I am sure this has been asked...

[TrishaLake]

I have an idea why I dress etc...but have you ever wondered by admirers like us? what is it in us, that those that do like us like? I am married to female but had my time in the life....I always wondered...

[I Am Paula]

It has always been my thought that admirers (at least those trying to have sex with us) are guys that want gay sex, but are so messed up with denial that they can keep kidding themselves this isn't gay. The majority who used to hit on me (I was young and pretty once) had ring tans, or said their wives were OK with it (yeah, right). I used to enjoy their favorite opening line- I'm not gay, or anything, but...

[Jenniferathome]

I'm with Paula 100%. Simple denial.

[RADER]

Not sure what to answer with; I dress, in the closet, because I like
wearing female clothes. I guess just the thought of feeling what a
girl feels wearing their clothes does it for me. Around the house, I
wear a skirt or dress. Outside, I am in fem jeans, bra, pantie, and
a drab shirt.
I wish I could go out dressed in a dress, but being a "Paul Bunion"
makes looking female a real challenge.
Rader

[Pat]

Some of it has to do with definitions -- if you can't accept the idea that a guy having sex with a CD is straight, then you'll insist on his behalf that he's gay or bi despite his protestations. I've known enough guys who are only attracted to women or men effectively presenting as women -- are they repressing their true gay/bi selves? If they say no, who am I to tell them what they feel (and why does it make a difference?)

What do admirers see in us? Turn the question back on itself -- what do we seen in people we are attracted to? That's what they see.

[docrobbysherry]

I say, thank your lucky stars if u r attracted to men or T,s. U could have been attracted to children or animals! Its in our DNA and we have the choice to act or not act on our attractions. The rest is beyond our control.

Which explains a lot about some being attracted to CD,s. Many of us r attracted to other dressers. But, I think if u act on those feelings, you're not straight. Because I find dealing with male parts to be a huge turn off! Attractions r one thing. Enjoying acting on them makes u gay or bi in my book.

[Infused]

As a crossdresser I like to view pictures of other crossdresessers and see the different styles/looks and the really passable ones make me so jealous. As a straight man, I have to say wow, some people are just beautiful it turns me on. Overall, men don't do it for me at all, but I would treat any girl like the girl she deserves to be.

[AngelaYVR]

I think Doc's explanation is pretty good, it's just the way some people are wired. I might not agree with men wanting sex with CDs as being strictly gay as they are attracted to the feminine aspects as well. I think it's more of an eroticism.

I've been propositioned once in broad daylight on a busy street and a few times in bars. I'll let someone buy me a drink as long as they agree that it only gets them some conversation and nothing else. They usually pretend to be taken aback and say that they weren't looking for anything else. Yeah, ok.... ;)

[Lorileah]

They like that the contents don't match the packaging

[Jazzy Jaz]

I personally see male sexual attraction to male cders as either gay or even more likely bi. I know that everyone is different and all that but in my view a straight man wouldnt bother with cders when real women exist. I can see a straight man being turned on by a passable cder but it would be with the want or intention of enjoying her lady parts, not male parts. As for people attracted to children i see that as a completely seperate circumstance and i totally disagree that people are born with that as a sexual preference. Studies and statistics have shown that pedaphelia is often a learned behaviour and that when someone (particularly a male boy) is abused, they often have a much higher likelihood of becoming an abuser themselves. That certainly doesnt mean they all do but it suggests that something else is at play unlike cding or tgerism or LGB where most of us feel that we are infact born this way.

[ReineD]

Have you ever heard of the book, "Alice in Genderland" by Alice Novic, a.k.a. Richard Novic M.D.?

Alice has a website with answers to your question:
http://aliceingenderland.com/menwhomightbeinterested.html

[jemima_bates]

Attraction all sits along a spectrum doesn't it? I guess CDs are somewhere in the middle of it (or at both ends? The mobius strip of attraction??).

For me personally, I agree with Sherry and others: the image presented by a CD can be attractive, but the 'reality' really isn't for me.

Reine: great link, thanks.

Jemima
x

[pamela7]

i don't know that that blog by alice really answers the OP at all. it has an interesting idea of the clipped-wings, a TS who's lost the ability/will to TS.
I'd suggest that most men, however surprised they might be about it, have a latent ability to be "bi" as well as the default hetero, and perhaps it can be triggered. The article explains that to gay men, it is only attraction to male-like men that makes them gay. If that is their definition, then having never been attracted to a man, I'd be straight. And then there are some stunning crossdressers/T-girls, and it's possible for me to feel an attraction - because of the female presentation. While I'm happily married so its out of the question, hypothetically that is no longer a straight interaction is it? So what is it called if it can't be called gay or bi? As i see it the definition of the gay or bi must be wrong. thoughts?

[Paula J]

Well, I think what makes admirers attracted to us is the same set of things that would make them attracted to genetic females. As an m2f crossdresser, I try to imitate, through my physical appearance, clothing and mannerisms, females that I would be attracted to. So, I can only assume that any would-be admirer, would be attracted to those things as well.

Now, as far as the whole gay-bi-straight thing goes. Well, for me, that is a pretty big, and complex can of worms. I haven't done a lot of research on this, and I don't know the clinical definitions of the terms. These are just my thoughts, and opinions, based on my years of thinking about this stuff.

It's easy to say "well, he's attracted to CDs/TS etc. So he likes the feminine aspects, but he likes the male parts, so he's gay, or at the very least bisexual." Well, are we talking about physical attraction only? Or is there an emotional attraction as well? Because as far as I'm concerned, when defining someone's sexuality, not only their physical desires have to be considered, but also their emotional desires. If a man has sexual desires towards another man, but has no other physical or emotional desires (i.e. no desire to snuggle on the couch, go for a walk holding hands, have any kind of emotional relationship, such as move in with or marry and so on), then, as far as I'm concerned, that does not make him gay. The same goes for the heterosexual and bisexual labels. The definitions of labels of sexuality that we most commonly use (I'll just say hetero, bi and homosexual), must include the physical and emotional aspects. So, if a cis guy is only attracted to male genitalia when it's attached to an individual who otherwise looks like a female, does that make him gay or bi? Not necessarily. At the very least, using my criteria, he is hetero with a fetish. Unless of course, he has the ability to fall in love with or have some level of emotional relationship with the cd/TS. Then he may be considered homosexual or bisexual.

I guess, that is just my wordy, long-winded way of saying that physical attraction/activity alone does not define a person's sexuality. And, as I stated above, this is only my personal opinion.

[AllieSF]

Who really cares and why the hell does it even matter? Someone is attracted to something or someone. As long as it is not illegal why do we need to put a label on it or question it. Denial of what, and why does that even come into play? There are admirers out there that are not denying anything. They go after what they like and they are not all male perverts in denial! I like chocolate ice cream and you like vanilla, are one of us in denial? I see some hidden homophobia in some of these answers, like a guy liking a feminine presenting guy as bad. They like it and are attracted to it, why is that so readily labeled as bad, gay in denial It is not bad and we do not have to think nor label it as gay, bi or bi curious. It is what it is. Let it rest. If it doesn't impact me why should I or anyone else really care.

I see it all the time here. An admirer joins up and some people feel the need to warn them to behave themselves, as if they are bad people. Hell, I will guess that many of us are worse people than the honest admirer who just wants to meet one of us. That they may want to get intimate with us too and that is no damn different than one of us "straight" upright and respected CD's/TG's who want the real world of "normal" people to respect us and maybe date someone. We all have different tastes and interests and should respect those differences as we want the vanilla to respect us.

In direct answer to the OP's question, they are attracted to us because of looks, maybe openness to being with them, and even being with the same sex while one is in disguise.

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

I don't think anyone can get into the mind of an admirer anymore than anyone can get into the mind of a person who is TG. We all have our own reasons for doing what do, liking who we like and whatnot so the rest is all supposition IMHO. Are admirers gay men who want to have sex with a man who looks like a woman? Possibly. However they could just be curious bi dudes who want to try something different or just curious. Perhaps they are straight men who get the whole concept of gender and see you as a woman and not a man. Again . . . who really knows unless you are that person.

Personally no real experience with that as the kid ain't pretty so no propositions coming my way :).

Cheers

Isha

[Katey888]

Who really cares and why the hell does it even matter? Someone is attracted to something or someone. As long as it is not illegal why do we need to put a label on it or question it. Denial of what, and why does that even come into play? There are admirers out there that are not denying anything. They go after what they like and they are not all male perverts in denial!

Really good points Allie... If one reads enough around our poorly researched and understood condition there are enough examples to demonstrate that this is a more complex subject that many people are able to comprehend. And yes, it's easy enough to imply that some sexual preferences are somehow 'inferior'... same ole bigotry that's out in the vanilla world, I'm afraid. :doh:


While I'm happily married so its out of the question, hypothetically that is no longer a straight interaction is it? So what is it called if it can't be called gay or bi? As i see it the definition of the gay or bi must be wrong. thoughts?

I'm with you on this Pamela - by the same logic that you could call all of us CDs or TS, we clearly exhibit much more complexity in our expression, motivations and feelings... Same thing for men that feel an attraction to guys that present female - while some may be as simple as Lori's explanation, the truth is almost certainly more complicated and involves more than just sexual attraction. Why do people 'like' people? It isn't always about sex, contrary to some simplistic and hackneyed beliefs - and while sex undoubtedly plays a part, clearly relationships, attraction and communication is a much more sophisticated experience - for some of us... :thinking:

If you're prepared to have an open mind, the more you delve into aspects of gender and sexuality, the more you realise how rich and diverse our little community is and how different (and relatively rare) we are compared with the muggles... Aren't we lucky...??? :)

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

A lot of admirers appreciate the fact that another guy can look that good and are basically fulfilling a fantasy by vicariously liking CDers. Some of them even dress a little but don't have to gumption to pursue it all the way.:)

[RedheadedHeathen]

Since you said 'admirers' instead of men I'm going to assume you wanted to hear from a GG perspective as well.

Crossdressing has the potential to make you a better mate for a woman. (Don't puff your chest up that much honey, you'll stretch out your breast forms.) Presenting female makes you vulnerable in a way that just doesn't happen when presenting male. The threat of being assaulted and/or raped because of what you're wearing or understanding the pressure of constantly being judged for how you're presenting. Even thinking about these things have the potential to make you better protectors and empathetic to our (females) problems as we trudge through the social side of life. As long as you understand that spending a portion of your time as a woman does not make you an expert on being a woman and you should not in any way, shape, or form tell your wife/girlfriend how she needs to present. Unless you'd like to see your crap burned on the front lawn. Still, if these things never cross your mind women still have a better chance with a crossdresser of finding a man that is sensitive to her walk in life than with a vanilla nondresser.

I have better luck being accepted in the CD world as a dominant and sometimes masculine female since ya'll are folk who also push the social constructs of gender. I've noticed this acceptance is most likely with a dresser who enjoys women (I don't mean sexually here) and likes dressing. The other (small) portion that don't like women (misogynist), are incapable of healthy relationships with women, and don't actually get pleasure from dressing, don't accept me. I don't think they're capable of accepting any women, honestly. Their dressing is a weird way of controlling women's image and anything that falls outside of that narrow and unrealistic view is a threat. Keep in mind that they're rejecting me as a person so I'm not their biggest fan and could be biased.

Also, laziness. I want a man most times but sometimes I'd like to be with a lady. One person fulfilling both rolls (aesthetically) means I don't have to cultivate and maintain another relationship.

Edited to add: There is such a thing as heteroflexable. Admiration and fantasy does not mean going out and acting on those fantasies.

[JaytoJillian]

I have been approached by both male and female admirers while out. During the course my conversations with them, I usually ask, "what is the attraction?" Mind you, my "survey" results are completely unofficial and based on my own strange experiences. Men usually say that they are attracted to the "over-the-to" or excessive femininity that is required by another man to make a decent presentation as a woman. I personally don't see admirers as gay, but I think they are someplace on the bi-sexual spectrum--they have to be, because underneath all of the glam, they know I'm a dude. But without all the glam, they would have zero interest or attraction.

As you might expect. discussions with female admirers seem much more complex. One that stands out for me is a chance meeting in a bar some years ago. "Mel" was a very attractive woman who approached and asked if she could buy me a drink. I obliged, and we drank, danced and engaged in some interesting conversation. When I posed the attraction question to her, she revealed that she was gay, but said that for her, it was the mix of masculinity and femininity that was making her go for it--in other words, I think she was saying that she was attracted because I was somehow managing to balance what attracted her to women even though she knew straight away I was a dude in a dress.

I would sum it up with we all like what we like, and we know it when we see it.

Cheers,


Jill

[Sara Jessica]

They like that the contents don't match the packaging

And when the "drapes" don't match the "carpeting" even more!!! ;)

[Isabella Ross]

I'm with Allie on this: who the hells cares? I know there are folks here that will argue until blue spots start to appear under their foundation, but I truly believe every human being is on a sliding scale when it comes to sexuality -- there are no absolutes, only a whole lot of grey area. The same, I believe, can be said about gender. We always seem to get so obsessed with putting people in neat little packages, when the truth is that we're all a lot more fluid than that.

[ReineD]

Well, I think what makes admirers attracted to us is the same set of things that would make them attracted to genetic females.

This might be true, except the Admirers that we've seen (we used to go out a lot to T-bars in the beginning), tend to not want GGs. They specifically want feminine looking people who have that specific body part that GGs don't have. Here's a funny anecdote: my SO and I went out once with a group of CDers from my SO's support group. I'm tall plus I was wearing 4" heels (placing me at over 6'), so I was taller than a few of our friends. We went to a LGBT bar. One guy started chatting me up. As soon as he realized I was a GG, he bolted.

And so if Admirers are attracted to femininity, does this make them gay or straight or bi? It doesn't matter what they're called. The fact remains that if the package is not there, they're not interested. So the most accurate way to describe their sexual preference is "trans-attracted" (as long as the TG or TS is not post-op). Another big complaint I read about is, the Admirers don't want to introduce their TG/TS gfs to their friends and families, which is not an indication they are interested in an emotional relationship. I'm not saying that all Admirers are necessarily like this but it would be interesting to get a sense of percentages.

That said, there are men who don't like the package (they're not Admirers) and who can look past the fact that a TS used to have one, but we should ask post-op TSs how easy it is to find these guys. Judging by the stories I've read, there aren't many.

[TrishaLake]

The majority who used to hit on me (I was young and pretty once) had ring tans, or said their wives were OK with it (yeah, right). I used to enjoy their favorite opening line- I'm not gay, or anything, but...

PS You are pretty now:)


They like that the contents don't match the packaging Good answer....I actually believe this to be true too

Thanks Ladies ...you got your point across:) I think most Cders want someone to be attracted to them...who doesn't? I was just curious of the motive. From what I saw ...some are looking for something totally different, most do not want GGs once they enter this part of the life, most are Bi and all like the chase, like most guys. My set of folks is by far small, but it is my s=insight. I appreciate everyone else's feedback and that is why I love these forems...

[Pat]

And so if Admirers are attracted to femininity, does this make them gay or straight or bi?

There seem to be two definitions in play. If y'all want to know what THEY are, ask them and honor their response. If y'all want to know how YOU classify them, then you pick your criteria and apply them. But it would be wise not to share your opinion of their orientation if it differs from their own. For some reason we TG people don't often see the irony of questioning people's own evaluation of themselves at the same time we demand others accept our evaluation of ourselves. ;)

I think just as we have to learn the difference between sex and gender, we have to learn a difference between sex and attraction or sexuality. If sexuality is a matrix of sex-to-sex then, ignoring intersex people, the gay/straight/bi set of checkboxes are what result. Everyone has to check one and we can talk about people who claim to be straight but are attracted to CDs being wrong about their sexuality.

But if sexuality/attraction isn't sex-based then once you put transgender people into the equation the matrix explodes and there are many, many "attraction profiles" beyond gay/straight/bi. You either get a metric buttload of checkboxes, or you end up with one of those darn spectra again. And where there are spectra there's a tendency for people to get up and move around on it. For me personally, that makes sense -- there are days I'm closer-to-but-not gay and days I'm closer-to-but-not straight. But I remember a time when I was straight. Was I wrong? Or was I just experiencing where I was on the spectrum in those years? Being human, I don't want to say I was wrong, so I believe that I really was straight back then.

Thanks for the pointer to the Novic site. I read most of the articles on it. They were interesting reading and a lot of what she has to say resonates with my own experience.

[ReineD]

If y'all want to know what THEY are, ask them and honor their response. If y'all want to know how YOU classify them, then you pick your criteria and apply them.

Right. This is why the best way to define Admirers' sexual orientation, is to say they are "trans-attracted", which they are. No one can argue with this. And, this doesn't really fit into gay or hetero since for men, gay means attracted to men, and hetero means attracted to GGs. But, a case could be made into fitting 'trans-attracted' in with bi, if they are also attracted to women and/or men. Like you say, only they can tell us whether or not they are only attracted to CDs/non-op-TGs, or if they are also attracted to GGs/post-op-TSs, and/or men/post-op-FtMs.



But if sexuality/attraction isn't sex-based
If sexuality/attraction isn't sex-based and sex doesn't come into it, then wouldn't we call that friendship? :)



For me personally, that makes sense -- there are days I'm closer-to-but-not gay and days I'm closer-to-but-not straight.

What does this mean, exactly. Who are you having sex with on those days, or are you speaking strictly of having fantasies and are any of them dependent on how you are presenting or fantasizing about presenting? IMO, fantasies are hugely more flexible than sexual orientation, which rather describes people we actually have sex with. I have a sexual fantasy that doesn't fall into any of the labels (opposite-sex, same-sex, bi, self, or none) and that I would freak out if it happened for real. :) Faced with real live people, I have discovered after experimentation that I am hetero.

So yeah. Sexual fantasies do not define sexual orientation.

[Tracii G]

I agree with Jill on her comments and thats how I see most admirers.
Having been on dates with admirers I always ask the question why did you ask me out when you know I'm a male?
I liked your FB or CD.com posts and you sounded like a nice person and wanted to get to know you.
Had one guy in his late 20's ask me out on FB and I asked the same question.He said he found me totally adorable even if I was a guy in girls clothes.
He is totally straight and just wants to go out with a cougar.LOL I said yes of course and we have a date planned.
Have a few GG FB friends and they just think its interesting and admire me for having the guts to go out enfemme.
We have gone shopping a few times and had a blast.
They treat me as a girl friend and nothing more.
Not all admirers are after sex but you have to set the rules from the start.

[MonctonGirl]

If you ever go to a rodeo, watch the bulls in the holding pen - they try to mount each other.
It's about being the ALPHA male.
The CD being submissive, it can be done without a fight - it's all unconscious power instinct.
"Bull Queers" in jail often are not often "gay" - they just happen to show/achieve/self-acknowledge their "status" that way.

[sometimes_miss]

Its in our DNA
Not necessarily so; although for some I'm sure that is true, for others it is definitely not. I present a perfectly good case of how you can 'create' a crossdresser out of a normal child. Remember, our minds aren't magically stamped 'FINALIZED' as we pass through the birth canal (and even if they were, how would you explain alterations seen in premature births or those who are born 'late'?). We can grow and change mentally in some ways throughout our lives.

[Robin414]

Ahhh, fitness indicators and the reptilian brain! We're all hard wired to attract the opposite sex from the most primal level. I've been happily married since forever but as a guy I used to dress and present as something you'd like to 'mate with' but no desire to at all...as a woman, it's the same thing, but seriously no desire to whatsoever!

[PaulaQ]

This thread is just awful.

I realize that it violates one of the deep canons of this forum to suggest this, but:

Admirers or other trans attracted men are attracted to us because we are women, and often we lack some seriously unattractive baggage that cisgender women bring.

Many admirers are either straight, or bisexual. There absolutely are straight men who are attracted to MtF trans. They would feel ZERO attraction to another man, even a trans man who had a vagina. There is way more to attraction than genitalia.

So is it just totally incomprehensible that some of these men see something in YOU that you are too terrified to admit is real? So instead you fall back to the typical defense mechanisms employed in this place:
1. Homophobia - usually internalized "they are gay and afraid to admit it?" Really? REALLY? C'mon.
2. Biphobia - let's not even mention bi dudes who quite frankly are blind to what genitals you have. They are attracted to some essential feminine qualities they see, and to you as a person. As for being afraid to admit they are bi, well hell yeah - bi people get ZERO support.
3. Transphobia - definitely internalized. Some of you here are, in fact women. Is it impossible others could see through your bullshit and realize who you are, even if you are terrified to admit it?
4. Trans misogyny - lets go ahead and trot out the superiority of cis women, because, goddamn it we have to keep the accepting spouses on board, so make sure we reinforce cis > trans.

This is just sickening.

If you are wondering "why is this man attracted to me?" - let me make a RADICAL freaking suggestion as to WHY that might be:

Men are attracted to you because they see you as a beautiful, sexy, feminine, and attractive woman!

Isn't that the result you were trying for? Why do all of you assume that all this work you put into yourselves is doomed to fail. I'd assert that many of you are trying for exactly this outcome "I wanna be sexy!" and then you are surprised when it happens?

Unreal.

[ReineD]

Having been on dates with admirers I always ask the question why did you ask me out when you know I'm a male?.

That's it. They know you are male and this forms the basis for the attraction, plus they particularly like your facebook page over other CDs/TGs. But you've really been asked on dates by Admirers who joined here to specifically meet CDs/TGs? This alone indicates they are after a particular type of feminine person. :)

[Shelly Preston]

This comes do to the simple question

Why does anyone like anything.

I imagine the admirers are wondering why they are attracted to us from cd to post op ts

I suggest that if you are looking for the right person I hope you find them and enjoy life.

[jemima_bates]

Well, you asked, and good old British TV (that's television, not me) provides: Episode 3 of this series looks particularly relevant to this thread (http://www.channel4.com/info/press/programme-information/sex-diaries).

(Though by the look of the the episode airing tonight in the UK, it's likely to be fairly sensationalist.)

We'll have to wait until October 12th to find out!

Jemima
x

[Lorileah]

Men are attracted to you because they see you as a beautiful, sexy, feminine, and attractive woman!

Isn't that the result you were trying for? Why do all of you assume that all this work you put into yourselves is doomed to fail. I'd assert that many of you are trying for exactly this outcome "I wanna be sexy!" and then you are surprised when it happens?

Unreal.

welcome back Paula, hope all is going well.

Now to address the quote above. I think I am pretty good looking as a transwoman, I know that there are "tells' That keep me from thinking I totally 100%. I have also had experience both as a CD and as a TS with men. Amazingly only ONE was fooled to think I was a GG and they ALL wanted, as Lady Chablis says, your hidden candy. The one who was "fooled" never returned after coming three nights to just see me. When he found out I still had candy, he was like scared rabbit.

So I have to disagree with you that they are attracted to how feminine or sexy we look. The sexy part maybe true but it i usually the OTT clothing that gets them. In a year I may have to change that idea however I WILL BE a woman then, so the candy store will be closed.

Is there something in my look that screams "Trans"? Because very man who has asked me out knew it before hand. And this is a serious question because I need to change whatever it is.

[ReineD]

Is there something in my look that screams "Trans"? Because very man who has asked me out knew it before hand. And this is a serious question because I need to change whatever it is.

I don't have the patience to look for it right now (slow internet), but there are lots of things that inform birth-sex to an onlooker. Our brains are smarter than facial recognition software, and we do know based on the aggregate of lots of cues, some that are subtle and others that aren't so subtle. The obvious cues are the things that are fixable through FFS, see list here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facial_feminization_surgery

And then there is height, body thickness, shoulder size, size of hands and feet, neck thickness, the general look of the facial profile. If you are genetically blessed, some or all of these things might not be issues. The voice is another big tell, and for some people it's the way they comport themselves (walk, sit, hold themselves). This isn't an exact science because there is a wide range of features and comportment among birth-males and birth-females, but still we sense, when looking at a person from far away, whether they are male or female even if they are both wearing jeans and a trench coat.

But the good news is that not every onlooker is good at picking up the cues. Some people are more sensitive to this than others, which might explain why TGs are read sometimes but not all the time.

[reb.femme]

Ultimately, the reason admirers like CDs is as clear a reason as to why I dress. Answer - unknown, but I'd write a book and make a fortune if I ever find out. There will be lots of supposition, but no definitive answer.


...I've noticed this acceptance is most likely with a dresser who enjoys women (I don't mean sexually here) and likes dressing...

It's been a long time since I last heard this. A GG said this of me, that 'I liked women and that I saw them as equals'. She never knew I was a CD though and that was back in the 90s. Any chance you could convince my wife that there are major benefits to this? :heehee:


Edited to add: There is such a thing as heteroflexable. Admiration and fantasy does not mean going out and acting on those fantasies.

Doesn't matter which way you cut it, modern technology is digital, people are not. I've see many CDs that are attractive but to me, they are still guys so there is absolutely zero chance of any interaction between us, but for many that part is not so clear cut. So as the old saying goes, 'That's life'.....or was that Frank Sinatra? :battingeyelashes:

Rebecca

[ReineD]

Why does anyone like anything ...

... I suggest that if you are looking for the right person I hope you find them and enjoy life.

I just saw this, but Shelly's right. Why does it matter if Admirers are attracted. So an Admirer is attracted to a CD/TG, it is reciprocated, and everyone is happy.

We do have a couple that attends regularly at my SO's support group. They've been together for years. He's not into GGs, and that suits the TG partner just fine. She's not into GGs either.

[PaulaQ]

welcome back Paula, hope all is going well.

Thanks. I'm recovering OK, but its harder than I expected.


I think I am pretty good looking as a transwoman

You are indeed. I certainly think you are attractive, and would most likely hit on you if we weren't so very distant from one another. (I have no clue if you even swing that way, no offense intended in any case!)


I know that there are "tells' That keep me from thinking I totally 100%. I have also had experience both as a CD and as a TS with men. Amazingly only ONE was fooled to think I was a GG and they ALL wanted, as Lady Chablis says, your hidden candy.

Yet they would, most likely I bet, not have approached you in the same way had you met them presenting like a man. They had no way, other than an educated guess, of knowing what lay beneath your skirt, other than an educated guess. Had the skirt not been there, they wouldn't have been either.

Their attraction to a particular type of woman's body doesn't negate what I said, any more than it does with guys who have a thing for big breasts, or great legs (yours are pretty darn nice hon, BTW!), or nice butts. So they like women who also have a penis. What of it? I promise you its WAY more about the feminine parts of you than a single appendage.

Admirers I've spoken with often see us as substantially more feminine, and as better, more attractive women, than they do many cis women. We bring a lot of the really best qualities of women, without some of the really horrible stuff women are taught. (For example, most of us don't have the horrendous sense of powerlessness combined with a truly ridiculous sense of entitlement that plagues a great many cis-het women I've met, including my delightfully toxic ex-wife.)

My boyfriend NEVER imagined being with a woman like me - a trans woman. My anatomy would ordinarily have been a deal killer for him. He has ZERO attraction to men. But he saw me as a woman - despite knowing with 100% certainty I was trans. It didn't matter, he fell in love with me. We worked around everything else.


So I have to disagree with you that they are attracted to how feminine or sexy we look. The sexy part maybe true but it i usually the OTT clothing that gets them. In a year I may have to change that idea however I WILL BE a woman then, so the candy store will be closed.

You are a goddamned woman NOW, Lori! You always have been, and it was obvious enough to me pretty quickly after I met you here! What's between your legs doesn't make a particle of difference in that regard - it's your mind and soul that make all the difference.

Most cisgender people (this site included) reduce all this gender stuff to really just two things - penises and vaginas. Cis people are frequently really dumb about this stuff. Don't be like them! ;)

I think admirer's see you in much the same way I see other trans people. I find I look past a lot of surface stuff, and find an essence of a person, masculine, feminine, or sometimes a mix of both, that really attracts me. They see you for who you are - the presentation gives them the hint to really look beneath the surface.

Because why the hell else would they seek us. Straight women are half the freakin population, or if they just want to smoke pole, hey, gay dudes are a dime a dozen.

We are rare and exotic, beautiful and feminine in ways that most cisgender women are not. There is nothing wrong with this. In some cultures we were sacred!

In any case, sorry cis women, you aren't the only beautiful women to grace this world.


Is there something in my look that screams "Trans"? Because very man who has asked me out knew it before hand. And this is a serious question because I need to change whatever it is.

I haven't had the privilege of meeting you in person, so I can't say. And for many of us, invisibility and cisnormativity are needed to conquer gender dysphoria. But some of us will never reach those goals, although more of us can than people here suspect. It could be your voice. It's very possible that there is nothing wrong with you physically, and that it's merely the venue where they've met you that gives you away. I've seen that happen a lot in the gayborhood where I live. Some few of us have physical characteristics that pretty well insure we'll never pass even with state of the art medical treatment - I have a friend, she's absolutely gorgeous, and she's 6' 7" tall barefoot. Not much can be done about that today. She's still beautiful, and I can assure you I'm not the only person who sees that.

So even if you do have some tell - I can assure you there are men and women who see your beauty, both outer and inner, and see you as the woman you are.

What you are doing is working. The uptight cis-het dudes who invented "pass or die" as a model of transition were, I suspect, for the most part quite uncomfortable with their own sexuality - lots and lots and lots of cis-het people are. Screw them and their standards of conformity!

Do what you need to do to feel right as you, and to be the best version of you that you can be. And don't freak out that someone could love you for who you are, history and all. Not despite it, but because of it in the sense you wouldn't be you today without it!