The last two family members...

[dreamer_2.0]

As I type this my parents are heading off to Alberta to visit my two sisters and their families. They're stopping in Calgary first, and at some point over the next few days will be telling the last two members of my immediate family about Holly (all nieces and nephews are still in the dark though).

It's strange to entrust such a delicate and personal conversation to someone else. But then, my parents have been unbelievably supportive towards Holly, I am so humbled by their love and can't think of anyone better to talk to this particular sister and her husband.

I have intentionally left coming out to these two because they are the most conservative in my immediate family and therefore most likely to reject me. But maybe they won't; maybe this will be an eye-opener for them as it was for my parents. Until Holly, my family had very little contact with the LGBT community, beyond one of my cousins who is gay. My parents were of the belief that being trans or gay was merely a lifestyle, a choice; they have since realized that is not accurate and have actually told me on a few occasions they know I did not choose to be trans. I trust them to convey this in Calgary on my behalf. I trust them to represent me fairly, with love and compassion. I trust them.

So far, I have been incredibly fortunate with those I've come out to and hope that streak continues. Time will tell and, regardless of the outcome, Holly will continue moving forward with the speed and grace of an inebriated sloth. Sloths are at least pretty cute though.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Holly;

Good for you. Having someone you trust pave the way forward with certain people is a good strategy. One I used over the summer before heading home for 2 months. A little bit of gentle handling and support paid major dividends when I arrived. Who better than supportive parents to do that paving with family that represent potential speed bumps.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Eringirl]

Hi Holly. I hope this goes well. I can see that sometimes the message can be best conveyed by someone who understands where your siblings are coming from. Your parents will understand your sisters mindset and if your sisters can see that your parents where able to move from a point of view that this was a lifestyle choice, to that of being accepting, your sisters may get on board easier. So, this is and interesting approach. Let us know how it goes.

Erin

[dreamer_2.0]

Received an email from my dad regarding their conversation with my sister and brother in law. As feared, it appears the talk did not go well. He said their love for me hasn't diminished but they can't agree with the direction I'm taking.

He didn't include any details, just that my sister may try to reach out to me.

I'm not entirely sure how to interpret that. They say they love me but can't agree with the direction I'm taking. The direction is to myself, it IS me. Hopefully one day I can show them that.

My streak of supporters appears to have taken a hit. Sucks that it's family.

There's a reason this sister and I aren't close.

*sigh*

[I Am Paula]

Terribly sorry that didn't go so well. Give them time, it just may need to sink in a bit.

[Abby Kae]

I'm so sorry, Dreamer. I hope she comes around for you.

[Eringirl]

Holly, sorry it didn't go well. But as others have said, give it time. Sometimes first reactions are quite visceral and "knee jerk". With time and some contemplation, they turn around???

[dreamer_2.0]

Thanks, you three. Time will tell. Emotions are fairly uncertain right now but will settle eventually. I can't let this deter my decision to continue moving forward.

I strongly believe religion is affecting their position so this has potential to get messy; my opinions towards religion are quite...aggressive. Knowing others on the forum may hold some beliefs, I will keep these opinions to myself.

Rather than butting heads with my sister, however, I should try and focus on love, compassion and acceptance. Education should be another focus. This is my opportunity to introduce them to the realities of being transgender; many of which I'm still learning myself.

of course, I'm getting ahead of myself. As details from my dad were light, I really don't know what happened last night and shouldn't feed emotion with uncertainty.


**edit** Received an email from my mom with a few more details:

- My sister wishes I had spoken to a Christian councillor
- They wish I had examined all my options before starting hormones

My tongue is in pain from biting it so hard...

[I Am Paula]

A lot of Christian councillors think you have made a choice, and this can be corrected.
What are your options? For most trans people, it's transition, or suicide.

Be who you are. You may lose some along the way, but an authentic life trumps all.

[Megan G]

Dreamer,

I'm sorry this did not go over well with them, I feel for you as having family members that are unaccepting is hard.

The only advice I can give is to give them some time and they may come around. If your parents are accepting they might see this and change their tune over time. Let them come to you when they are ready.

Megan.

[kimdl93]

It's seems you've had a positive reception from most of those who really matter. That will give you strength and confidence as you move ahead. As for your sister and BIL, perhaps over time their attitudes may soften. Your parents set a good example.

[Eringirl]

Hi Holly.... I hear ya....I have also been dealing with several that think this is a "lifestyle choice". Education and time are key. Fortunately for me, I have a friend here in town who transitioned including SRS about 8 years ago and she did it with her congregation....she was a minister. She has just retired but still provides religious council to the LGBT community, so I have her as a resource for these issues, and can point those people in her direction if I need to. But ya....it is a challenge for sure. Patience.......Keep us in the loop.

[Kimberly Kael]

I know how disappointing and frustrating and draining that can be, Holly. Calgary has made some impressive strides but there is still a strong conservative streak to the city, which can serve to reinforce the message your sister and brother-in-law get through their church. I returned to the city to march in the pride parade this year and saw first-hand the cultural struggle that is taking place where I grew up.

I get much the same message you've described from my father and his current wife. I do my best to stay in touch and provide opportunities for him to make progress but his day-to-day experiences with a very conservative crowd make that challenging. Until anti-LGBT sentiment stops being a mainstream acceptable stance I doubt I'll see any changes on that front. You have my empathy and best wishes.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Holly you are doing great..

Keep doing what you feel is right and treat others based on the golden rule...over time some of the folks that are concerned will see you thrive and that can often change everything..

sometimes people are simply afraid for you, and showing them that you are making it, and presenting it to them as "i did it...its over...its done" changes the dialog because they are no longer trying to convince you of anything...

the tangible act of living can have great power in getting people over the hump (sometimes anyway).

[dreamer_2.0]

Thank you everyone for these encouraging words. :)