Do you want to be totally open?

[Robinadress]

I can not decide if I want to be totally open about my crossdressing or if I want to continue trying not to be found out by the people that doesn’t already know.

On one side I would love to be able to go around wherever I want at any time. The best thing I do while dressed is to just take care of ordinary things during the day and do the things I would have taken care of as I do in guy clothes today. It would be so fantastic if I didn’t have to care at all if I would meet someone that doesn’t know.

On the other hand I also like the thrill to go out to see if I can avoid meeting the same people mentioned above, and avoid being caught. The feeling of entering a mall or a store not knowing what would happen while dressed is so exiting and I think this excitement is also a big part of why I like to crossdress. If I would have been totally open to everyone this thrill would have disappeared. I would really have missed this part of the crossdressing.

Both parts have so many positive sides, but I can not decide which I would prefer.

So, what would you have chosen if you were able to choose?

[Paula J]

For me, the possibility of being caught doesn't give me a thrill. It just gives me anxiety. Honestly, I wish it was just acceptable for guys to dress like women and wear makeup and wigs or whatever. I just wish everyone could just do whatever they wanted without fear of being judged or criticized. I do get a thrill out of trying to make myself look as passable as possible. And I probably wouldn't even care if a perfect stranger saw me and realized that I'm actually a guy. But honestly, there is a handful of people, who I would be horrified if they ever id'd me.

[Stephanie47]

It isn't so much being caught that gives me anxiety. It's how people react. If I were to be seen en femme, even if it is in my backyard, the anxiety is whether or not that person will drop me as a friend or casual acquaintance. And, then there's the "telephone game." He or she tells the neighbor, tells the next neighbor,etc. I think several years ago a family living next door in a rental told other neighbors after seeing me in my backyard. No one seemed to avoid me or change their attitude at all with me. But, I still would not go down the street 100 feet to the community mailbox wearing what I have on right now; wig, dress, hosiery, heels and proper undergarments.

I know there are many on this site who say to throw caution to the wind and "Just Do It!" However, none of us live in a vacuum. We have to interact with various groups of people.

Where I live and with whom I deal with on a daily basis, I'd forego both. There are people who enjoy risk and thrive on it. They work in risky professions and undertake risky pleasurable activities and hobbies. Then, there are many people like me who assess the pros and cons before taking the risk.

[Dana44]

Robin, this is good question. I am a gender fluid male. But male is my higher personality. We live in an area that's new to us. We go out as fem on one side of town and male on the other. I know that somebody that knows us will eventually catch me as my feminine self. Yet that does not really bother me. To family, I would never out myself. But I must say that when I'm on either side of town I am comfortable as I am presented. I do take care of ordinary things on either side of town. LOL It's a lot of fun in life either way.

[Sarah-RT]

Good question!
While I have decided that if ever questioned id answer honestly, I have told my friends and family so those who would ask would be less close friends or just acquaintances so the former dread of being found out is a lot less because I have support now. With that said I would still be hesitant to go trooping down my street in broad daylight or any of my local shops but that's more of a concern with strangers, people you know are less likely to say inappropriate things, or at least not to your face

[Princess Chantal]

I have taken somewhat the "if questioned would answer honestly, if not asked would not tell" approach. When my crossdress adventuring ends up crossing paths with friends and/or family, I did not do the hide but had greeted them same way as I would have if I were in guy mode

[Ceera]

Right now I'm just going out as Ceera pretty much whenever and wherever I want to, and not caring who might see me. I haven't gone out of my way to tell any of my friends or neighbors about Ceera, but if they see her, I won't deny it's me, and we can discuss the change then.

My few remaining family members all live far away from me, so the only way they would encounter Ceera is if I am open about it on-line. I'll be moving much closer to them soon, but will still be in a town that's 3 to 4 hours drive away, so even though I plan to be fully out with my new neighbors and friends in my new town about presenting both ways, those family members still won't be likely to know, unless and until I choose to tell them.

My future plans are to live a very gender fluid life, spending about half of my time female and half male, depending on the mood I am in at the moment and the type of place I'm going to.

[Candice June Lee]

I just want to be able to go out and not worry who sees. Not worry about any job issues, people prblems etc.... just simply be me and how i want/need to be.

[Brooke B]

I would love to be totally open. Now personally I don't want to transition. Its not even a thought. But I do like my crossdressing and don't think I could give it up. But on a professional side of me it would not be tollerated and I would have too much to lose.

[CynthiaD]

My aim has always been 24/7. I'm getting a lot closer, but not there yet for a number of reasons. Soon. Perhaps.

[Infused]

Personally I have little desire to go out on a daily basis in public. I would have to spend an hour in the bathroom doing my hair, I don't have time for that. I would like to go out dancing or supper or something special. Going out alone scares me and makes me nervous, I would be more comfortable with friends or family. I just want to be accepted more than anything, other people can think I'm weird or whatever I don't care, cross dressing isn't even the weirdest thing about me. I'm seriously pondering telling my family and friends. The idea of revealing my secret to people really excites me. Most people that know me would be shocked, in a good way. I feel revealing it would make me even more powerful of a person.

[Adriana Moretti]

great question.....I wouldnt mind being totally "out"...I mostly am totally "out" ....except for mom...and I live with her unfortunately....she probably knows anyway, but while I am living rent free under her roof I will keep my mouth shut, that way there are no complaints when I go off on a raging weekend.

[Veronica putters]

I would love to be open but with my friends and family who are not so nice when it comes to things that are out of the norm i can't they would all stop talking to me... its not hard hiding it its just all the stress of jot being able to tell anyone.. it does help talking to you girls a lot :)

[SandraB]

I just want to be able to go out and not worry who sees. Not worry about any job issues, people prblems etc.... just simply be me and how i want/need to be.

Expresses it perfectly for me.

[JeanetteX]

Yes I would like to be completely open about it. This world would be an awesome place if men could walk around in a dress, makeup and beautiful hair without a care. But I am afraid that is just a fantasy world, especially in the small minded community that I live in. My family and friends would never ever accept me as Jeanette. For now I must remain in the closet I fear. Who knows whatever might happen though!

Btw I'd like to point out I dont dress for the excitement of getting caught...I dress for the excitement I get from the soft fabrics, the beautiful clothes and seeing myself transform into a much better looking person (or so I think!).

[Kaze_]

I'm fine in the closet.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Robin, I would rather keep them guessing.:hugs:

[sometimes_miss]

In an ideal world, sure. But I know that the inevitable 'boy named sue' situation can eventually happen even in mostly TG safe areas, so, no. I don't like being put into a situation where I can get cornered and have to fight my way out of it. I'm big and strong enough to cause some serious damage to whoever the instigator is even if I eventually lose, but it's just not worth it. We simply don't live in a tolerant world yet.

[ashleyjane15]

I'm out to my SO and I'd prefer it that way for now. My mom kinda knows but I haven't told her that I fully dress. I think she would be OK with it because her philosophy is "Whatever makes you happy that is not illegal."
Eventually I want to be out to my friends and family but that is going to alienate a lot of people and that's what I fear the most because family is very important to me.

[Cheryl_Layton]

I do get tired and irritated with all the subterfuge and secrecy; not least the amount of time I have to spend clearing up to ensure every trace of my dressing is gone before family arrive back. As much as I would love to 'come out' I worry about the reaction of my immediate family (kids are involved here). Would they lose respect for me or would they value my diversity? As they say, once the Genie is out of the bottle, you can't put it back in.

BTW, it does show what a sad, sad world we live in when we cannot be ourselves and that we seem to be at the mercy of other people's opinions/views. What right has anyone to judge anyone else or to tell them how to live their lives? As long as it's not illegal or has a negative impact on others, I don't mind what anyone else does with their lives/bodies.

[kimdl93]

As BB King said, long ago in another context, "the thrill is gone". It was there...or the adrenaline rush of fear...the first few times I went out. When I 'came out' ...edged slowly out...and was known for who I am, there was an initial high associated with just getting it out there. But the new normal eventually sets in and now it's just life. And that's good.

[Ally 2112]

I would great to be open although in my case i do not mine being in the closet just makes things that much simpler

[Rachael Leigh]

Without a doubt to go out and not worry, I do get concerned I may see someone I know but then I think there not going to know its me most likely but still if it didn't matter I would much rather that be the case

[pamela7]

totally open

[Nikkilovesdresses]

...what a sad, sad world we live in when we cannot be ourselves and that we seem to be at the mercy of other people's opinions/views. What right has anyone to judge anyone else or to tell them how to live their lives? As long as it's not illegal or has a negative impact on others, I don't mind what anyone else does with their lives/bodies.

Crossdressing throws this into stark relief for many of us, as we learned decades ago to be good little citizens and not frighten the horses. Suddenly here we are at 40, 50, 60 + banging up against the rules again. We have all these years of experience, yet we still feel the peer pressure just as we did at 14-24.

The thing is people do have the right to judge others and tell them how to live their lives, . Freedom of speech works both ways. Bigots have rights too :)

Coming out to your family may shock (some) of them, may alienate some of them, may intrigue others, and some might admire your strength and confidence. In an ideal world they'd all love you anyway. It would be fairest to come out to your wife first and listen to what she has to say. If the divorce papers land on your desk the following week you'll know the talk didn't go well :)

[Cheryl T]

There is no thrill in ducking those that might recognize me in public.
I would much prefer to be totally out, but in deference to my wife's feelings about family and close friends I am not.

[PamTG]

For me I am not even at the point of even thinking about dressing in public but the thought of dressing in public and out about really makes me envious of the future and what it has in hold for when it comes to dressing up and so forth. I guess once I do start to dress up and go out in public it would be nice to get a group of friends that are just like me so I would have something to fall back on if I did talk to friends and family if they did not support me. I would rather just be open and honest about it to every single person so I didn't have to hide the real me and if I did see someone out and about it wouldn't be strange. Of course words are louder than actions but that is why I am here so I am comfortable around people that do all the things that I can only dream about doing and gradually building up my confidence in doing that.

[Krisi]

Many of us cannot be "totally open" because of our careers or the wishes of our wives. Others may not care for one reason or another.

My thought is that once I am away from home and my neighborhood, I might be pegged as a crossdresser but my "disguise" is good enough that they wouldn't recognize me as Homer. They might if my wife was by my side though. And I would likely be recognized if I walked out the door of my house and drove away in my car.

I get no thrill with the thought of being caught, that's not why I do this.

[jenniferinsf]

i am with kandia and sandrb.
i was dressing and going out a lot, really without thing about the consequences of my marital relationship. what can i say is, that although coming out to my wife and grown children and a few clothes friends, i have realized that i have too much to lose by being 24/7. in order to keep our 40 year marriage going and the privileged way we live we established some rules so that jennifer do not cause discomfort or embarrassment to others...no public displays of jennifer in our condo building, our immediate neighbor hood, most social situations and at work. by my reckoning that still means i can dress 70% of the time.
while i would like to just be able to go out and my a quart of milk at the local whole foods, that is unlikely to happen. however, if i were dressed and out and about and ran into someone i knew, i would not hide. i am who i am and proud of it. for me there is no excitement to being seen or being found out, there is just being a woman

[Rachel PT]

No, and I don't want to be. Those that do, though, I wish the best.

[Robin414]

I often fall back on the ol' "life's too short" thing and "why is this such a big deal"

@ Jeanette...I so have to visit the Netherlands, I could totally be your 'wing chick' sis!

[MichelleDevon]

Would I want to be totally open? Yes, I would. I would not wish to be Michelle all the time but I would like the freedom to be Michelle when I want to be and Stephen the rest of the time.

I love my Michelle time and I am comfortable to be out and about and, thus far, I don't think anyone who knows Stephen has recognised Michelle as being the same person when meeting me randomly. Whenever I am out as Michelle I have been treated courteously even though I am generally identified as a crossdresser. I don't deliberately try to avoid people I know - the majority would, I feel sure, not recognise me.

There is always an element of thrill being out as Michelle and I think that would remain even if I was totally free to be Michelle whenever I wanted to be. There will always be times and places where, for good reasons, I might choose not to present as Michelle.

So for me I don't think there is a decision to be made - I am happy being Michelle as often as I can; up to a point, the more the better.

[transfeminate]

I would love the freedom to choose but would never dream of risking embarrassing my so understanding wife.
Charlene

[Alice_2014_B]

Its more of the thrill for me.
:)

[Raychel]

As much as I would love to be totally open to the world. At this point I have to much to lose. I know allot of people in this area. And allot of them will not accept me at all. This I know for sure. Conversations have proved that. So until I am ready to retire, I will take what I can get in private

[JeanetteX]

I often fall back on the ol' "life's too short" thing and "why is this such a big deal"

@ Jeanette...I so have to visit the Netherlands, I could totally be your 'wing chick' sis!

You're more than welcome Robin....think you could cause some havoc over here lol

[Claire Cook]

I guess i am pretty much where Ceera is. I'm pretty open and lots of folks know about me, but I've kept it from family and don't dress at work. I'm semi-retired and my family is pretty spread out geographically, so that really not much of an issue. More and more I am me. Being relatively open has relieved a lot of my anxiety, and I never cease to wonder at how accepting -- at least tolerant -- most people have been.