Stealth or near-stealth dressing questions

[ReineD]

To those of you who wear items of women’s clothing that onlookers either do not notice or if they do it is perceived as “iffy/edgy” (examples: tight jeans, women’s Tshirts or polo shirts that could be perceived as male clothes, stud earrings, long hair, long nails, imperceptible makeup, painted nails, bra showing slightly through shirt, underdressing):

1. How how do you think you are perceived?


As an effeminate male or gay.
As a male who has an unorthodox sense of style (like goth).
As gender related: genderqueer/CD/gender-fluid/etc.
As transsexual.
As a woman.
Other, and if so, then what.

2. Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things?

3. [-]How would you like to be perceived?[/-] As which gender would you like to be perceived?

These questions are open to everyone, however if you are TS and/or transitioning, please identify as such in your post ... I'm wanting to get a sense of how the people who dress this way feel, who do not identify as TS and who are known as male to most people in their lives.


<Edit>
I've just changed my 3rd question, since some of you have responded "human". Yes, I know we are all seen as human and I'm sorry for not being more precise. Which category of human would you like to be perceived as regardless of sexual orientation: male, female, genderqueer, or transsexual?

[Shelly Preston]

Normally if you have a lot of money you can be described as Eccentric

[Allisa]

I believe I'm perceived as an effeminate male and or gay, I would like to be thought of as gender-fluid and expressing myself as I feel, as to how I feel when wearing my "femme" items, they are just clothes that make me feel comfortable and complete and long hair has always been my preferred mode for as long as I can remember, just got ears pierced not to long ago and love it and so on with nails and make-up. Like my womens shoes (not high heels) in every day use also. As far as perception, male by birth and female by choice.

[Raychel]

I am a crossdresser, and I would expect that anyone that would ever see me out dressed
first would think WTF is wrong with him.... :heehee:

As a male who has an unorthodox sense of style (like goth).

[Laurana]

I've never given it much thought. I'm a Crossdresser. I've had long hair since the late '80's. I had 5 earrings at one time.


I would like to be perceived as a human being.That's it.

[pamela7]

1. "disturbing" - in shops like the local big supermarket i know i get odd looks and people avoid eye contact as a rule, their reality is disturbed. Perhaps as an effeminate man or gay or a crossdresser.
2. i feel like me, i'm a male-female human being, complete, genderless/agendered/fluid perhaps.
3. just as another person, without judgements

[Taylor186]

I believe I'm perceived as a gay male by those that don't know me. At 6' and 190 lbs and pretty masculine I don't see myself perceived as either effeminate or androgynous. I too would like to be thought of as gender-fluid and confident in expressing myself as I feel. Yesterday we went to the Met HD performance and I wore patent leather shoes and sheer thigh highs under my otherwise business casual attire. Patent and sheers are common at black tie events but this performance was decidedly not. It was fun being a bit of a fashion rebel.

[Cheryl_Layton]

At the moment I’m growing my nails, shaping them and wearing clear varnish. The varnish certainly catches the light in well-lit stores and can draw attention to them. I’ve also shaped my brows to the point of them appearing feminine. I generally wear normal drab clothing for everyday activities and keep dressing as something special.

I guess I’m perceived as effeminate, if anyone notices, but I project a nice, friendly (normal male) personality which I think people respond to more than how I appear.

Does it bother me that I’m perceived as effeminate? Years ago it would have, especially working with the public but now I’m becoming more used to the idea of ‘this is who I am’ and feeling ok with myself. Because the nails and brows help when dressing I feel that the possibility of being seen as effeminate is a small price to pay.

How do I want to be perceived? I guess my maxim is that if I treat you nicely, then please reciprocate and try not to judge me.

Oh, and finally, if the urge to dress wanes or I find the response of people is too much to bear then I can always cut my nails and let my brows grow back!

Hope this is helpful for you.

Cheryl x

[Rhonda Jean]

As an effeminate male or gay.

I read this as how we're perceived in what is basically daily attire. Not full on fem mode.

As much as many of us like to say "it has nothing to do with sexual orientation", that is precisely how it is perceived by the general public. Maybe there are some (very, very, few) people who don't automatically link the two, but I've NEVER encounter anybody who didn't (that I know of).

[Rachael Leigh]

I usually just feel normal I use to think if someone does notice they will prob assume gay but I've never really thought that much about it. I'm a CD

[daphne_L]

Raychel,

I laughed and felt better after reading your post.

Thanks!

Daphne

[Erica Marie]

Omg thank you for starting this thread. This is something I deal with daily.

It has only been about a year now that I have been blending womens cloths into my every day wardrobe. And we will not include undergarment because they are just that, under. I have only been blending simple things like jeans, tees and hoodies. Basically stuff that can fly under the radar. The other thing I have done is had my ears pierced a few more times and for the last two years I have been letting my hair grow out. Been working with a stylist, once a month cut and color and growing it out into an inverted bob. Still a style that can be somewhat styled in a unisex way. Besides that I am also working on growing my nails out and will usually protect them with a clear polish.

So enough about me and to your questions.
1) To be honest I really dont know how I am perceived. I have never had any rude comments made to me about my choices. Some people have commented on my hair being longer and the length of my nails. But it is never anything that says " Hey whats up with you"

2) How do I feel? Confused as heck. I want to be myself, but honestly dont have to guts to do it,so for the time being I blend what I can, maybe small steps at a time and I can shift from M to F with out it being so overly obvious.

3) Who do I wish to be perceived is a tough one. For now Ill have to be happy with gender fluid, knowing it may be a long time or never that I can make a further and more permanent change. I would prefer to be recognized as transgender and be allowed to be myself, but I am truly afraid to take that chance.

[TrishaTX]

I am usually dressed one way or the other...except I will wear panties once in awhile. I am a full boat king of guy/gal. I do not think I can pass and I don't care. I am a crossdresser by those that know not TG. Wearing them brings a sense of calmness to me, and comfortability. It brings up my famine side which I probably need more of. I would like to be perceived as John or Trisha(your call) but just me...I never identified with others anyway, but of course I would like to be accepted...who wouldn't. I find in a very PC world we are more judgmental than ever...

[Loni]

1: i would not know, never asked or has anyone given there opinion.

2:maybe just weird, but just being my self.

3: as a woman, but sad a large part of my life must remain male. ( work, mom).

[Krisi]

I wear women's jeans or shorts (actually capris that have been cut shorter and hemmed), panties and usually little gold ball earrings when I go out as "Homer". The women's jeans or shorts are pretty generic, no sequins or fancy stitching. My nails are done in clear polish or none. I feel like and believe I am perceived as a normal male.

I think people who take it further with the painted nails, tight jeans, etc. are perceived as gay.

[Richelle]

How do you think you are perceived? Most often at the beginning of an interaction with another as a women. Depending on the interaction it may shift to one of the others, but in all honestly I do not know as I never ask.

Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things? At first I always just felt as a CDer, but now days more as a woman

As which gender would you like to be perceived? Now days I really enjoy it when I am perceived as a woman, but it does not bother me if I am not.


Now for some clarification on how I dress most days as it is a little different than what Reine listed. Since I telecommute for work each day, the only time I present as fully "male" is when I am at client's office or at corporate office in MA. So today like most days. I am not wearing make up, breast forms or a bra. However, I am wearing skinny jeans, a woman's top, bright red nail polish and long dangling earrings. I always were woman's skinny jeans or leggings and my tops are clearly from the woman's department as they tend to be tunics with bright patterns and/or bling.

Richelle

[lingerieLiz]

Have never asked. Interesting enough no one has stated or given input. I know that a lot of people have seen me wearing women's clothes that were obvious. While I don't wear dresses I wear jeans and sweaters or blouses. A while back I met with a committee of women wearing a turtleneck under my light jacket. A storm hit as I arrived and I had to remove my jacket. The light turtleneck easily showed my cleavage and bra line since the fabric stretched between the girls. I didn't know that a half dozen women were coming. None of them said anything. Did they notice? Had to! I did receive an invitation to come back.

[docrobbysherry]

Another penatrating, thot producing post, Reine. At least, it is for me! I have to answer each question twice. Because I just realized the radical difference in how I feel depending on how I present!:eek:

As me out dressed:

1. Pretty much as Raychel said. "Weird old man out in a dress". (Remember, I often look pretty attractive from behind. But, when folks see my face, it's a shock.)
2. Which is exactly how I feel, too!
3. Female. I believe nearly all of us would prefer to pass when we're out.

Out as Sherry:

1. "OMG! Is that a man or a woman in there?"
2. I sometimes feel incredible. Increasingly more unafraid, more confident. Sometimes, powerful! Nothing like when I'm out as me.
3. Female.

[deebra]

First off.....confused, are those girl those girl jeans and women's boots he's wearing?????? then is he gay????? why would he want to wear girl clothes??????

WHY can't the public see that just like women he might like and it's O.K. to wear clothes of the opposite sex. Those clothes don't come with breasts and a vagina, they are just clothes and that fit a woman's body, if he likes them better than men's why negatively judge him on his preference of clothes he chooses to wear?

And for those that pass completely and there are some, they blend and are accepted as women, yet they wear forms in their bra and a surprise in their panties; now what's wrong with this picture, the public accepts some but not others, I would say the public is/has the problem.

[Jennifer0874]

I know with several people I am perceived as gay. Over the past year or so I have grown out my hair and dyed it blonde. My everyday wear tends to be skinny jeans and a woman's top. I regularly get mani pedis. Sometimes with a color, but usually without.

I shop regularly at a cute shop where the owner has always been nice. A couple months ago she hired a new sales associate and the owner introduced us. A couple of weeks ago I went in and only the new sales associate was there. We got to chatting and I mentioned my wife. She says "wife? Too bad I kinda had my eye on you for my brother. He's really goes for feminine guys".

So I guess gay and effeminate.

2. Recently I think gender fluid would be a good description. Borderline effeminate.

3. I would still like to be perceived as a male with feminine tastes/style/desires (sometimes)

[Ally 2112]

Over the years i have had many comments on my hair length .I have been told so many times to cut it then more girls would want to date me lol .Unfortunately there is a lot more baggage under the surface than just my hair

[S. Lisa Smith]

Dressed as Lisa:

1. How how do you think you are perceived?

As transsexual or
As a woman.

Others can answer this better for me, but I don't attract undue attention.


2. Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things?

A woman

3. How would you like to be perceived? As which gender would you like to be perceived?
Female

[katie_barns]

I think that in Kentucky if you are in male mode and wear feminine style clothings, hair style, makeup, excessive jewelry; then you are percieved gay. I really don't think Transgender is considered as first thought. Of course that would depend on where you were at, and how far you pushed the dressing. The uninformed average person usually thinks gay first, then maybe TG, and some don't believe there is a difference. I think that age makes a difference to.. younger people are more informed than older when it comes to Gender expression

[Amanda James]

I think people look at me and think , I bet he's a crossdresser. If they think about me at all .

[CarlaWestin]

Anymore, I couldn't give a rat's pahtoot about what other's perception of me is. Dressed or not. How comforting it is to elevate from the perception glare into the warmth of being comfortable with yourself. Outside observers always tend to use their own emotional, spiritual or gender non centric filter to evaluate others. I couldn't care less about what other people think.

"Oh look! A crossdresser!" Geez, just look around at how everyone else dresses. At least you put some effort into it!

[Charlotte_P]

I have been blending some girl jeans, shoes and tops for a couple of years with nary a sideways glance. I have made an art form of imperceptible makeup. Don't have long nails or any hair for that matter.

I did get a bra strap noticed one day when I was getting gas and paying cash. I could tell the guy behind me saw the strap by the look on his face when I turned around, plus he was still looking at my shoulder. I didn't remember that morning that I was going to need gas and wore a bra under my tshirt like I usually do on my way to work. Only to take it off under the shirt a couple of blocks before my shop. He didn't say a word to me, but a that could have been because I was about 6 inches taller and over 100lbs heavier than he was and I am sure he didn't want to risk it.

Charlotte

[Dana44]

1. How how do you think you are perceived?

As an effeminate male or gay.
As a male who has an unorthodox sense of style (like goth).
As gender related: genderqueer/CD/gender-fluid/etc.
As transsexual.
As a woman.
Other, and if so, then what
.
So far I've been identified as a woman. Been a couple times i did get a few looks, like one lady in a department store. That particular day I think I probably did look out of place.


2. Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things? A woman.

3. How would you like to be perceived? As which gender would you like to be perceived? A woman.

[Jennifer W]

I have no idea how I am perceived. Last Thursday I actually went and did all my errands while wearing Victoria's Secret yoga pants and a Under Armour sweatshirt with a bra and T-shirt underneath. A huge step for me. No one said anything to me.
I'd like to be seen as an ordinary guy who wears whatever he feels comfortable in.
I'm sure that isn't what is seen.

[Cheryl James]

Having just returned from my favorite grocery store (self-check out) this question is very much to the point. As often as possible I go about my daily business dressed entirely in female clothes like leggings, skinny jeans, shorts, capris, t-shirts, dress shirts, women's flip flops or sandals. I do not wear a wig, generally, for daytime outings, but my hair can be fluffed up a bit to a point that few men would ever wear theirs. I do wear a bra with modest projection and other things have been hidden away.

Occasionally, people give me a second glance. One young woman left her male partner and tracked me for about two aisles and, then, did a slow walk by designed to appear as though she was looking for something, but in reality wanted to get a closer look at me. In general, though, people are busy and not there to people watch, so I have had no incidents. I really believe that all of the publicity about transgenders and transsexuals, people have become, somewhat, immune to a reaction when seeing someone who is "different".

In answer to your questions:
1. I have no idea how I am perceived. With leggings or skinny jeans, possibly, I am perceived as an amputee.
2. I "feel" female, but I feel female no matter what I am wearing...even though nobody would ever guess that
3. I would like to be perceived as transgender

[AmandaM]

1. Others thought I was gay. In my experience it's the most common assumption.
2. I don't feel like a woman but I do feel more feminine. It takes a complete dressing to feel more like a woman.
3. Doesn't matter unless completely dressed.
Note: I have off-and-on TS feelings, but I am not TS per se.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Reine, :hugs: I wear skinny leg ladies jeans have triple pierced ears with two studs and
a tiny hoop in the bottom a neck chain and wrist chain and thin nylon trouser
stockings most of the time and my nails have clear coat hard as nails 24/7 365.

I'm just a guy that marches to a different Drummer !.:daydreaming:

[UNDERDRESSER]

Have been wearing skirts full time for about 5 months now. A few times have worn opaque hosiery.

1. Not sure, my co-workers should know I'm not gay, as my GF works there too. I haven't had many conversations with customers or other public, the few that I have, everybody seems to have been fully accepting that I just like it. No-one has actually questioned my orientation, though a small percentage seem to harbour some suspicions. Regardless, most of the women say they approve, and I've not detected any sarcasm or insincerity. I definitely think some would have been open to a date if I'd wanted.

2. I feel like a straight guy who is comfortable showing what most would describe as some feminine characteristics.

3. See my answer to number 2.

So far, I am quite happy, and a little surprised that it has gone as well as it has.

[Nadine Spirit]

Interesting questions. I think your title is somewhat deceiving though as some of the stuff you mentioned, like painting fingernails, is not very stealthy at all. But whatever.... As far as things along these lines that I do, I have both ears pierced twice and wear small hoops, I have my nails painted 24/7, currently they are sparkly red with black tips, I wear female shoes, like converse on occasion, sometimes I will wear female clothing items like socks or shirts or jeans, I wear female jewelry like my lovely diamond and sapphire wedding ring, I also wear scented lotions.... hmmmm..... I think that is it.... oh wait, nope, I carry a Coach wallet, and occasionally my Coach purse. And just to further clarify I will do this stuff anywhere.... as in yes I present this way most of my life most shockingly to some, at work as well. Thrilling mouthful!! Ugh....onto the questions:

1 - How do I think I am perceived?
Honestly, I wish I knew. I kind of want to ask my coworkers what they think. No one has said anything blatant or obvious to me. My wife works with me and no one has said anything around her either. I think maybe they are kind of afraid of violating some law or rule or something and don't want to be nailed for harassment or something. Outside of work, when I am not with my wife, I think people perceive me as gay. Occasionally I think the public is becoming more educated and some do take me as transgender.

2 - Which of the above do I feel like when I wear these things?
Sometimes my brain still screams out "freak" to me when I see my own reflection. I am becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of being transgender, and that is how I think of myself. Oh that probably need clarification - I feel as though I exist somewhere between a male and a female, wherever that is!

3 - How would I like to be perceived?
As transgender... i.e. - as someone who exists somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum.

So, um, yeah, there you go!

[KatieV]

1. Perceived as CD/gender fluid. When out and about en drab, woman are curious, pleasant and accepting - like "That lip color will look great on you!" or "Are you going somewhere special tonight?" They do enjoy the interaction, as do I.
2. Feel girly - hard to differentiate but not the same as feeling like a woman. Yes, this is a None of the Above response.
3. In this situation, would like to be perceived as being on the female end of the gender spectrum, and interacted with as a woman.
Now, did I pass? The test, I mean.

[Luciana]

1. How how do you think you are perceived?
As a ridiculous man dressed with woman clothes.

2. How do you feel like when you wear these things?
A yummy and super-feminine woman.

3. How would you like to be perceived?
A yummy and super-feminine woman.

4. As which gender would you like to be perceived?
Female.

:)

[ReineD]

KatieV, this isn't a test. lol I was just curious.

I'm actually surprised at how many people here identify as a form of gender fluid. When I first started the thread, I expected most everyone to tell me they felt they were perceived as women and they also felt they were women. (This is why I asked the people who are TS to identify as such, because we already know they identify as women. I was wondering mostly about the non-TSs.) :)


Thanks everyone for your responses! :hugs:

[sarahcsc]

Hi ReineD,

When out, I put forth my most feminine feature of myself, and that is my face. I rarely wore makeup but my long hair does most of the convincing. :) I'm blessed that way.

I don't have a nice feminine body... hence I avoid wearing tight jeans, women's T-shirt or anything too feminine. However, I don't mind wearing feminine clothing.

The most feminine article I wear, is actually my necklace. It is tiny, elegant and feminine. I always grip unto it in times of distress and somehow it gives me strength

1. How how do you think you are perceived?

People who don't know me, such as my patients, might confuse me for a woman which I don't necessarily feel the need to correct. Lol. But people who knew me, would not confuse me for being a woman but asks about my hair frequently.

I like to think that I'm being perceived as a woman from afar but my broad shoulders and Adams apple often give me away. Most people can still tell that I'm a man when observed up close.

2. Which of the above do you feel like when you wear these things?

I feel like a woman. :)

3. As which gender would you like to be perceived?

This is a tricky question, ReineD. I think which gender I wished to be perceived depends on who is perceiving me. I would like to be perceived as a woman by most people, but I'm a little mixed when it comes to my loved ones or girlfriend. These are the people who have known and loved me as a male, and to expect them to perceive me in a different way, is also asking them to change the way they are treating me.

I know I'm probably delusional about this, but if possible, I'd like the feeling to be mutual. That is, I would like to perceive myself as woman just as much as I'd like my loved ones or girlfriend to do the same.

However, my mother was very clear in her mind that she has given birth to a son, not a daughter; my brother was not confused when he played basketball with me as a younger brother, not sister; and my girlfriend made it clear to me that she is not a lesbian, although she does find a lot of things about me attractive.

In other words, it isn't as straightforward as I would like it to be.

In contrast, I couldn't care less about what the world think of me. :)

I don't think I fit into the TS box which some forum members endorse here so I wouldn't identify myself that way.

Why do you ask all these questions, Reine?

Love,
S

[Brenn]

Have been wearing skirts full time for about 5 months now. A few times have worn opaque hosiery.

1. Not sure, my co-workers should know I'm not gay, as my GF works there too. I haven't had many conversations with customers or other public, the few that I have, everybody seems to have been fully accepting that I just like it. No-one has actually questioned my orientation, though a small percentage seem to harbour some suspicions. Regardless, most of the women say they approve, and I've not detected any sarcasm or insincerity. I definitely think some would have been open to a date if I'd wanted.

2. I feel like a straight guy who is comfortable showing what most would describe as some feminine characteristics.

3. See my answer to number 2.

So far, I am quite happy, and a little surprised that it has gone as well as it has.

I think this is very close to how I would answer these questions as well. I have a hunch that most men don't really notice when I am wearing ballet flats or sheer hosiery. Women may notice a bit more, but I have never had anyone say anything. People who do not know me probably assume i am gay, just because the media has created this stereotype (that really doesn't exist as far as I can tell). Hopefully, enlightened folk think I am just an eccentric guy who is not afraid to be comfortable.

[ReineD]

Why do you ask all these questions, Reine?

Because I have a tendency to draw my own conclusions based on what I read between the lines. Over the years I've discovered here that often, the appearance of things is sometimes deceptive and it is best to ask a question directly if I want to understand than to "think" that I know people's motives based on the impressions I get from their avatars and posts. Hence the questions. :)

[Paulacder]

Have never heard of the term Stealth but it sure fits. For many years I was unable to fully dress so wearing a few fem. articles of clothing worked for me. Then as time passed I constantly increased my fem attire. Lady's jeans, white canvas deck shoes, anklet, sweat shirt, earrings, a light makeup, ladies large sun glasses, seems to be my every day dress. And as you always hear said. "And no one notices"...

[Stephj]

I tried wearing lady's jeans and shirts but it just wasn't me just a bra and panties through I work mainly with females just a few males but everyone there plus people outside of work tell me I act more female traits than male I am just trying to be myself I really don't know how I present myself to others