Dresser's Remorse

[Lena]

Lately, I've had a lot of fun dressing and shopping and going out. But it seems when Monday comes I'm trying to figure out why I did something like that. What do I really get out of this habit? Why in the world did I need to walk around a lake in a dress? When I think back, I feel almost embarrassed by what I've done.

It's like buyer's remorse.

But I know I'll be right back at it.

[Alice_2014_B]

I get that sometimes.
:)

[Lena]

I should have put that in the general forum instead of here. Can it be moved?

[Sarasometimes]

I get that feeling too. I think it is my internal struggle with having the need to dress and express myself that way and still not comfortable with myself doing it.

[Gwinnie]

I have this too. I almost feel sick sometimes cause of it

[Adelaide]

On the contrary, I just can't wait to do it again!

[Pat]

Next time write yourself a note. Monday-you can read it. ;)

[Laurana]

I used to get that way. Still do rarely.

It comes usually right before I get dressed. I'll be thinking "Do I really need to wear a bra today?" "Why?" "You don't get any gratification,sexual or otherwise so why?" Then,once I get a bra on and slip into a pair of panties I look in the mirror, give a little twirl, check out my butt, smile and get dressed.

It happened more often when I first started wearing makeup.

Now it's very rare that any thought like that occurs.

[Rachael Leigh]

Lena, no doubt it's the ebb and flow of the CD I mean I was out dressed the other day and thought I'm sure I was read did I not present as well as I thought or is that just how it goes then I'm like of course I was read but who cares I was comfortable. And so it goes

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lena, I don't know what you have but I hope that it's not contagious .:daydreaming:

[Robin414]

I totally agree Blue! If I ever get that, somebody take me out back and shoot me...up with estrogen ��

[Katey888]

What do I really get out of this habit? Why in the world did I need to walk around a lake in a dress?

Lena, it's obvious - if you didn't walk all the way around the lake, you wouldn't get back to where you parked your car... :)

But seriously, some of us will probably always have those feelings - uncertainty, shame, embarrassment, guilt or others. Because the rest of the world would perceive what we do as 'wrong', we feel that societal pressure because we're conditioned to behave like the rest of the world. But it isn't wrong - it's just different, and if you can build an acceptance that it's actually very right for us, then that may help...

It helps me to think that way - but I'll probably always have those :wtf: moments until I expire...

Katey x

[Sarah-RT]

Lena I used to get that quite regularly, say after I finished dressing and get in to bed I was like "how weird is this, what am I doing with myself?!" But I found its easier to just accept it and be happy doing it, there are still times I think that way though however there are other times when I get in to bed and wish I didn't have to take everything off .

[JOHANH]

I get that way a lot too. Feel uneasy or my gut says this is not right and I have no right to put the people in my life through this if they ever find out. But I do it again and feel so good when dressed. Each step I take to be more fem leads to all the anxiety. Such as this coming weekend I plan to get make up for the first time. Right now am gung hoo, but might back out at the last minute. All the best in our journeys:)

[Claire Cook]

Hi Lena,

I think a lot of us probably felt that way at some point. I know I did. Now I rarely if ever have those feelings; maybe it's a question of self-acceptance?

[JeanetteX]

I look at it the other way...most of the week I wear mens clothes. Come Friday or Saturday I think "what a fool I have been" and slip into a cute dress with hose and heels!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

How exactly should we spend our time? There's no rulebook. Walking around a lake in a dress strikes me as a fine thing to do- better than sitting at home fiddling with a mouse and a keyboard. I'm jealous, really- ain't no lakes around these parts :(

[Scarlett Viktoria]

I felt that way at first. Then I thought, I'm only alive once, it's a short life, how dare I feel guilty for using this time to do what makes me happy.

[Rita C.]

Oh, you will get over it and come Monday you'll say can't wait till the next time.

[Krisi]

If you enjoy doing it and it's not hurting anyone (including yourself), then it's OK to do and you don't need to feel bad about doing it. I don't remember ever having those feelings but we are all a bit different.

[Janet Bern]

The same thing happens to me after a whole day spent shopping and having lunch as a girl.. oh well,,It was fun

[Cheryl_Layton]

Would I be right in assuming that these feelings come over you/us when we dress and do things in isolation?

I remember when I was dressing several years ago I befriended someone who I visited, as Cheryl, on a fairly regular basis. This gave my dressing a validity and purpose behind it which not only made it pleasurable but made me feel like a normal woman getting ready to go out before slipping into her car and driving off to see a friend. Of course, when we met we would discuss all aspects of dressing, fashion makeup etc. which further added to the reason to dress.

I know that when I finally got to living alone and had the opportunity to return home and ‘de-Cheryl’ in the comfort of my bathroom (not in the car as I had to previously) did the experience start to feel complete and natural; inspiring me for the next outing.

As Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye sang…’It takes two, baby!’

[IamWren]

But it seems when Monday comes I'm trying to figure out why I did something like that.
For me it isn't so much of a need as much of a desire or want I guess because dressing does cause some sexual arousal for me. If I didn't or couldn’t paint my toenails or wear panties or put on makeup again I don’t think I would have an internal struggle or become depressed like I’ve read of some of the gals here (who I feel really terrible for) and I count myself very lucky in that regard. It’s fun for me.

So in the rare instances when I do get to don a bra and hip pads and make myself look girly I love it. However, I am very closeted and by myself in the endeavor to let my feminine side float to the surface so that in and of itself seems weird. I guess what I mean is I wish I were with other people doing something which is why I'm here I guess. :)


When I think back, I feel almost embarrassed by what I've done.
After it’s all said and done, I, like you, think “what the heck? Why did I do that? Why have I spent hundreds of dollars on makeup, clothes, underwear, heels? Just to get off a little bigger?”


What do I really get out of this habit?
I’m sure it’s more than just having a bigger orgasm for me. Because after joining this community and exploring my feminine side more, I’ve found that I like being girly. I like it. It makes me (my personality or soul if you will) feel softer and I like that feeling. Afterward I don’t feel shame, guilt or embarrassment.

Of course that might be quite different if I got caught. I suppose if I got caught there would be quite a bit (read: “a lot”) of embarrassment because this IS weird. It IS odd. Our society’s rules (here in the U.S.) has told us it’s weird, odd, creepy, scary and worthy of being punished, scolded, ostracized, ridiculed, etc.

I think what you’re feeling, and perhaps I’m really talking about myself, is the internal struggle of fighting against those ideas that have told us all our life that this habit is weird, odd, creepy and scary and knowing that WE... are not. We’re just delving into our personality… willing to explore a side of ourselves that society typically tells males should repress. We’re looking at our ‘softer’ selves.

And as I think about it, it’s rather a pity isn't it, that society doesn’t encourage us to explore our softer side (and women to explore their harder side) so that we can be more authentic to each other after what we've discovered in doing so.

Big hugs to you Lena
Muah! xoxo
Sayyidah ‘Sue’

[Teresa]

Lena,
I guess we sum it up by calling it validation, next time you won't think it and the time after you may have moved on a little further !

For the last two Sundays I've worn forms under my jacket when walking the dog, last week I ran into two people from the village walking their dogs, just said good morning and carried on walking. I'm determined to get use to wearing forms and not feel embarrassed.

[Amber42]

Very well said Sue.

I often feel "The guilt" or "The shame". Many times it is after but sometimes it is before I dress. Given that my home situation doesn't offer many options for dressing, I get pent up desire and when the opportunity comes up, right before, it's as though I get stage fright. I get incredibly anxious and nervous, almost shaking.

The thoughts of guilt and questioning why do I want this come into my head. This is most definitely coming from the constant reminders that society has engrained in me and others that men are NOT SUPPOSED to do this and we as men should be tough and not soft. The pressures of work, status and society weigh heavily.

Once I start dressing, I am wonderfully happy. Truly at peace with myself and sometimes I just don't want it to end.

[pamela7]

there are good psychological methods to get rid of the guilt, remorse, shame, etc. aside from that, there are many "worse" habits out there. the real problem is secrecy, for there is nothing wrong with crossdressing nor what is done while cross-dressed.

[Tracii G]

Can't say I ever really felt remorse of any kind because I dressed enfemme.
I enjoy it and feel right doing it.

[Ally 2112]

When i was younger i always felt remorseful .It took a lot of years to finally accept myself im not perfect but do enjoy the experience during and after way more than i used to .The sooner you let go of the guilt the better :)

[Robin414]

I look at it the other way...most of the week I wear mens clothes. Come Friday or Saturday I think "what a fool I have been" and slip into a cute dress with hose and heels!

Absolutely Jeanette! 😊

[Lena]

I used to get that way. Still do rarely.

It comes usually right before I get dressed. I'll be thinking "Do I really need to wear a bra today?" "Why?" "You don't get any gratification,sexual or otherwise so why?" Then,once I get a bra on and slip into a pair of panties I look in the mirror, give a little twirl, check out my butt, smile and get dressed.

It happened more often when I first started wearing makeup.

Now it's very rare that any thought like that occurs.

That's it! Exactly. Before and after I wonder what am I thinking. Well put.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm also a CD. A closet CD. Yes, I've suffered from the guilt of obsessive dressing and the sexual excitement for years. But, as Krisi said, I'm not hurting anyone except myself. Maybe?

But, I look at it this way: What if my "hobby" was playing golf? Or, setting up a model train set that ran thru every room in the house? Those activities can be just as obsessive, expensive, and demanding. But, I built model everything as a kid. And, golf seems like an old, drinking man's sport.

Dressing is way too much fun. Exciting and such a turn on at my advanced age, I'd have to be nuts give it up!:devil:

[Ddannie]

Lena,
I also end up pondering why I have enjoyed dressing after an episode of expressing the feminine me. No certain answers have come to me after decades of pondering but I do have much less regret and more serenity come Monday mornings.
Maybe we all have different whys. Hope you find yours and lose the regret.
Cheers
Danielle

[grace7777]

I do not feel any remorse from dressing en femme, but what is depressing is that right now I am not in a position to live as a woman 24/7.

[AnnieMac]

Yeah I get what your saying. Its not really a guilt thing so much, as at times it just feels kind of pointless.