Do your reactions change

[Jennifer-GWN]

I was caught in a misgendering situation this morning doing some of the requisite name change administration.

So far I've been pretty ok, kept it lite, and passed it off with most people. It's happened quite rarely...not because I'm a ravaging beauty but here in my little world people are quite cordial and roll with it.

This morning, however, my reactions to services Canada took an unexpected and surprising turn. After introducing myself as Jennifer, handed the clerk(man) my papers I was misgendered. So I nicely corrected with solid eye contact and repeated. Ma'am. A minute later again got the sir thing... Which resulted in quite a strong response ...yes hair on the back of my neck was raised.

3rd time he caught himself mid sentence. Oooohhh I would have lost it as blood was starting to boil.

The question ... Is this a reaction to my official name and gender marker change. Have I crossed over into some entitlement space that I wasn't expecting?

Many of you have commented on your reactions to being misgendered. Was it based on just how you felt others should respond to you or did it come AFTER you received some official documents that launched you into a feeling of entitlement space?

I'll be thinking about my reaction to this today and be more aware of my own reactions going forward as my reaction this morning surprised me, the situation, equally pissed me off at the same time.

Ooooommmmmm ooooommmmm oooooommmmm. Ok feel better now, heading to work.

Cheers... Jennifer

[stefan37]

You might want to lighten up a bit. I fully get it. But you will get misgendered. Especially in the beginning. Your name change process to change everything will most likely take over a year. After 2 years full-time and facial reconstruction I still occasionally get misgendered. And I continually find things with my old name that need changing. Patience is a golden to get through this preferably.

[Nigella]

Misgendering is part and parcel of the transition process. The human mind uses so many clues to place you in an appropriate "box". In your case, if he had not caught himself, especially after being politely corrected, I would have taken his details and then written to the relevant superior suggesting that he may benefit from some appropriate training.

[Eringirl]

Hey ho....You have been working really hard lately on all things name and gender marker related...starring at the papers, filling out forms etc....It has constantly been in your heads up display....could be that is why you find you are a extra sensitive towards it??? But having said that....I think you showed remarkable restraint at Service Canada...I would have been really hacked off too!!! And, you rarely, if ever, get misgendered, so it really catches you off guard when someone does it......repeatedly!!!!!!:angry:

ooooommmmmmm, Oooooooommmmmm, ooooooooommmmmm......moooorrre redddddd winnnnnne......oooooooommmmmm......

[I Am Paula]

You ran into a jerk. The people at Service Canada, and Service Ontario were as cordial as can be, and even whispered when they had to mention 'gender stuff'. I'm sorry it had to happen to you, cause this is such a great province.
Another friend of mine was treated very badly at an emergency room in the States, because her ID did not match her presentation. As sad as that is, it is also a lesson. Get your ID together ASAP. If you are in an enlightened state, province or country, do it today.

[Badtranny]

well, get used to it.

You are entering the phase of your transition where politeness fades back and reality steps forward. It's uncomfortable sometimes, especially with clients or in social situations where you would just like to be normal for a minute.

Keep your head down and chin up. ...and use these moments to reconnect with the reason why you're going through this in the first place.

[Jennifer-GWN]

All good... I'm not expecting to go through life without being misgendered that would be silly. My reaction surprised me this morning but I'll be back to my normal self. I didn't expect it from a government agent given all the diversity and sensitivity guidance they get here ... No question im in the middle of much emotion as IDs get adjusted. Time to take a deep breath and relax.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Kaitlyn Michele]

one time i was reverse misgendered...i had male id, but i was full time and had grown out my hair...

i was renting a car( i had dropped my car at the collision center and they took me to pick up my rental)
and they wouldn't rent it to me because they didn't beleive me..true story...i didn't look like my id...my id said male... no car...

after about 10 minutes of BS i just lost it..

i lowered my voice...i bellowed...do i sound like a woman to you??!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?! it just came out of me.....LOL

that's when people in the enterprise rentacar started backing away...

the counter clerk just said again....so sorry ummm..... maam.... you don't look anything like this picture...there is nothing i can do..

so i asked to see the mgr...who was unavailable...CALL SOMEBODY i bellowed... lol...typing it out i can't beleive this actually happened...

they sent me behind the counter and i started yelling and screaming about discrimination..all the people in the center were staring and giggling...

finally the guy at corporate calmed me down and i got my car..

to add to the sublime weirdness, they changed my agent to a woman and then as she walked me out to the car she whispered..."to be honest Miss Kaitlyn, i'd take it as a compliment....i think you look great.."
... i was calm by then and i could enjoy the compliment and i just smiled and drove away..

[Leanne2]

I was misgendered today but I didn't mind. Because I haven't transitioned yet I spend most of my time pretending to be a man. Today I had a company physical in a neighboring town so I was in drab wearing jeans and T-shirt with no bra or makeup. If you look at my profile picture you will see that I'm not petite. My hairstyle is a short feminine wedge but it was in messy guy mode. I carry a string purse that some people wear like a backpack but I hang it on a shoulder. I was in Micky-D's waiting for my order with several other people. The college age girl behind the counter put the tray with my order on the counter and said, "Thank you Ma'am". I almost looked behind me but recovered, smiled and said," No, thank you". There is hope for me yet.................Leanne