Has it ever been horrible?

[AngelaYVR]

When girls here write up about their adventures of going out for the first time, they almost all can be condensed into "I went to xyz and nobody said anything/called the police/threw fruit" (I'm leaving out the part where they also assume they pass 100%...)

But has anyone had an unpleasant experience while out? Bullied by buffoons? Mocked by mental midgets?

By unpleasant I don't just mean a quick comment but something that really set the tone for the day. If so, did it impact your desire to go out again?

[Hunter]

I am very glad you asked this question. I couldn't figure out how to word it with out it sounding very bad. I know I'm no help, I wanted to thank you for this thread.

[paulaprimo]

how about punched in the head?

i never really talked about it much, but since its been almost years ago here goes...
my first time out i went to a girls night out at a bar in the county next to mine.
i had such a wonderful time i went back by myself a week later. so this was actually my 2nd time out.
after i got my drink, i could hear one guy saying something about me, to his 2 buddies as he looked at me.
i couldn't make out exactly what he was saying, but i knew it wasn't good. i went out to have a smoke
and get away from him. about a minute later i notice him walking out and coming towards me. he didn't
look aggressive so in my mind i was thinking and maybe hoping he wanted to apologize or even bum a smoke.
without saying a word he walked right up to me and punched me in the head.

timeout and let me insert some history here as i don't want to come across as cocky or bragging...
trust me, i was scared to death!! i'm not a violent person and and don't like to fight,
but i was a golden glove boxer back in the 70's and have owned a bar for 30 years, so i have been in
my share of fights, but i'm usually the one on the losing side...
now back to that night.

it happened so fast it was a blur to me, my mind wasn't understanding what was happening...
but, instinctively i hit him once, his face exploded and he fell to the ground. i really thought i killed
him.

there were 2 other people outside at the time that witnessed this. the police came as did an ambulance.
he came to as they were putting him in the ambulance screaming he wanted to press charges.
now mind you this is my 2nd time out and the last thing i wanted was a scene... my family and friends
don't know of my dressing. the police already asked for my ID and now i'm thinking i'm going to be arrested,
this is going to be in the paper and this guy will be taking me to court! i was never so scared in my entire life!
to my surprise the cops treated me great. after they got statements from the witnesses the cops told me as
far as they were concerned, justice had been served. nothing ever became of this!!

i went home right after this. i honestly had second thoughts about ever going out again. the next day i thought long
and hard about this and decided it took me too long to get out in the first place i wasn't going to let this stop me.
about 2 weeks later i went back to the same bar. a bit nervous, but more aware and mind full of my surroundings...
i was told that he wasn't a regular of that bar and that they seldom have fights. i must say that the staff treated
me great and put me at ease so i had a wonderful time that night.

that first night i really did have doubts about ever going out again but i'm so glad that i snapped out of it the very next
day. i am much more careful when i do go out now, but i've never had a problem since! :)

[Paula J]

Wow, Paula... Love your name, by the way ;) . That is quite a story. I am so glad that things worked out ok, and you were able to bring yourself to go out again. I honestly think that would have been the end for me! That is my absolute biggest fear about going out. I visualize some guy or guys doing the same thing and ending up in a fight or getting my wig ripped off in front of a bunch of people or something really humiliating like that. My gosh... Kudos to you my friend for being so brave.

Paula

[Candice June Lee]

Paula's experience is my fear. Along with one that happens regularly, pictures of myself and my friends being taken with out our consent. We went out to dinner a few times and people started taking pics. The first time I didn't know it was happening. Our SO's noticed and started shielding us. From that point forward I began combating that by returning the picture taking favor. In doing this it stops the picture taking. I don't mind it if you come up and talk and be friendly, then ask. But doing it just because it's a no no in my world.
We have met some wonderful accepting and or curious people. Usually the bullies talk up loud and then go away. It's not always bad. Usually we have fun and do our thing.

[CarlaWestin]

Paula, your experience is like the worst fear of every crossdresser. Fortunately you were able to defend yourself and control the situation.

One of my worst experiences, about 30 years ago, happened in a grocery store. I have always loved the feeling of wearing bras with breast forms and quite often I will do just that when wearing all male clothing. I was deep in the closet at the time and I had a hidden stash in the car that I could put on quickly. Pretty cold on winter days but I just loved the feeling. So, I was in a very large chain grocery store and one of the meat cutters grabbed he from behind shouting, "Hey! What are you trying to steal?" I pulled away and told him to F off. He persisted and grabbed me by the arm and hollered, "What's under your shirt?" I pulled away and yelled, "I'm a crossdresser you a-hole!" As the incident was drawing a crowd of confused onlookers with their mouths open I attempted to just leave. I made it back to my car and calmed down. A few hours later I returned to the store and spoke with the manager about the incident. He was apologetic for the behaviour of the employee although visibly confused about the crossdressing thing. All was resolved and I even had a friendly conversation with the worker a few weeks later although, the incident was never mentioned.

[Kate Simmons]

Not really but if it ever happened, believe me, I would beat feet to leave there ASAP.

[Stephanie47]

Kandia, I think that's great....return the favor and take pictures of those taking your picture. When I was in Washington, DC at the Viet Nam Memorial in my units tee shirt and baseball cap a lot of foreigners on vacation asked my buddies and I if they could take our pictures against the wall. They were courteous enough to ask. We readily agreed and I'm sure we are on Facebook in China somewhere. In our state there was a guy recently taking pictures of young girls all over the Seattle area. The authorities said, although it is totally creepy, it is not illegal. The only recourse would seem is to take his picture and post his mug all over the Internet under creepy guys or something like that.

Turn around is fair play. In this age of cameras for everyone all the time there is a total lack of privacy.

[Robin414]

OMG Paula! WOW! Your story is also one of my greatest fears and maybe even a fantasy, I'd love to 'serve' an a-hole! Reminds me of a time when I was in my teens and I was with my buddy at a bar (as guys) and some clown came up to him and sucker punched him...now my buddy was 6' 2" and built like a brick shit house, yah the clown was either blind drunk or straight crazy! Anyway, my buddy delivered one blow to his face and he was down for the count...police and ambulance showed up but like you nothing came of it, the police knew my friend (in a good way, from the gym 😃 ) and they actually told him 'Dude, you might wanna take off, you busted this goof up pretty bad 😉 '

[IamWren]

This is something I've been so curious about on the forum because it seems like every thread that is started about going out en femme results in the last paragraph stating that no one noticed, or cared or said anything and our dear crossdresser friend floated on cloud nine farting out rainbows and glitter.

Now I know there are some of the gals here who are smoking hot and enviously passable (at least from the great lighting, angle of the shot and the 1/60th of second impression given from a photo) but there is a HUGE majority here (and I would include myself) that at best would have people snickering and making crude remarks as we sashay on by to the worst which is what PaulaPrimo described. By the way, I am so sorry that happened to you. So glad you came out of it relatively unscathed.

But reading her story makes me think there is absolutely no way I can venture out and I am one of the lucky girls here in that I am very petite in stature and with forms and waist cinchers can create the illusion in the right lighting. I think I would really enjoy running errands with my wife and have fun with her as a girl if I thought I could pass but there is something about a woman... her flow, the way she walks, carries herself, just behaves that I do not have. And I don't want to get knocked out just because I like my lacy, girly things.

~ Sayyidah 'Sue'

[Leslie Langford]

Paula, your experience is like the worst fear of every crossdresser. Fortunately you were able to defend yourself and control the situation.

One of my worst experiences, about 30 years ago, happened in a grocery store. I have always loved the feeling of wearing bras with breast forms and quite often I will do just that when wearing all male clothing. I was deep in the closet at the time and I had a hidden stash in the car that I could put on quickly. Pretty cold on winter days but I just loved the feeling. So, I was in a very large chain grocery store and one of the meat cutters grabbed he from behind shouting, "Hey! What are you trying to steal?" I pulled away and told him to F off. He persisted and grabbed me by the arm and hollered, "What's under your shirt?" I pulled away and yelled, "I'm a crossdresser you a-hole!" As the incident was drawing a crowd of confused onlookers with their mouths open I attempted to just leave. I made it back to my car and calmed down. A few hours later I returned to the store and spoke with the manager about the incident. He was apologetic for the behaviour of the employee although visibly confused about the crossdressing thing. All was resolved and I even had a friendly conversation with the worker a few weeks later although, the incident was never mentioned.

Well, that was awkward, but at least NOW I understand why they call those mini breast enhancers "cutlets"... ;) :eek: :heehee: :D

[Robin414]

Actually every time I go out en femme it turns into a sexy rock video! Big naked dudes carrying me over their heads while I'm singing...and playing guitar! Gets kinda boring after a while though 😕 LOL 😅

[Tracii G]

I have had it happen a few times and mentioned it here but its pretty rare to have an encounter like that.
Will it make me stop being me? Not a chance LOL.

[Jenniferathome]

The key to being out is situational awareness. While Paula may have seen the bar as a comfortable place due to her long experience owning one, but drunks are still something to avoid. Being pointed or stared at is likely for all of us. A dude in a dress is still a novelty. To combat that, one simply has to have a think skin.

[Ceera]

I haven't had any particularly bad experiences yet while cross dressing, but that, in part, is because I am careful about where I go and how I behave.

I'm a trained martial artist. My best Kung Fu instructor's favorite comment was, 'the best fight is the one you avoid by not allowing it to happen in the first place'. (The next best being the one you end rapidly and decisively, in your favor, using only as much force as necessary.) Be aware of your surroundings. Don't allow yourself to get cornered or into a position where you don't have a good escape route or means of defense. And most importantly, don't look or act like a victim. Act confidently and be aware of who is doing what near you, and most troublemakers will leave you alone.

If you feel someone is following you or acting aggressively, get into a well-lit place with other people in close proximity. At worst, you'll have witnesses to back you up. Try to avoid a confrontation if you can. If it happens, have a plan for how to deal with it. Either know how to defend yourself, or have something defensive in your purse. (For that matter, a squirt of perfume in the assailant's eyes isn't a bad defensive move!)

I've been taunted before while in historical costumes for various events (renaissance fairs, SCA), or when in 'furry' costumes like my fox fursuit. Just ignore insults, and keep walking. If they are persistent, see the guidelines above.

[IamWren]

Actually every time I go out en femme it turns into a sexy rock video! Big naked dudes carrying me over their heads while I'm singing...and playing guitar! Gets kinda boring after a while though �� LOL ��

hee hee hee. *Sayyidah wipes off her monitor of hot tea*

[docrobbysherry]

What Jenn said. I can't pass, period. And, I don't enjoy going out to vanilla venues. When I do, its only to meet other girls. There's strength in numbers.

One venue where I have gotten used to going out is the DLV in Vegas. My first time there was a shock. Folks pointed, laffed, and if I had a nickel for every time I heard, "OMG! That's a man!" But, over the years I've gotten used to that from the tourists. The folks that live there have seen everything and don't bat an eye.

Now, I often stop to wink, comment, wave. I don't think most know they r being rude and hurtful. Sometimes these same folks will ask for a photo with me. I feel safer in Vegas. But, still hurry to my events. Bad things can happen!

[Helen_Highwater]

Is it fair to say that from reading the replies, as a generalization going into a bar/pub on your own carries a higher risk factor? Does this not then back up the advice given so often here, pick your venue with care, stay alert. Not wishing to tempt fate but on the relatively few occasions I've been out compared to many here, things have been uneventful. I would never advise going to a bar unaccompanied unless you were a real regular there. I would council for a first timer going clothes shopping. Why? because shops tend to be full of sober GG's more intent on finding something to wear than paying you attention. Dressed in drab I know every time I go into a pub there's always the very slim chance there's going to be some drunk moron who takes a dislike for no good reason. Do I stop, hell no.

My view is yes there will always be a risk. However there's a risk taken every time you get in a car, ride a train or board a plane. Do you stop doing these things, no. You drive sober and pay attention. You cannot let fear dictate your life. Those scared of flying who don't seek help deprive themselves of seeing the many wonders the world holds.

Kandia,
I've experience the photo taking while sat in my car. Two GG's were trying to look casual while trying to take a picture on a smartphone. Answer, stare at them..... hard. Result, they gave up and went away.

[Cheryl T]

Perhaps I'm one of the lucky ones, but in the 10 years I've been going out the only "horrible" experience I had was the first time out...and that was all in my head. I had these visions of all that could happen, but so far nothing bad has.
So sorry Paula for your experience. None of us should ever have to go through that.

[Pat]

I think the going out story that ends in disaster is rare on this site because it's rare in real life. Clearly it does happen but it's uncommon.

[StephanieJ]

Mine wasn't so much a bad experience at the time, but years later. I recently came out to a friend of mine and his reply was that he already knew because another mutual friend had seen me wearing a dress one night "out behind a dumpster".

Now I really have no idea what he is talking about because I generally don't lurk around dumpsters, although I do generally go out at night because that's when I have the time... Anyway, his story really took the wind out of my sails. I told him that I was hoping he would say that our mutual friend saw me in a dress and that I looked fabulous! If that had been the case, I would have been counting down the minutes until I could go out again - as it is, I think it will be a while before I get over that one.

[OCCarly]

Maybe your mutual friend was the one who was lurking around the dumpster?

[StephanieJ]

Maybe your mutual friend was the one who was lurking around the dumpster?

Ha ha. I never thought of it that way. Confidence restored!!!

Thank you Carly :<3::<3:

[TrishaTX]

how about punched in the head?...

instinctively i hit him once, his face exploded and he fell to the ground. i really thought i killed
him.

This is possibly the best story I have ever heard...good for you.The experience would be the same for me I believe , I would at least swing back...knock him out no...that was you...but swing yes...LOL


Actually every time I go out en femme it turns into a sexy rock video! Big naked dudes carrying me over their heads while I'm singing...and playing guitar! Gets kinda boring after a while though 😕 LOL 😅

wait this might be the best story....fantastic ...

[Dutchess]

Well I am a GG . One a lot of you know . Once my extremely aggravating husband and I went to a trans FUNERAL at a LGBT Episcopal-ish metropolitan church here in Seattle . I loved it and had a great time and our youngest teen made permanent friends with a 90 something gay WW2 vet at the dinner and party afterwards, husbands first time out and he was mortified and silent the whole time .

Well we were tagged on facebook in several pictures from the funeral and my ex sister in law STILL angry after her husband left her for another woman 8 years ago saw these pics before I did while I was still asleep here . They are 9 hours ahead in The Netherlands. She printed the pics out of he and I , and I mean he was in VERY high heels,black hose , a club dress , jewelry, make up , the works. He has hair to his waist naturally and that was all down and curled etc etc .


Anyway she STAPLED these pics all over three municipalities in the Netherlands province the whole family is from with his name etc etc . This must've taken her hours as there were over 100 . He was a 25 year H.A. patch holder in Holland and they obviously could see this too . EVERYBODY SAW THEM . She had ovaries big enough to claim responsibility and be proud to do this to someone she was friend with 25 years .

His daughter recently asked her father why I didn't unblock her on FB ... jeez - REALLY ?? . THEN the family blamed ME for this and he being this way and he just hid . I had to fight my way out , the family still hates me for "doing this to him".

No back up from him of course . So I told them that he actually started wearing his Moms clothes since he was about 12 and that he told me the grand mother put him in nightgowns since he was about 8 when he would stay over there . IT IS NOT ME !!! Now they simply do not speak .



Then I had a friend years ago who got tossed out of Ross by the cops after a salesgirl saw him take stuff into the ladies dressing room to try on . He was dressed at the time but frankly looked scary like Anthony Perkins did in Psycho . I got onto him about it that where we lived in Texas NO ONE was going to accept this and that sometimes you are just going to have to compromise .

[Infused]

When I was 18 at university, all alone, another city. I wore panties to class one day, leaning forward at the table my shirt rode up my back exposing my underwear. I forgot I had them on and only remembered after the people behind me started giggling. I was sooo embarrassed, had to sit through the rest of the class red in the face. I never went back to that class and turns out not showing up to write a final is worse than 0%. Would not have passed the class anyway, english for me hard. Threw my clothes out, it turned me off for a while but I've since gotten over it. The same thing would still embarrass me today but I would handle it differently. I grew up a long time ago, and grow more everyday. If you are comfortable with yourself and someone else isn't, it's more their problem than yours is it not?

[MelanieAnne]

If you are ever going to be physically attacked, it's probably going to be in a bar, or alone on the street late at night. Just my take on it. It's extremely unlikely in a shopping mall, or other store, or with friends. I personally would never go in a bar alone, dressed, unless it was a CD bar, or maybe a gay bar, although I'm not gay. But your typical redneck, shot and a beer bar can be trouble.

[danam]

I was out dressed recently, and for a moment felt extremely vulnerable. The problem is, and this takes away from the whole crossdressing pink fog, perhaps, is that because underneath the girly clothes, I have the hormones and fitness to put up a defense--should anyone push things that far. That is a luxury that most GGs do NOT have. So this type of situation mostly makes me sad--sad for the world we live in. Yes, it is justice to put a bigot jerk in his place with skilled fists, and if he has a thing about crossdressers, well, it's totally deserved. But a typical GG doesn't have the security of knowing she's just as strong as that dude coming toward her. So now I'm sad.

[AngelaYVR]

Great (some scary) stories and also excellent viewpoints about why it occurs and mitigating factors (booze and hormones!) Thank you everyone for sharing.

I've had my share of giggles and such directed at me but I feel that they are usually born out of momentary discomfort or bravado on the part of the other people. The most poignant example I can give is when I was waiting for a little private ferry to make a very short crossing in the city. I was with a friend when a woman, part of a group (safety in numbers), murmured "Here comes the ferry. Fairies on the ferry." Now, we actually laughed at this. She sounded and looked like a tourist so I knew she would be taking her attitude back home with her.

In my heels I'm well over 6' and when I'm out I am very confident. Like Jennifer said, you need a thick skin. I also never take any risks and if I'm out at night I keep to the safe areas. If I go to a bar I watch my booze intake (you can drink sweet vermouth and ginger ale all night and you'll never even get remotely tipsy). Of course, despite everything, things can happen. It's a shame that there are people out there with giant chips on their shoulders who need to prove something.

Oh, and I wanted to add that if you want to go out but feel your looks are stopping you, at least try a professional makeover first before you give up. Several years ago I made an attempt at makeup that left me feeling decidedly sour on the subject and sure that I could never do anything with my face. When I tried again last year, I made a concerted effort to do a good job and it paid off. All the other things, such as walking and mannerisms, will follow as well if you make the effort.

[Nadine Spirit]

I have gone out many times over many years to a wide variety of places and states and have yet to experience anything even remotely close to horrible. Though admittedly I stay aware from certain places, like burly bars with lots of drunk guys, as well as scary parts of town in the middle of the night. (I mean, duh!). Oh and I will also totally second Jennifer's situational awareness factor in.

At this point if anything bad ever did happen it would barely even remotely register into the percentage of negative to non-negative experiences. So yeah, bad things can happen, but that is the truth regardless of how you are dressed.

[Robin414]

I've only been en femme lately for about a year but back in the day (before my 20+ yr purge) I was walking within earshot of the entrance to a public pool and a guy yelled out to me 'hey, is this the door!'...Ummm, no Sherlock, it's a top secret time travel portal (didn't actually say that but o boy I wanted to)...I ignored him as if he wasn't talking to me but his wife/GF was clearly upset with him and said 'leave HER alone!!'...(pretty sure I was clocked) but nothing physical came of it. As a guy I used to be mistaken for a cop a lot, had a punk approach me once at a 7-11 asking if I wanted to buy some drugs then he looked up and said 'holy s**t, you're a cop, and bolted LOL 😂

[MelanieAnne]

Strength, or no strength, I personally have no desire to engage in a brawl, wearing high heels, nylons and a dress. :eek:
And often, the cops will arrest both, or all participants, regardless who started it, or said what. And the only thing worse than getting in a brawl while dressed, is sitting in a drunk tank on Saturday night, wearing heels, nylons and a dress, reeking of perfume.:heehee:

[Pat]

So you're saying if a fight look imminent, switch to flats? ;)

[Marcelle]

Hi Angela,

The key thing to remember is bad things happen and not just to TG folk. It is a bad world and trust me, I have seen the absolute depravity of the human soul. I have had one bad experience and posted about it some time back and yes it was more than a rude comment. Did it stall my desire to go out again? For a brief time because I was mortified it might happen again. However these were just three D-Bags who were truly not representative of the population writ large and once I realized that, I went about my business as per normal.

IMHO while incidents like those discussed here are rare . . . but do happen, the most you will need is a thick skin to whether the odd rude stare, comment, giggle and guffaw. However as Jennifer aptly pointed out a healthy sense of situational awareness and choosing your venue (Biker Bar probably not a good place for 4 inch stilettos and micro mini cocktail dress :)).

Cheers

Isha

[KrisB]

So you're saying if a fight look imminent, switch to flats? ;)

I'd say yes to some extent but heels make wonderful weapons. If push came to shove, I'd kick off my heels but get one in my hand to use as a bludgeoning weapon if at all possible. Then make a fighting withdrawal.


I suppose those are the benefits of being a former Army paratrooper who holds a black belt in Taekwondo:)!

[JaytoJillian]

I suppose those are the benefits of being a former Army paratrooper who holds a black belt in Taekwondo:)!

Hooaaah!

[pamela7]

The fear is within us, as a rule, and once that fear is conquered the predator no longer senses "prey". I've experienced this in the natural world and the human world, escaping a fight-desiring psycho stalker (in drab) at night in Barcelona, a massive shark in the Indian Ocean, a psycho in a late-night bar and walking alone late-night backstreets of Bangkok being experiences that affirm closely (all stories probably worth the telling sometime).

My point though, respecting Isha's traumatic encounter with those low-lives (she took her eyes off them), is that maintaining the right awareness, fearlessness and congruence, one can sail through the formerly-scary parts of London even.

Having said that, it's not so easy to walk unafraid in high heels - or is it? Following from Isha's reporting that even highly-trained martial arts masters get taken apart by a few opponents who don't play by their rules, and from having met psychos who really can take apart an entire roomfull, I know i'm no safer in flats or heavy armour. Use this as the frame of reference - it's our time if its our time, otherwise, play-on.

[RedheadedHeathen]

While in the Walmart bathroom at 3am a friend (transfemale) and I were doing retail therapy.

(Woman to me): Is that a man?
Me: She's a woman.
Woman: That looks like a man. I don't want a she-male in here.
Me: Oh, are we checking genitals at the door? All right then, drop your drawers, let's see it.
Slack-jawed woman: *blink*
Me: Your rules. Go ahead. (leaned in to whisper) Is it abnormal? That's okay, I'm into that.
She left. I looked over at my friend who was bright red and mortified. I told her not to worry about that woman. She told me that she was more embarrassed by how I acted, I did feel bad but at the end of the day, I'm a fiesty wise-ass. I can't change my stripes any more than she can change hers.

[Marcelle]

I'd say yes to some extent but heels make wonderful weapons. If push came to shove, I'd kick off my heels but get one in my hand to use as a bludgeoning weapon if at all possible. Then make a fighting withdrawal.


I suppose those are the benefits of being a former Army paratrooper who holds a black belt in Taekwondo:)!

While I understand the sentiment you have to remember it is not that easy. I spent a good portion of my military career in SOF and I teach self defence. The kick the heels off and take care of business is a bit of a myth especially when numbers are involved (my experience was three on one). Not saying you can't take care of business but it is not always the case irrespective of your background or what you can accomplish when dressed male.

Cheers

Isha

[Scarlett Viktoria]

The first time out was rather great. I walked around outside at a popular shopping area. I got complimented on my heels and a little yeld from behind me yelled "you look pretty!". Which was a little embarrassing since I did not plan for what would happen if someone tried to interact with me. But I was very flattered.

The 2nd time I went out I just wanted to drive around. I was turning around in a parking lot and some a-hole not looking backed out of a parking spot and hit my car. I was in a suburban town that is very suburban. I get out and the guy just looked at me and didn't say a word, kind of stunned. He was a good ol boy (I'm in GA). We looked at the damage, then his kids got out. I was dying l inside. I got back in my car and pulled into a parking space and just sat there while they called their insurance. The wife then dealt with me from then on. She was nice and spoke to me like a person which I was thankful for. I suspect the husband told her to deal with me and I'm sure had a few choice words. She said the police would have to come if they wanted to make a claim. I finally convinced them we didn't need to do that.

From then on I get nervous driving to events but I don't let it stop me.

[Stephanie47]

And the only thing worse than getting in a brawl while dressed, is sitting in a drunk tank on Saturday night, wearing heels, nylons and a dress, reeking of perfume.

I think this is a good reason to avoid mixing alcohol with being en femme. I don't consume alcohol anymore due to medication. However, I sure the heck would not want to try walking toe to toe or down a straight line in five inch heels with a state trooper watching. And, then you end up in that drunk tank. OMG!

[heatherdress]

I never had a horrible experience dressed. But I also been careful about where I have gone while dressed, how I am with and the environment around me. The worst that might happen going for a drive, at a movie or in the mall or store might be a comment, snicker or stare. Sitting at a bar, alone, drinking, late night - good things don't always happen, even when not dressed.

[wendy]

I've had one memory (and a tad scary) experience while CD :

This happened years ago (Oct), before my medical issues and before I told my wife of my CDing.

At that time, my wife took evening classes at a University close to where we live. Since I had most of the evening to myself, I would dress up and venture out - I didn't go far, maybe just up the block, then across the street then home. On one evening, as I was walking towards my house, this white 4 door buick drove past me and then turned down into the alley. I didn't think much of it. So when it came time to pick up my wife, I go to the garage, start the vehicle, and pull out. As I turned into the alley I notice this white 4 door buick parked very close to our back fence. Our fence at that time was short and you could see over it and into the kitchen window (which was fully open, I did not draw the blinds). I pull my vehicle next to the buick (unfortunately we also have a very bright motion light in our back yard, so I was blinded by the light) and tried to look in, but as I mentioned the motion light was so bright I could not see into the buick. I slowly drove past and in my rear view mirror I saw the buick turn its lights on and drove off.

A few scary thoughts crossed my mind : since I did not draw the kitchen blinds, and I was walking back and forth in the kitchen (fully dressed), how long had this person been watching me ? What was this person doing in his car while parked behind my house ?

To me that was scary, as from behind I was passable and this person may have had deviant tendencies.

[MonctonGirl]

Don't want to jinx my luck "dressed" but once at a Wal-Mart cosmetics section
a man about 35 in dirty work clothes, work boots and his "aged beyond her years due overtanning" wife
walked into the aisle, she pointed me out, snickering, and he said "Did you get the right color, Sir?"
and both laughed out loud.

My reply was:
"I realize you're here shopping with your Mom to help her pick cosmetics
but judging by the look of your Mom, you are not qualified to help me."






punches...


Wow! Just... wow!




pictures...


Guess you know what it's like to be famous.




meat cutter grabbed he from behind shouting, "Hey! What are you trying to steal?"


I can see it from his perspective. Though he should not have touched you at all - and been more subtle.



...NOW I understand why they call those mini breast enhancers "cutlets"

Priceless.



reading her story makes me think there is absolutely no way I can venture out ...
I don't want to get knocked out ...


Stay out of nightclubs and bars or anywhere small-minded men ( sport events ) go.
Go ( and sty close to ) a female friend. Ensure your makeup is right.
You'll be fine.

[VictoriaBabes]

It's an unfortunate part of going out and yes I have had some good and bad experiences. I was still in college when I got a nice week off for spring break. My aunt has pets and offered to pay me to house sit at her condo. I got excited because I was 2 hours away from home and a long distance from college so I obliged. I always kept my clothes in my trunk for discretion so I went straight there excited. I shaved and dolled my self up for the night. I usually would just go to strip malls and act like I was shopping but it was more for the fun of trying to pass. This time was different I decided to go to the boardwalk by the beach and go for a walk. I'm a big girl 6'4 and chubby but I've got curves in the proper places so I wore some yoga pants and a cute white fleece that just meets the waist. Everything went well at first I had two older men walking in together shadowing me feeling eyes on me but I enjoyed that. On my way back from the walk is where my fun night took a wrong turn. I could hear snickers and mixed gender laughter from behind me so I made a pit stop to have a smoke. When I stopped I saw a group of young people in club outfits laughing looking my way making comments about my height and my backside. It took me a few steps back in my confidence level and of course they were petite busty and good looking girls. I was mortified and as I walked the opposite way they were demeaning my weight. It happens though and it only made me realize that this stuff happens to people everyday

[Robin414]

My reply was:
"I realize you're here shopping with your Mom to help her pick cosmetics
but judging by the look of your Mom, you are not qualified to help me."


OMG, well done girl! 😃

[sometimes_miss]

but i was a golden glove boxer back in the 70's and have owned a bar for 30 years, so i have been in my share of fights,
Let's stop that right with "I was a golden glove boxer". I'm willing to bet that there are very, very few professional grade fighters on this forum.

Usually the bullies talk up loud and then go away.
And when 'usually' doesn't happen, then 'unusual' can quickly get us killed.

Not really but if it ever happened, believe me, I would beat feet to leave there ASAP.
Also most of us aren't athletes, not to mention will probably be wearing shoes that are not conducive to running anwhere.

Actually every time I go out en femme it turns into a sexy rock video! Big naked dudes carrying me over their heads while I'm singing...and playing guitar! Gets kinda boring after a while though �� LOL ��
What are you smoking and where can I get some?

The key to being out is situational awareness.
Nobody is aware of everything all the time, even when you're actively looking for it. I for one love combat flight simulators; every virtual pilot knows the importance of always knowing who and what's around us every second. Yet, every single time at least one person sneaks up somehow when there's something going on in another part of my field of vision. It only takes a few seconds for the 'enemy' to arrive, see us, and start their 'approach'. Or worse, 'dive' on us through the clouds (other patrons in a social setting) until they can then initialize a confrontation.

I'm a trained martial artist. My best Kung Fu instructor's favorite comment was, 'the best fight is the one you avoid by not allowing it to happen in the first place'.
Even those of us who might prevail against our bully opponent lose in any sort of encounter. In most jurisdictions, the law officers round up all the fighters for arrest, then sort them out later. By then the damage is done. It's a no win situation.

I think the going out story that ends in disaster is rare on this site because it's rare in real life. Clearly it does happen but it's uncommon.
Uh, not so much. I happens but it's simply not reported as much, and it's not front page news. There are still lots of supposedly educated people who think it's our own fault for doing perverted things that gets us attacked. I know, it's 2015, but we still have a lot of people out there (yes, women too) that blame rape victims for actively encouraging sexual desire in their attackers, and crossdressers have been seen as actively provoking 'good, normal men' by taunting them, making a fool of them by pretending to be female, gaining their interest, then telling them their mistake resulting in other people making fun of them, resulting in their attacking us. No, doesn't happen IN YOUR TOWN every day. But it's happening somewhere every day. And it will be the ones who ignore the possibility who will be the most likely to wind up as an assault victim in an emergency room tonight.

I suppose those are the benefits of being a former Army paratrooper who holds a black belt in Taekwondo:)!
And yet, even that won't keep you from being blindsided when you're not looking. The biggest single advantage anyone can ever have, which will allow you to defeat even the most fearsome opponent: The element of surprise. And all it takes, is the other person being actively involved in looking at something else for a few seconds, oh, like a pretty woman coming out of the bar, or maybe even on the other side of the street.

[Dana44]

well sometimesmiss, some of us were boxers and karate types also. I was both and can protect myself. Never had to do it en fem though and am very glad of that. If I had to I would protect my SO and myself. Hope it never happens and also would try to steer out of any conflict. However backed into a corner or attacked. You have to act. Otherwise you are a victim. I would act and that would be a statistic. Several here have acted as they should and stood their ground.

[taylormercedes]

I thankfully haven't had too terrible an experience. Went out with my wife to lunch one day in Lincoln Park and had some ladies comment on me, but other than that have been pretty much left alone. I do hope I never have a violent situation or an attention grabbing one but I always come well prepared when dressed in my male or female clothes. You never know when something is going to go down.