Am I wrong to feel this way?.....

[Anita Mae GG]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing. I have no problem with the dressing and seasonal shaving of legs and underarms. well he shaved his chest hair today. At first I was fuming. Now I am disappointed and still a little mad. We had an agreement and he broke it. Am I being dumb about this? I like his chest hair, it is sexy etc. I am just disappointed I guess that he went back on his word after I made such an effort to accept him and support him. Which I still do of course but just a little let down I guess that after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts??????

[Tina Dixon]

So long chest hair, I hate it all most as much as back hair, why do we even need body hair, yuk, shave it all I say, let him do it, would you not shave your body hair because he likes it?

[Tamara Croft]

In all honesty, it is 'his' hair. However, you both made a compromise which he broke. A relationship is built on trust and that trust has been broken. It might only be a shaved chest, but that leads to other things being compromised. You are right to be mad, I'd be mad to.

One question though, if Danielle asked you to keep your hairs on your legs, cus she liked them like that, would you?

[pammiecd]

You have to realize that this is not going away. Believe me I tried. I'm almost 51, and I can trace my dressing back to about four years old. At this point of my life, I'm starting to do things that " I " want to do. I may die tomorrow, so I'm going to live my life the way I want to. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, she's not a hundred percent for this, but she is not a hundred percent against it either. She's content with the middle of the road, and so am I.

[Maria D]

It doesn't matter if it's taking out the rubbish, shaving his chest or painting a fence, it's the fact the agreement was broken that would upset me.
There ARE other issues, such as who's body it is, and whether (s)he has a right to shave or not, but even so, the agreement was broken.
If it was me I'd discuss that side of it first, and explain that my trust had been betrayed and that I'd find it hard to believe in any agreement again.

I'm sorry you're upset, and hope you resolve things quickly together.

[Anita Mae GG]

In all honesty, it is 'his' hair. However, you both made a compromise which he broke. A relationship is built on trust and that trust has been broken. It might only be a shaved chest, but that leads to other things being compromised. You are right to be mad, I'd be mad to.

One question though, if Danielle asked you to keep your hairs on your legs, cus she liked them like that, would you?


I would compromise and do seasonal shaving.....

For the record, I keep my hair (on my head) long because he likes long hair. I might like it a little shorter cuz it's easier with 4 kids.

Thanks Tamara, you saw my whole point exactly. It's not JUST about the hair. It is about the promise.

He did say he was sorry though so that makes me feel better :)

[Joanne_2003]

You stated that you and your SO have a comprimise, my question is was shaving of chest hair addressed and determined to be off limits? If it wasn't did he actually break his/her word? If it was addressed and he did go back on the deal than he is wrong and you have the right to be upset.

You need to discuss your feelings about this to him and give him the opportunity to explain his, only then can the two of you move forward. My thoughts are with the two of you.

Joanne

[_Janelle_]

He did say he was sorry though so that makes me feel better :)

That's an old guy trick I'm afraid - it's easier to say sorry than ask for permission!

Having said that, I agree with you whole heartedly - there was an agreement and the agreement was broken. It all boils down to trust. If it was part of the agreement that he couldn't uphold for whatever reason, he should have talked to you first. I would sit him him down and say if he wants your support on his crossdressing, he has to play by the rules you both agreed to.

On the otherhand, maybe its no big deal - its just hair after all!

Good luck

Janelle.

[Katrina]

I agree with you Tammy Marie. I have a similar issue with my GF. She definately loves my chest hair. I am 50/50 on it - it doesn't bother me like other hair on my body, but it definately puts a cramp on my dressing activities and what shirts I can wear in public. I want to get rid of it but we agreed that I would not touch it, so no shaving for me.

[Julie Avery]

My sense is that neither your feelings, nor his desires, are right or wrong - feelings and desires are things that happen to us, not things we choose - although they certainly do make up a large part of our identity.

I would suggest exploring this: let him know that you will never be able to view him as a woman, but that you can love your "man who loves to be girly" (to do a riff on "My Husband Betty"). And press it further: let him know that there's not a person on earth born genetically female, who's going to be intimate with him, and really feel that they're being intimate with a woman.

Maybe if you know that he understands this, it might be easier for you to let him go farther in the feminizing direction his desires are pulling him (as mine pull me).

I hope this helps, just my $0.02 and best wishes to you both

[Raychel]

Personally I think taht if your are accepting of his dressing. The least he could do is respect your wishes about his chest hair. I know for me I am so greatful that my wife even accepts this at all. I try to respect anything that she wishes. If she says that I could no longer dress, I would have to accept that. She doesn't have to accept anything. I personally think that it is above and beyond the call of duty for any woman to have to deal with a husband that crossdresses. I am very happy that my wife will allow me to dress as much as I do. I think that you husband should have respected your wishes.

[Ms. Donna]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing.

----- 8< -----

... after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts??????

Hi Tammy,

I suppose I'll have to take your side on this. :)

As much as I dislike the body hair - chest hair especially for the reason to which Katrina aluded - my wife is partial to it so it stays. I get cut a fair amount of slack and she has come a long way with my generally ambiguous presentation. She gives - I give. It's the only way that things can work.

As much as it's Danielle's hair, you two did have an understanding and I'm sure that she knew full well how you were going to react. It's that pushing thing that we do. Every so often - much like a child - we push just a bit more to see what we can get away with. We'll always do it, so don't be surprised.

The two of you need to have a chat about this. Without making is a huge issue, Danielle needs to understand what her actions mean to you and she needs to be clear on what you need from her in order for you to be able to support her needs.

Don't let this become the start of something bad - for you both. Discuss it and work it out - I'm sure you can.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Wendy me]

Tammy your right abought that yes promisees should be kept..if your understanding abought your so's dressing then yes a little give and take is in order...your so right....( don't cut your hair)...........

[Amanduhrob]

Ok I'm going to go against the grain here...

What about his chest hair do you like so much? Do you find it sexy because it's "manly" and not femme?

Maybe because I'm required to be clean shaven, that it's a non issue for me, but if you're knowingly in a relationship with a M2F Crossdresser, why wouldn't you understand that he would prefer to remove all of his hair below his forehead?

He's the same guy with or without body hair, and I'm pretty sure that if he went bald, you would still love him for who he is.

Yes he broke a pact with you, and thats not cool, but was it a realistic pact? Or did he agree thinking that your acceptance level would change over time?

He is who he is, it's part of him, and the need/desire will never go away.

Love him for who he is, and not for who you want him to be.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Tammy Marie,

Life is sometimes not fair and we have to do (or not do) things that we'd rather not. Compromise is usually the solution to most disagreements. You and Danielle had done this, you had agreed a compromise not to do something so that you could get along and move forward with regard to her crossdressing.

She has let you down....because she went back on her promise. If she was absolutely desperate to shave her chest then she should have come back to you first and talked about it some more. So what next? Well, that rather depends on you and your level of forgiveness...and it also depends on what Danielle can say or do to make you feel like she can still be trusted.

So your question "am I wrong to feel this way?" ....short answer...no.

[Lindahexi]

Hi Tammy,

I think the most important part of this is the broken agreement; the hair will grow back and if you both feel ok with it, after talking things through, that could be the end of the matter. However I can see this from both sides, for a crossdresser the chest hair really is a menace, and it's almost instinctive to shave it off, but lots of women do like their man to have chest hair. Do you think that Danielle deliberately broke the agreement with you, or is it possible that it was done without any real thought on the 'spur of the moment' ?
As the two of you have compromised so well about the dressing and the fact that you have been so accepting, I'm sure you can make a new agreement, on the understanding that trust be restored. Danielle is just so lucky to have such an understanding GG, many on this site would give anything to be in such a good relationship.

Hope it all works out OK,

Hugs,

Linda.

[jenafal123]

i just want to say i think you girls are so wonderful
your just so open and you make me feel free
love you all
Jena xxxxxoooo

[ShoppR]

Treat yourself an afternoon at the salon for a hair cut (I think you would look very good with short hair), and when you get home - beat the living c**p out of Danielle!

An agreement / compromise / negotiated settlement is an honor thing and for one party to violate the agreement strikes at the heart of the union.

I would be interested if Danielle knows how far she wants to go? How far she needs to go? Where does it all end?

Thank you for being supportive!

[Sweet Susan]

Chest hair sexy? I don't know. Do you think you'd be sexy with chest hair? Kinda doubt it. Could be you put your ideas of sexy where they don't exist. Just a thought.

Also, if I were you, I'd cut my hair if it's a hassle. He can learn to appreciate it the way you like it. Women who wear their hair for their husbands confuse me. If you don't like it, if it's a hassle, do away with it. Don't put your restrictions on him, and don't allow him to restrict you. Seems rather simple to me.

As far as the, "he broke his word," thing. What's it worth? He's a crossdresser, lighten up and get used to it. Five will get you ten that neither one of you are all of what you were when you married. He isn't going to quit being a crossdresser, so I'd say the two of you will be making deals and breaking them several times before you're talking to the bugs. That'll be fifty cents.

[Julie York]

i just want to say i think you girls are so wonderful
your just so open and you make me feel free
love you all
Jena xxxxxoooo

Ooh there's a little sparkle. You're welcome.




Thing is....you are technically in the right. But emotionally.....sometimes guys just think fk it. It was wrong. It is understood that within the rules it is wrong. But...well...fk it. They want to do it anyway.

You have an alpha CD on your hands. Lucky you. Or you probably wouldn't like him at all.

[Jacqui]

I agree with Raychel and Lindahexi.
Danielle should count her blessings that she has a wife like you who accepts and supports her cd desires.

As for me, I would give up Golf forever if my wife said to me, "Oooh, Jacqui, why don't we go to Victoria's Secret, they're having a great sale!"

I totally agree that you have a right to feel the way you do. Perhaps the next step as others have indicated is to speak to Danielle about whether or not your initial compromise/s are still valid or if there is a need to revisit and amend some of them to each of your approval.

Wish the both of you luck in whatever happens next.

Jacqui

[Mary Jane]

Tammy, I can understand your feelings. You had a compromise and he broke it. He should have come to you and talked about what he wanted to do. He should be in my situation with a wife that is not exactly accepting and he would be more appreciative of what he has. Accepting wives are not exactly the rule. He does not realize just how fortunate he really is.

[Sarahgurl371]

Tammy,

I am very torn about your question.

Yes you had an agreement and he broke it. You have a right to be upset about that.

From reading your posts you seem very accepting and supportive of your husband. Clearly we all appreciate that. I understand how you feel. My wife and I have both broken agreements now. It sucks, you feel that you are playing the game within the rules, and suddenly the other disregards them.

As a CD though, I understand were he is comming from. I cannot stand my body hair. I would luv to get rid of it all. Do you know how it feels (I guess most people do) to see something with your body that you do not like? But as a TG/CD, we are expected, for the comfort of others, to leave that item untouched and unchanged. "Normal" men and women are totally free to change themselves and thier body whenever they want because there is no "alternate" issue at work with it. Its simply - Its my body, and I do not like this, so I am changing it. What freedom!

My wife has raised objection to my shaving anything. So, for her sake, I don't do anything other than trim the top of my chest up (used to stick out of my shirt). Everyday I see this hairy body, and cannot stand it. Would love to shave it all off. But I don't, for her not me. She doesn't even realize that everyday I do not make MY body the way I want it, that I am repsecting her feelings. Everyday, I do something regarding CDing for her, not me.

Food for thought.

[ladyelaine]

Would it have been easy enough to make the best of this agreement by wearing a neck high top? It might well have been, or that's one first thought about the whole business. The agreement should have stuck, after all, this is not something haphzard like breaking a plate, is it? It takes a little time to get the razor out and all. Perhaps, there is more to be said in this instance.
Unlike a plate, there's no need to get the glue out and settle for a patch up, is there? Hope all works out for the best.

Elaine

[JoannaDees]

Yes, you are wrong to feel that way.

Does not make me right though!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

No it's not wrong to feel that way.

To echo what Tamara, Ms. Donna and Angel said, much as it's his hair, you reached a compromise, he made a promise and he broke it. From a CD's perspective I can totally understand why he wanted to do it. But being trans isn't an excuse to break vows, from the minor like this one, to the major.

If he really couldn't stand it, he should've talked to you about it. Ultimately it's his body, so just as if you wanted to cut your long hair, it's his decision. But at the least he would've given you fair warning -- and you could've let him know what your reaction would be.

Folks, it's really a simple question, which is more important to you: your crossdressing or your relationship? Relationships involve compromises on a lot of stuff, crossdressing is just one of them. Especially when you've got an SO who's supportive like Tammy Marie, do you really want to screw up things up with a unilateral action?

[Aireeca]

I think you are right. But as with most adventures in life. In order to get the same high or in this case pleasure, we need to go a little farther each time. As I sit here in a dress. Side note - I am more of a "man in a dress" kind of Crossdresser if you know what mean. Anyway, as I sit here in a dress and see all these other cute guys in dresses, looking like or close to real women I start to want more. I don't know what to say other then be careful. If boundaries can't be maintained then life will not be easy. And please remember it won't be easy for either of you.

[Ashley Helen]

I guess there comes a time when all of us want to know what it is like to wear a summer dress or revealing top without the sight of chest and arm hair. I did it, although my wife didn't know why and was against it.
In my case I looked like an oven-ready turkey when I was shaved but it met the need and, for the time being, my hair is now growing back (although I am keeping my legs shaved).

If there was a specific agreement not to shave then that agreement and trust has been broken and you are both going to have to work at re-establishing that trust otherwise you will see other agreements being broken.

Good luck to you both.

Helen

[Kimberley]

I am really torn on this issue.

First yes the agreement was broken and that was wrong, but is it the worst thing that could have happened?

Secondly as TG/CD's we sometimes lose perspective. I know I have on many occasions and will again.

When I read the original post the question that came to mind was is Danielle a CD or is she more? Too often many of us "slide" in deeper than we thought. Tammy, I have to wonder if you dont need to revisit "the talk". Maybe the groundrules are changing and you aren't aware of it. I could be wrong and I hope I am.

I can only imagine how difficult it is for you and the other GG's. I have the highest respect for all of you and the things that we put you through. Our lives are tough enough and we have to dump this on you. Those of you who at least accept our lifestyle are rare, but you also need to be kept in the loop. Danielle needs to understand that too. There is always compromise somewhere.

I know it is only chest hair, big deal. I agree with Tamara's perspective on hair. I also can see your point and feelings. Chest hair is a symbol of the male side of Danielle, something you want and need for you. I think your request was fair. Keep smiling as best you can.

[Holly]

Tammy, you're not wrong to feel the way that you do. Your feelings ARE you feelings. In no way can I condone what Danielle did... not the shaving, but the breaking of her vow. I hope both of you can get through this and continue to build a long lasting relationship where both of you are comfortable in placing your trust and mutual well being in one another's hands.

[Petrina CD]

I feel you have a right to be pissed off. Not just because of the vow thing ,but here you are accepting his cding and all you ask is that he leave his body hair on. He can where tops that cover the chest! I would not be happy if my wife cut her long beautiful blond hair off . Thus I will not shave anything but my face. I am lucky though, my legs no longer grow any hair at all, but I do have a hairy chest.( getting a little gray now)

[Aileen]

You should get the hair on your head cut short. Fair is fair.

Personally I think it's a reasonable compromise for a husband to crossdress if the wife never has to see it. I think that shaving is an important part of the crossdressing. But your husband should've got that agreed to up front. I really hope you can see your way clear to accepting it. But I can understand you might have problems with it.

[carolynhcd]

Tammy, you get to do whatever you want to feel comfortable with yourself. You say theat he lokes your hair longer so you accomodate him. It would be easier for you to have shorter hair, but you keep it longer for his sake. You don't HATE your long hair, it is merely an inconvenience. He hates his bodily hair and I know for a fact he feels more feminine without it. So it does not really equate. Let her control her body the way you would like to control yours. You are married to a woman and I think it is time that you realized it. I do understand Tamara's argument about having made agreements, and, to an extent, I agree, not least because I fear her above all other creatures in this universe. But you are with a woman and you must realize this and also realize that everything she does to feminise herself is meant to make her feel closer to you in a way I cannot explain.

[Anita Mae GG]

I appreciate everyones input on this. I see both sides. He and I did talk and he told me he wanted to see what is was like (without the hair) I think this is all about the compromise we made and agreed upon. Had he come to me and said "I really want to do it once just to see how it is w/o that hair" I probably would have said "ok, experiment but I would like you to grow it back and leave it" It is all about the going behind my back when he KNEW it was off limits.

I am ok with it now and I understand why he did it. We both realized that we just need to talk about anything and be open to continued compromise. I am sure there will be more times where he may want to try something else, and as long as it doesn't go beyond my morals and values I can be open to his exploration.

Thanks to all for your insight! It helped a lot.

Take care

[kittypw GG]

Tammy,
I think you have every right to be upset. He did break an agreement you both had concerning this issue. He should have talked to you first before just shaving it off. That shows a lack of considerations for your feelings. You also said that you would have been ok with the seasonal shaving of the chest hair. This, for me, is what is behind the non acceptance of crossdressing in general. If you really don't care about the feelings of your spouse then why do you have a spouse???? If crossdressers want acceptance for genetic females then you have to do some comprimising. As a genetic female I am attracted to men not women. Chest hair is a symbol of masculinity and something that a lot of women find very sexy. I know that it is important to feel good about who you are but lets face it folks. Genetic girls are not knocking down your doors to be with you, should you be so disrespecting of one who does love you and have come to accept you for who you are even if it means keeping a little chest hair??? What do you want from us anyway? Kitty

[Helen MC]

Obviously he was unhappy with having chest hair and I really do not see a lot of difference in principle between saving off leg or arm hair, facial hair, or pubic hair. I think this was a very pedantic and petty condition to impose .

I could see the importance if for example you had asked him not to wear your clothes and he did so, or not to "dress" when you had visitors, or in front of the kids or something major such as that but chest hair is not seen by others and is a purely personal matter for him, it is on his body. In like manner the hair on your head (cepahlic hair) is YOUR chocie whether to have it long and flowing or short and cropped.

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill or is there a hidden agenda and you are not really comfortable with his CD side and this is a convenient hook to hang him from?

[carson]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing. I have no problem with the dressing and seasonal shaving of legs and underarms. well he shaved his chest hair today. At first I was fuming. Now I am disappointed and still a little mad. We had an agreement and he broke it. Am I being dumb about this? I like his chest hair, it is sexy etc. I am just disappointed I guess that he went back on his word after I made such an effort to accept him and support him. Which I still do of course but just a little let down I guess that after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts??????

First off Tammy, feelings aren't right or wrong - they just are. So one way or another, please don't invalidate what you feel. Also, I think both Tamara and Joanne have good points. And not to split hairs (no pun intended) but did your agreement include Danielle not shaving his/her chest? It may seem trivial, but with such a sensitive issue as CD'ing, both parties must be clear on all the boundaries. Just an aside though. When my GF and I met, she had long hair which I love. She told me she wanted to cut it shorter and I made a face so she agreed to keep it long. Then I realized that if she liked herself better with shorter hair, then she would probably feel prettier and more self-confident and that it would be selfish for me to hold her back. I encouraged her to cut it (after all, hair does grow back) and she feels great and I actually think she looks great too!

[kathy gg]

I find it interesting that "some"of the single cds seemed to have some of the advice that favored the crossdressing hubby....not all, but some and ya know what....not too terribly surprised then that some of them are single.

A marriage requires both parties to reach a middle ground. For those that said she was being to harsh or petty or what ever....she already said she was okay with some seasonal shaving and if any of you had read her post history then you would have seen how open and giving and compassionate of a wife she is to her husband. Many on here would only hope to be as lucky to have a wife as cool as Tammy.

This is why there will always be those who have problems in their marriage and realtionships, because there is no "compromise" in their dictonary. I also would not be surprised that some who were harsh on Tammy's posting were married to unacepting SO's and see an accepting SO with "one" issue and are ready to jump her.

Sorry if this sounds harsh as well...but I know for certain that marriages must have equal respect. And I can tell you that Tammy certainly has done alot to respect her hubby.

Tammy i am very glad that you and your hubby talked. :thumbsup:

[S. Lisa Smith]

I came to this thread late and luckily the issue seems to be resolved. Kathy GG's comments above are right on the mark. As a man there will be things that I do unintentionally that will make my wife unhappy or upset. That comes with the territory. Intentional things are a different story.

[Ms. Donna]

You are married to a woman and I think it is time that you realized it. I do understand Tamara's argument about having made agreements, and, to an extent, I agree, not least because I fear her above all other creatures in this universe. But you are with a woman and you must realize this and also realize that everything she does to feminise herself is meant to make her feel closer to you in a way I cannot explain.

(Tammy, please forgive me for referring to you below in the third person.)

I'd be interested to know what the split is on this thread: Who has an SO and who doesn't?

If Danielle is a 'woman', then she needs to fess up to it and stop jerking Tammy around. If Danielle is a 'woman', then the rules of the game have changed and all bets are off.

I'll make the bold assumption that when Tammy got married, she wasn't looking to be married to a woman - let alone one with a little something extra attached. Had her inclination been to be with a women, she probably would have partnered with another like minded GG and she wouldn't be posting here. No, Tammy was attracted to, met, fell in love with and married a 'man' - at least she thought she did.

However, Tammy's man was a little different than other men. And when she found out, she could have been closed minded and declared - and rightly so - that this was not a part of the deal. She could have, but she didn't. Instead, she decided to accept that her husband was 'different' and work with him to support what he needed to be comfortable. We may not (want to) think of it as such, but it is a lot to ask of our partners. We are asking them to take a lifetime's worth of education, socialization and self identity and effectively toss it in the bin - all for our 'right' to be ourselves. And what do we offer in return? Quite often nothing but the knowledge that our partners will spend the rest of their lives dealing with our issues. We ask much and give little in return.

Then there’s the argument that Danielle is the same person and that if Tammy really loves her, she’ll accept all of this. While it looks good on paper, it's a completely unreasonable expectation to hold. Remember, Tammy didn't ask to be a part of this and I’m sure she has a limit as to how much she can yield. Let’s put this into perspective: Tammy decides to acknowledge the ‘man’ inside her. She starts taking ‘T’ so she can grow more body hair, maybe even a beard. She gets a crew-cut and ‘butches up’ a bit. What will Danielle think? How will she feel? Will she still see Tammy the same as when they got married? Will she ‘accept’ this new Tammy? I mean - after all – she is still the same person, right? I’ll put my money on the notion that Danielle married a women because she wanted to be with a woman and Tammy now no longer meets those expectations.

Turnabout is not only fair play – it’s a bitch as well.

All relationships are give and take and it needs to be equitable. As I said, we ask much and give little in return – I don’t think that Tammy is asking for a lot – just a little consideration. It is quite possible that at some point, Danielle's needs will outweigh Tammy's abilities to give and that would be sad. If that is the case, then Danielle needs to be honest with Tammy so that Tammy can decide what she needs to do.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Tamara Croft]

You are married to a woman and I think it is time that you realized it.OMG... this is so far off the mark, it's unbelievable!! Tammy married a MAN, not a woman..... I've never read such nonsense in all my life.... it's about time you realised what a woman ACTUALLY IS.... sorry if this offends, but the quote is offensive :angry:

[Deborah]

LOL i'm so glad i'm single and lucky enough not to have chest or back hair.

[Julie Avery]

This has been a fascinating thread, what a great message board to be able to conduct such a many-sided discussion of an issue of interest to so many of us, without the eruption of flames. Thanks Tammy for sharing a bit of your real life in a way that has enabled a discussion that should have value for all of us by enabling us to see beyond our own individual points of view.

[Liberty]

Heck, it's only hair Tammy and it grows back quick, I personally wouldn't get too upset... this only intrudes on the precious moments that you could be sharing otherwise...

[Anita Mae GG]

Tamara: right on the money with your response to carolynhcd. In NO way is Danielle a WOMAN and never would be. I think she'd be highly offended with that statement.

As far as other comments I will try to answer best I can in fragments:

Yes the chest hair was agreed to be left alone.

No I don't think it was done maliciously but more carelessly and inconsiderately.

There IS give and take in every relationship so we must compromise.

Someone mentioned how Cd'ers ask a lot and ask us (gg's) to live with their issue as part of our life and we didn't ask to be put here. Well that is 100% true yet we don't have to stay and aren't forced to accept. I LOVE my husband enough to know that this (CDing) is not the end all of everything. Just a part of him and we need to remain open about it.

Tamara and Kathy (GG) both hit it right on the head. Your posts were great!!

Thanks again to everyone (whether I agree with your viewpiont or not) they were all informative and helped me see this from many different angles. Glad this forum is here for this!!

Also, all is well at home here. We have just remembered how IMPORTANT it is to ALWAYS be open with each other and ASK questions and be careful to be CONSIDERATE of how things will affect the other.

Thanks All!!

[Adrianne]

Tammy i understand where you are comming from, before i split up with my girlfriend she did'nt want me to shave my arms and i agreed and i never shaved my arms until we split up.

[AprilMae]

We have agreed that leg shaving is acceptable. As much as I would like to shave the upper regions, I will honor that agreement. (That's not to say i won't try to renegotiate)

[nancy58]

By golly, you're entitled to any feelings you have, whether or not there's an agreement concerning the matter in question. If you feel he violated your agreement, you should call him on it, and he should apologize and try to make amends.

I agree with the others who say it's easy to fall farther into CDing. For me, first it was the lingerie, then switching from socks in the bra to something that felt more realistic, and on and on.

One thing that's important for wives and husbands is to let the other know what attributes you like about them. I didn't know until I suggested I might shave my moustache that my wife likes it. That, of course, is a problem if I ever decide to leave the house, and I guess we will have to renegotiate it, perhaps allowing me to cut it off for a little while. But if she hadn't said something, I'd never had known until I cut it off and upset her.

Nancy

[Denise_Z]

Put me in your corner, Tammy. If I'd be mad too. As far as you runnung out and getting your hair cut to get even… well, two wrongs don't make a right.

[Gwen]

I'm with the GG's here pretty much down the line. A deal is a deal. I would however caution any GG when holding your CD to rigid promises. You may be setting your relationship up to fail especially if your CD partner is still trying to "define" himself in his own mind. That having been said I will address the CDers by saying, your SO needs a degree of control. Especially when she is still not sure what place this is going to take in your lives together. We make the deal deliberately to give our SOs a degree of control. If they are allowed that control they will likely take you a lot further than you would take yourselves. Just be patient.

Tammy's SO. You unilatterally broke the deal and you revoked her control. As far as exploring CDing together you lost more ground than you may think you gained. You owe Tammy big time.

Case in point... My avitar is one of the PICs from a make-over my SO bought me for a birthday. After the hair and makeup she handed me a full outfit and sent me to a back room to change (at the salon). After that she took me out to dinner en femme. It was all a surprise and it was way more than I was ready for. But it was an evening I will never forget.

[Stephanie]

Were you specific/direct about not wanting him to shave his chest hair? If so, I can certainly understand how you might feel and you seem to be handling it well. If not, he just might not have known that he wasn't supposed to do that. Sometimes us guys don't always know that we're supposed to (or not supposed to) do something unless it has been directly communicated to us. We don't "read between the lines" just as well as we probably should. Regardless, I presume that you've made your feelings known to him and hopefully he will respect your feelings. On a lighter note, consider that the hair WILL grow back and it will probably be longer and thicker as well, so.........

[Anita Mae GG]

A marriage requires both parties to reach a middle ground. For those that said she was being to harsh or petty or what ever....she already said she was okay with some seasonal shaving and if any of you had read her post history then you would have seen how open and giving and compassionate of a wife she is to her husband. Many on here would only hope to be as lucky to have a wife as cool as Tammy.



Thanks for the kind words Kathy. I do try and be as supportive as I can, as we know that these guys have a hard enough time dealing with themselves and society......

[swiss_susan]

And many may disagree but no you are not wrong to feel this way. Given the rest of the things we expect our SO's to accept, you are completely right to be upset.

Having discussed this with you and come to an agreement he should them perhaps have discussed this with you at the very least.

I understand the point that some of us try to ease our SO's into this but it should not take the form of pushing agreed upon limits without discussion.

Just my 2 centimes.

Susan

[Penny]

Whop's! Not easy being the So to a CD is it? Depending upon age, most CDs
are unsure where the femanine side is taking them. Early on, their not even sure if crossdressing is right! Progression then to where? One thing is for sure, most are heterosextual even though their fantasies scew their ability to get their sexual preference rightwhen asked in a simple pole like to one being currently conducted. Being the SO of a Cd is both a blessing and
a curse for the heterosextual woman. After all, you got him because of the manly traits. But you also got her and I would bet you that one of the reasons he is him is because he is also her. ( I know this must sound like dual personalities but it' really about the masuline and feminine) more loving, more empathetic, more carring and so on. He shouldn't have made a deal that she couldn't keep. Suggestion----- try not to make deals; control is a very dominant word. Honest feelings and much communication both verbal and sextual. You are you and he is both him and her. To what extent you support the crossdressing is up to you and to what extent you are a part of it is also up to you. However, if you choose little involvement you could miss out on the best and most trusted girlfriend you could possably ever have. One thing is for sure; at a minimum, you have to accept crossdressing as it will never go away. Good luck and god bless!

[Sharon]

I agree that a deal is a deal, and once someone reneges on a promise, it's difficult to believe anything they say again.

However, I'm wondering whether your SO may have been feeling a little upset or stressed about something when he decided to do this. I know from experience, back when I was married, I would sometimes impulsively do something like that when I was feeling stress from something else in my life, such as a problem at work, an arguement with my wife, etc. It's just a possibility and one worth considering in my opinion.

Anyway -- you need to sit down and reestablish the sanctity of the agreement you have had. It's for the benefit of both of you.

[susan kay]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing. I have no problem with the dressing and seasonal shaving of legs and underarms. well he shaved his chest hair today. At first I was fuming. Now I am disappointed and still a little mad. We had an agreement and he broke it. Am I being dumb about this? I like his chest hair, it is sexy etc. I am just disappointed I guess that he went back on his word after I made such an effort to accept him and support him. Which I still do of course but just a little let down I guess that after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts?????? I don't think your wrong but with such a loveing nature putting up and accepting his dressing you are a special hunan being for doing so i wish i had such but no luck there. Talk to her and forgive because love knows no boundries. Forgive tommor is lover's day don't go into it mad. Hug's and kiss's to you Tammy an Danneil.

[Melanie R]

Tammy Marie,

For our SO's to come to an understanding and acceptance of our crossdressing, there must be compromises and boundaries. For some wives seeing and enjoying their husband's chest har is her way of holding on to his masculinity and her man. My wife 20 years ago set several boundaries including shaving my chest and piercing my ears. 15 years ago she suggested that I might as well shave my chest since the rest of my body hair was shaved. All she asked was that I keep it shaved since she did not want to feel a porcupine. I have not piered my ears. Other CD's and wives have compromised with not shaving body hair in the summer but shaving in the winter. You can have unconditional love with some realistic boundaries re the crossdressing.

Hugs,

Melanie

[karrisa]

It takes two to reach a compromise. Throughout this thread you stated that you've agreed to: let him crossdress, let him shave his legs in the winter, and keep your hair long. What's in it for you? A husband with a hairy chest? Not anymore; at least not for now. So when you say "we reached a compromise," what you really mean is that you compromised. There is an undeniable element of self-absorbtion to crossdressing. Don't let him walk all over you. This will not be your last incident.
Karrisa
Resident Troll

[Anita Mae GG]

In my case I looked like an oven-ready turkey when I was shaved


Helen,

That made me chuckle...thanks...and for the record he kinda looks like that too.......but still handsome (the hair is growing back now!!!)

[Anita Mae GG]

Thank you all,

Our issue is resolved and there may or may not be more to overcome in the future. Whatever this part of him brings we will get through. Hey that's what this forum is for right? :bs:

You have ALL been helpful. I appreciate your insight.

God bless!

:bye:

[Bev06 GG]

I know just how u feel Tammy. My partner wanted to shave his body hair off and I was OK with everything cept the tummy hair cos I thought itwas Sexy. All you T Girls out there who said that body hair isn't sexy, what the hell would you know your not rgs. Most RGs like mens body hair and find it quite a turn on. (Not all do granted) but you are obviously do. I did actually give in in the end but only because my partner waited patiently for me to come round to the idea and we came to a compromise.
The thing is at the end of the day he took one hell of a risk. You sound very loving and understanding, I wouldn't have been so generous. There are alot of T Girls out there who would give their right arm to have a supporting partner, he has got one and abused your trust. I support my partner 100% and dont have any problems, but I think that would have been enough to make me think whether he supported me.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[KateW]

I would just like to add that I agree with everyone.

Mathematically speaking though, if he doesn't want chest hair, and you want him to keep it, a positive and a negative equals a negative = no chest hair!

*Hides behind the sofa*

[ChristineRenee]

My So "Danielle" and I compromised on his crossdressing. I have no problem with the dressing and seasonal shaving of legs and underarms. well he shaved his chest hair today. At first I was fuming. Now I am disappointed and still a little mad. We had an agreement and he broke it. Am I being dumb about this? I like his chest hair, it is sexy etc. I am just disappointed I guess that he went back on his word after I made such an effort to accept him and support him. Which I still do of course but just a little let down I guess that after all I have down for him in this aspect of his life that he couldn't do that one thing for me. That was one of only a few things I asked for in regard to crossdressing. Thoughts??????I agree with you on this one Tammy because Danielle did not honor the agreement that you both had made. It is not only a selfish and inconsiderate "slap" in your face, but more importantly here...it was a violation of your trust. If he really wanted to do it that much...he should have come to you and talked with you about the importance of it to him. By not doing that...he showed no regard for your opinion and feelings on this subject. You have every right to be angry and disappointed with his behavior in this matter.

I am married too. I'm lucky in that I never have had chest hair nor have I ever been particularly hairy body wise. My wife has no real problems with my shaving...it bothered her initially when I started to do my arms on a permanent basis...but for the most part...she is not "hung up" on having a man who is hairy. I don't think she...as I do...looks at it like I am less of a man because I don't have body hair. Again...the real issue here is the breaking of the agreement you two had...not the chest hair itself...and your husband was in the wrong by doing that without discussing it with you first.

[Stormgirl]

eh the hair will grow back :p