Recognized?

[funlovinlocal]

My SO and I have been talking a bunch about going out, as I still haven't really done it. I've always thought maybe I'd take an evening trip somewhere else than the town I live. Unfortunately, my town is easily the most friendly for everyone in the area. I'm just worried about seeing someone I know, even at a club.

So here comes the question. My SO says that she thinks I look so different from guy mode that no one would even recognize me in passing. Has anyone found this to be the case with themselves? I find it hard to believe but highly value her opinion obviously. Can I/we look that much different?

Steph

[pamela7]

it is true, people would not realise, do not know, even very close friends. It is the context, the wig, make-up, clothing. So many people are face-blind and so just don't "see".!

[Danitgirl1]

Hi Steph
I obviously can't speak to/for you but FWIW I recently walked right past 2 current and 1 former colleague on the same day within about 45 minutes from the first to the last encounter. We were in the mall (it was busy) and I was within about 3 metres of each of them. Not one of them recognised me.
Also last week we were in the same (rather quiet) restaurant as a former sports club-mate (admittedly the last time I saw him was about 10 years ago) and he did not seem to recognise me either...
Of course if I had spoken, or if they had seen me in my car it may have been different, but a casual encounter and you should be fine.
I reckon you should be fine.
HAVE FUN!!!
:hugs:

[Krisi]

I have thought about this a lot. You can probably disguise yourself well enough that away from your home and car, most folks would not recognize you. I have done this myself, several times. If you go out with your wife, that changes because once they recognize your wife, they will either figure out who you are or ask your wife who you are. It's best to go to another town and dress there.

Some folks though are distinctive enough that they would be recognized regardless of clothing or makeup. It's the way they walk or the way they carry themselves.

[mykell]

looked at your profile, with the larger photo of you there you seem pretty convincing with your look, (the black and white is stark and hides detail, in color you may shine even brighter) and as mentioned your voice would probably give you away,

best of luck and have the fun you deserve.....

[michelleddg]

This is a topic I have a lot of interest in. Think you'll find this thread to be relevant:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?217571-Would-yo-mama-recognize-you-dolled-up-(continued)&highlight=

Hugs, Michelle

[Di]

With my spouse Sherlyn wayyyy back when we were first dating 10 yrs ago we went everywhere and even once were right beside Shers mom and sister and they did not know.
BUT NOW
We are married
I have met them all and Shers work mates ect ect
So now the problem is me.... I am very outgoing and when anyone sees me they run over to me.I could still introduce her as Sherlyn and no one would know .. But she frets over her voice.

So now we try to go places family and work mates will not be or a town away as Sher wants to seperate it from work ect.
We still get to go out a lot .... But I just have to be mindful that people know me here now ( we lived in 2 different country's dating)

[jenniferinsf]

i have a cd friend who when he dresses looks completely different than when he is in his male mode...he says that even at a party someone he knew did not believe it was him....so yes it can happen.....

[Cheryl_Layton]

I think it all depends on where and in what context you are seen. If you leave your house or are in your car then people that know you will probably ‘clock’ you. However, if you are in the mall and pass your next-door neighbour then chances are that they wouldn’t recognise you.

My SO, to whom I came out to last week, has seen some photos of me and says that although she sees a woman she also sees the (male) ME (as I do). This, for her, is because she has seen my face probably more times than I have over the years and, I guess, it must be nigh-on impossible to lose the real you to those that know you really well. However, she is fairly confident that strangers would see me as a woman, which is nice to hear.

[Robin414]

My SO, to whom I came out to last week, has seen some photos of me and says that although she sees a woman she also sees the (male) ME (as I do). This, for her, is because she has seen my face probably more times than I have over the years and, I guess, it must be nigh-on impossible to lose the real you to those that know you really well. However, she is fairly confident that strangers would see me as a woman, which is nice to hear.

Good point Cheryl! I think this is a major hurdle in the way of achiecing self confidence en femme as well. If I look at myself in the mirror for too long I see the guy I was and I lose confidence....if I look at a mirror without having for a while (en femme) I don't even recognize myself!

And BTW, you look completely like a beautiful woman IMHO 😊

[Kate Simmons]

There is a girl vs guy thread in the picture forum. Look at some and then decide. Unless someone lives with us every day most won't be recognized by anyone. :)

[Tracii G]

I have passed several people I know while enfemme and they didn't make the connection.
I think you should listen to your wife on this one.
Kate makes a good point go view the boy vs girl thread.

[~Joanne~]

Yes, but because we see ourselves in the mirror when looking into it, we become our worst critics and will never believe that we look totally different enfemme. My SO tells me that all the time, the change is dramatic and that no one would recognize me if I went out unless she is standing there with me.

[Sarah-RT]

I was spotted by a school acquaintance when I was in an LGBT bar back in July, he himself is gay now it appears, I haven't heard from him since nor from anyone else over it and I live in a small town. My alternate Facebook profile pops up on people I know's suggested friends yet I get no inquisitive friend requests or messages. I told a female friend recently and she said she'd seen the profile and put 2 and 2 together by the mutual friends we had but didn't recognise me but thought I was familiar, I asked why she didn't ask, even if she was wrong.

She said she'd rather I was comfortable enough to tell her rather than putting me on the spot.
If someone you know sees you, as long as they seem like a good person they may be unlikely to approach you or even follow up on it. Live your life and worry less about others, I think more of it is in our heads than others.

[Kelli Jo-ann]

I sat at a poker table with a friend all night and he never knew it was me till the next day. Then he still didn't believe me when I told him.

[MichelleDevon]

Steph, I can speak to this one from very personal experience...

I sing in choirs, my current ones I have been in for about 10 years. There are people in both choirs who know about Michelle. Back in November 2013 I had a day out in London, meeting a friend from Russia whom I had met on the internet. My train home was running late and it was choir practice night. So I got back to the station where I had parked with less than an hour before rehearsal time...which was 1/2 hour drive away. So I had time to grab something to eat or to change. I opted to eat.

So I turned up at choir as Michelle. Those who were in the know were delighted to meet Michelle - their reaction turned what had already been a lovely day into something truly memorable (for all the right reasons). Now in that choir I am a first tenor - so one of only 3 or 4 in that section of the choir. I am 6'4" and the tallest person in the choir. But....(and this is an amazing but)...I know of at least 6 people who were in that rehearsal with Michelle for 2 hours, all of whom had been singing with Stephen for a number of years, who did not realise that it was Stephen who was in their midst. They did not realise until they read my explanatory email of gratitude the next day.

So, yes, you can go to places and meet people you know and they may well not recognise you, especially if you are out of context. I managed even in context. With make-up and hair and different clothes you do look very very different and, when seen out of context, I would say the probability is that you will NOT be recognised.

I would venture the opinion that you are more likely to be recognised by women than by men and, in my experience, women are far less judgemental, usually interested, and are much more likely to spot a face they know than men, so in the unlikely event that you are recognised then I would not anticipate a problem.

Get out there and enjoy being Steph...the worry is only in your head - the rest of the world doesn't give a tinker's cuss!!!!

Michelle
xxx

[Alice_2014_B]

Yes.
We can appear very different.
Especially if your SO already says that in person, you should be more than fine to go out.
:)

[Teresa]

Steph,
I find it annoying that other people tell you this but I'm still not convinced.
My first counsellor almost walked out the room with one of my pictures to ask the receptionist if they had seen the person in the picture enter the building, she bet me they wouldn't recognise me !
When I showed my daughter some pictures she was so surprised how different I looked , she commented that they didn't look like me !

[Carole]

Steph, you don't say whether it would be just you out or you and your SO. If both, then you may go unnoticed but of course your SO will be recognized and unfortunately, by association, so you may be also recognized.

[BillieJoEllen]

Years ago I went to our downtown area fully dressed and took a walk around. It was about fifteen below that night. As I'm walking I looked up and lo and behold I looked in the eyes of a man I worked with. He gave me a strange look and then we both went about our business. I feared for Monday morning because this guy was a big blabbermouth. He didn't care what he said or to whom. He never said anything to anybody. He was probably just trying to stay warm like everyone else.

[CynthiaD]

I look completely different in male mode. I doubt that any of my male mode friends would recognize me in femme mode. There are a number of places I go in both modes, and no one ever seems to make the connection.

[Taylor186]

I think your femme look is unlikely to give you away but your voice will as will being with your SO and maybe even your car, if it is distinctive.

[gailprice]

I have been to several functions dressed fem and have not been noticed by people i know.
I have noticed that to recognize someone you think you may know you will need to really scrutinize that person, which means Staring at them and that gets noticed. So at just a glance we find we dont get noticed so much.
If all that makes sense.........:confused2:

Gail xxxx

[MissTee]

People have put on a hat and sunglasses to go incognito, and it works. Now, imagine what you can do with a wig, makeup, dress, heels, etc. Totally undercover look. The give-away would be if you were with someone who is not incognito and is regularly seen with you, that might be a challenge.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Another with experience of NOT being recognised by people who know me either in male mode (when dressed femme) or femme (and in male mode). In one case in male mode I introduced myself to someone who knew me very well as Michelle. When I started talking they then made the connection.

[Angela Marie]

My wife claims that people would not recognize me. As someone pointed out we are our own worst critics. I think if you are physically closer the the female physique and dress to blend it would not be a problem.

[Joy3]

When my wife saw pictures of me for the first time her response was your look was not what I expected and I would have never recognized you!

[Krisi]

I would like to ask my wife how I look as Krisi but I'm a bit afraid about what she would say. She accepts or at least tolerates my hobby but I'm sure she would rather see it go away.

[Cheryl T]

The advice I was given for my first outings was to be 25 miles from home in a town where I am not known. That would minimize the chance of being recognized.

If you go out with your spouse You may not be recognized, but if some see you both together they may be good at math....2+2 and all that....

[Terri Andrews]

When we are out togeather we usually go to another town . The issue is not will they know me but when they see my SO they will wonder who she is with and them maybe look a little closer at me..

[Krisi]

Going to another town greatly reduces the chance on running into someone you know but it does not eliminate it. I have been 150 miles from home and someone recognized me (Homer, not Krisi). It happened to a friend of mine as well when we were the same distance from home. A co-worker recognized him.

If you are dressed to pass as a woman (no beard, bald head, etc.), you should do fine. It's the wife walking by your side that will be the giveaway.

[Rachel PT]

Never underestimate "chance"! Hundreds, even thousands miles from home, I have run into people I know. If it's just you dressed and you don't do anything to get you noticed (like double take at them and quickly go the other way), odds are no one will notice. However, if there are other cues -- SO is with you, car, tattoo, scar) then your odds magnify greatly!

[katie_barns]

I've had a few times where I passed someone in a store that new me and didn't recognize me. Also had a lady i worked with a few years ago wait on me in a fast food restaurant and didn't blink an eye. I'm not sure that would work with close family

[Shelly Preston]

About a year ago I was out having dinner with a friend. The restaurant is over an hours drive from where we live, in a sleepy little village.

Her old school colleague came up and questioned if she was the person he sat next too in some classes. This was after a gap of around 20 years

He however did not recognise me even though I knew him too. Since I am few years older I don't think he made the connection.

[Luciana]

I Probably at this time the OP already hung out, so my answer will be kind of useless, but here it goes my opinion for future mates that may be thinking about to go out.

I think that the point is a bit more complicated than if you look different when you are en-femme. The problem is to be with your wife. Even if YOU look totally different, keep in mind that YOUR WIFE doesn't. So, remember that someone can recognize your wife hanging out with another girl (you) and just decide to stop by to say hello. And THEN, when very close, a further look can make the other person notice that you are you.

In my opinion, who wants to hang out crossdressed but fear to be recognized will be too much more safe by doing it alone or with another CD. Not with the wife.

;)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Steph, Lets hope that you look different when you get all dressed up:hugs:, Otherwise why bother.:daydreaming:

[JaytoJillian]

Two instances come to mind. The scariest was when a peer of my boss hit on me--I saw this guy day in, day out at my then job, and he had no idea it was me. One other was me passing someone I knew on the street while walking to a night club from my car. She just smiled and said "hi" the way strangers render polite greetings. I know that if either of these particular individuals recognized me, there would definitely have been fallout. So, I think that unless someone is expecting you to show up en femme, that person is not likely going to make the connections necessary to identify you.

[Jacqueline StGermain]

Happened both ways
Went to a popular BBQ restaurant with my partner, another cd and spouse and another cd/ drag queen/performer ( although in drab mode)
We had a great dinner, popular crowded restaurant, waited on by very nice waitress. A few weeks later I went in by myself( in boy mode) for lunch, had the same waitress, she did a double take, smiled. When she would come by to wait on me she asked me how I liked her hair and other "girl talk". Saw her a few more times, before restaurant closed seed.
The other was I advertised my business in a local GBLT newspaper, met the publisher( a lesbian) while I was in Guy mode,
A month later my partner and I went to a play and she met us there, she picked me out of a crowd where we were seated in the back , with around 250 people in the theater.
Another time I passed my neighbor on the street, he knew about Jacqui, but had not seen me out, walked past him, he said hello, but didn't recognize me. I turned around and said hi using his name, he looked confused, looked at me for a minute and smiled when he realized it was me

[Anne K]

We can't go anywhere without running into someone who knows my SO. I'm sure they would quickly figure out who I was. Not ready for that drama! We are opting for a trip. That may be a good way for you to ease into the adventure. I see you are from NC, so a trip to South Florida (especially Miami) might work. There so many flavors of people here, you will be invisible.

[lorisdream]

One thing our therapist mentioned was that 'I may not be recognized but my wife will surely be.' All one needs to do is add it up and then they know who I am. We are going out for a Diversity Weekend up north and I am ready for whatever happens. My wife is comfortable with it, so it's on.

[Dana44]

I have never been recognized yet. When we dress and do makeup and fully dressed with bling etc. I think nobody would really recognize us except for my SO as she always has colored hair like purple, green or aqua blue. Yet I'm always called mam and it sometime surprises me that I'm passing okay. But defiantly go beyond where you think your normal crowd is. Like a city away or across the state.

[JillSierra]

That's always been my biggest fear - being recognized. Before my Big Purge a few years back, I frequented local clubs and loved going shopping and just being out. And the more I went out, the less concerned I was about being seen. But on one of my last times out, I was with a couple of friends, all dressed, at a local bar that was frequented by all shapes, sizes and categories of folks - my kinda place. But while there I noticed two of my employees come in with their friends. Eeeiiieeww!!! I hightailed it out of there (as fast as I could in heels) over the objections of my friends who said no one would recognize me. Maybe not, but scared the bejeebees out of me. (Not the reason I purged BTW). Now, starting again and still scared of being recognized by someone who I wouldn't want to know. What to do?!?!?!?

[erickka]

people don't recognize me at all when fully womanized. the only way they have been able to tell is when I start running my mouth! LOL

[Judith96a]

I suspect that it's all about context...
Some years ago, I was hurrying, on foot, from my office to a work site and passed a young man whom I thought looked very familiar (but I couldn't think who he was). A couple of weeks later, the same thing happened - same young man, still unable to 'place' him. Some weeks later an aunt died and I was at the funeral. I'm standing talking to my father when this SAME young man walks up and says to my dad, "Hello Uncle Bob"! And suddenly I know EXACTLY who he is. I told them the story of how I had bumped into him two or three times within the previous few weeks and his reply was "yes, I had exactly the same experience. Mind you, I didn't know you worked for ... So I wasn't expecting to see you in ..." It was all about context.
So... Out of context, there's a good chance that even a close relative won't recognise you. Provide them with context (e.g. your distinctive car, walking out of your front door, walking hand in hand with your SO whom they know) and the likelihood of your being recognised increases.
Now if only I could convince myself that I'm sufficiently "out of context" to be "safe"!

[Lux]

Go out a lot on the weekends in and have yet to be recognized. One time I was at a club and this group of girls in a bachelorette party came in. Next thing I know, I am shoulder to shoulder with a female colleague that I had just worked with that very day! Making eye contact and smiling she says; "love your shoes!" Whew.

Now I am more likely to be identified by going out with my wife since she usually accompanies me on our weekend adventures. We thought about having her try one of my wigs if we were very concerned...

- - - Updated - - -

Go out a lot on the weekends in and have yet to be recognized. One time I was at a club and this group of girls in a bachelorette party came in. Next thing I know, I am shoulder to shoulder with a female colleague that I had just worked with that very day! Making eye contact and smiling she says; "love your shoes!" Whew.

Now I am more likely to be identified by going out with my wife since she usually accompanies me on our weekend adventures. We thought about having her try one of my wigs if we were very concerned...

[Alice Torn]

A couple of times, i dressed on Holloween, though i don't ceebrate it, and went ito bothe the dollar store, and the pharmacy. I did not fool them, though i thought i would. At six foot six, and heels, too, they pretty soon read me! I thought i did a really good job presenting, too. But, my voice also helped!!

[Stephanie47]

I checked your previous post of you en femme. I think you can easily pass for a woman. You are attractive with somewhat delicate features. You run the risk when out with your wife to being "hit on" by two guys. Of course, there is a problem if your wife is identified. That may lead to an encounter that is more than a friendly wave. If all you want to do is have a little thrill of being out en femme try a movie that is not in its first week of showing.

Decades ago when I was really really uneasy about being out en femme I made up an invitation to a party where it was required the guys dress in drag. This was before computers and software to photo shop. The invitation did look a little "put together," but, again this was pre-computer. These days it is probably easy to photoshop an invitation that look authentic. I never had a need for it, but, it was like Linus' security blanket.

[Sheila11]

I know people see me as a guy in a dress, but, my own mother was ready to call the cops on me because she thought I was an intruder in the house. It took a lot of convincing for her to calm down and let me go change back to son instead of daughter.

[antheia]

That's why i havent gone anywhere so far.

I want it so badly, everytime i go to a club or somewhere, i want to be one of the girls in there. But i couldnt dare to do it yet.

I am waiting to go another country.

And a question, some of you say with make up and dress you turn into someone else. I shave my beard but it still appears little bit and it bothers me :(

Can i have smooth looking face with make up? I am terrible at this make up things.

[lingerieLiz]

If you don't want to be recognized try it in another town. Understand that there is always a chance to run into someone you know. I've been walking in a store and had someone call my name that lived across the country. It was a totally random chance that we were in the same store. I used to constantly travel and was surprised at the people I would run into. One reason I quit worrying about what I wore and enjoyed life.

[Joy3]

When my wife first saw pictures of me as Joy her response was I would never have recognized you, the pics were not what I expected!!

[MissDanielle]

I've been thinking about this, lately...especially with the idea of going shopping en femme. Like I'd wear a hoodie and sunglasses or something...but I'd also need a good deal of beard concealer, too.

[Kimberley May]

Someone on my Kimberley Facebook account asked me tonight if I was male. I took that as a huge flattering compliment because it was clear that he wasn't sure. And even though me and this person has never met before or even know each other, I do wonder whether I could pass as a female in my local town and maybe even fool friends and family if I could walk by them unnoticed.

Unfortunately, I do have a cleft palate, which is a very slight disfigurement for me nowadays after countless surgeries, but still pretty distinctive enough so maybe I'd get clocked in my hometown a lot easier. Mind you, if I can get the makeup right to disguise any clockable blemishes, then perhaps I might stand a better chance.

[Lexi Moralas]

I always fear the same thing. Once , on a work day during work hours. I didn't realize 2 of my bosses would be working in the same town. I walked right past them as the exits the restaurant I assume they had lunch at. Not a face to face thank god. They were talking and didn't notice me until I was a step or 2 past them. I was scared to death ! Until I hear one of them make a comment about my ass. So I worked it as I walked away. And luckily they must have parked in the other direction. Looking back it was exciting.
In the moment it was terrifying

[binair10]

If your SO says that you look nothing like your male self when all dressed up, then I would go for it and enjoy. I look nothing like my male self anyway,now that I have a new shorter wig.

Julie.

[GenieGirl]

For me it's been 50/50.

I have been clubs and seen aquantances and even a girl I dated a while back in high school and stood right next to them and they never knew the girl beside them was me.

I have been spotted out in guy mode before by people who only knew me as a girl a few times too though.

If you ever want to get out and feel like traveling to Raleigh hit me up and we can go out sometime.