Karren J
09-21-2015, 09:00 PM
Life for me has been going pretty good, I am nearing 3 months of HRT and in the past 2 weeks I've started budding. I've got little grape size bumps behind the nipple and I'm definitely more sensitive to contact and pressure I absolutely notice bumping and rubbing now. I won't call it painful just sensitive. My timeline seems to be pretty much on average. I've had my first professional laser hair removal for my beard and it was painful! I've tried home removal with a Tria and it hurt and did nothing, this hurt way more! I was smart enough to follow the tech's advice and liberally coated my face with 5% lidocaine cream and it helped but the procedure was brutal, not quite tears painful but close.
The payoff has been amazing, probably 70% of my beard hasn't grown back and what did are the grey hairs mostly, I've now got an old man beard with more salt than pepper and it's pretty widely scattered. I understand that some of the hair may come back over time but I'm hopeful I'll be one of the lucky ones that has excellent results, in either case I've booked the next appointment.
I'm stayed mentally and emotionally flat, not bad, not crazy good, just good. The disphoria had been almost totally absent now for over 2 months I've gotten used to me like this. I can look back and see that I was unhappy and trudging through life and now it's better. I've had only one real instance of disphoria about a month ago when as I was filling up my car and a woman walked by me to the gas station, there was no reason for it but I felt that stab in the chest of how badly I needed that, that I needed to be her. It really surprised me but it also felt like and old friend called me out of the blue, I wasn't upset just reminded why I'm doing this and the reinforcement was good as it focused me.
I've pretty much stopped thinking the millions of crazy scenario in my head, of all the bad things and how everything can go wrong. It's sounds crazy to me as I type this out but the what if's don't really even come into my mind anymore, the best analogy I can come up with is being a student cramming all night for a test being nervous and terrified of failure but now I've walked into the classroom sat down and as I write the test all the fear and anxiety is gone I am just doing my best as I go along.
I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about the consequences of my choices and actions, I still worry about all the negative things out there. I worry for my marriage, my career and my chances of living a normal life. I don't know how to explain it but I'm feeling OK about the worries and I'm keeping my head above the water. After all what is normal?
Anyway I just wanted to share where I am and how things have been going.
K
The payoff has been amazing, probably 70% of my beard hasn't grown back and what did are the grey hairs mostly, I've now got an old man beard with more salt than pepper and it's pretty widely scattered. I understand that some of the hair may come back over time but I'm hopeful I'll be one of the lucky ones that has excellent results, in either case I've booked the next appointment.
I'm stayed mentally and emotionally flat, not bad, not crazy good, just good. The disphoria had been almost totally absent now for over 2 months I've gotten used to me like this. I can look back and see that I was unhappy and trudging through life and now it's better. I've had only one real instance of disphoria about a month ago when as I was filling up my car and a woman walked by me to the gas station, there was no reason for it but I felt that stab in the chest of how badly I needed that, that I needed to be her. It really surprised me but it also felt like and old friend called me out of the blue, I wasn't upset just reminded why I'm doing this and the reinforcement was good as it focused me.
I've pretty much stopped thinking the millions of crazy scenario in my head, of all the bad things and how everything can go wrong. It's sounds crazy to me as I type this out but the what if's don't really even come into my mind anymore, the best analogy I can come up with is being a student cramming all night for a test being nervous and terrified of failure but now I've walked into the classroom sat down and as I write the test all the fear and anxiety is gone I am just doing my best as I go along.
I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about the consequences of my choices and actions, I still worry about all the negative things out there. I worry for my marriage, my career and my chances of living a normal life. I don't know how to explain it but I'm feeling OK about the worries and I'm keeping my head above the water. After all what is normal?
Anyway I just wanted to share where I am and how things have been going.
K