Real or not?

[Leah Lynn]

I'm sure some members here doubt that I'm transitioning. Or at least trying to. I've started late in life. I'm moving much too slowly. Why the hell is my avatar a damned motorcycle?

I was four years old when I first declared myself to be a girl. I remember going to bed and praying that a certain little appendage would fall off overnight so I could show my mother that I REALLY WAS A GIRL. In 1955, a kid got beaten for such nonsense. I tried everything possible to man up, to drive this perversion from my mind. Finally, I found I really could do this.

I drive a truck. When I get an hour break, I can't run to the doctor's office or lawyer's office to take care of a bit of business. Not when I'm in a different state. Then there's the minor fact that I'm a far cry from being rich. My late wife managed to make sure of that. At 64, I should be planning my retirement; instead, I'm hoping to be able to work another ten years. I now have my documents for name change and gender change. I've wasted most of this weekend trying to e-file the name change documents. I'm only a single peg above computer illiterate. I'd just take them to the lawyer, but I have to head to Indiana first thing in the morning. When I get back, I have to switch trailers and go to Nebraska. I have to do the name change before I can attempt the gender change. At least I have the letter from the doctor for that.

The Harley for my avatar. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm old. I'm not photogenic. Enough said.

I'm out at work, but have to wear a uniform. All my family knows. I've been told by my sister that I have to attend Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings in a dress.

I'm trying to get this moving faster. It just isn't easy.

Leah

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Alot of people are in situations that are not that different.
Its sad and unneccessary that you have to go through all this to feel like yourself and live a life that lets you feel good about yourself..

I hope things start going great for you!!

btw...a nice pantsuit or cute sweater will work great too!!!

[Michelle789]

Hi Leah,

I don't doubt that you're transitioning. Yes, there are some people who when they post it's obvious they're just trolling. Most of these people are brand new to the forum, have less than 50 posts, and say stuff that sounds just plain weird. Most of them get found out by the 50th post or within a week of posting here. Actually, most of them probably are found out within 20 posts. It's very rare that someone with an established history on this forum turns out to be a fake. Even with the two alleged fake transitioners we have had in the past two years, there are dozens of real transitioners.

People have doubted my transition for a number of reasons. For one thing, I dress way too femininely. My wardrobe contains elements that are, in theory, female garments, but in practice, regarded as crossdresser garments (dresses, skirts, stockings, longer than shoulder-length hair). I do wear flats, sandals, and boots, however. I hardly ever wear pants, jeans, or t-shirts. My earliest days of transition went incredibly smoothly, at least until I came out to my father. Since coming out to my father, I have experienced a number of problems with my father, bronchitis, a significant increase in mis-gendering that lasted for several months. I haven't lost that many friend, but some friends who said they accepted me don't talk to me any more. I've also been debating on whether or not to get FFS. I'd rather avoid surgery, but will only get it as a last resort if I feel that some part of my face still screams male - enough to make me dysphoric or enough to get me clocked. Oh, and I had a very rah rah attitude when I first started here. I think I've mellowed out as I've been dealt some reality in transition. Oh, and I've dealt with people within the trans community saying mean things to me and trying to tear me down. Oh yes, this really does happen. The trans community isn't always supportive, there are some very toxic people among us.

Oh, and I haven't yet legally changed my name and gender, so that's a red flag. Actually, neither has my boyfriend (who is FTM). And the fact that I never had been in a relationship prior to transitioning, and suddenly I get a boyfriend, in a sea people who lose their significant others. Proof, that I must be a fake. And my boyfriend must be a fake too since he hasn't yet changed his documentation.

My belief is that your circumstances are real. We all face a variety of different circumstances. Sometimes this leads to us moving very slowly through our transitions. Other times, we move really quickly. Often, it's periods of slow movement alternating with periods of fast movement.

I wish you the best of luck through your transition. If you need someone to talk too, please feel free to send me a PM :)

[Abby Kae]

Maybe I'm just a sucker or gullible, but I tend to believe people at face value until proven otherwise.

Your transition timeline is YOUR transition timeline. No one does everything at the exact speed as anyone else. You are free to go as quickly or as slowly as you want, and as your circumstances dictate.

[PaulaQ]

I'll jump in on this - here is my attempt at proving I'm real. I've met Suzanne F, and Bad Tranny (Melissa) in person. I've spoken to Michelle789, and arbon on the telephone a number of times. I'm facebook friends with a number of folks here, including Anne2345. I post real photos of myself, and the same ones, for the most part, are available on facebook. (You can PM me for the link, or search my name.) You can also find references to me (Paula Minnie Ellis) in the Dallas Morning News, and The Dallas Voice. I've met a number of leaders in the local LGBT community, as well as a couple of national ones. (Chad Griffin, president of the HRC, and Mara Keisling, head of the NCTE.) I'm also known to a number of local governmental officials, in particular some of the city officials of Plano, Texas, who at the very least can assert that I appear to be trans, and am, with 100% certainty, a real pain in the ass at times.

I've done everything other than FFS that a person might do to transition, including GRS. I'm out at work, I'm a known leader in the Dallas LGBT community, and since I've been on local and Canadian television, I'm about as out as I can possibly be.

Unfortunately, I can't really provide a reference proving my GRS - Marci isn't going to talk to you thanks to HIPAA. I can send photos demonstrating that I've had this done, if someone really needs to know for sure. (Note: You won't like the photos - they aren't pretty yet.)

And with all of that said - I really think that it's BS to expect verifiability on an anonymous forum like this, or to tie authenticity to some arbitrary set of milestones. If that's the direction this forum is heading, then I think it is very wrong.

So Leah - I believe you.

[Rachel Smith]

If it is of that much concern to the doubters here just look me up on facebook. The pictures there are the same as the ones I post here. I am real there and here as well. Yes I transitioned late and had a fairly easy go of it. The only casualties are my step-daughter and her daughter and friends that I thought were friends but in reality weren't. I have NO friends left from my former li(f)e. I now live about 400 miles from where I used to but even when I have tried to have contact with those supposed friends I get no answer. Their loss not mine. My skin has toughened from this experience but that isn't all bad either. I used to worry about what other people thought of me now not so much.

[ErikaS]

I know I don't post much but I had to do some serious thinking about life and marriage of 20 years to finally make the decision to transition . It will be my timetable abet slow but its for me and my SO we are going to do this together, yes it has been painful but i/we have to work it out. I work for the federal government and a civilian and i am still in the Army reserves so both i had to think how to proceed slowly and the ban is not lifted and I do not want to risk my 30+ years in the service. Am I real well I have not changed my name (Yet!) I have the paperwork just working it out. I have told everyone work, family and friends I am transitioning and so far its been supportive i am having lunch with some girlfriends this week who are there for me and my team. I have read a lot of ya all's posts and have gotten a few pointers #1 is transition is hard (your dam right) It has been a near death suicide experience that showed me I had to do this or something bad was going to happen. I only wish the best of luck and keep charging that hill to all of you.

I'm trying to move at a pace that is right for me. and yes I keep thinking of a quote "Life is what happens when making other plans"

Leah keep smiling.

Erika

[LeaP]

Let me start by saying – with the best of intentions – that what you believe is a lot more important than whether I believe you are transitioning or not. My transition, like yours, has stretched out more than I wanted or would have predicted. One of the side benefits from the increased stability and self-comfort I now feel is that the concern you are expressing, and which I once shared, has become completely irrelevant to me. That's not because other people are irrelevant. Far from it. Their validation was something I needed for a long time. At this point, I'm not reliant on it. While losing it might hurt emotionally, nothing I'm doing would change.

Take what you are feeling as an indication of an emerging strength of self. You're describing fear of it, of being alone in your responsibility and decisions . I can tell you without hesitation that a time may come in when you are not only comfortable with that, but happy and socially integrated beyond what such support provides.

[Eryn]

Well, anyone who worries about my physical reality can check with Michelle, Persephone, or a half-dozen other ladies here who have met me face-to-face. Some have even come to town and we've shown them around.

Now, there are some people here that doubt the reality of my transition simply because I've chosen to follow a conservative pace. That's their problem, not mine.

Leah, you do what is right for you!

[Michelle789]

In an earlier post I tried to "prove" why I am fake. Now I will try to "prove" why I am real, being inspired by others who have done so.

Cody and I have both met Eryn and Persephone, and their spouses. We have met up a few times in real life, including my birthday party. I have spoken to PaulaQ and arbon on the telephone and Skype a number of times. I am friends with many people on both the TS and CD sides of the forum on Facebook, including PaulaQ, Anne2345, RoginaB, and probably a dozen or so others.


http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?219558-Thai-Food-Outing-of-the-San-Fernando-Valley-Chapter-of-the-Forum&highlight=

Does this photo posted on the forum prove our legitimacy, and the fact that we have all met each other in person? Does this photo in fact prove that Eryn, Persephone, Cody, and I are legit, and does it in fact prove that Cody and I are actually a couple?

I honestly think it's silly that we should need to prove our legitimacy on a forum. This is bordering on paranoia, and isn't something that's going to be happening any time soon with the current climate of the internet.

Just remember what Benjamin Franklin wrote.

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety"

If we ask people to prove they are real, just to avoid getting fakes, we deserve to lose real transitioners (who won't be let in because they couldn't prove they are real) and to still get fakes (who slipped through the cracks and were able to pass all our screening criteria in spite of being fake).

I have nothing to hide. I am out, and I am proud. I'd be glad to meet anyone else in person who happens to be visiting the L.A. area, or if life takes me on a trip to a different part of the country. Not just to prove that I am real, but because I genuinely would love to meet everyone on this forum if I had the opportunity to do so.

[Marcelle]

Hi Leah,

Thanks for sharing your insight and your situation. I am new to this side of the forum but one thing I have discerned is that each person's transition is their own and each varies depending on personal situations. Does that make the person less real? I like to give most the benefit of the doubt and assume what is being said is genuine because to be honest to think otherwise based on storyline/situation/circumstances or whatnot well . . . it seems a bit pessimistic.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Starling]

I'm slow, but real. All my photos are me, and a few of the most valued members know my legal name and some personal details.

:) Lallie

[LeaP]

Lallie, I'd be a lot more comfortable with your statement, as well as your mental state - were your avatar not a photograph ...

[Nigella]

WTF, why do people now feel the need to "prove" themselves?

[Eryn]

Nigella, perhaps the thread you started yesterday about questionable TS members prompted the question.

We've seen that the penalties are severe if irregularities are discovered in a member's profile. Apparently the veracity of members is very important.

[PaulaQ]

We've seen that the penalties are severe if irregularities are discovered in a member's profile.

Spot on. I'm not sure how we'd distinguish between someone who obfuscated their identity for stealth reasons, versus a total fraud, someone who wasn't trans *at all* for example.

[Starling]

Lallie, I'd be a lot more comfortable with your statement, as well as your mental state - were your avatar not a photograph ...

Please check my profile, Lea; I prefer to reserve my photos for forum members. I have also posted in the Safe Haven photo sticky. How about you?

:) Lallie

PS: My mental state is fine, considering so many decades of dysphoria.

PPS: The starling is an "unwelcome" bird.


WTF, why do people now feel the need to "prove" themselves?

Perhaps LeaP has just answered that question.

:) Lallie

[Rianna Humble]

This sniping stops NOW! :Angry3:

If someone chooses to use a photo of an animal or bird with which they identify, that is their right and no-one has the right to criticise them for it. Even less so, when the criticism is for using a photo. Well guess what folks - the majority of avatars in this form are photographs!

This is not a pissing competition either, it is not about who can bring the most cross-references from other members.

Any further posts that do not address the original post or follow-ups to/from it's author will be deleted and may face further sanctions! :angry:

[PretzelGirl]

Leah, your transition is just that, yours. We all go about it differently because we all have different life circumstances and different thoughts running through our minds. Just take care to do it in a way and speed that addresses your needs and your dysphoria. I agree with others that we shouldn't worry about if anyone thinks we are real or not. I have a great story behind me and that might make it tough for anyone to believe me since the 2 previous trolls had great stories too, but so be it. I don't need to prove myself and neither do you. Just keep hanging out, talk when you need to, and keep it real.

[Leah Lynn]

I didn't intend to create a sh!tstorm here. I do admit that since I faced the truth about myself, I've become a bit insecure. I've shed my armor, I feel that now I'm standing naked to the world, for all to see. I've not shouted from the rooftops, but I have no difficulty telling friends and acquaintances the truth about myself.

Melissa and Paula, I read all of your posts, hoping to glean any scrap of knowledge within. In fact each one that has posted here, I've read your comments and observations on this forum hoping to learn something. There is no support here in Smallville, and transitioning in place is intimidating. Yeah, once the guy that did the intimidating, is on the other end now.

I did not come consciously looking for validation, but I'm sure the subconscious did, and damned well needs it. So seldom have I been anywhere or in any group that I felt a part of, that coming here just felt right. Evidently I had a need to prove that I belonged and wanted to validate myself. I need this forum.

Thank you all for responding and sharing your own thoughts.

Leah

[PaulaQ]

You are fine, Leah. The reason I posted all of the public stuff about me is to sort of highlight how ridiculous it is to expect people to be progressed to a certain state, or to have their transness verified in some way.

I think it's fine for people who aren't moving through transition very quickly to talk about it. They are no more or less valid than I am, or anyone else for that matter. If you don't intend to do the same medical stuff as me - fine. If your goals for transition are different than mine - also fine by me.

I think the main things this forum can do for people is:
1. Help people clarify their goals. No, I can't tell you what is right for you, but I can definitely tell you what did and didn't work for me.
2. Help people get through the hard parts. Coming out at work isn't some right of passage - it's this thing many of us ultimately have to do to get on with our lives. Getting through that is HARD.
3. (Gently) question people who seem to be going off the rails. Maybe their goals are different, or maybe they are simply unrealistic in terms of achieving their stated goals.
4. Give people realistic examples, both positive and negative, of what happens when you tell the world "I'm not what you think I am."

[PamTG]

My only advice is to make yourself happy and whatever that is then do that, don't worry about making a transition unless that is what you want to do and if that happens when you are 90 years old then so be it. I have started to realize that the only person that I should worry about making happy is myself and if I do not want to transition right now then so be it and then I can wait. Who cares what anyone else thinks, just be happy with yourself but of course that is just my small opinion. Good luck in whatever you to do!