Your friends

[Saikotsu]

In another topic on the forum, I mentioned how a large number of people in my social group (either as acquaintances or friends) tend to be non cisgender, non heterosexual, or both. While not true of everyone, I have a very eclectic mix of friends. It got me thinking. When I met most of these people, i had no idea. It only came to light later on.

I started to wonder, am I naturally drawn to such people? Or is it coincidence that I ended up befriending a lot of people who differ from the norm? Or perhaps are such people drawn to me?

I realize that you can't answer these questions for me. But you can answer me this: What are your experiences in this field? Have you found you naturally befriend TG people or do they perhaps seek you out( in this context I'm using it as the umbrella term for anyone deviating from gender norms)?

[Sarah-RT]

I don't personally know any trans people, nor would I seek them out. I like this forum for the support that can be gotten but I don't need to go for a coffee over it. I'm out to my own friends so I can be me with my usual friends and don't need a second group to be someone else to.

With that said I plan on attending a T event in college, but that's more so I can get involved with supporting others.

[~Joanne~]

I don't seek out other CDs, if I come across another sister I surly leave her be but it's not even that often that I even see one to begin with. Social media I am full drab, none seek me out and I'd rather keep it that way. I hate social media, too much spying and such.

[Krisi]

"I mentioned how a large number of people in my social group (either as acquaintances or friends) tend to be non cisgender, non heterosexual, or both."

Could any of this be related to the legalization of wacky weed? Seriously, you must be seeking them out or hanging around in a strange part of town. I don't know anyone who fits that description.

[raeleen]

I think it depends on the person. Some folks look to find others who share life experience and backgrounds and connect easier with people like them. Others are looking for more 'diverse' friend sets. I think if you're a more liberal or radical individual, you'll also find yourself encountering more people who don't fit within the gender or sexuality binary.

As I've become more comfortable with my gender identity I feel like I've noticed more non-cis/hetero/etc. folks and engaged them more directly.

And of course, it probably does depend to a certain degree on where you live. I'm in Seattle. Lots of progressive, open minded folks hanging out around here. :)

[Ceera]

Going out as Ceera, I have tended to befriend a lot of lesbian and gay individuals and I've met and made casual acquaintance with half a dozen or more TG girls and another dozen or so drag queens. In large part that's been because when I am in public as Ceera, I've usually been hanging out in a gay nightclub or dance club (where I felt safer being cross dressed), or, more recently, I've been attending live music shows performed by bands who either have some of my lesbian friends as band members, or who are favored by my lesbian friends. So I may be in a club that is not at all an LGBT venue, but I'm sitting with a pack of lesbians. I've met several straight guys and girls while out as Ceera too, but haven't really made friends with many of them, or talked much about myself to them. Being out and about as Ceera is my main stress relief right now, so when I have time to be social, it's as Ceera.

My male side's friends and co-workers from before I started being Ceera, as well as my family, with the exception of my daughter, don't know Ceera exists, and don't have any reason to think of my male identity as anything but a widowed, straight and completely cisgender male. My male side hardly does any socializing right now. Any free time I have while in male mode is largely spent packing to move.

That will probably shift after I move, and when I am more out with my new friends and neighbors. As the line blurs between Ceera and my male side, there will probably be more straight, cisgender people among my active friends. But I still anticipate a high number of lesbian and gay and TG friends, as I hope to be pretty active in the LGBT community in my new town.

So for me... It has a lot to do with where I hang out, and making friends with people I meet in those places, and with friends of those new friends.

[Tracii G]

I found some great friends just by going to a trans support group.
I still have my vanilla friends.

[Saikotsu]

"I mentioned how a large number of people in my social group (either as acquaintances or friends) tend to be non cisgender, non heterosexual, or both."
Could any of this be related to the legalization of wacky weed? Seriously, you must be seeking them out or hanging around in a strange part of town. I don't know anyone who fits that description.

While I do live in a state that has legalized that substance, none of my friends nor I smoke the stuff. I do not understand how that is relevant to who my friends are in any way?

To be clear, its not like I go looking for such individuals. Most of my friends were my friends long before I knew about their sexuality or gender identity. I just find it unusual that I've got such a diverse group of friends from all across the spectrum.

[Mink]

"I mentioned how a large number of people in my social group (either as acquaintances or friends) tend to be non cisgender, non heterosexual, or both."

Could any of this be related to the legalization of wacky weed? Seriously, you must be seeking them out or hanging around in a strange part of town. I don't know anyone who fits that description.

you don't know ANY gay people? ... (aka "non heterosexual") ....?

that's... odd... seems yr the odd one out!

and non cisgender could be anything under the transy embryo gumbrella!

queer!

you act like it's so strange and make some comment about weed making people weird / freaks or something?

just strange!

[stockings_jane]

I only started dressing a year ago, but I quickly progressed from wearing only stockings to presenting fully dressed/wig/make up etc. That took around 3 months. Very soon after that I started going out. I luxuriate in dressing and making up, but I have no desire to socialise with other dressers. I am 'straight' and all my friends are (to the best of my knowledge) straight vanilla, but who knows. So... although I have made a very quick progression from tentative tryer on of stockings to full cross dresser I don't see that moving on to seeking the company of other like minded individuals. My pleasure comes from the activity. The very useful resource of forums such as this are all that I need for the exchange of advice and help.

[I Am Paula]

Krisi comes thru again! You may now stop banging you head on the table.

[Katey888]

While I do live in a state that has legalized that substance, none of my friends nor I smoke the stuff. I do not understand how that is relevant to who my friends are in any way?


Ady - don't worry, it's not relevant - and don't worry about not understanding it, I sense Krisi was being humorous... :)

Your assumptions in your OP were correct, I think - we gravitate towards people similar to ourselves and being younger, you have access to a broader group of friends and acquaintances... Most of us 'mature' girls have spent years repressing this part of us and building a life around outward conformity and conventional social activities, so our society circle tends to be biased towards hetero-normative and cis-gender folk.. and in those circles, while there probably are some gay and gender-challenged souls like ourselves, they're all so good at hiding it - you'd never know... :eek:

Sadly, I suspect your friendships will polarise a little as you yourself find out where your ambitions and course in life goes - which is a bit sad really, as it's good to have a few wacky friends - I find they help to keep a perspective on life...

Katey x

[mikeyp]

My friends are all pretty much your average, everyday normal 22 year old guys. I'm a highly competitive person. I used to play college sports. I play a ton of video games, etc. I just like to get a little pretty sometimes :)

I don't really have any desire to hang out with trans folks, mostly because I just don't have much in common with them except for my dressing. Although, my radar has been going off for my one friend who, when we were drunk was talking about how it would feel to wear a skirt and panties. I was like "woah", lol. Then there's a female friend of mine who once asked me why all guys wore shorts down to our knees, referring to my shorts. I was just like "wanna switch shorts?".

[pamela7]

Harvard has a lot of research backing the "three degrees of association, six degree of separation" empirical "theory". in other words we do gravitate to / surround ourselves with like-minded folk - just imagine being in a roomful of non-like-minded folk, it would be a nightmare of arguments would it not?

Living in a small town (8000 inhabitants approximately), i'm of the opinion that minority groups tend to congregate into larger cities, leaving even smaller % of CD left in small towns. For example, i might be only one of two CD's in my town, or perhaps we're all too-well hidden away here. My actual friends tend to be spread all over England and indeed the world, I wonder if we're now losing this local meme that has held society for thousands of years and reconnecting with kindred spirits better aligned if over thousands of miles?

[flatlander_48]

A:

What I've noticed is that I tend to gravitate to unusual people, and I suspect they to me. I could be that they are LGBT or they have had some uncommon life experiences or an uncommon hobby (note that I do NOT use that term in connection with crossdressing) or whatever. Personally, I enjoy difference. I find it stimulating. There is a reason that we don't all drive Chevys. However, I really have encountered other transgender people within the context of the 2 groups that I attend. As they are located 50 and 99 miles from my home, there isn't much opportunity to develop friendships.

DeeAnn

[Krisi]

It could be that some of my friends are gay, they just haven't expressed it around me. In the past I have worked with some gay people and in some respects, they were "friends". That would be work friends, we didn't typically socialize outside of work. It's just that in my normal day to day life, the subject doesn't come up and none of them show any outward signs of being gay.

My wife's niece is a lesbian. Does that count?