Sometimes wonder where they went, what happened.

[Alice Torn]

I have been on here for around seven years. There have been so many who posted on here, who have simply vanished, it seems! I have tried to contact some, but gotten no responses. Guessing is all we can do, about all the alumni, from this site. I can only guess some have passed away, some gave it all up, spouse made them stop, conversion to religion that forbids, joined the military, got injured and can't dress, serious diseases, tragedies, etc. But, so many have just disappeared from this site! And so many, many members dressup nanes still on the list. Just wondering.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Excellent question

[Suzie Petersen]

Hard to say Alice, who knows.
You mention a number of likely reasons already.

I have only been here this year, but have already noticed changes in the pattern. I can also say that for me the pattern changes too. I used to do alot of greeting and welcoming in the intro room, but havent been there in a while. No particular reason other than time.
I am concidering not coming here as much as I have been though! Part of that is the amount of time I sometimes spend here. It just gets in the way of work etc. The other thing is that I can get a little frustrated sometimes because of the way this kind of forum works! I have many times written a long thoughtful response to someones post just to get the feeling that it is like talking to a wall. It is discouraging to me to be honest, though it is probably just the nature of things.

Im thinking that others might go through that too and it might cause them to stop replying and even disapear.
Some probably also get tired of the repetitive nature of the posts! Even this thread is a repeat from just a few months ago :-)

- Suzie

[Jaylyn]

As we all age things change. A lot are probably busy with kids and raising a family. Especially the younger ones. I think you covered the rest of the bases. I've got a couple that are on my friends list that hardly post any more.

[Kate Simmons]

As you say Alice, sometimes life gets in the way for various reasons, sometimes it isn't cost efficient for a number of reasons. I can take it or leave it myself but hang around here to keep up with my friends.Since I do also consider CDing an art form, I have a lot of fun with it. Having my SO on board with it also helps but then I'm also enjoying my male side way more that I ever did before. The reasons vary with the individual people I guess. :)

[NicoleScott]

Their desire to crossdress went away.
hahahahahaha

[Joni T]

Where's Karen?? Hockey season is fast approaching.
Joni

[Judith96a]

Karren is on Facebook pretty regularly.

[Ashley in Virginia]

Ive been a member since '05.... The novelty wears off... I was active for awhile then the people I was friendly with drifted into different directions and so did I...

I've posted a few picture threads from time to time but my days of seriously contributing are probably done. I don't have much to add and I can't seem to figure out how to slide in sometimes... But that's all on me, nothing anyone here has done... I'm just a antisocial nutbag.

[Alice Torn]

Kate, I totally agree, that this is an art form for me, too, as i am an artistic person, as well. Perhaps some, move to different aspects of their, artistic expression, or like some said, concentrate on their families. As a loner, I know this can take over my life, if i let it, and i need to balance it out, and i myself, do stay off here for periods, maybe for good, some day.

[heatherdress]

Alice - Good question. I have had the same thought. Sometimes you relate to someone here and look forward to their posts and their experiences. But members come to this site, participate, learn, get support and enjoy - and often move on.

[Slipstream]

Some probably get scared away when they hear that everything they do on the internet is being tracked.

[Paula J]

Their desire to crossdress went away.
hahahahahaha

I'm really glad I wasn't drinking a coffee when I read that. It would have been all over everything!

[Alice Torn]

Slipstream, That IS really scary, isn't it. You just never know these days.

Well, there have been people on here, not many, i admit, who said they just lost the desire.

[kelseygal]

I may be new to this forum, but have a lot of insight from other forums I am active on. Due to the nature of this particular forum there are other variables at play (which you mentioned), but mostly I think people drop off of forums due to lack of time, lower interest, or they've explored and participated to the full capacity... from personal experience, I have several thousand posts and hundreds of hours logged in another forum for a hobby I'm into, and feel I have contributed and learned all I can from it. Others have jumped in and taken my place as a greeter/knowledge base - now I just pop on a few times a month. The ill/death/catastrophic reasons are probably not so common, though I have noticed this community is a bit tighter than most, so maybe I'm off base with this assumption.

[Alice Torn]

Being a lifetime single, with no kids, I think i would be on here more, than if i had a mate, and family. Some with rejecting mates, come here for support, for sure. I would guess a hostile mate could well order one to stay off here, to say the least.

[Lorileah]

Their questions were answered, the threads started repeating and they didn't need the information, some grew beyond what happens here, some went on to happier lives and new adventures. Sometimes good things happen and you move on.

[Alice Torn]

Lorileah, Good point.

[Kate Simmons]

Some probably get scared away when they hear that everything they do on the internet is being tracked.I count on that actually. :battingeyelashes::)

[Aleca]

That is a good question and I think you gave some good answers. Perhaps a number of them got turned off by cyber bullying, in addition to what you suggested as I have noticed a few angry people on here. I was thinking the same things you did, some time ago as to what may have been the demise of some of the tg websites, chat rooms that were at one time popular in the late 90s and early 2000s.

[Adriana Moretti]

There seems to be like a 3 month cycle period on here, sure there are your regulars, and those who pop their heads in occasionally to catch up, but then there are the 3 month cycle gals, the ones who explode in pink fairy dust, then put "it" away... then those newbies who get chased away by the mods attitudes if they post wrong , yup.... maybe those that get bored by the panty threads, and the my wife,my wife stories...same goes with gals I meet out in public...I meet girls and "poof" gone for six months without a trace only to pick right up conversation wise right where they left off . Its the nature of the beast I guess, I am happy every single day I can still do this, and have the MEANS to do it....thats another one...girls fall on hard times, responsobilities, school...etc....

[katie_barns]

I joined in 2012 and was pretty active for a couple years, than drifted away.
I wish I could tell you why. I suppose I just got bussy. It seems life can sometimes get in the way of things we really enjoy. I really do injoy reading the post. This site has been a great learning experience for me.

[Veronica putters]

I know im new to this site but i would love to be on here for a long time because all you ladies are nice and you girls dont have a problem talking to anyone . I dont have a gf to tell me to stop or anything like that just the thoughts in my head and i have been fighting them for a long time now...For some people it could be a fetish i know for me i have always wanted to be a girl a dress in clothing because it makes me feel at home...

[ReineD]

Ive been a member since '05.... The novelty wears off... I was active for awhile then the people I was friendly with drifted into different directions and so did I...

That's what happened to my SO (compared to how it was before) and to a lot of people I know. The novelty just wears off and people move on. But, to get to that point, I think a person needs to feel complete freedom to dress for several years. If they feel at all constrained either from internal or external barriers, they won't be able to move on because they'll constantly be chasing the carrot. My SO still dresses on occasion, but not nearly as much as he did 7-8 years ago. He's into all kinds of other interests and he really doesn't need any support for the CDing. He's got it all figured out for himself. We do go to my SO's TG support group sometimes, but this is mostly to see old friends, many of whom also have toned it down considerably.

[kimdl93]

I suspect that for most that have left, life has simply got in the way. Work, health, or competing interests, all demand a person's time. And honestly, after a while us veterans have seen pretty much every possible topic. It's in large part the personal connections that have kept me here this long.

[NicoleScott]

Adriana, your 3-month cycle theory has no merit, and I'll tell you why in my next post, around mid-December. haha

[AngelaYVR]

I have many times written a long thoughtful response to someones post just to get the feeling that it is like talking to a wall. It is discouraging to me to be honest, though it is probably just the nature of things.

Most other forums allow you to like or up-vote someone's post, it's just an easy way to say I agree with what you said. Many a time I have liked what someone has written but am not about to add a post to say that.

With regard to people falling off the map, perhaps the forum managed to (or not) fulfil its purpose and they have moved on.

[samantha rogers]

This site fulfills a specific purpose for everyone who comes here. But it is, for specific reasons, very strictly regulated. Many people are eventually bored or irritated by all the rules.... And especially since Facebook provides a faster more convenient and far more liberated interface as well as access to a much larger portion of the TG community.
IRL younger TG are mainstreaming and skipping the older support groups. And so those groups, one by one, are experiencing loss of membership and slowly withering away.
I know not all people like FB, and many are afraid that f it, but the range of contacts and the flexibility of interface certainly are liberating

[PamTG]

Perhaps they got what they wanted out of coming here and they got the support and the advice they were looking for. Perhaps some left because of other situations that happen that weren't so good. usually forums for ladies like us have members that come and go, hopefully I can stick around for awhile

[nvlady]

I'm sure the ones we don't see here anymore simply reached the "Been there, done that, got the t-shirt" stage.

[Robin414]

Great topic Alice, I think a number of reasons myself. ..novelty wears off, some find '3D' circles to belong to, and regrettably I imagine some of our friends here pass on as well 😢

[sometimes_miss]

There have been so many who posted on here, who have simply vanished, it seems!
A few reasons I can think of. 1. Some just died. A lot of us are in the 'danger zone', we're over 40, and so can drop at any moment. 2. Some come here in hopes of finding an answer to how to deal with it, how to find a CD friendly woman, and, upon finding out that the chances are so slim, simply give up. Most of the threads here tend to repeat themselves; just look at all the old locked threads, and you'll see that. 4. Others are curious, perhaps seeking a way to convince a wife, GF or other woman that they're really straight and that they're crossdressing won't compromise thier (her) life. When they find out that it's not that which is the biggest problem, but how a woman feels about a guy who suddenly seems to lose his masculinity, that can be disheartening as well. Perhaps others see the writing on the wall, and decide to try to quit, and never come back. Under the right circumstances, some of us will be able to do that. And last, some will simply tire of discussing it, and just go back to their lives living in the closet, making the most of whatever their lives have to offer.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Most people come here looking for answers or some kind of connection. For some it may be like a new relationship where everything is new (forum) and exciting and like many relationships after awhile those feelings may start to dissipate or wear off somewhat and so being active on here for them may start to feel more like work or something to keep up with. This may explain some of them. There are some relationships where people commit to keeping the excitement alive and continually "work it" and that may be similiar to how and why some remain active here for years and even a decade or more. I personally feel that its very rewarding to hear stories from newcomers and offer advise, soak up wisdom from the vets, and get to know the various people in this community. Just out of curiosity is there a page that lists all the registered members on here, that would be kinda neat.

[Lorileah]

And honestly, after a while us veterans have seen pretty much every possible topic.

BTW what color are your panties and do you like pantyhose or garters? :)

[Tracii G]

Where's Karen?? Hockey season is fast approaching.
Joni

Karren is still around I see her on face book.

[Heidi Stevens]

That is a good question and I think you gave some good answers. Perhaps a number of them got turned off by cyber bullying.

I happen to know that this problem has become quite active on this forum. Sure there are some strict rules on this forum to keep the traffic moving, but tracking down Cyber Bullies is not one of them appearently! Fine, respectable people have been run off do to the fact they don't agree with your point of view. Now this is different than correcting misstated facts or trying to educated a person with a misinformed belief. But running off people just because they say your way stinks or its not being done the way most of us are doing it, is Cyber Bullying.
A professor I had in college used to use a story he picked up from an internationally known professor he had when he was in school. "Facts are things that remain true until proven wrong. You need true facts to build your car, but there is more than one road to Chicago from here". In other words, your way is not the only way to a goal.

[Rhonda Jean]

This forum has a broad cross section. Once someone's interest becomes a little more specific, there are sites better suited to those specific interests. I see some on the makeup boards, the skirts boards, the boob boards, etc.. Also, we tend to be a bit of an older group. The young girls seem to drop in and out of here pretty quickly. They live in a different world than most of us.

I really miss some of the girls who used to be here all the time and have disappeared altogether. Kathi Lake comes to mind. I still check on TxKimberley's blog. Karren was such a favorite of all of us. It's a lot less fun around here without these girls.

Kathi Lake disappeared so quickly I worried about her. Seemed like one day she was flitting around all over town in her tiny little dresses (She's like a size zero), then nothing.

Kathi, if you're out there....!

[Prissy Linda]

Maybe the ladies haven't gone away, maybe they mostly lurk. Sometimes one of the girls that I haven't seen in a long time will contribute to a thread that they feel needs addressed, they have gone into their quiet stage for the time being.

[Amy Lynn3]

I have been here a number of years myself, and I have wondered where many of our members went, also. I am especially glad to hear Karren Hutton is still around. I have wondered where Texas Kimberly went too. Both of those members added lots to the information younger members needed.

Not only have they gone, but many more have left for varied reasons I know, but it feels like I have lost family.:sad:

[Alice Torn]

I must add, that sometimes, people on this site , who are damaged people, have suffered abuse from family and others, leave , when people are just inconsiderate and mean on here, at times. A lot of us have been emotionally and mentally tortured, and really don't want to add more, and just leave.

[DanielleLee]

I know that Kathi, Karren and Kimberly were among my favorite contributors to the site. I'm sure that wherever they're at, they know we're here for them with welcoming arms. Ladies... If you're lurking... Hello! Hope all is well 😊

[dutch-anita]

yep wondered what happened with Kathi Lake as well, always enjoyed her stories

[CynthiaD]

Perhaps it has something to do with the letter K. :) Perhaps things just got too repetitive. Perhaps the thrill is gone. Who knows?

Perhaps a better question is why don't more of us just move on? I don't know the answer to that one either.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Alice, Every day I click on ( Calendar ) at the top of the forum and go through the birthday list and wish the active members
A very special Happy Birthday, I look at the join date and last activity It's amazing some are only active for one day or
a couple months.:daydreaming:

[DianeDeBris]

This forum has a broad cross section. Once someone's interest becomes a little more specific, there are sites better suited to those specific interests. I see some on the makeup boards, the skirts boards, the boob boards, etc.. Also, we tend to be a bit of an older group. The young girls seem to drop in and out of here pretty quickly. They live in a different world than most of us.

I really miss some of the girls who used to be here all the time and have disappeared altogether. Kathi Lake comes to mind. I still check on TxKimberley's blog. Karren was such a favorite of all of us. It's a lot less fun around here without these girls.

Kathi Lake disappeared so quickly I worried about her. Seemed like one day she was flitting around all over town in her tiny little dresses (She's like a size zero), then nothing.

Kathi, if you're out there....!

Amen, Amen and Amen!!!

[windycissy]

I happen to know that this problem has become quite active on this forum. Sure there are some strict rules on this forum to keep the traffic moving, but tracking down Cyber Bullies is not one of them appearently! Fine, respectable people have been run off do to the fact they don't agree with your point of view. Now this is different than correcting misstated facts or trying to educated a person with a misinformed belief. But running off people just because they say your way stinks or its not being done the way most of us are doing it, is Cyber Bullying.
A professor I had in college used to use a story he picked up from an internationally known professor he had when he was in school. "Facts are things that remain true until proven wrong. You need true facts to build your car, but there is more than one road to Chicago from here". In other words, your way is not the only way to a goal.

To be quite honest, I deciided to leave last week after some really hurtful comments were directed at me - some of which I probably deserved, but there was so much piling on! Then out of the blue a few girls who were total strangers came to my defense, and I decided to stay for now. This really is a great group, and sometimes we don't realize how deep negative comments cut, it was a real lesson to me.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

hi Alice. I'm curious that you focus on so many negative reasons for the Vanishings.

In my own case I have simply lost the fire, the fixation, which I had for crossdressing for about a year. I still wear the underwear, it seems that will never quit. But it just isn't practicable to dress up in my daily life, and I don't need it badly enough to do as some do, get up early, put it all on then take it all off...I can't be bothered! But I still love to look at women's fashions, occasionally wear an item around the house, and very much enjoy checking new posts on the forum, though I only contribute a fraction of what I did.

I've been very interested to see your own emergence into the public realm, for instance.

Hugs, Nikki

[Katey888]

Alice - I know you have a tough time but I think Nikki's right, it's not always a negative reason that folk leave... or mortality, hopefully... :)

People move on in life, with their passions or their condition - whatever their motivation is for coming here and joining in is probably related to whether they find what they need and then stay or go... I know if my circumstances were different it would have been difficult to stay around for more than a year, but I continue to learn more about our shared nature that helps me with my self-acceptance and understanding, and if I can put back a little at the same time as doing that - and perhaps crack a corny joke or two on the way, then I feel it's worth it and making a difference to those who are genuinely struggling with how to manage their condition or situation (and maybe Karren just ran out of corny jokes..? ;))

I know some people struggle with the rules when they first join here - apparently the internet for them is best used when every other word is an expletive and abuse and hounding is a normal way of life... they don't stay long - but most get used to it, and we all get a few slaps on the way (yes - mods and admins still make mistakes... :)) and we all have moods, and we all say things that sometimes we regret, because we're human, and flawed, and individuals, and passionate...

On Cyber-Bullies... (said with best Public Information Announcement voice) All members have the ability to report anything that they feel contravenes the rules - few people seem to do this as I suspect we all like to feel that we can fight our own corner, but we do take action against the worst incidences if our oh-so slightly Draconian rules get breached... But this is a forum for discussion and debate too - if you broadcast an opinion you always have to be prepared that someone may offer a counterpoint for debate... It's a tough balance... :thinking:

Now go and think positive thoughts... we're all still here... :D

Katey x

[sometimes_miss]

Perhaps a better question is why don't more of us just move on? I don't know the answer to that one either.
Easy: All dressed up, and no place to go. While I'm not crazy about the censorship around here, I really don't want to discuss having sex and romantic relationships with guys, which I have found to be a pretty common topic on other boards and newsgroups. OTOH, the variety of personalities we have here is one of the reasons I stay.

[Alice Torn]

Nikki, and Katey, My first girlfriend ended her life, shortly after one of my long time school buddieds hung himself after his wife left him, and a dear friend's gay ex marine son ended his life. i am personally affected when i see people vanish, and i have been moments from ending my own pain, a number of times. I agree that not all the disappearences are negatives! Maybe they move on to better things, don't feel the need to be here anuymore. Who the heck knows? I suffer form emotional/mental illness, and even today, felt like ending it all, as i had a very stressful confrontation with my sister, when i can't understand her speech, and she blew up, and almost assaulted me. This extremely sicko family is enough to drive anyone to drinking, or worse. If only i had the money to move far away, but i am broke. My tramatized life experience, has made me more sensitive to people in crisis. I do not relate well, to people with more stable lives.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Don't worry, I'm still here, trials, tribulations, and stressors of male mode. Yes I know because everyone has missed me.:D Meanwhile as crickets are chirping, and members are wondering "who is Jocelyn, she was a member here?????:eek:

[Alice Torn]

I remember you Jocelyn. Glad you are here!

[Stephanie47]

BTW what color are your panties and do you like pantyhose or garters? :)

Lorileah, I think you were kidding, but, even I, who has a lot of time to be on-line (retiree) find there is a lot of repeating of prior threads. I look at the join date and just chalk it up to a new person asking the same question. But, I was a new person also, once. I've looked for some of the ladies, if I can remember their names.

I always notice on any thread the relationship between the numbers who have logged on to the number who are visitors. Its seems there are too many visitors in relation to those who logged on. Are they members who really do have family members being too intrusive and need to be careful? Or are they lurkers being inquisitive? Or a bunch of childish persons chuckling over men posting about what they are wearing and whether or not stockings with garters are more comfortable than thigh highs?

I do miss many of the "regulars" who have dropped off for one reason or another which is known only to themselves. I hope many of those have become so accustom and comfortable with themselves that they do not need the "therapy" this site gives.

[danam]

I'd like to know what happened to the vlogger comedienne Jessica Who. Not only did she disappear, but her records have been intentionally removed from Google search. WTF happened?

[Lorileah]

:thinking: censorship....

[JamieQ]

I'm still here... I've been a bit inactive for a while... Life happens. I am channeling all my energy rebuilding a business which is smoky where I need it. I'll see what tomorrow brings.

[Anita_2]

Great topic Alice, I've been inactive about one year but why? I asked once question in style what do you want to look like (maybe to blunt) and some of members atacked me about it. OK NP I want not to be in conlict, just stay some time off and yesterday replayed same question in new thread. Ther is lot of nice answer. Just was wrong time to ask that question in First truy. (apologize for English I have no praktice last year it will go better I hope) :)

[Madilyn A.]

great topic. I have been here for about 5 years, it seems I take breaks when I either prefer to spend my limited time dressing, or just too busy to find time to spend online in general. I have noticed over time that most of my closer friends have left the site, some I have left PMs for and have gotten no response. I will say that this site does have a "homey" feeling, as in coming home. I have learned such a great deal here, and met some lovely friends.

[ReineD]

WTF happened?

I looked her up once. She was getting a lot of attention due to the vids, was being asked to speak on behalf of the community and had an interview on a radio station. Then she went to LA to be involved in a project. Shortly afterwards, her wife left her. She stopped posting on all her profiles all at once. She did have a channel in guy mode dedicated to some gaming reviews that he contributed to very sporadically in following years but even this has not been active in a while. It's really too bad. I think she had a great message to deliver, in ways that made people lower their defenses.

[Jennifer W]

I can't speak for all of the "missing" members here, but I can tell you where I've been.
First thing is I went for therapy and found out some things I won't go into details about, but I am more happy with myself most of the time than ever before.
My wife is trying to accept me as I am and that is HUGE for us.
My daughter and her husband split so she and the 2 kids moved in. Less Jennifer time for me.
I don't want to pass as a woman as I grew a beard through the time I've been gone from here and my wife likes it. Let's just say I'm definitely a dude in a dress (actually yoga pants) and I'm okay with that.
I've been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. I have good days and bad days.
I'm always here checking out the posts. I do all my reading here on my phone as I don't own a computer. I'm not 100% happy with myself every day, but I'm much better than I was.

Jen

[heatherdress]

I think that we connect or identify with members on this site who share from-the-heart stories, problems, accomplishments, images. We look forward to their next post. And then we wonder what happened to them. It is sort of a loss, and makes me appreciate the people on this site.

I also want to add that we do have a few highly opinionated members who always seem to be expressing comments that are judgmental, insensitive and often hurtful, which probably cause some sensitive members to leave. People share stories, problems, ideas and pictures - and receive replies that go well beyond an honest, helpful comment. Most people here are caring, sensitive, helpful, friendly. A few are not. We are amazingly and wonderfully diverse, yet a few believe only they know what is right or what the rules should be.

[pamela7]

we come and go, just like dressing seems to for many members. Once we have understood what we need, many of us will leave with that. What we have in common is "just" CD/TG/TS for the main part, and once we've exhausted that topic (yes, that can be possible for some of us), then we're done.

I also find interesting topics come and go, and patches when I've less to say, and so many repeated posts variations on themes discussed. I doubt we have any new threads or insights, if we really searched the old ones thoroughly.

xxx Pamela

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I remember you Jocelyn. Glad you are here!

Why thank you Alice! :) Note 2 days in a row I've made time to return to the forum!!!!!!!!!!:cheer:

[Kandi Robbins]

I have shut it down regarding voicing an opinion here. I can easily take a punch, but that's not the point. I shouldn't have to. We are all supposed to be supportive here and I don't need some one telling me "my opinion doesn't matter" (as was told to me). Fine, I'll keep it to myself going forward. My life is too good right now having made so many real friends that I never thought possible a year ago. I have tried to participate, to be kind, supportive, humorous, open and honest and when I chime in with a dissenting opinion, brought forth in a respectful manner and then am mocked for that opinion, it's time to do something else with my time. I will occasionally check in on friends and will comment on their posts via private message. I will also use the forum to share ideas and experiences because I think that is helpful to those struggling to get out in the world. But beyond that.........

[Angie G]

I don't spend the time here I ones did. Other things come up. Still dress as much as I did just lost some time and intrest.:hugs:
Angie

[heatherdress]

Don't worry, I'm still here, trials, tribulations, and stressors of male mode. Yes I know because everyone has missed me.:D Meanwhile as crickets are chirping, and members are wondering "who is Jocelyn, she was a member here?????:eek:

Glad to see you again, Jocelyn.

[GeorgeA]

Alice,
Many times I wonder about people I remember or even exchanged posts that don't seem to be here. Perhaps they are just lurking but still in good health. Let's hope so.


Many a time I have liked what someone has written but am not about to add a post to say that.

Very well put, Angela, there are many posts I like but do not reply. If I did, I would have no time for anything else.

[Taylor186]

Kimberly keeps her blog updated. 'Traveling Transgendered'

[steftoday]

DarlaG used to befriend everyone..she hasn't been around in ages.
Like others have mentioned. Kathi Lake.
Karren Hutton used to be on another site I visited occasionally. She hasn't been there in awhile.
I knew Jocelyn was still around :)
So many others...
The ones that aren't around...I hope nothing happened (like death, or accident, thrown out) and that they've just moved on because they found what they needed.

[danam]

I was very active about 7 years ago. About 5 years ago I got into a very heated argument on this forum, very hurtful, and then I pretty much quit. I took several years off and focused instead on YouTube. I came back recently. I guess I craved the conversation. I'm better now at tuning out the extremists. Perhaps I've healed, or matured, or just gotten better at tuning out the noise.

[Genny B]

I have joined a local support group and get the help I was looking for there so I don't post here as often. What I did find interesting is that I met some others who were members here and asked them why I didn't see them on here anymore and they told me they had been blocked?

Genny B

[Krisi]

I think this forum needs a "Like" button as on Facebook. I agree with several of the posts on this thread but I don't want to reply to each saying "Well said." or something similar.

The only real way to find out why members leave is to ask them and of course if they are gone, there's no way to do that. My suspicions are:

They passed away
They quit crossdressing for some other hobby.
They transitioned and are now living as women and don't need or want to talk about crossdressing.
They got tired of the silly posts like "What color panties are you wearing right now?"
As someone else said, they didn't see the point of logging on only to be bullied by some of the members :edit:


At my age, I have come to realize that people come and go in our lives. It's not just this forum, it's every forum, Facebook and other "social media" and even people in our real lives. It's life.

[heatherdress]

Some people arrive on this site with a major problem, discovery or event - and seek help and advice. Often they start many posts and share their story. We see them repeatedly, every day, for weeks. And then we don't see them. They get support, learn, gain confidence, address their issue - and don't need support any more. They move on. When that happens - good happens.

[Krisi]

Perhaps, but I would think they might stay around and offer what they have learned to newer members. Besides, you never learn it all.

[mikeyp]

Some people arrive on this site with a major problem, discovery or event - and seek help and advice. Often they start many posts and share their story. We see them repeatedly, every day, for weeks. And then we don't see them. They get support, learn, gain confidence, address their issue - and don't need support any more. They move on. When that happens - good happens.

Exactly why I came to this website. Although I don't know that anyone else here has conservative muslim parents, lol.

[RedFourteen]

Sometimes there's just too much going on... I've been extremely busy with life... it happens!

[GeorgeA]

Does anyone remember Frederique? We used to exchange messages a couple years back.

[steftoday]

Yes to Frederique...she hasn't been here in a long time either.

[bimini1]

I'd like to know what happened to the vlogger comedienne Jessica Who. Not only did she disappear, but her records have been intentionally removed from Google search. WTF happened?

I came on here and inquired about her some months ago and the mods axed the thread. I guess it's ok to mention her in a thread with another title...apparently.
All kind of situations may cause some of us to fall away from the site. I believe some fall away from CD or the community altogether. Look at all Gina Lance did for the community then all of a sudden "poof", just gone.
I believe some reach a ceiling where there is no where else to go with it. Hell who knows it could happen to some of us. That fateful day may creep upon you where you "hang up your heels" so to speak.
For some the CDing is an ends to a means, an action reaction thing. It may simply play out at some point. Others feel truly transgendered.
Some days I feel like one of these days I am going to leave it behind. The next day I feel like I can't live without it.

[Lyla]

It seams that the majority of the under thirty members have disappeared.

[MissTee]

The new wears off . . . the honeymoon ends . . . new material or fresh topics become fewer and farther apart. After a while CD-ing just is. One gets comfortable (hopefully) with who they are and coming here becomes less a necessity.

[sarahcsc]

I am more interested in why people chose to stay. :)

I ask myself that question too. I used to post a lot of pictures of myself but that got old very quickly.

I stay because of my passion in this topic and also because of personal connections.

I can only assume that those who left are not as passionate and somehow failed to find any personal connection.

The forum gets old, yes. So does a 20 year old marriage. I mean... if a person leaves the forum because he/she is bored, it says something about their interest/passion in the topic.

I'm here to stay for a little while longer. :)

Love,
S

[Lynn Marie]

This place was a good start for me when I was in the closet, but I only made one real friend here who has subsequently disappeared. She helped me get out, I'll always miss her. I come alive around people. This forum is no longer enough for me. Face Book works better for me to keep in touch with those I don't get to see every week or so. Karren is there holding forth as an internet Queen, as are just about all of my close friends whom I see often and care for dearly. Maybe I've finally grown up a bit, graduated, and I'm off to college or whatever!

"I just stopped in to see what condition my condition was in"

[marsha leanne]

i miss jorja. i liked her humor , and her input. she spoke with a knowledge that can only come form a n extended walk. and i see that she is banned! WHY?

[Nikki Rich]

I haven't been on here in a while, its a combination of work and life getting in the way. I don't post very much because I'm a pretty private person. I do like to scan the threads the and yes there is a lot of repetition and that does get old. Just my thoughts on it :)

[ReineD]

i miss jorja. i liked her humor , and her input. she spoke with a knowledge that can only come form a n extended walk. and i see that she is banned! WHY?

Because it turned out she wasn't who she said she was.

[EricaCD]

Their questions were answered, the threads started repeating and they didn't need the information, some grew beyond what happens here, some went on to happier lives and new adventures. Sometimes good things happen and you move on.

This pretty much nailed it for me, though I do very occasionally drop by to say hello.

So "Hello!" Hope you all have been well.

251531


Erica

[GeorgeA]

Hello Erica. Glad that you dropped in. You look great!

[Krisi]

Because it turned out she wasn't who she said she was.

It's important to understand that many of us aren't who we say we are. This is a problem with the anonymity of the Internet. It's all too easy to pretend we are something we are not. Some people get their "jollies" from joining Internet forums and pretending to be someone that they are not.

This forum is all about pretending to be something we are not. We are not women, we are men who like to pretend we are women.

[Sarah-RT]

I would say the repetition causes some to leave, I came back to the forums last February or so after years of being away due to my own acceptance issues and since then even the threads start duplicating.

I can't recall many of the members from back when I joined, especially even the "youth" section when I was in it, I guess they moved to other social sites. I have my own Facebook but I discovered very quickly that adding one CDer leads to all the suggested pages,friends and groups to "sexy trans groups" "sissy MtFer's" etc etc. my mom and my close friends are friends of my second FB page and I don't need them to see that, especially when some of the suggested friends that pop up are hairy men in a pair of panties with an erection, I don't want to see that, I definitely don't need my mom seeing that or thinking that about me.

I do remember Jessica who, she was a great pillar of the community, sad to see she's gone. I didn't realise jorja had been blocked for whatever nefarious reasons, while we are all someone we're not it's odd to hear that it could be worse

[BillieAnneJean]

I used to post threads a lot more but after enough nasty posts that bordered on personal, I cut way back. Now I just do photo threads and an occasional Writers section thread about my blog.

This forum is a godsend, very well run, a lifeline. I am very thankful for it.

[GretchenJ]

I think that this forum is a great primer and tutorial: once you got the needed info, one tends to move on for the most part
a) First you find comfort that you are not alone in your feelings and actions
b) You learn the hardware - bras, dresses, corsets, hip pads, wigs, how to find jewelry and shoes in our sizes, how to shop online and in the stores
c) You learn the software - makeup, presentation, voice, mannerisms
d) You graduate, if you wish to, from dressing inside and venturing out
e) You get advanced knowledge on how you handle this with your SO - disclosure, DADT, stay in closet. There are sub factions in this forum that you can talk to representing these categories
f) You connect with 5-10 people who become your close friends and confidants ( this by far is has been the most valuable to me)
g) Sometimes this advances to
1. Your SO decides that this is not what she signs up for and decides to leave. Again, there are many here you can offer you advice, and can tell you that you will come out the other side
2. This is not enough for you and you decide to transition - I can't imagine how much harder than it was without the internet without feeling so isolated and alone.

To me this forum is a blessing - as it relates to the mods, I would definitely sacrifice a little freedom in exchange for a safe haven and a place to articulate my feelings without the constant barrage of crotch shots.

[IamWren]

Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
Because it turned out she wasn't who she said she was.


It's important to understand that many of us aren't who we say we are. This is a problem with the anonymity of the Internet. It's all too easy to pretend we are something we are not. Some people get their "jollies" from joining Internet forums and pretending to be someone that they are not.

This forum is all about pretending to be something we are not. We are not women, we are men who like to pretend we are women.

I thought exactly the same thing when I saw Reine's statement. I mean except for the trans ladies who have transitioned or are transitioning, who of us really is who we say we are here. I mean I can guaran-damn-tee you my name is not really Sayyidah and I don't wear a hijab when I'm not logged in.

I don't know who Jorja is or any of the other girls that are being mentioned but it sounds like they are remembered with a LOT of fondness.

I guess I'm just trying to say that I hope in two or three years there isn't a thread here saying "i wonder what happened to Sayyidah 'Sue' and there is a reply stating quite matter of factly "she wasn't who she said she was."

[Saikotsu]

I come and go with my availability. Sometimes life just gets in the way.