Im done fighting it...

[Veronica putters]

ok so im new to this site and i have never talked to anyone about this stuff in person or on the internet..So i have been crossdressing now for 20 years it started out small when i was around 6 or so i would go downstairs and put on my moms heels and gloves/hats.. I loved it the way they look and feel on me and thats about as far as it went for a while. Then in high school i was over at a friends house and his mom was always doing laundry and i took a pair of his sisters silk underwear :o.. I felt so bad but they felt so nice and looked good to. Then my dad got re married and someone gave his wife lots of nice clothing and she never took any of them so i did. So i took a 2 dresses and a skirt and 4 pairs of heels... I love heels... So i took some of them and it felt right... But after a while something in my head tells me that this is wrong and then i toss everything... I have done this 4 times now and i get mad after because i have had some nice stuff like a wig/corsets/makeup.. Now i am 29 years old and i cant keep fighting it i am a very shy person even in boy mode and i have a hard time buying clothing because i am always thinking what people think about me.. So my question is how do i go about buying clothing and do anyone know of some good places?? I live with two other guys and they cant know that im in to this..

Thanks for your time.
Veronica putters

[TrishaTX]

your story is identical to many others here, we have all done the same. take heart in the fact we all suffer through it. First stay here there is allot of information and find someone to talk to , because the hiding and shame can kill ya!!! also for shopping if your shy online works if not do into stores none will say a thing believe me!

[Shads_Firehawk]

Hello Veronica and welcome. I can't help you with your question but I will tell you this. When I was 17 (a lonnnng time ago) I went into a well known department store in the UK, looked around the womens clothing section and as bold as brass, said to a middle aged female shop assistant, "Do you think this dress would suit me?" Her reply was cold "don't be ridiculous" or something close to it. I smiled and thanked her and left. I didn't give a hoot what she thought. Why should I? I was doing this for me, not her.

[Laurana]

Hi Veronica, believe it or not but people don't care what others are buying. if it's not in their cart or on their list it's invisible. Sales associates will be very helpful;at least that's been my experience.

If you don't feel comfortable buying at big retail stores hit the thrift stores. They almost always have nice stuff at great prices. Or buy online. But then you run the risk of it not fitting.

I don't know what to tell you about your roommates.

[Veronica putters]

I would love to walk in to the bay or sears and go shopping its just the shy side of me that i have always been fighting with. the internet shopping is nice but i dont want anything to show up to the house in a pink box or anything that might make the others in the house think something is up. when i do go shopping it takes me about two weeks to work up the courage to do it .

[Shads_Firehawk]

You could of course always use the old "it's for my girl friend" line. I used that once when buying lingerie, the girl thought it was sweet that I was buying something for my girl friend.

[Jazzy Jaz]

I was just gonna say that! For intimate wear, especially around holidays like christmas, valentines etc it is usually automatically assumed that you r buying for a gf, particularly at sex shops with lingerie. Halloween is also a great time.

[Ashley in Virginia]

Don't worry about having a story to tell people... No one will ask. Just don't be a creep and slink around. If you want something, hold your head up and buy it. Your money is as green as the next persons.

All of that's easier said than done, and I know all about being locked inside your head about things... But that's the reality. People simply don't give a crap about you and what you are doing as long as it doesn't effect them.

[Tracii G]

Just go buy what you want its as simple as that.The store will be happy to take your money.
As far as your roomies I can't help with that.

[Robin414]

Hi Veronica and welcome to the forum! Given your circumstances I'd suggest the ol' 'shopping for a gift' angle. A good online shop for lots of stuff is thebreastformstore.com they ship completely discretely, even the credit card statement says 'PSV prodigal sons ventures'. Another tip is knowing exactly what youre looking for, adds credibilty to the 'im just picking this up as a gift' angle😊 Confidence will come as well so don't get discouraged!

[Isabella Ross]

Hello, fellow Canadian! Your Bay reference gave you away. Lots of tips for shopping. Here's a good one: get to know your local consignment store. I found a plus size consignment store in a nearby city (I'm a pretty tall girl). A few years ago, I gathered my courage, introduced myself to the owner and her staff person, and point blank asked them if they minded if I shopped there for myself. They were courteous, respectful...and curious. This despite the fact that both were in their 60s. I showed them a photo of my girl self, and the rest is history...they email when they think they have stuff I might like, and we've become friends. PM if you want to discuss more, particularly about plus sizes. And welcome. And one more thing: move into your own place!

[Mink]

why fight it?

give in!

to the SIN!

[Ashley in Virginia]

Another option for shopping is site to store shipping... But it online and pick it up at the store. I just bought a top and a dress from Macy's on Friday night and picked it up Sat morning. They had it bagged and tagged and waiting for me...

Easy peasy, lemon squeazy...

I've also used similar services at jc penneys, tho theirs is like super slow, like a week or so... Wal-Mart has a pretty quick turn around as does Target... I know Lane Bryant also has this service if u r a bigger girl.

[GretchenJ]

Hi Veronica,

What you are feeling is very normal. Maybe this will help.. Buy your self a cheap wedding band and a place like Palm Beach Jewerly, you should be able to get something for 20 dollars , delivered to your house. Should not arouse any suspicion with a jewelry box with you roommates.
Then go out shopping, telling the sales associate that you are buying for your wife. I found it much easier buying clothes for my wife with a wedding band than my girlfriend (my soon to be wife) without it.

[CourtneyBme]

I'm 29 yrs old as well and can relate to your story. I have finally accept this part of me and honestly it has gotten easy for me. I was extremely shy when it came to buying feminine clothes in public. I started off buying online and gradually worked my way into buying in public. Now I can go into JCPenney, Payless, etc and shop right along with the women in drab. I walk into VS like I own the place now. You will find in time that no one is going to care. Good luck, we are here for you!

[Gabby6790]

Your story sounds almost exactly like mine up until a couple of months ago. I am still struggling with the embarassment but I am getting better. Here are a couple of things I have learned.

- read the forums. I have learned a lot and gained a lot of courage form others stories.
- the best advice I have read on here is to just "OWN IT". You could go into a VS store grab the sexiest piece of lingerie and ask to try it on and there is nothing really wrong with that. I sometimes say this phrase and to myself if I am starting to get nervous.
- PO Box - they are pretty cheap and it makes buying online and receiving packages very easy.
- I prefer department stores because it is a bigger area then a small women's only shop. You could be shopping for a GF or simply finding a size for your GF who is in the dressing room. Or you could be paying for her while she is in the bathroom or out in the car.
- I sometimes prepare an excuse but most of the time the SA's give you absolutely no reason to use one.

[Veronica putters]

I just want to say thank you ladies for the help i know most people won't say anything to me like last nite i went out and got some nail polish i nice pink and red one... i came up woth a story if anyone asked me an no one did.. no matter how big or small the item im buying is it still makes me uneasy... this weekend i was thinking about going to buy some heels:o the only problem is i dont know my size.. i am a mens size 9 i head for women's heels add two sizes is that true?

I hope im not bothering anyone if so sorry..

[OCCarly]

Ordering online is the easy way to avoid the nerves you get shopping in drab. Here are some pointers:

1) If you are worried about roommates, then get a p.o. box at the UPS store or Mailboxes etc. or whatever. Or, use sellers that offer Fedex or UPS shipping and see if you can have the package delivered to the nearest Fedex or UPS location to "hold at location" and you pick it up there.

2) If you have to have stuff delivered to the house, or you have to use the cheapest delivery option, forget about Victoria's Secret. They send stuff in plain white plastic envelopes via regular mail, but their name is somewhere on the mailing label.

3) Aeropostale is a great place to get trendy casual clothes cheap for the younger gurl, and they ship in plain brown boxes, usually by UPS. American Eagle and Hollister are good too, but more expensive.

4) Amazon is good for just about anything. If you order direct from Amazon it comes in a plain brown box with the Amazon logo, if you order from an outside retailer selling on Amazon, then it comes in whatever they use.

5) Dillards is one of the better department stores for end of season online sales, but I also love Off Fifth, Nordstrom Rack, and Neiman Marcus Last Call. Most of them use a large opaque plastic envelope with the store logo on it, so no worries.

I have not tried ordering a wig or makeup yet, other than lip gloss and nail polish from Aeropostale.

Relax and have fun with it.

[Jenniferathome]

.... thinking about going to buy some heels:o the only problem is i dont know my size.. i am a mens size 9 i head for women's heels add two sizes is that true? ..

It is more like men's + 1.5. I am in between a men's 8.5 and 9. I can wear a size 10 in almost any women's shoe. Shoe width is equally important. If you have wide feet, you have to go a bit bigger. There is an easy way to measure. In most stores that sell shoes, there is a device for measuring feet. It has both men's and women's sizes listed. Easy

[Krististeph]

Hi Veronica- I was pretty shy too for a long time, hanging around here should help cure you of that a little.

I'm still kind of shy, but I will hit the department stores about 30 to 60 minutes before closing. Partly because it is after class (I'm a professor), and fewer customers are around. As long as you are decent and somewhat polite, the sales people will love you. Just don't be nervous- they know- they are happy to have the business. It really a huge dollar amount in terms of economy. We are a small percentage- but if most CDs spend $500 to $1000 a year on female clothes (I might spend a little more) that's some serious coin.

Macy's has been my favorite place for years. You can find stuff on sale for less than what places like Carson's or JC Penney are asking, and usually nicer- more upscale. I've walked off with $300 skirt suits for barely $100. Lord and Taylor is usually pretty good too. Dress barn, I have heard is wonderful.

If you are nervous, call ahead and speak with the manager. On the rare outside chance they are rude, just hang up and try another place. Urban areas are generally better.

my advice for shopping- don't buy cheap on the basics. You mentioned a corset- invest well, and don't ever "purge" or throw all your stuff out ever again. I did it twice- it does not do anything except waste money. Well, it does free up closet space...

But seriously- do shop early or late if you need to, when fewer customers are around. The sales associates (SAs) at the larger stores have worked with crossdressers before, and most stores even cover this in their SA training- just treat us like people. And for you- treat them like people happy to make a clothing sale. If you are uncomfortable with something or another, you can say so. remember- it's your money. Smile, and have fun. Shopping can be a a riot. Keep your receipts, because sizes are not universal.

Hang in there, it does get better and easier. And things are looking up lately- faster than i had imagined. There will always be jerks, no matter who you are or how you dress.

But we will be here, and crossdressers have more support than ever. Stay in touch, tell us about your shopping trips. Interaction helps- writing on line uses different parts of the brain than just thinking about something. The more you do this - the better you will get.

[debstar]

The term I learnt from this site, referring to throwing it all away is Purging. I have done this three times over the years and each time it was because I felt guilty and like a weirdo, then it would always come back.

After a purge I did feel more relaxed but only because I knew no one would find out about me.

Being on this site (only a few weeks now) and reading a lot has helped a huge amount. Knowing so many people like me exist. That I am not a weirdo, pervert... those feelings have gone away.

For me being shy was about having something to hide.. and while I'm still a behind closed doors CD. I have a good living situation and dress in the evening every day. Sometimes all day when I'm working at home.

You live with three other guys and I get how that is tough, your renting with them?

[Veronica putters]

I live with two other guys and yes we are renting.. I want to move out and if i can then i know I'll be able to show off the real me... i dont get to dress all the time but i have been reading that a lot of you girls go out for nite drives... i work nites so this weekend im going to try that out.

Purging is something i dont want to do again.having two other people in the house who are not fans of anything out of the normal is hard for me having to hide things all the time... i just wish I had a friend that i could talk to and play dress up with who lives around me.

[larry]

Just call me. You can store your stuff and dress at my house. hahaha Wouldn't it be nice if it was that simple ?

[debstar]

Hi. The renting thing perhaps if you are not in a position to rent on your own you could find a flat with more CD friendly people (don't ask me how perhaps crags list?)

Do you consider them friends or just people you board with? I ask only if they would be put out if you ditched them for strangers.

[Gabby6790]

Good job on getting the nail polish. I will tell you the ordering online thing is great but it is kind of annoying me and making feel kind of stupid for not just going into stores. It's tough for me to get sizing right and ordering online makes that even tougher. I think the next big purchase for me is some nice panties and I think I am going to bite the bullet and by them in person. I am getting to the point where I am saying "Why shouldn't I?"

Oh and one last tip, if you buy at a Macy's type store in the mall and don't want to try on in the dressing rooms you can go into the mall family rest room in the mall and try the stuff on and then return it if it doesn't fit. No need to wast money.

Oh, and some stores, have unisex or unattended dressing rooms. I love these. Grab a couple of drab items and then my Gabby items and head to the dressing room is soooo nice.

[Paula J]

I used to feel the exact same way. I used to get so nervous and embarrassed just walking through the cosmetics section at Walmart. But with time and experience I've gotten a lot more comfortable with it. I used to think that other customers and sales people would be looking at me and having the worst thoughts. But, my experience has been that 99% of the time, no one even pays the slightest attention to me. There has been the odd time that somebody has given me the 'stink-eye', but it's usually been an older woman, and it could very well be all in my head. I have really found that the younger ones, like 35 and younger, quite literally don't pay any attention whatsoever.

Also, I love going to some of the second-hand places. There is a huge one near me. I can pick up an armload of women's jeans and go to the change rooms and try them on. No body notices anything out of the ordinary because you just have an armload of jeans. I've even had a couple of mini-skirts mixed in with them before.

Shoes are a tough one. At least for me. Usually a size 10 women's will fit me. But, I picked a pair of 10w one time at a discount place. They were actually too wide and while they are great for posing and taking some pics, it is impossible to walk gracefully in them, because my heel just moves around too much. And just recently, I bought a pair of 10s, and they were good length-wise but the strappy part that went around above the toe area was just too small and I couldn't get my feet in them. I had to take them back, and the girl in the store, got all b****y with me... I'm sure she suspected that I had bought them for myself... But I don't know. I think some of the shoe places like Aldo, you can order shoes online and then if they don't work out you can return them to the nearest store, so that's what I'm going to try next.

[raeleen]

You can do it, Veronica! I have purged so many times and the only thing that happens afterwards is regret that I threw away some of my cutest outfits! :P

Take it slow and just do what you're comfortable with. The advice folks have given is great and you should take what feels right for you and work up to storing/buying what you can. It does get easier. I have always been terrified as well that people are staring at me as I buy a pair of panties or makeup, but I've also come to realize that they don't care. You're one customer in a long line of many, and you're probably not their first!

Good luck, girl!

[Stephanie47]

I think most men find shopping for women's clothing to be a challenge, even when the clothes are for a girlfriend or wife. If you're not into browsing the aisles I would recommend doing some planning with exploring what's available on a store e-commerce site. There are many pre-packaged bras and panties. Shop at a place like Wal-Mart. If you know your size grab a package or box and through it into your shopping cart. It's the same with cosmetics. Then use the self checkout lane. Go when the store has the least customers.

Next month is Halloween. That is the best time for buying heels and wigs or anything else. I found Halloween was the best time to buy my first wig. And, high heels. I even when as far as to put together a "Come in Drag" party invitation to get my mind in gear.

Shopping on eBay is easy. Most of the offerings for women's clothing come in plain wrappers or poly "silver bullet" shipping bags. Many sellers say they are discreet. Unless your housemates are into opening mail there should be no problem. USPS tracking is free now, so the vast majority of time you can track the package and see "Out for Deliver." You'll know the day it's coming.

And, don't forget Christmas. That's a great time for men to buy for their "wives" and "girlfriends." Follow that up with Valentine's Day in February. I bought my first red bra and panty set for my "wife" at Christmas. I still have it, although I've outgrown it. It's a lovely set by Vanity Fair.

You can do it!

[pamela7]

it would be a lot easier to pace your male housemates in with the whole thing. start simply wearing something more andro, explain you're trying out different styles not made in mens clothing, it will take months but by the end i'm sure they'll be fine with you fully out - its a lot easier this way than a sudden discovery later on, imho. you'd have much less stress this way.

[Julie Martin]

PO box (UPS Store,etc) is great advice, really opens up opportunities. Depending on how far you feel like taking things, a good dressing "transformation " service (if you can find one near you or schedule a trip to one in another area) would be a real eye opener. The best ones are very understanding and you can learn a LOT. Some of them have on-site storage fir very little $, or you can store your girl stuff off-site in a storage locker to safeguard your privacy. It's true that Halloween is a good cover to make you more comfortable buying in stores, and also true, especially in large chain stores, that the sales help could care less who you're buying for..I used to buy guy stuff I actually needed (motor oil, whatever) at the same time as a bra and panties. No reaction whatsoever from the 20-something sales girsl. The more time you spend on this site, you will find links to everything imaginable related to Cd-ing in all its forms. Many on here have been down the same road, and are happy to share knowledge. Don't be afraid to PM people (including me) for more detail on specific questions, you can save yourself a lot of time and stress. Good luck!

[Veronica putters]

Oh ya Halloween i never thought about that.. But the thing is i dont want a costume i was looking on amazon last nite and i saw some pin up dresses that were around 50 $$ i dont know if thats a good price but i wanted to get it.I love that pin up look there is a girl at my work that i see once in a while and she has that look and the tattoos i love it :daydreaming: That makes me wish i was a girl..

So i get to dress up once in a blue moon and i have been wanting to try makeup out but i dont know the first thing about it... plus i would need to shave:eek:... I have shaved my legs feet and chest and i liked the way they feel...no that winter is on its way i will be doing that once a week or so...

If anyone has any tips on anything please let me know So far you ladies have been a huge help for me and i thank you all..

[CONSUELO]

Hi Veronica,

Many here have offered you good advice about getting over your shyness of shopping for female clothing. What you have to keep remembering is that as long as you are polite to the SA's, they don't really care. However do stop purging your female wardrobe. It doesn't stop your desire to cross dress and it just prolongs your guilt feelings. Read the many posts here and you will find that you are not alone and not very different to many in this World. Also, go to somewhere like Amazon and look at the many useful books written about cross dressing. If you can afford it, find a good counsellor and talk it over in a professional atmosphere.

In the meantime; relax and enjoy being a lovely human being with a desire to look pretty and feminine. It's OK!