It is a difficult decision for many, which can make it drag on in years. But there is a point where some can no longer go on. I have had two friends take their lives. It is a common story and extremely sad. Then there are some like me where the path is one of discovery and once I was certain of my identity, I transitioned to achieve the greatest happiness. It wasn't a negative event for me, although there is stress in the transition process. So the difference between us and you deciding that you can't do 24/7 is that we are women and I suspect you have some mix of feelings where there is male and female times. You would have to tell me if that is true.

Another difference is when you have an internal sense of being female and transition, it is about just being you and not about the clothing. For some, maybe all, that identify as crossdressers, it is about the clothing and not the internal sense. Again, it is your story, so you would have to say how you feel.

Robin414

09-19-2015, 10:38 PM

I don't doubt that "biolologically ntersex" is more common and more subtle than we currently know...I've always identified as 'male' but I've come to realize I've had to fight hard to be one...lately I think I'm losing the fight...and honestly in hind sight I guess I saw i coming....and funny thing is...I don't mind!

PretzelGirl

09-19-2015, 10:47 PM

Mark/Rebecca, the "did you always know" question is one that gets different answers. I knew I was different and bullied for it, so I stuffed my personality and didn't try and figure it out. At least not until my forties. There are others that say they knew at a young age. I recently was at a presentation by a doctor that studies LGBT children and she stated our sense of gender starts at age 3 and our sense of sexual orientation at 7. But for me I sensed something, but I didn't equate it until much later.

Robin, I don't see the context of your Intersex comment. But it is not all that uncommon. Between realizing there are more external conditions that qualify as Intersex and that there are chromosonal and others unseen conditions like Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, the numbers are getting higher. I am Intersex. It is interesting as I have a friend that was leading a transgender support group and she discussed Intersex and said she had never met someone who was Intersex. I just spoke up and said "One". A month later she knew four. It just isn't something that is talked about as much.

Lorileah

09-20-2015, 12:13 AM

did I always "know" well that depends on your definition of "always" I remember at age 4 asking why the doctors made me a boy (actually I asked why they sewed me closed). Did I hate my life? No, but I worked hard to be what people wanted me to be even if I was uncomfortable doing it. Hating life would have probably led to a very bad outcome. You do a lot of things to just survive.

Kate T

09-20-2015, 01:24 AM

Look, it's not about bits or dresses or anything like that.

The best I can explain it is that for some people, their soul / anima / essence whatever you want to call it doesn't match up with either their biological or social sex and gender. For those people, once they can align their social and biological perspective in the world with their soul they are much happier. For some, that involves social transitioning (almost all TS want to socially transition otherwise as you say, what is the point), for some hormones, for some surgery, for many all three. There are as many pathways as there are individuals. The one thing in common we have is we all have at the base core of our being a sense of being female.

As to did you always know, denial and survival are powerful motivators. Did I always feel not like every other child. Absolutely. Was I happy as a male, friend, husband, father. Yes. BUT it always felt like I had to deliberately and consciously make myself be a father, male friend, male member of society. Personally yes I explored CD to see if it fit. It helped but still I felt like I was constructing a male persona to deal with the rest of the world. I tried gender fluid and androgynous as well, and still neither fit. Finally I tried female, and it fits, I feel now like I am complete, I don't have to construct a persona just to deal with the world and make the world happy, I can just be me.

Help?

Oh, and Lori, whilst having had her cranky pills today (it's ok Lori, I still love you :p)is right. Have a look at the threads in the TS boards, try really reading them and trying to understand what members there are saying, because it is a little bit insulting when people reduce it down to a crude "you want to gët your bit's cut off to look good in a skirt?!". There is SO MUCH more to it than that.

sometimes_miss

09-20-2015, 03:33 AM

Leigh, the difference is that we are driven by a level of dysphoria that makes it something we must do.
And another thing to remember, is that the level of discomfort felt can vary greatly from individual to individual. Some feel so uncomfortable living as their birth sex that they are nearly completely unable to function in society. Others just need to crossdress once a week or so to relieve the stress of having to behave as a normal guy/girl so much of the time. You have transsexuals who live out their lives as their birth sex. And others who attempt/or succeed at suicide as a child because they can't stand the idea of another day as the wrong sex.

PaulaQ

09-20-2015, 04:10 AM

Some answers.
1. Why transition, go fulltime? Because at the time I started, death was preferable to one more day as a man. I'd attempted suicide already. I hated my life, my face, my body - I hated being a man. Because I wasn't a man. I have the mind of a woman. I never understood the boys I was forced to be around growing up.

2. But, but, but - your DICK?!? Why lose that??? OMG, what if you can't enjoy sex? I hated that goddamned thing between my legs my whole life. I noticed I was different than my sister when I was a tiny kid, and didn't like it! I hated never having a period. I hated USING that thing for sex - I avoided it as much as possible. Stupid straight girls liked it though.

I just underwent GRS "The Surgery" because I was tired of continual, revolting nightmares involving unspeakably horrible monsters, all of whom were somehow really my penis. I simply couldn't take that alien thing growing out of my body.

Its too soon to know how sex will work for me, although judging from the pain down there, I must have a bunch of nerves wired up. Ouch!!!!

3. Did I always know? I hate this question. You know who always knows their gender with certainty from birth? Cisgender people, I.e. non-transgender people. Their minds and bodies align.

For the rest of us, this is confusing very often. Nobody handed me "The little golden book of gender: Paula has a Peepee!" Nobody explained I could have a dick but feel like a girl. And when combined with years of hiding this to preserve my life, this was all pretty hard to deal with psychologically. Because its really hard to accept that everyone you knowis wrong.

Sandra

09-20-2015, 05:05 AM

Why ask this in the MtF section where 99% of the MtF know nothing about being a TS...this would have been better in the TS section where those that are going/have gone through it all, and where you'd get proper answers and not answers just plucked from thin air.

Marcelle

09-20-2015, 05:40 AM

Hi Leigh,

I am going to assume I was one of the posts you were referring in my revelation that I am indeed TS. Yes, I started here as a self-proclaimed CDer enjoying the clothes, but still all guy beneath. Perhaps in a way I believed it because that is what I was doing for the past thirty plus years. As I noted in my thread, I dressed complete for the first time when I was 17 during my first year in the military, I recall it was both heaven and hell. Hell in the sense I felt utter shame and embarrassment . . . heck I was a guy, dude, soldier and here I was mincing around in a short dress and make-up and liking it. Long story short, suppressed it under a façade of uber macho military and never dressed again for 31 years. As my therapist and I discussed it is likely I was TS from the start but used this "macho guy façade" to suppress the female side of me and while it worked somewhat the core identity could not be controlled (to coin a phrase . . . the heart wants what the heart wants :)). This resulted in a complete emotional implosion and reaching a very dark place in my life two years ago when I migrated here with my first introduction post. I was still confused and while I had accepted I like to wear women's clothing it is probable that I was using the "I like dresses but I am all guy below" much the same way I used my military façade to suppress my core identity . . . literally I was not ready to let go. Two years of therapy have passed and many have seen the very quick progression from never going out to now working full time as a woman. I was never CD when I came here but just could not admit it. I have always been introspective and my therapist has given me the room and time to come to that decision on my own terms. Now, I have to move forward in the direction I need to move. I am a woman, always have been and my body (male) does not define me as such.

Have I always known? It is funny as my therapist and I discussed this quite early (past history and all). I do recall knowing from an early age I was not wired the same as the other boys and often questioned why I could not wear dresses like my sisters. My parents (well my mom) put it aptly one day when I was five and heading to school for the first time and wanting to wear a pretty yellow sundress of my older sister, "Sweetie, boys wear pants and girls wear pretty dresses. You are a boy not a girl" It seemed like an odd concept but she was my mom so surely she must know, so I donned jeans and a t-shirt and socialized boy although I still watched the girls play and wanted to desperately be with them. That feeling dissipated over time but came back during puberty when I began to notice girls (in that way :)) but it was not so much wanting to be with them (well that too :o) but wanting to socialize with them as they did with other girls.

. . . The group I don't understand are those want to crossdress 24/7 but have no interest in transitioning. To me, dressing 24/7 would slowly erode the enjoyment of "enjoying In Moderation". I'm not trying to badmouth anyone but we are all at least a little different here. Some find it better to post on a forum than to research. No need to be harsh with the OP who is just trying to understand.

Hi Slipstream,

I belong to this group to some extent but I will tack a rider on to this statement. I am a woman in a man's body but as of present I have no desire to alter my male physiology via chemicals or surgery to align my body and gender identity. I live about 90 percent of my life both social and professional as a woman but do present as a man on occasion when my wife and I go out with mutual friends. For people like me, you are assuming it is about dressing in pretty clothes, doing my nails and make-up and enjoying the feel of the wind under my skirt. It is not like that. Dressing in women's clothing is only a means to an end. I dress for the occasion . . . professionally it is mainly a military uniform (service skirt and shirt with business casual on Friday while on my own time is purely casual depending on what I am doing. While dressing in women's clothing helps to align my gender presentation, they are just clothes, nothing more. I get no more joy from wearing a skirt than I do when I wear my combat fatigues at work. Fatigues are just fatigues and a skirt is just a skirt. However, when I am going about my day irrespective of how I am dressed, the internalized feeling of joy stems from knowing I am living as I was meant to be. Do people see a woman when I am sitting on the bus next to them or interacting with them at work? Not likely as I am sure all they see is a dude in a dress and make-up. However, I really don't care who they see as I know in my heart I am a woman and that makes me smile . . . the clothing is just window dressing not the raison d'être.

Cheers

Isha

Donnagirl

09-20-2015, 06:06 AM

I can't add much to Isha's story above, sharing so much. I at first could not, would not accept who I really was. I hid in a military or law enforcement environment successfully hiding, suppressing, denying. But that only lasts so long. Yes my early thoughts and posts do show me claiming to be a CD. A normal, happy cross dresser with no want or need to do anything further. I slowly escaped the closet, dressed, ventured out, but...
Cue the big breakdown that precipitated counselling, therapy and psychological analysis... More memories surfaced, more realisations were made. It's a big call to accept that most of your life was lived in hiding, was not true to your self...
So, CD vs TS... I've often said explaining TS like trying to explain colours to the blind... I have no reference points... No standardised lexicon. No common experience... Unless you're TS, you can never understand TS. It's not a want to chop bits off, not a desire to do anything. I'm female, a girl. I'm starting to look like a girl, dress like a girl, be a girl. I did choose HRT because it helped to minimise the anger and mood swings GD, or my reactions to GD were causing.
So if you're CD, well you know your CD but, although to the uninitiated CD and TS may look similar, if you're a CD, that gives you zero insight into the psyche of a TS. And even though I'm TS, I cannot explain meaningfully why I have to do what I have to do...i just have to do it!!!

Bobbi46

09-20-2015, 06:18 AM

Reading the various threads on this subject I have no difficulty "In trying to understand", A friend I went to visit with the other evening in order to tell her I am CD turned out to be a vey fulfilling evening in many respects in that not only was I able to discuss how I felt but I also found out that she started out life as man and realised that that she was a woman trapped in a mans body after marriage and then divorce she sort help and after a long process underwent gender change after therapy sessions and doctors visits. I realised that she had gone through life with quite a burden on her shoulders until she finally came to realise what had to be done. I also learnt about the way she felt about her new gender identity and how it also mirrored my own need for a different identity in that over a period of time I like her came to realise what I had to do in my case I wanted to be a cd but in her case she realised that she had to change gender. Having been with her and spoken about both sides of the fence I came to feel a real understanding of how, what and why we are what we are.
This meeting gave me a whole new insight in life in general and gave such a big understanding of all the various differences we have in general.

docrobbysherry

09-20-2015, 07:04 AM

Leigh, I came out here 8 years ago. And naively thot everyone had as much fun dressing as I did. Then, the TS,s slapped me around until I understood something of what it had been like for them. Not any fun at all.

One thing that stood out for me is that felt they were women. Since I have never been a woman and only began the desire late in life, I tried to find out what feeling like a female felt like? I guess I'll never know? Maybe others r in the same boat as me.

Katey888

09-20-2015, 07:55 AM

Leigh - well done for being prepared to ask and then being prepared to listen in an effort to understand... :clap:

Lori - well done for not giving up... :cheer:

The TS forum is there to be read by all who are prepared to broaden their understanding... 'nuff said on this subject.

Katey x

AbigailJordan

09-20-2015, 08:22 AM

I think it's like every other progression. Many of us feel happy in the clothes and the makeup.. some want to go further.. a few even fool themselves and others that they have enough even though secretly they don't. It's all part of trying to deal with something "abnormal" according to society.

Perhaps it's the case that the increased public exposure that TS have had recently that gives a few the courage to stand up and admit "no, actually, I DO want to transition, I've just been fighting it". Everyone needs to find their level.

I once posted on here saying that in a perfect world I would be able to go out wearing whatever I wanted, and not have to worry about passing or trying to blend in just so that I could wear my fave clothes. Even I wondered at the time if that was actually true, I wondered if, I woke up one day and everyone knew about me, it would be enough to just keep wearing or if I'd still want more. Well, it happened, I outed myself a few months ago because I was aware that the news was already travelling fast around town. In the first few weeks after this, I dressed en femme once a week, enjoying my new freedom. I also started to push the boundary of my "male wardrobe" with items from Abi's, to the point of going to the shop wearing skinny jeans, low v-cut top with open back and longline cardigan with cute quilted flats and dangly earrings (still in male mode), and can now go to the store wearing just about anything (I save the dresses for Abi of course). And I've found that my desire to fully dress (and go through all the "hassle" of it) has waned somewhat. I haven't been fully dressed for about a month now.. mostly due to work keeping me busy, but the pink fog just hasn't descended as I thought it might.

It all depends on our own personal level of comfort and desire, only when we reach that level will each of us find that happiness in ourselves that we crave so badly.

PretzelGirl

09-20-2015, 09:12 AM

I want to re-emphasize to not conflate dressing up at any interval with being transexual. Again, being transexual is about your inner sense of self. Presenting publicly may give relief, but it isn't certain and in everything I have seen, is not 100% effective, just a counter measure that works for some people. For some, it does nothing and they don't try to present differently, they just transition. At some level, and it is an individual thing on what works, you just have to be you, no hiding or repressing. I could go out naked and be transitioned and be myself (brain bleach on sale for $9.99 a gallon).

So you have to differentiate between those that are somewhere on the spectrum with mixed male/female feelings and those that are 100% female. I know someone that identifies as gender fluid but transitioned from male to female as they felt their presentation leaned more female, so it would be easier for social integration. The presenting as female began to create anxiety because she was not being herself. You really need to be yourself, no matter what your feelings are. So transition to living life as a woman is only for those that feel that they have that complete internal sense of self that matches that presentation. Otherwise, it can cause issues.

Rogina B

09-20-2015, 10:28 AM

I started socially transitioning 11 years ago when I returned from South America..I decided to make a fresh start and live life my way. There is nothing that prevents a person from living true to their inner self if they have the desire and strength to do so. Having a thick skin and an attitude to match it helps. I believe that humans are social creatures and I want to live that way. Acceptance and inclusion can happen easily when you surround yourself with people that get it. There are others on here that live life on their own terms as well.

AbigailJordan

09-20-2015, 10:46 AM

Sue got it pretty much right. Just as there are a few CD's who are actually on the path to realising they wish to transition, there are many who knew from an early age and it manifested not as a desire to dress but a desire to change and become truly who they felt they were.

You will find that the stories of log term cd'ers deciding to transition is actually quite rare. For many it is merely a non binary gender issue where even as males, their feeling of femininity falls much further along the line. I think it's difficult for a lot of people to grasp that you can't use a single spectrum to encompass all of us. Imagine more if you will, a split spectrum, with "normal male" at one end.. (societies stereotype of a male that is), at that end, you start to get the "fetish" types as it were (again societies.. and it appears the view of some TS girls), the HPW's and stocking lovers etc.. Then the spectrum splits along the TS line and the none TS line.. the start of the former MAY be CD'ing, but it may not, the start of the latter is usually an increased CD'ing activity, so they may or may not run in tandem, but the further along the spectrum you go, the bigger the difference between a non transitioner and a true TS will become.

This is why it seems so unusual for a long term CD'er who stated she was happy with that to make the difficult leap across to the other path. As I said, some girls know from very early on.. some either aren't sure, or choose to avoid the possibilities.. the only thing for certain, if you are TS, then one day you will realise it and after that, nothing can really stop you from striving for that match between physical and emotional gender.

Rachael Leigh

09-20-2015, 10:51 AM

Thanks everyone for your imputs I really was feeling like I just didnt understand enough about those who go the route of HRT and and the like and while I know there is a lot of places to go out there where I can get info I felt I had a great place here to ask and understand. I still struggle with my own part of this TG/CD world and Im glad I have a place to share and ask questions.
Sandra yes I thought this might not be the right place for this thread so I do apologize, it hit me just as I hit post.
Leigh

arbon

09-20-2015, 11:13 AM

I think it is a good place for it.

Being ts was not a progression for me. Transitioning was though as the different ways I coped failed.

PaulaQ

09-20-2015, 11:42 AM

The idea that there is some type of spectrum or progression where your presentation suggests your probability of transition is a popular one here, but it is absolutely baseless.

It's neat to put someone like me who was apparently a fetish dresser at one end of the scale, and someone like Isha at the other end of the scale. Except for one small detail. I went from "stocking fetish" to "transition or die" in about six months. Isha plugged away at fully presenting as female quite a long time before starting her transition. You'd think the severity of our gender dysphoria would be predicted by the extent of our dressing, but in fact it's quite the opposite. Isha joined about the time I started my transition. I'd joined the site 6 months prior, and when I joined, I wore stockings and panties, and that was it. In the two years following, Isha has come out as being TS, while I've gone through HRT, electrolysis, breast augmentation and GRS. (This isn't a race, just pointing out that our presentation proved nothing about our need for, or pace of transition.)

At most CDing is like the tip of the ice berg - the important part of the iceberg isn't what you can see, it's what's below the surface that really matters.

Confucius

09-20-2015, 11:59 AM

I've enjoyed reading this thread and thought I'd add my own perspective to the mix.

Gender identity depends upon three factors; (1) the physical morphology (penis or vagina), (2) the chromosomes/genes (X,Y=male, X,X=female), and the brain (males and females have distinct neural networks). In most cases these three factors are in agreement, however, they don't have to be in agreement. For instance, you can have a genetic male (X,Y chromosomes) who will have a defect in the SRY gene of the Y-chromosome. This condition will make the person appear as a normal female (with vagina, breasts, etc), however he/she will be sterile. They usually don't know they are genetic males until they question why they don't have a menstrual period and see a physician who determines that they are genetic males.

Similarly, researchers using magnetic resonance tomography can perform brain scans and see the neural networks in real time. Simply by observing the brain scan they can determine if they are seeing a male or female brain by the activity of their neural networks. However if they observe the neural network activity of a transgender person the pattern will somehow be between male and female. Crossdressing is a biological condition hardwired into the brain. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150107082133.htm

The crossdressing spectrum covers a wide field and it should include TS. The extent that we pursue our crossdressing, and even transitioning, reflects the extent of our neural network's gender identification. What works for one may seem completely out of the question to another - why? Because our brain's neural networks are different.

Personally, i am content just being a man in a dress.

bridget thronton

09-20-2015, 12:01 PM

Everyone is different and has different needs. I hope each person gets to follow a path that leads to happiness.

flatlander_48

09-20-2015, 12:03 PM

A visual way of considering this would be:

Draw a circle that represents ones Gender Assigned at Birth.
Near that circle, draw another circle of the same size (but NOT overlapping) that represents the Gender You Believe Yourself To Be.
Cut them out
Lay one on top of the other such that they are concentric

This represents how most people are: their Gender Assigned at Birth is essentially aligned with the Gender They Believe Themselves To Be

Next, take the circles and position them such that they are near each other, but do not overlap or overlap very slightly

For people who need to transition, there is little or no alignment between their Gender Assigned at Birth and the Gender They Believe Themselves To Be. The degree of mismatch is complete or nearly complete
Transitioning is a way to bring things into alignment

For those of us somewhere in the middle, the degree of misalignment varies. The circles would overlap to different degrees.

Personally, for me the degree of misalignment is maybe 10% to 20% at most; enough to think about but nowhere near enough to make transitioning needed or useful

DeeAnn

Rachael Leigh

09-20-2015, 01:23 PM

One thing I must confess I have in the past struggled with my own if I was TS question but that was very many years ago and of course when there was not as much info on it. Over theses last few years Ive come to what I think is a good place in my dressing by accepting that its not likely to go away to where I am now is this going to be it for me or do I want or need more.
I honestly dont feel as if Im somehow trapped in the wrong body but there is something about being dressed and being out dressed that does change me and so I always think if this was what I wanted all the time. I really enjoy being dressed but there are times I just need my guy time and I think thats what slows me down and I understand I am just a guy who has a strong fem side and Im ok with that.
Its a difficult balance but having this group has been good for me and again thanks.
Leigh

PaulaQ

09-20-2015, 03:38 PM

Slipstream

09-20-2015, 04:19 PM

Thank You Isha. Well said.

donnawilson82

09-20-2015, 04:43 PM

About a year after I had married my late husband, David, I came home to find him crying. I asked him what was wrong and he confessed that he wanted to be a woman. While I had heard about trans girls I never really knew one and wasn't sure how to react. We talked for a couple of hours and his story was very similar to every other one you hear. The bottom line was that he was at a point where he couldn't stand being a man any longer. This wasn't a complete surprise because even before we were married, I realized that he wasn't the most masculine man I had known. But, he was the one I was the most attracted to. So I told him that I would keep an open mind.

I started reading more about TS girls and the more I read, the more I started to understand what she was going through. Suzie, used to be David, asked me to help her and I said of course. We started by getting her ears pierced, twice in each lobe. I waxed her eyebrows, legs, chest and arm pits for her. I took Suzie to VS to get measured for a bra and panty and she purchased several matching pairs and started wearing them under her clothes all of the time.

We took it in small steps and with each the happier she became. She had longish hair to start with and after a month, she was asking me to cut and color it in a feminine style. I gave her a long pixie with highlights. Not as feminine as she wanted but, much better than what she had. As her journey progressed the more I enjoyed helping her. With in a year Suzie was full time and on hormones under a Dr.'s care.

At three years she was finally able to completely become the woman she needed to be and I was a lesbian now.

pamela7

09-20-2015, 04:45 PM

There are only a couple of questions, that you need to answer to decide whether or not you need some form of transition. They are really simple questions:
1. Am I a man, or am I a woman?
2. Can I continue to live my life as I live it now, or must I change.
Know who you really are, and be who you are.

Easier asked than answered, and just like perhaps a CD cannot understand a full TS, can the full TS understand the fluid/nongendered?

What if one has so suppressed this within oneself, in soul-service to others, that only only knows or discovers later in life? Donna in particular, and Isha to some extent, most closely speak to my own experience. I don't actually want to ask myself the man/woman question, I'm a human. What am I going to do about it? I'm happy in female clothing, and get angry in male clothing, so it does not take a genius to realise what that implies. People feel unthreatened with me in a dress, and definitely seem scared of me when I'm in male mode. I know what that also implies. I hate shaving, would love to not have the beard. I know what that implies. I also prefer female company, always have, and never understood the male fighting-testeronic world, and I know what that implies. I also know my soul-father sees me as a male soul, and I know that once a male has evolved enough it can become a female in the next life. So when I say I'm a man in a dress and happy like that, I am. But maybe I'm still not aware or accepting of a real gender identity because it never crossed my mind, I just didn't fit society as the male. In summary, it aint so easy Paula.

xxx Pamela

PretzelGirl

09-20-2015, 08:27 PM

I've enjoyed reading this thread and thought I'd add my own perspective to the mix.

Gender identity depends upon three factors; (1) the physical morphology (penis or vagina), (2) the chromosomes/genes (X,Y=male, X,X=female), and the brain (males and females have distinct neural networks). In most cases these three factors are in agreement, however, they don't have to be in agreement. For instance, you can have a genetic male (X,Y chromosomes) who will have a defect in the SRY gene of the Y-chromosome. This condition will make the person appear as a normal female (with vagina, breasts, etc), however he/she will be sterile. They usually don't know they are genetic males until they question why they don't have a menstrual period and see a physician who determines that they are genetic males.

Confucius, when you talk about chromosomes and those with conditions related to physical differences, you are talking about Intersex conditions and not Transgender individuals. Transgender is an internal sense of identity. Intersex is related to things physical or as INSA puts it "“Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male". Maybe someday they will find it in our DNA where it proves we are trans*, but I haven't heard of any solid study yet. If you want to learn more about Intersex conditions (check out Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome that I believe you are thinking of) then go to the now defunct Intersex Society of North America's (ISNA) page at http://www.isna.org/faq/conditions.

STACY B

09-21-2015, 06:16 AM

GOOD LUCK,, By the way,, When someone REALLY figures it out let me know, It sure would be a valuable asset while your Transitioning,,,lol,,, An I only want Guaranteed results, Full Proof plans, No Bull,, Nothing but Full proof results. Step by step instructions , Proven Results,,,lol,,, Thanks in Advance ,,,

PaulaQ

09-21-2015, 09:07 AM

Easier asked than answered, and just like perhaps a CD cannot understand a full TS, can the full TS understand the fluid/nongendered

I think it's a challenge to me anyway to understand gender fluid people. My identity is really solid. I'm just some girl. I try to equate gender fluidity to my sexuality, which is highly fluid. My attraction ebbs and flows between men and women. It never fixes on one. It's frustrating. I have to imagine gender fluidity is kinda like that?

PamTG

09-21-2015, 09:16 AM

I think the thing that we have to understand is that we are all different and you really can't lump everyone into one category and to judge others for being in their own way whether they are Gender Fluid or what not is the way they are and to try and change that or understand it might be hard but to say that those are beneath us is just dumb in my opinion. We should embrace each other no matter what, we are all struggling to be the person that we feel we were born to be but living the opposite way.

I guess I could be gender fluid since sometimes I am struggling with the feelings of wanting to be a woman and other times I am happy with being a guy. Its all over the place and perhaps that is the way it is now until I become more comfortable in who I am and is just a phase to get to an area where someday I will identity as a woman all the time.

Joe Ann Miles

09-21-2015, 04:43 PM

Hi.

Just love Your Patience Lorileah. :-)

St. Eve

09-21-2015, 05:21 PM

Hi Everyone

Just wanted to kick in my deep appreciation for this thread.

I am just beginning to be open to my internal gender reality in an honest way and all of your comments are so helpful. I am certain I qualify as a crossdresser - I have been wearing woman's clothing since age 7 or there about. I am pretty confident I am gender queer. I have had intermittent, sometimes intense, fantasizes about the possibility of being in my life as a woman for decades.

After a 6 year abstinence, I have returned to crossdressing in the last few months and am now out to my SO, my best friends and family of choice. I am slowly choosing my level of "outness" and working into the timing of it. In these last few months of conscious, non-secret, non-ashamed dressing, I am becoming more and more convinced I have an "energetic" woman's anatomy that has always been with me. It is both scary and a relief to experience my femaleness. Yet, at the same time, I still feel male, too....at the moment, my best guess is that I am more gender fluid than anything else. At the same time, I continue to be open to discovering a different or deeper truth...

I am doing my best to open to the process and stay honest. I do not know where it will take me. I do know that all of your willingness to share your truth as you know it is VERY helpful.

Thanks.

Peace
Eve

Thea Pauline

09-21-2015, 06:00 PM

Please, do a search or read the Transsexual boards. Read about GRS on the web. Watch videos if need be. You don't have to join our club. But rush is next week so...

You're bound and determined to see G & T come out my nose aren't you! See what I did there?:heehee:

Tina_gm

09-22-2015, 12:13 PM

I don't know if it is for anyone to truly understand other than those who are TS. Cis gender people will never be able to understand any of it, TS or CD, because there truly is no point of reference. CDers will never understand TS, but I also think TS will never understand CDers. I can imagine them thinking either, why bother if you are only going to switch back in a few hours or a few days, or, why go through going back at all.... They are likely no more able to understand what it is like to feel connected to both genders, as they are only connected to the opposite gender of their birth.

I recall some TS members talking about how their genitalia and its functioning causes them anxiety or anguish, or some other profound negative experience. I can understand someone who may feel it worth it to be on HRT, for feminizing, or for emotional effects of it, sort of like SSRI meds in a sense, but I cannot understand how what I feel would cause someone to feel the anguish or anxiety or whatever else. My enjoyment of intimacy as it is is a big part of why I don't go on HRT.

I think both for our S/O's, and ourselves, many of the TS members had a path that started a lot like ours. That can be confusing and perhaps scary. We come to a point where we are more, or mostly fulfilled with our dressing, enough to make life decent or bearable, so why go through all of what they do?

Addressing what Paula Q said about her sexuality as being fluid, I think that there very well may be similarities to gender fluidity. Not in a connection of sexuality and gender, but of how one can feel or be both. I can walk in a mall, and have both men's and women's sections be interesting, attractive, call out to me kind of thing. My own dual/fluid gender thing, I guess I can describe it as at times, two people sitting in a car, neither wants to ride shotgun. Then other times, one is ok with the other driving... but both are present, in the car at all times.

CONSUELO

09-23-2015, 12:19 AM

Leigh's post reminded me of a meeting of the Beaumont Society that I attended many years ago. One of the attendees had a very restricted view of cross dressing that he was comfortable with and neither understood nor sympathised with those who wanted to live their lives fully as a woman or wanted to consider sexual reassignment surgery. I could not understand why he felt that only his view of being a cross dresser was authentic and the rest of us were just somehow wrong.

Unlike that particular group, this site is a very broad Church and welcomes all varieties of cross dressers and transexuals. Each of our realities is authentic and I cannot question the authenticity of any other person on this site. Cross dressing is not an ideology. Let's not question other's reality but try to understand it even though that is difficult.

Eryn

09-23-2015, 01:14 AM

Complete understanding of any portion of our spectrum is nearly impossible. There are a million variables and every one of us handles them differently.

All we can do is enjoy the opportunities given and use them to grow in the ways we desire. It is definitely not a one-size-fits-all situation!

CynthiaD

09-23-2015, 04:41 PM

To paraphrase a quote I once heard:

To those of us who are TS, no explanation is necessary. To those who are not, no explanation is possible.

Being TS is one thing, how you deal with being TS is something else. There is no "right" thing to do. There is only what's right for you.

That being said, every time I read about someone who's gone through surgery and completely changed their life, I can't help feeling an immense sense of pride. You ladies who've had the surgery or are on that path, you're my Heroes. I'm proud of you, and I love you all.

Cynthia

Rachael Leigh

09-23-2015, 04:48 PM

So today I went out shopping as Leigh and I was thinking about this thread I started there I was presenting as a women and I enjoyed it so much even got mamed once and all of my encounters with SAs were very positive even when I'm sure I may have been read.
What I discovered is for any of you TS ladies to go thru what you do in order to make yourself happy and be the women 24/7 I do admire it. I know from my hour or so out while I loved it I'm just not sure I could make it and everyday thing but I really understand a bit better it's more than just going out presenting its going out and just being and I somewhat felt that today
Leigh

Suzanne F

09-24-2015, 10:50 AM

For me I started here on the cross dressing forum over two years ago. I had never cross dressed fully but admitted to my wife that I sometimes wanted to be a woman. That was as far as I could be honest at the moment. My wife helped me dress the first time and it was only a month or so before I went out. It was so evident very quickly that it wasn't about clothes but about who I was. I believe as a TS person there is no way to put your authentic self back in the bottle once out. I have several cross dressing friends and am so grateful to Allie and Rachael for helping me be confident out I the world as Suzanne. We have no quarrels about where we are on the spectrum. We support each other! I think we should be able to empathize with each other while recognizing we face some different challenges. I hope that my being out carves some space out in the world to allow you more public presentation of your femininity.
Suzanne

AbigailJordan

09-24-2015, 02:32 PM

I'm going to break it down for you to be really simple. Really, really simple.

There are only a couple of questions, that you need to answer to decide whether or not you need some form of transition. They are really simple questions:
1. Am I a man, or am I a woman?
2. Can I continue to live my life as I live it now, or must I change.

You say you will make it simple, and then you suggest that "knowing" if you're a man or a woman is the primary key. For most of us, traditionally (society is becoming more accepting these days of full transition), years are spent wondering exactly "what" we are. We spend so much time worrying and wondering whether we're normal, abnormal, unique in our desires, female trapped in a male body, gay in denial.. and any one of a thousand other things. If it were as simple as "am I a man or a woman", then I'm sure we wouldn't see SO many stories of people starting their transition journey in their 50's or 60's.. if you could just ask one question and answer everything, most of those girls would have transitioned at 20 instead.

All of this "trapped in the wrong body", "always knew since I was 15 minutes old," etc. is just not the key issue.

The only issues that matter, at the end of the day are:
- who are you?
- what are you going to do about it?

Once again, hardly simple. For most of us, particularly those still in the closet, the answer to both can often be "I don't know" or "I'm not sure".. You say there's no such thing as a spectrum, it seems you consider everything to be black and white and easy to define.

BTW, identifying as partly male, and partly female is a possibility. However, knowing people like that, in a lot of ways, this is harder. People have trouble understanding someone like me, and I'm simple - I'm a girl. That's it - end of story. There are all sorts of social conventions for a person like me - a woman. Same thing for men.

Yes it is harder, which makes your next paragraph contradictory. You're a girl, we get it. Now get this, somedays, so are we.. other days.. we're not. So the answers to your question above can vary from day to day and even from hour to hour. As I say.. hardly "really really simple".

There is no social model or template for someone who's neither male nor female, is both, or fluidly shifts between them. There is little medical support for such people either. It only seems easier, because there is this temptation to think "I can keep my stuff / my wife / my life!" This is the wrong thing to focus on, even if it ends up being true. The key thing is to be honest, and to be true to yourself, whatever that means.

Know who you really are, and be who you are.

I think what you meant to say was that there is currently no template in western society for androgynous presentation. And I'm not sure what medical help we would be in need of that wasn't already provided through standard healthcare channels? And for you to suggest to a forum full of Crossdressers that they choose the "easy" path by trying to have the best of both worlds is absolutely ridiculous.