A gauge with which to measure that splash of cold water.

[Thea Pauline]

I've read a couple of the threads questioning individual reasoning for being TS, CD or [insert point of spectrum here] and wanted to relate some recent observations.

It occurred to me on the drive home that I have truly made it. My social transition is complete and it has apparently been a resounding success! Despite the fact that GRS is a need for me still to be satisfied, despite the fact that I have lost much to achieve the peace and happiness that comes from transition, I realized today that I have made it because I now, consistently, receive the misogynistic, sexist comments from male family and friends. Sometimes I even get the exclusionary sideways glace and wink as if to say, "But of course I don't mean you!" Ah, what a wonderful feeling to be accepted for who I am and realize that I'm now worth 80% of what I was 5 years ago to any employer.

For all you jealous CD's, Nyah, Nyeh, I can wear a dress any time I want; and get followed around the grocery store by creepy guys. I can wear heels and fearfully decide to take them off because they make a recognizable sound in the dark parking garage as I make my way to my car.

I am hopeful that those who believe being TS is a choice will take a moment to think about what would be required to make them make such a choice, knowing about the loss of social station they would be subjected to. You see, I don't agree with or support the gender binary, but I do fit within it. As a woman, it is important to me that physically I be the person I need to be. Many of us are familiar with the saying "Sexual orientation is about who you go to bed with, gender identity is about who you go to bed as.". My level of transexualism and dysphoria requires that I have GRS; I have had to move fast at times to stay ahead of crippling dysphoria.

For those who are living through transition, my most heartfelt congratulations to us all for surviving. For those who can't comprehend needing to transition, i.e. the happy CDer's, more power to you. If you don't think you'll understand the show, don't buy the ticket. It's not like you can walk out and get your money back.

All in all though, I guess I should be happy to be accepted in my proper role by the patriarchy!

[Debb]

A sober look at reality. Thank you.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Im a bi gendered cder and I cant comprehend how people cant comprehend a TSs need to transition! Just goes to show that a persons level of understanding isn't neccesarily defined by the category one happens to identify with. Congratulations on your transitioning, I respect your strength in doing what it takes to be who you are.

[mikeyp]

Out of curiosity, has it always been a need for you, or has the level of dysphoria increased over time?

[Kirsten1]

Thank you for the post. I am very glad to see that somone is Very Happy with their transition. It seems that many of the comments I see about people transitioning, they have a hard time and I am sad for them. But as I said I am very happy to see that things are well for you and you are happy!

Kirsten

[Cheryl_Layton]

I fully respect anyone's decision to transition or transgender. It's your life and your body to do as you wish with. Who am I (or anyone else, for that matter) to sit in judgement on other people?
If it makes you happy, go for it!

[St. Eve]

Thea

Thanks for your beautiful and honest post. I am so glad you know who you are and have created a life to be her!!
I know it is important for me to remember every day how my biologically male life works to my benefit and I appreciate the reminders.
I am pretty sure I am on neither end of the binary gender spectrum, but time will tell. Until then, I hope to continue knowing a deeper sense of my own female / male mix and eventually getting to learning the real experience of femaleness in our culture.

Peace
Eve

[jenniferinsf]

i support st.eve...a positive and thoughtful post.

i applaud your self awareness and wish you all the best on the path you are on.

[bridget thronton]

And very well written post

[Katey888]

Nice post Thea... :clap:

Let's just hope the ones that really need to read and absorb the concepts are able and willing to do so...

The misunderstandings that exist on both 'sides' of our community street you've addressed quite nicely I think: that TS do represent a misaligned binary whereas CDs can seem to fit many variants, the one I more closely align with behaving like a bistable flip-flop (that's NOT an item of footwear...;)) - by that I mean that we absolutely need both modes of expression as an outlet for what's inside, but to varying proportions. And it's because we need to flip between the two that expression and appearance (and hence the clothing as part of that) I believe is so important to us, but for a TS it's just everyday normality. For us, it helps hugely to define what mode we feel in at any one time and so it can appear that we obsess over it a little. :)

I get the misogyny thing too - but that's society and is never likely to be perfectly equitable as far as gender goes - we just have to help it balance as much as we can...

Thoughtful and inclusive! :cheer:

Katey x

[Thea Pauline]

I don't know that my dysphoria has increased over time. I DO know that once I knew what it was, there was no escaping it. Everywhere in my life.

[Abby Kae]

I DO know that once I knew what it was, there was no escaping it.

This has been my experience, too. Once I discovered that my issues had a name, I hopped on the train and started moving.

I'm glad you're being treated as you are; a woman. I'm less glad that means misogyny and other things in our society.

[Tracii G]

I have a friend that transitioned 6 years ago and she told me pretty much the same thing.
Thanks for expressing the sober reality.

[Thea Pauline]

I get the misogyny thing too - but that's society and is never likely to be perfectly equitable as far as gender goes - we just have to help it balance as much as we can...Katey x

Thanks Katey; One of my hopes when I write such posts, is that those who do experience life as bigender, or agender, or cisgender CD's (as some believe themselves to be), or any other human, will be able to use just one small piece of commonality with a TS such as me to consider gender rights and equality and how those relate to natural human rights. I hope they use those thoughts to address all the day to day situations where a co worker makes a misogynistic comment, or someone they meet at a party makes a comment denigrating trans* people. In the long run, those changes have to come primarily from men, so I hope those men who read this, when they choose to make use of their male privilege they will be continually cognizant of the power they hold to advance or restrict the public perception of women by their actions. Obviously, for those who travel in both realms, this could be seen as helping yourself, no?

[CynthiaD]

What a great post! Yes, despite all the gains that women have made, there's still a lot if innate discrimination. I hate it. I've always hated it. And I've never understood it. Even before I accepted being transgendered, I always felt that discrimination against women was somehow directed at me as well. Now I know why.

But it's easy to avoid all this. Just stay male. But that's like cutting off your legs to avoid stubbing your toe.

All the best,
Cynthia

[Jazzy Jaz]

I totally agree Thea! For those of us who are male bodied and at least identify partially as male, we have a unique oppertunity and advantage in helping to address this issue. Its almost like being a double agent. Understanding and relating to females while also understanding and relating somewhat to males, we possibly have the ability to bridge between the two. We can stand up against misogony and at our discretion we can present as male role models doing it. I was raised by a very strong single mother and my very strong single grand mother and I come from a community where the role of women used to be very prominent and balanced. Some of that has changed over recent times but many of us still hold those values and they are starting to resurface. I wish all you ladies the best.

[Lorileah]

Hey little sister, you know I am only a few steps ahead of you and here to help if you need it :) Maybe we should go to SF together


It seems that many of the comments I see about people transitioning, they have a hard time and I am sad for them.

One thing to keep in mind on the transitions posts and the hard times part. First it isn't easy, it is painful and it takes time to heal, some more than others. Second, successful transitions often either fade away or they don't wave the flag that all is great. It is like that in everything, when things are good, little mention. When things are bad...big fuss. I am not saying it will be a walk in the park for anyone (although I do know someone who ran a marathon soon after), but the good results have to outweigh the bad because there are so many surgeries and so few posts.

[St. Eve]

i support st.eve...a positive and thoughtful post.

i applaud your self awareness and wish you all the best on the path you are on.

Thanx Jennifer, I appreciate the support!
Peace
Eve

[Mayo]

We can stand up against misogony and at our discretion we can present as male role models doing it.
Well said, Jasmine!

[Thea Pauline]

Maybe we should go to SF together

That would be very nice, but we'll have to see if there's any way to coordinate schedules. Having a familiar face around is always nice, but especially in a hospital. I have a hard time staying down, even if the doctors insist. I think the worst part for me might be just being confined to bed for more than a day or two. I'll go stir crazy, unless I have someone to talk to. If I go alone, I'll have to ensure they keep me happily sedated until I'm allowed up! :battingeyelashes: