Another little set back

[Maria 60]

My son came home from work today and told us he's quitting his part time job. God forbid he makes some extra cash and get his own place, let's not go there that's another story. After telling us he couldn't juggle both jobs, his part time job was either Saturday or Sunday mornings from 8:00am to 2 in the afternoon. After he left my wife turned to me and said WOW! Maria can't catch a break, that was my time and believes since he started that job years ago and I had that time to myself she has seen a big differences in my mood and attitude and a sense of piece. She now worries that iam going to go back to some older habits of driving around or a day at the motel, or more nervous and moody, and knows that when iam out on my own I take more chances and she worries about my safety. I told her I will always respect the promise I made to her thirty years back that it was our secret and telling him isn't a option and that I was a little upset. He could have came to us with thousands of other things to say like, I got more hours on my part time job, or iam going to stay at my girlfriends for the weekends, but no that didn't happen. In case you haven't noticed the frustration is already setting in and lucky I have this place to vent. I hope your ready for some serious Maria venting coming this way. One step forward two steps back.

[steftoday]

May I ask, How old is he?

He says couldn't handle 6 a hour shift on one day of the weekend?
Jeezuz.

[Alberta_Pat]

Might be time for the ultimatum. 3 months and gone.

[Ineke Vashon]

You titled your post "a little setback." Try not to make a mountain out of a molehill. Tomorrow is another day. Is you son adult, over 18, over 21? Can't he stand on his own, sink or swim, via parental tough love? I empathize with you but am wondering if you are saddling him with your frustration via your crossdressing.

Ineke

[Kelly DeWinter]

It sounds like he is either old enough to have his own place or old enough to have a one on one talk with.

[kathtx]

He says couldn't handle 6 a hour shift on one day of the weekend?
Jeezuz.

Considering the reference to "both jobs" it sounds like it was a second job. For all we know he puts in crazy hours on his first job, or his first job wants him to work weekends too.

[TrishaTX]

You need to find time for you...simple as that. The nervousness etc is mostly caused from not be truthful or hiding...so I suggest you send him out of the house for awhile. Good luck and keep us informed.

[donnalee]

How old is he? Perhaps it's time he found another place to live. I left home at 19 and have supported myself for the past 50 years; although I realize the economy is much different these days, independence is still worth a lot of sacrifice.

[pamela7]

we each choose our lifestyles, but for sure he does not have to be sitting at home during those 6 hours, does he?

[Teresa]

Maria,
As others have asked how old is your son ?
My previous session of counselling persuaded me to come out to my son, and it's probably the best thing I did. My wife doesn't have to worry about that problem anymore, which has helped her . After my gender counselling and the possibility of my marriage split, we have all talked and now I have Sunday as my day, whether I choose to dress or not is up to me but at least I know I have that space, not seeing me for a few hours is better than not seeing me for weeks, if I lived alone !

I will add that I worked 24/7 on overtime shifts and an extra job to get my first home before getting married, no one else was going to do that for me, does your son realise that ?

[heatherdress]

I can appreciate your frustrations. It seems like you think he should be working a second job and that this is not simply an issue of eliminating your crossdressing time. Without knowing his age and the reasons he quit the job and is living at home, I would only offer a simple lesson I learned when I agreed to help a friend and let her move. She took my help for granted, never paid for anything, never cleaned or helped with chores, and expected to stay forever. If you invite someone to live in your house without time limits and specific conditions (including sharing expenses), you subject yourself to potential frustration, disagreement and regret. If you have agreed to let your adult son move back home, or continue to live at home, and if he does not have to, and if both you and your wife want him to move on - you need to address it with him. Do not feel guilty or let him take advantage of you, if that is the case. It may not be easy to do, but you do not want him to take advantage of you while also inconveniencing you. Maybe you and your wife should develop a strategy which forces him to move out (like charging him rent and doing more chores). Set a move out date and help him, but don't let this go on. This is not about crossdressing.

[Erica Marie]

I have been in your spot and made it though just fine. My daughter left her moms and moved in with me for two and a half years while going to college. You find creative ways. Fit in time when she is out with friends, you can make arrangements to take a night away to get a hotel or stay with an accepting friend, learn to sleep with the bedroom door closed and you can wear you girl jammies. Be creative and accepting that this is the way it is and next thing you know he will be on his way.

[Krisi]

At some point you put your foot down and throw the babies out of the nest. If you don't, he could be living with you at age 30.

[Tina_gm]

I m sure the lack of time is frustrating, I myself am now going through it as my wife is laid up from a serious fall and has a long recovery ahead of her. In your case as a parent, I would spend this time to focus on your son. I don't know how old he is. 18, 25, 30s?? If it is the latter ages, then it is time to focus on some life motivation and improve his ability to be able to be self sufficient. If he is just out of hs, or college and working full time, then perhaps recognize for yourself that Maria time will have to adjust somehow. It isn't really fair to expect a kid straight out of school to work themselves to death. It's hard for us to balance our time and desires when we have young kids who depend on us. It is the sacrifice all parents go through.

[Krisi]

"It isn't really fair to expect a kid straight out of school to work themselves to death." Seriously? How is someone going to succeed if he/she isn't willing to put forth the effort?

Life isn't about fun and games, it's about getting down to business and getting ahead. Or let your parents or the government support you for life. Take your choice.

[Candice June Lee]

We had some simular issues. I had to give my son an ultimatum, have a full time job, or go to school and hwve apart time job. At the end of the time frame gkven he had to leave.
My daughter came home to roost 5 times. Finally we had to say no more especially if you dont want to live in our rules in our house.. She is older than my son.
Not knowing your issues its hard to say to you what to do. I do know my own thinking is, if you are helping and trying hard your self, then, i have no problem helping you. If you dont care and are not trying to better yourself then you can do that with out my help. Yes that tough love hurts. But later the kids will learn as we all do, and be just fine thanking you for the lessons learned.

[jenniferinsf]

with out the details and context it would imprudent of me to give advice. i will say that i recognize in the tone of your post the anxiety and concern you have for this turn of events....i feel badly for you that those feelings have rise up.

[Stephanie47]

As others have said..need more information as to the son's age and his other employment. I know there have been many ladies who have had their personal time upset by changes in family routine, such as a wife deciding to work from home rather than the bosses' office.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Have you and your wife considered downsizing to a 1-bed condo and using the freed-up equity to buy a fixer-upper which you could rent out?

Just don't 'rent' the fixer-upper to your son, in fact don't even tell him about it- or he'll be in there on 'work-exchange' within the week, then you'd have no rent and no fixing-up either.

Seriously, it's time this young man was set on the path to freedom.