Coming to terms with myself... Well kind of

[Leah R.]

I've been trying on women's clothing since I was a kid. I repressed it pretty well most of my life. The past year or so I've started coming to terms with myself. I've began to realize life is just to short not to experience it. So I'm going to experience it how I want. Dressed up. I hated myself for so long thinking something was wrong with me. A friend I shared my interests with helped me begin to feel like there isn't something wrong with me and I need to experience the things that interest me. I started buying makeup and am slowly learning the ins and outs of it so I can be somewhat presentable. I've been buying my own clothes. Dresses, pants and tops, panties, pantyhose, shoes and everything else. Right now I spend most of my time dressed in the confines of my room.

I'm assuming it's normal that I feel kind of guilty about it but I'm not going to stop. The more I dress and learn about makeup the further I want to go with it. I want to get to the point where I can dress and go out of my room. Also the more I've been doing this the more I've began to not hate myself as much as I have most of my adult life. Is that normal?

Sorry for the long post just thought I'd post. I'm trying to find friends that are like me.

[JaytoJillian]

Hi, there is absolutely nothing "wrong" with cross dressing--any counselor will tell you that. Accepting yourself is the first step toward being happy. categorizing it as artistic expression helped me through the "guilt phase." Positive interaction/feedback from other people on the TG spectrum as well those who are not, helped a great deal with confidence. It is so cool that you have a friend who is open and encouraging. I have one friend who I know would accept me as Jill, but as I am not totally out, I would not want to burden him with keeping my secret safe. I grew up near where you reside, so I know how conservative things can be. However I visited back in the summer--went clubbing en femme (at Station 4) in Dallas and I had a blast! There seems to be a nice TG community there. When you're ready, reach out and connect, because life totally is too short not to live it to the fullest and on your own terms.

Cheers,


Jill

[Nikkilovesdresses]

...the more I've been doing this the more I've began to not hate myself as much as I have most of my adult life. Is that normal?

Perhaps it's helpful to look at it the other way around: would it be normal to hate yourself most of your adult life- obviously the answer is no. Crossdressing clearly gives you a sense of fulfilment. It brings you peace and happiness. It enables you to be a more complete, whole, rounded person. In that sense, it actually makes you a more normal person- though crossdressing itself isn't what mainstream society thinks of as 'normal'. To be truly normal, ie average, men would generally wear drab clothing, avoid deviance in any form, and be good little worker-bees.

Sounds ghastly doesn't it?

Welcome to our kind of normal.

Hugs, Nikki

[Katey888]

I'm sure you'll find many of us that have travelled that route - you're certainly not alone there... :)

Given that we are all products of society and the conditioning we undergo during our formative years, it is completely normal that you still feel a little guilty about it. I do too and I've been doing this a long time and I probably always will feel a little that way. What is good is that the more you can feel better about yourself the more confident you will become and the more your self-acceptance will grow. I like Jill's 'ruse' of artistic expression to reduce the guilt - you may find that you don't need something like that, but I suspect a support group may be a very useful step for you if you can find a friendly one.

Good luck and just keep going at your own, comfortable pace. :D

Katey x

[Princess Chantal]

I think you put yourself on track for some very satisfying crossdressing in the near future. I really like your wording of "learning the ins and outs of it so I can be somewhat presentable". Many people on here come in and become frustrated because they got their minds on being "passable", where as you have your sights set on being the more accomplishable of being presentable.
When I started to crossdress 14 years ago, I set my goal to be presentable in my own eyes and was able to be confident enough to accomplish that goal quickly within a couple of months. Been out in public with my head up full of confidence and enjoying every bit of it without stress since. Where as many crossdressing acquaintances (that i have corresponded with back then) are still stuck on accomplishing their passable goal and have been stuck in the house or hiding in the darkness of the night while out in public.

[Kate Simmons]

For many of us ourself is the person we most have to come to terms with. :)

[Gabby6790]

This sounds like a lot of peoples stories including my own. I have just accepted myself as well over the past few months.

One big tip is too follow and interact with these forums. They are super supportive and helped me to understand that this wasn't something I should be ashamed of.

Second about going out, you don't have to be passable to go out. Start slow but just going for a drive at night, then maybe a little walk. I am still taking baby steps but it feels so good just to get out there.

[Sarah-RT]

It's amazing how we all experience the same..confusion,and guilt over it. We do all have ups and downs but there is certainly nothing wrong with it, they are only clothes and makeup, do what makes you happy to do, it's very easy to put your own joy and comfort behind everyone else's and forget how to make yourself happy.

Be all you can be!

Sarah x

[Princess Chantal]

Kind of over generalizing there, Sarah. Not all of us have experienced the same confusion and guilt over crossdressing. I haven't and doubt ever will.

[IamWren]

Below is part of what I said this in a different thread about feeling guilty about dressing.

"I think what you’re feeling, and perhaps I’m really talking about myself, is the internal struggle of fighting against those ideas that have told us all our life that this habit is weird, odd, creepy and scary and knowing that WE... are not. We’re just delving into our personality… willing to explore a side of ourselves that society typically tells males should repress."

I’m glad to hear that more and more you don’t hate yourself.
Everyone is deserving of dignity and respect… especially from themselves.

(((hugs)))
Sayyidah ‘Sue’

[Rachel05]

The time you accept yourself and are really comfortable with it is when you will likely enjoy your dressing more than ever, that is how it was for me, but boy did it take me a whole load of years to find that acceptance, but now I love my dressing, I am happy being a cross dresser, most of all I am happy with me, my smile when I am dressed is from deep within

You sound to me just like I was and I have been dressing for over 40 years now

Coming to terms with yourself is a great place to be

[raeleen]

Good luck, dear. It's a journey, and many of us have traveled down a similar path. That's what I've found most helpful on the forums. Just hearing from others like me. It helps with the guilt and confusion. Knowing that you're not alone.

I definitely repressed my dressing for several years, and I think it just ingrains the guilt more and more. Now starting to explore this piece of my identity and learning about who I am as Raeleen and how it intersects and really is part of my life is helping me grow as a person. Remember that you are amazing and that this gift will help you continue to grow. Happy to lend an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on.

Hugs,
Raeleen

[Dana44]

It took me many years to figure out what was wrong with me. As men, we were men. It was a long trip to come to the realization that crossdressing is not as bad as people think. I found out that many people do it and this site has some amazing stories. But yes guilty as charged. You will find that in time you will feel less quilt as you are able to do some of the things you have suggested. We can not stop and push ahead with grace. It is good to love oneself.

[Leah R.]

Thank you all for the input. I appreciate it so much. I look forward to getting to know everyone here

[wendy]

That is awesome !

You hit the nail on the head when you said 'life is to short' not to experience it. For the longest time, I tried repressing the CDing feelings and went thru a handful of purges. No more ! Since I've come to terms that I am a CD I've been a much happier person, and I am definitely trying to fully enjoy my other side as Wendy.

[Claire Cook]

Hi,

What you are feeling is something many of us have. For years I carried a burden of guilt going back to the earlliest days when I would get into my mom's underwear drawer. When I realized that there was nothing wrong with me -- or CD'ing -- and accepted myself the guilt took a back seat.

Here's wishing you all the best.

[CarlaWestin]

............................The past year or so I've started coming to terms with myself. I've began to realize life is just to short not to experience it. So I'm going to experience it how I want. Dressed up..................

I checked your age on your profile. It's so nice to hear that someone has shed the constriction of societally imposed guilt about this wonderful expression, at an age early enough to enjoy it more. You know, it's OK to be the uber male also. Live in and enjoy both worlds. It's your life.

[Lydia Hamilton]

DFWdresser, Hi, this is the place to be. My most difficult acceptance of Lydia was coming to terms with the fact that she isn't going away, period. So, last in life we came to an impasse. No matter how you dress or present yourself to the mirror or the world, you will be beautiful and radiant. The most difficult part of being such a special person is accepting yourself the way your are. My wife enjoys the fact that I have a different point of view on most subjects we encounter. Make-up ha, never got the hang of it. Don't need it for Lydia 's satisfaction. Practice those elements you feel your not happy or satisfied with. Allow yourself to grow and remember your special. Most importantly, Don't Be Ashamed. My two cents. L.







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