The words Trans Friendly is starting to take on a new meaning to me.......

[Launa]

When I was stepping out in the public light for the first time about 4 years ago I used to ask or see if a business or establishment was "Trans Friendly" or not before I would go in and engage someone..... These days I ask a lot less... I go into places either dressed or not and if they don't like me then I let them know I don't like them either! I never ask ahead on the phone anymore if a place is Trans Friendly. I think that it better be Trans Friendly or we'll have a problem and I will not walk out with my tail between my legs. I might walk away with my middle finger up depending on circumstances but in the end I refuse to cower to rednecks. Assume everyone is Trans Friendly.....
Be proud my friends

Cheers

Launa Lee

[pamela7]

totally, yes, that is the right attitude for me!

[Alberta_Pat]

You gave come a long way since first we met.

Well said!

[Krisi]

I see a lot of "macho" in your post. The females I know wouldn't argue with a store employee and they certainly wouldn't give someone the finger.

If you are going to dress as a female, you will be far more convincing if you act like one.

[phylis anne]

sorry to reply like this ,but my devlish rebellious humor side of me said I had to:devil: :
"The females I know wouldn't argue with a store employee and they certainly wouldn't give someone the finger " sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do :tongueout
phylis anne

[Veronica27]

I have to agree with Krisi on this one. We are looking for acceptance for something that most people not only don't understand, but which seems totally unnatural to them and weird to say the least. Adding belligerence to that helps no one. Let's keep things ladylike.

Veronica

[Saikotsu]

What constitutes a more "ladylike" response? I know plenty of women who would stand up for themselves if a business was less than receptive to them. If an establishment is transphobic or downright unwelcoming, then we can't let ourselves be walked all over. We're humans. We deserve the same respect and dignity as any of their other patrons. I think Launa has a good point: we should be proud of who we are. If people can't accept us, they're not worth our time.

[Luciana]

This may look as a lot of confidence to some but for me it sounds like a enormous lack of responsibility.

:eek:

We are living under a false aura of freedom so we tend to think that we can do whatever we want without consequences. But don't fool yourself. Regardless all the tolerance propaganda about race, skin color, sexual option, etc, the fact is that people are more intolerant than ever.

Acting like showing the middle finger when dressed in girl clothes can be something very offensive for certain people and very dangerous to you. Not because the establishment but because people that may be there. If you be unlucky enough to disturb a small crew of rude and drunk truck drivers after some confusion this your attitude may cost your physical integrity or even your life. They can just decide to chase you outside the establishment and lynch you. And I may ensure that no one around will go out to help you. If this establishment is on a conservative and moralist town even the police may not interfere until to be too late.

Maybe I am just too much fearful, but I would be more careful in your boots. Aggressive attitude and provocation will not bring good results.

:straightface:

[PaulaQ]

What you all need to understand is this:
1. Most businesses will just serve you, no matter how you present. They want your money. Period. There are exceptions, they are rare.
2. Most people won't care. They may misgender you, they may do other microaggressions, but you are unlikely to encounter crowds of peasants with torches.
3. However - if you are in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people present, there are those who will murder you with no more concern than they'd give a rabid dog in the street.

For the second type of situation, your best bet is to report the person to store management, or to your local municipality if the management is unhelpful. Flipping the bird is satisfying, but it doesn't fix anything, really.

For the third type of situation, when things look even mildly iffy, run like hell and don't stop until you reach safety. Hopefully you'll never encounter this - odds are, you won't. But it absolutely can happen, and your bravado will not help you.

[CynthiaD]

I go the same places en femme as I do in drab. I've never paid the slightest attention to "Trans Friendly" or not. Of course I generally go to places like craft stores, drug stores, cigar stores, book stores, restaurants, and the like where "Trans Friendly" just isn't an issue.

[Launa]

I see a lot of "macho" in your post. The females I know wouldn't argue with a store employee and they certainly wouldn't give someone the finger.

If you are going to dress as a female, you will be far more convincing if you act like one.

This isn't going to happen because at my age there is no convincing anybody that I'm a full genetic girl unless the person is blind and deaf.

And yes my dear there is a lot of macho in me if that's what you want to call, it then go ahead and call it macho. I call it taking no shit from rednecks. If you want to leave somewhere without comment when someone insults you then go ahead and do it. I won't do it. And I do present as female for those that don't know me on this snide forum. The question is are you perfect because if so I would like to come over and take some lessons...... I'm not leaving this earth as a whinny Trans person.

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You gave come a long way since first we met.

Well said!

Yes, its been a long way since I came to my very first event not knowing what to do and wearing a bad wig backwards! LOL.
Next time I'm up north I hope we can meet again! Yes there are people that helped get me started and those pioneers from way back are on sacred grounds to me. You know who I'm talking about. You girls and others have trained me well as we live in a redneck place.

Cheers girl!

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I have to agree with Krisi on this one. We are looking for acceptance for something that most people not only don't understand, but which seems totally unnatural to them and weird to say the least. Adding belligerence to that helps no one. Let's keep things ladylike.

Veronica

Sorry chick I do act ladylike until someone makes a remark like, " what are you trying to be a woman." Or folks that laugh at me when I walk by and say, buddy you're not convincing anybody."" Then its game on. I don't engage anybody unless they start it with me. If you want to take it up the arse then go ahead.

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This was more to the point. Folks I don't walk around with my middle finger half up in the air ready to tell someone off. However I refuse to leave a place like a scared child.

AND SO WHAT, ever watch Rhonda Rousey? Any of you? How much shit does she take?

[docrobbysherry]

If u r TS and NEED to present as a female constantly, I get it, Launa. But, if u aren't? R u one who likes to stir things up wherever u go?

I'm a closet dresser. Since I don't pass, I don't enjoy the stress of pretending to ignore, the, "OMG! That was a man. Etc., etc", like I heard countless times while I was out in Vegas this week.:sad:
(I was on my way to meet other T's and had ride in elevators, walk thru hotel lobbies, etc., etc., with Muggles on my way to our meeting places).

Or, taking the time and effort to straighten out the naysayers, chucklers. And, let them know I'm a regular "person" under the dress.

[Launa]

This may look as a lot of confidence to some but for me it sounds like a enormous lack of responsibility.

:eek:

We are living under a false aura of freedom so we tend to think that we can do whatever we want without consequences. But don't fool yourself. Regardless all the tolerance propaganda about race, skin color, sexual option, etc, the fact is that people are more intolerant than ever.

Acting like showing the middle finger when dressed in girl clothes can be something very offensive for certain people and very dangerous to you. Not because the establishment but because people that may be there. If you be unlucky enough to disturb a small crew of rude and drunk truck drivers after some confusion this your attitude may cost your physical integrity or even your life. They can just decide to chase you outside the establishment and lynch you. And I may ensure that no one around will go out to help you. If this establishment is on a conservative and moralist town even the police may not interfere until to be too late.

Maybe I am just too much fearful, but I would be more careful in your boots. Aggressive attitude and provocation will not bring good results.

:straightface:

Your lack of responsibility is that you can't stand up for who you are in public.
Only aggressive when someone is with me. I know how intolerant folks are, I live in a very redneck place. Dangerous to do certain things sure. Whatever, at least I won't leave this life thinking, shoulda, woulda, coulda.

No wonder so many Trans people I know that live full time don't come on this forum.

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If u r TS and NEED to present as a female constantly, I get it, Launa. But, if u aren't? R u one who likes to stir things up wherever u go?

I'm a closet dresser. Since I don't pass, I don't enjoy the stress of pretending to ignore, the, "OMG! That was a man. Etc., etc", like I heard countless times while I was out in Vegas this week.:sad:
(I was on my way to meet other T's and had ride in elevators, walk thru hotel lobbies, etc., etc., with Muggles on my way to our meeting places).

Or, taking the time and effort to straighten out the naysayers, chucklers. And, let them know I'm a regular "person" under the dress.

No Sherri, I don't enjoy engaging in the BS. I'm not full time, not on hormones, never had FFS, I am 6'2" tall blah, blah.... I laugh wih so many folks when they normally approach me and say something like wow do you take women's fortified vitamins? or a joke in the like then we joke and everyone seems to laugh....... Its when I get a snide remark and another remark behind that one that is derogatory then yes its time to stand up for yourself.
I was in Vegas on Freemont Street last Feb and 2 f-ers were making comments that I couldn't hear but I knew what was going on as they approached me. All I can say is there was a stand off as I was not going to run away, hide and cry. They walked into the 4 Queens and nothing happened.

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Look gang just to clarify, I don't run around in North America cities in a mini skirt, hooker boots, short wig and bad makeup with my middle finger in the air.....

I let most things slide but if someone wants to be a jerk and KEEP IT UP .... I won't run away either. As some others have said they agree with me in being proud WHEN YOU CAN!

If you're in public then yes be proud my friends!

[Tracii G]

I see this tread getting locked soon.
Be proud of who you are and if you get called out do what you have to do.

[Launa]

I see this tread getting locked soon.
Be proud of who you are and if you get called out do what you have to do.

Tracii, yes this thread might get locked out.... Thanks for your reply. You have disagreed and agreed with me over the 4 years or so I have been around here. If we're not talking about rainbows, unicorns and underdressing in panties then shut down the conversation. LOL

You will always be respected and I'm not blowing smoke by any means your way.

Cheers

Launa Lee

[Luciana]

As far as I can notice the OP couldn't stand contrary opinions.

:sad:

Anyway, Launa, you totally misunderstood my point of view. I never told that you shouldn't be confident or proud. I just disapproved (and always will) any type of free provocation — such as show the middle finger to people. It is unnecessary, potentially dangerous, does NOT sort things out and looks immature. Actually, instead to pass a message of pride or confidence to others, it just demonstrate weakness. All in all it is not the right choice for me. But see, I am not talking about YOU. I am talking about the attitude. So don't take it personal as we even don't know each other to make it something personal! LoL!

:battingeyelashes:

Peace, sister! Get swell...

:)

And if I misunderstood you and you were only after a supportive word, well... Just go there and do whatever you have to do! Yeehaw!

:D

[Launa]

As far as I can notice the OP couldn't stand contrary opinions.

:sad:

Anyway, Launa, you totally misunderstood my point of view. I never told that you shouldn't be confident or proud. I just disapproved (and always will) any type of free provocation — such as show the middle finger to people. It is unnecessary, potentially dangerous, does NOT sort things out and looks immature. Actually, instead to pass a message of pride or confidence to others, it just demonstrate weakness. All in all it is not the right choice for me. But see, I am not talking about YOU. I am talking about the attitude. So don't take it personal as we even don't know each other to make it something personal! LoL!

:battingeyelashes:

Peace, sister! Get swell...

:)

And if I misunderstood you and you were only after a support word, well... Just go there and do whatever you have to do! Yeehaw!

:D

Ha ha, ok ok you've got me I should be open for discussion too. Sorry folks!!!!!

Just for the record I don't flip everybody the bird when something arises. However I rarely back down when theres someone trying to make fun of me when it becomes more that a quick laugh. I usually try talking to folks at first if they say a comment but its what happens after that with it. As far as your views on provocation that's ok too I just don't want to stand for it when I don't have to. Its hard enough to look your best in public and not running for cover when situations arise. LOL

It also doesn't mean I would tell people off in front of a skin head rally!! I would walk swiftly away and run if need be!

And yes, I was only giving support to other folks out there not to feel like they have to take it or worry about who's going to be Trans friendly toward them anywhere.

[jenniferinsf]

frankly the only place i have ever asked was when i was hosting a group of clients at a private golf club. thought i best to ask in the proshop if they had any issue with me in iron shortish shorts, white top over bra, jewelry and make u.

no, m'am...just checking i said

in the hundreds of times i have been i have only one bad experience. it was awkward than embarrassing when around mid october last year i was at a large retailer and the young clerk asked if was going to a halloween party. i went quiet, thought a second and said calmly i do not really think you should have said that. i was hurt...i stewed for a day or two and realized how bad i hurt so i called the manager and without identifying the specific person i described the incident. she was surprised and apologized but the point i made to her was really how i felt and that in general a little staff sensitivity training would go a long way.

having received almost 99.9% positive reactions, this occasion did not provoke me to get angry, cower or run out. i think i am better woman than a man relative to this type of interaction. plus i am also sensitive to the group women i represent.

be frank, be direct yes but don't throw a hissy fit or a finger...as i think it will only encourage boorish behaviour in others

[Launa]

Just to clarify I've never had too much trouble from someone working at a store other than looks of disgust or snickering behind my back. Usually all in all is a good time but I do get it from others that are either in there shopping or folks outside that clock me and don't want to mind their own business.
As far as an establishment is concerned if I get a feel from someone especially an owner that they have to be tolerant then I leave and won't do business with them again. I don't go out of my way to see if a business is going to be Trans friendly I assume everyone will be unless they are flying the confederate flag with a bunch of skulls on the front windows. I would also say that if I was hosting a big event at a golf club with a bunch of us then I would be letting them know ahead of time just like if I was representing any other group. All in all people are usually just fine its once in a while when something arises with other patrons or people that want to make too much fun of me at my expense and or in front of me.

[Luciana]

It is a big relief, Launa!

I also apologize if sometimes I may sound a bit demanding. Maybe it is the language barrier (you know, I am NOT a native English speaker).

Anyway, I, differently of a lot of you girls, am very fearful and even after about 40 years crossdressing I never had the guts to go out in public. The problem with me is that I am too lo-profile, too discreet and I think too much then I keep imagining all sort of situations where I could be caught then I just prefer to forget about the idea.

When I read your testimony, I got scared about you only to imagine that you could be putting yourself in jeopardy because a silly reason and because stupid person that you don't even know. It simply doesn't pay for the risk!

Sure, I know! We aren't perfect (we are all humans, aren't we???) and we make mistakes. Once in a while I catch myself showing the finger or yelling a bad word in the traffic, but one second later I ask myself why in the hell I did that! Fact is we won't fix the human kind and we are surrounded by idiots (they may not stop to come from everywhere!) so the world is becoming a harder place to live in every day. Nowadays I even avoid to watch news because is simply disgusting to see how easily people are killing someone else for futile reasons. I absolutely wouldn't like to know that something tragic has happened to a sis of mine.

So, please... do whatever you do... be careful to yourself. We all here are family and we love each other.

A big kiss in your heart!

:<3:

[Dana44]

Wow, One time a long time ago, like forty years ago. I was in a JC Penny store and was not waited on for some boots that I wanted to buy. I finally went to the management and they were not responding well, went higher and the store said i was causing an issue. I said that in no way they are acting appropriately. Any way, I got a call from them to pay off my account while i was talking to them. Yes they really did that LOL. I payed it off and haven't been in that store for the last forty years. So, really we should be our best when we do get in an issue with a store. Never in my life after that, did I ever have a problem like the one I had with that store.

[Launa]

It is a big relief, Launa!

I also apologize if sometimes I may sound a bit demanding. Maybe it is the language barrier (you know, I am NOT a native English speaker).

Anyway, I, differently of a lot of you girls, am very fearful and even after about 40 years crossdressing I never had the guts to go out in public. The problem with me is that I am too lo-profile, too discreet and I think too much then I keep imagining all sort of situations where I could be caught then I just prefer to forget about the idea.

When I read your testimony, I got scared about you only to imagine that you could be putting yourself in jeopardy because a silly reason and because stupid person that you don't even know. It simply doesn't pay for the risk!

Sure, I know! We aren't perfect (we are all humans, aren't we???) and we make mistakes. Once in a while I catch myself showing the finger or yelling a bad word in the traffic, but one second later I ask myself why in the hell I did that! Fact is we won't fix the human kind and we are surrounded by idiots (they may not stop to come from everywhere!) so the world is becoming a harder place to live in every day. Nowadays I even avoid to watch news because is simply disgusting to see how easily people are killing someone else for futile reasons. I absolutely wouldn't like to know that something tragic has happened to a sis of mine.

So, please... do whatever you do... be careful to yourself. We all here are family and we love each other.

A big kiss in your heart!

:<3:

Not a prob Luciana, I put myself at risk at times and think its worth it. Even last night I went to a bar to meet up with an acquaintance and they and the bar are not in the LGBT community. I got there early in a rough bar in a rough part of town. I sat down near a bunch of folks that looked unimpressed at the least with me. There were some other big dudes walking around and because I didn't know when or if these other people were coming to meet me I thought do I ditch this idea tonight and go to a standard gay bar that I sometimes visit? Well I decided to stick around and ordered a drink, threw $6 in the tip jar at the bar and went back to my table. Before long one woman yelled at me I love your outfit, you look beautiful. I yelled back thanks blah blah. Then her boyfriend did the fist hit with me and it was all smiles with some of them not all. Friends finally showed up as the place became packed and the whole crowd was dancing away. I hit the dance floor and a lot of the men in the place either hi-5 me and or said right on, way to go!!! I went outside for a bit to cool off and the big massive bouncer said nice dress as I went back in. Moral of the story is it did feel a little dangerous at first but I tipped very well on my drinks, showed respect to folks and I got respect in return. However I was also on guard ready "if" something were to go sideways in that place.

As far as the middle finger goes I never use it in the car but every other situation is different and we'll all handle situations in our own ways. I won't take shit unless I really don't stand a chance. Too the folks that say I might not act lady like well that's just fine too as I could careless. This Hollywood leading lady is the epitome of beauty to me especially in her senior years!

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