Too late now, but worried I made a mistake

[AletaHawk]

I've been having a really rough few months, and it all came to a head yesterday. I'm finally going to start seeing a professional to help deal with being genderfluid instead of trying to get by on my own, but realized that I'll probably need some financial assistance from my parents because my insurance is terrible. I didn't feel it was right to ask for their help, but not be honest with what it was for. As a result, I came out to my mom :eek:

At first, I felt incredibly relieved because she took things very, very well. She's always been incredibly supportive, and even encouraged me to tell my sister. But when I spoke to her over the phone later, her voice was very different and she seemed withdrawn when saw her this morning. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I can't shake that I made a mistake in telling her.

Am I crazy? Is it just my Catholic guilt charging back into my life? Thoughts?

[Nadine Spirit]

Sometimes after telling some folks about being TG, I have been extra sensitive to them. If they don't return my texts right away, or if they are busy and we can't hang out, then I think that I might have destroyed the relationship by revealing my gender status to them. Every single time, it has turned out to simply be me being paranoid and reading something into their actions that wasn't there. I don't know for sure if that is what is happening with you but my advice is that it is too early to tell exactly what is going on with your mom. Maybe her voice wasn't really different, maybe she wasn't actually withdrawn, maybe something else happened or was happening that made it appear as though she wasn't really connecting with you. Give it some time and an open mind and maybe you will see things differently.

Good luck!

[Sharon B.]

It could be the Catholic Guilt charging back. Just go on with your life and don't look back, I know easier said then done. Having been raised Catholic and enjoy cross-dressing and ex-wife used that against me the cross-dressing that is and I have lived and made a life for myself a hundred miles or so from my two sister's. I may still be in the closet but that door has pop open a time or two and I am looking forward to the day when it stays open.

[rhonda]

Change in lifestyle takes time to adjust things will work out just fine

[laura.lapinski]

Give her time to process things. Have a follow-up with her about it so she can ask you the things that are on her mind. She will probably have to tell someone so that she can help herself process things. Remember, when we unload something heavy on someone, they usually need some help in carrying that load. It's a normal human need to share. It's not someone betraying your trust in as much as it is about that person needed help dealing with it themselves.

[Luciana]

She's your mom. She still will love you no matter what. ;)

[Sarah-RT]

Aleta I find paranoia is one of our biggest troubles, from shopping to disclosing to others, a lot of us appear to jump to 'worst case scenario', myself included.

Until you speak to her again you wont know, but from her initial reaction I cant see why it would be a problem. Perhaps something else had happened to her since you spoke and she wasnt in a great mood. Let us know anyway, and from her initial support I hope she stays that way, its great to have family on board.

Sarah x

[audreyinalbany]

i don't think it's unusual for acceptance to vary from time to time. One day it'll be ,"no big deal…whatever makes hime happy." the next it'll be "why did my son (or husband, or boyfriend, or --fill in the blank--) have to be such a weirdo." it take time to adjust to a new reality.

[sometimes_miss]

You have to remember that despite more and more TG people being in the public eye, to the vast majority of the population, it's always 'them' who are those TG people. It's never someone close to us.

Until it is. And then it's a shock, because they never thought that 'their' type of people could ever be like that. Then it will take a while to adjust, if they are able to do so at all. Despite the lovely stories that we read here about how all our families still will love us 'no matter what', that isn't always true. There are plenty of horror stories about well, maybe not being exactly disowned by our families after coming out to them, but more often simply being treated like the black sheep of the family. My mother and sister did not take well to learning that I was a crossdresser. My mother is still ashamed of me. My sister gradually distanced herself to the point where we barely have any contact at all; any calls I make are answered with one or two word answers, and she never initiates contact. On holidays she always seems to be busy with someone else. I haven't seen her in years. So i don't dare tell anyone else.

Good luck.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Nothing to be gained now by wishing you hadn't told her, Aleta. Trust in her love for you- of course she needs some time to adjust to the news.

IMO your time at the shrink would be just as well spent examining the Catholic guilt as the crossdressing!

Good luck with the sessions.

[bimini1]

Hope it works out for you. If I had to do it over I would not have told mine years ago. Now, whenever she gets the chance she'll make little snide comments about it to push my buttons. But good luck.

[ReineD]

She's your mom. She still will love you no matter what.

This.

I'm a mom too. My boys range in age from 21 to 30. There is nothing they could ever do that would cause me to stop loving them or think any less of them.

Your mom just needs time to get used to the idea. And she is likely worried, wondering what it all means to you and how far you will want to take this, and how will others treat you. Will you be safe. She just wants you to be happy and you are presenting her with a situation that she knows is difficult to navigate. So, she worries like any other mom.

Take some time to talk to her in depth about this.

[AletaHawk]

Everything so far has been normal. Must have just been a blip on the radar. I guess I can go back to obsessively worrying about other things instead :)

I very much appreciate everyone's encouragement. Still somewhat new to all this, always helps to have people to talk to as I'm not fully "out" yet.

[Teresa]

Aletahawk,
To you your mum wears only one hat but don't forget she is also a woman and will need time to come to terms with your outing ! Hopefully she will support you as her son but as a man you have moved the goalposts and she going to have the thoughts that most have about your gender preferences and if you wish to transition. Don't contact anyone else until you have things sorted with her, otherwise she is going to get mixed messages.
Try not to let your faith come into the picture, just go with what you need to do to come to terms with your CDing, finding one good open minded person to talk to will help enormously but don't fall into the trap of thinking it's all they will want to talk about.

[Kandi Robbins]

Life long Catholic, the product of 16 years of Catholic education. I won't get too deep here, but God made us to be who we are. We are crossdressers. While I also battled and struggled with this for most of my long life, I finally realized who and what I am and that God had a plan for me. Since allowing Kandi to exist, I have been amazed by the wonderful people I have met, the joyous experiences I have had. Sure, I have not and will not tell anyone that knows me, other than my wife. I have made this choice because I do not wish to change the nature of the relationships I have spent my life building and cherishing. I am very proud of myself and who I am and am becoming. Don't allow that Catholic guilt (and it's real) to get to you.

[AnnieMac]

But Kandi how is this possible "Sure, I have not and will not tell anyone that knows me, other than my wife." when you are out and about so
openly and work cross dressed in a Goodwill shop? Doesn't it get a little complicated, like maybe your kids will find out for sure, and things like that?

[Kandi Robbins]

Annie,

I stay well away from home and I work (it's a volunteer job and only 3 hours a week) in the office at the Salvation Army local headquarters. There aren't more than maybe 10 people in the office and it's a 45 minute drive from home. I mostly go out in Warren, which is about 50 minutes from home. Yes, there is always the possibility I will run into someone I know, but it's unlikely. You would have to be actually looking for me to know it's me. I just know I've never been happier, so I believe it's worth the risk.

Kandi

[Stephanie47]

The only thing I will add is the possibility your mother confided in your dad. He may have expressed an opinion that is contrary to that of your mom. Frankly, any time someone throws an unanticipated curve ball at somebody that person may need some time to absorb it. There is no reason to constantly bring it up with your family, but, if they ask discuss it with them.