Should you tell your wife/girlfriend about your CDing, before devoting yourself?

[mikeyp]

I don't have a girlfriend currently, but most of my fantasies involve crossdressing/gender play in some way. This kind of turns me off to the idea of ever becoming close to someone, although I do plan on having children of my own someday. I've just heard so many nightmareish stories where the wife found his pantie stash, etc. I kinda just want it to be out in the open that I crossdress for fetishistic reasons from time to time. I feel like if I had an SO who didn't judge me on my desire to dress, and I had someone to share this with, I'd be a bit happier with life in general.

I just know that realistically, most women won't be game for this.

[caitlyn aguilera]

Totally . you should be open about it.... I did.and it has work great... It alzó has to do that i have a strong relationship with my wife.....

[Ceera]

In my opinion, you're a lot better off being honest and open about your personal and sexual needs before the relationship gets too serious. Far better to find out up front that it won't work, or that it will! It seems that for most of us, CDing is not something that will 'go away', and for a mate to find out much later, after you've been married for a while and maybe even have kids, can be a horrible mess. Hiding your nature from a potential mate may make things work in the short term, but seems bound to eventually cause nasty issues when they do find out. Being honest about it will make it harder to find a mate, but when you do find a girl that can accept all of you, you won't need to hide with her. You'll both be happier.

[raeleen]

Absolutely be honest and open about your dressing. I was, and although it's still rocky at times overall I think it's way better than if she found out later by accident, or felt like I had been hiding something from her our entire time together. When they find out later, I think there's a lot more wondering about 'what else might he be hiding?' and that's just a downward spiral.

you'd be surprised how many women might be accepting as long as you're honest about it!

[Sarah Beth]

I honestly wish that I had told my wife a long time before she "discovered" my crossdressing. When we were dating I wasn't doing the dressing thing I was in denial about the whole idea and being the macho bad boy. I never thought I would do it again, kept telling myself I wouldn't but then as we all know eventually the desire overcame me again and I started dressing. I don't know that her reaction would have been much different than it was to the concept of my being a crossdresser but I do know that her feelings of hurt and feeling betrayed would have been a lot less if I had explained things to her rather than having her find out.

In my opinion, for what its worth, I would be up front about it with whoever.

[Tracii G]

Be open and honest with all things about you.
I have done that with people I have dated and some had a problem with it but most were open to the idea.
By being honest you just might find a girl that is totally into it and find it sexually appealing.
She gets her man and her fantasy girlfriend.

[Teresa]

Mikeyp,
Please don't give up on finding a partner, I had two GFs who accepted my CDing before I met my wife so it can happen and there are GGs who actually enjoy it .

[Tabitha_Lynn]

Definitely be up front before engagement / marriage.

Also, assuming it is a big part of who you are, make sure that you keep it open with her. I say this from experience. I was up front with her before then, but as our marriage went o. And family grew, my femme side was put aside. Now, I am back dressing, but am fearful of reintroducing it to her and possible rejection.

[Saikotsu]

There are women out there who don't mind having a partner who crossdresses. My girlfriend figured out I was transgender before I did and was an instrumental part of my growth in that area. She's super supportive, and she's even remarked that she gets the best of both worlds. I can be her boyfriend and her girlfriend.

However, the key to all this was being upfront and open about it from the start.

[Adriana Moretti]

I am single ( on purpose) but I would think that is the right move.....if I EVER date a girl again...it will be cause she met ME in public FIRST.....so right off the bat I knew she was down

[CONSUELO]

I strongly advise you to be honest with any girlfriend about your cross dressing. However, do be careful with whom you share this information as some people will try to use it against you. That said, if the relationship becomes steady and marriage is contemplated, make sure that your GF knows that you are a cross dresser but also make sure she understands exactly what that means for her and for your relationship.
I told my wife before we were married but we did not explore all of the aspects of cross dressing and so it has been very difficult. I have read about women who find a particular aspect of their future mate to be a problem but decide that they can either live with it or change the behavior. That will not happen with cross dressing. At some point it would be worthwhile to spend time with a counsellor to make sure that everything is thoroughly discussed.

Also, many people on this forum, myself included have found that what they thought was a fetish that just needed occasional attention became, with time and maturity, a nearly full-time compulsion. Make sure you understand yourself as well as you can.

[jenni_xx]

It's an easy question to answer in hindsight. How does one go about doing so when they've been a relationship for years? For whatever reason,, that it was easier (and it's ALWAYS easier) NOT to say anything? How about the very common occurrence that when a new relationship is embarked upon, the desire of a CD to dress goes away, so much so that it's something that not even the CD'er themselves, however temporary it may ultimately last, wishes to partake in?

[Melanie 0339]

Hi MikeyP like all the other girls have said tell any future girlfriends upfront before things get serious. I really wish I came out to my wife even though I wasn't dressing much when we met, now I feel like I'm in too deep but I'm trying to gear up the courage to tell her like many dressers here have done, but on the flip side I'm prepared to make the sacrifice of not being able to dress or shave as much as I'd like to as I don't want to potentially lose my family. xxx

[char GG]

My opinion would be to tell her before you/she get attached to each other. Women just don't like surprises like this, especially after marriage! Give her the chance to get on board with your CDing or jump ship.

[mikeyp]

I strongly advise you to be honest with any girlfriend about your cross dressing. However, do be careful with whom you share this information as some people will try to use it against you. That said, if the relationship becomes steady and marriage is contemplated, make sure that your GF knows that you are a cross dresser but also make sure she understands exactly what that means for her and for your relationship.
I told my wife before we were married but we did not explore all of the aspects of cross dressing and so it has been very difficult. I have read about women who find a particular aspect of their future mate to be a problem but decide that they can either live with it or change the behavior. That will not happen with cross dressing. At some point it would be worthwhile to spend time with a counsellor to make sure that everything is thoroughly discussed.

Also, many people on this forum, myself included have found that what they thought was a fetish that just needed occasional attention became, with time and maturity, a nearly full-time compulsion. Make sure you understand yourself as well as you can.Not trying to be funny, but isn't that akin to a behavioral addiction, lol? Being that the dressing stimulates feel good chemicals and all

[ReineD]

I kinda just want it to be out in the open that I crossdress for fetishistic reasons from time to time. I feel like if I had an SO who didn't judge me on my desire to dress, and I had someone to share this with, I'd be a bit happier with life in general.

I just know that realistically, most women won't be game for this.

Well, at least you're up front about this to us and you are to be commended. :)

As a fully supportive GG, I can tell you that I'm OK with the cross-gender expression, in fact my SO do a lot of things together while she is dressed. But it wouldn't be OK if my SO had any type of fetish ... whether this was the CDing or any one of a number of other fetishes (porn for example, or a foot or sweater fetish, or sado-masochism). This is because as a GG who is into having sex with my SO, I would feel as if something was lacking in our relationship if my SO felt the need to source sexual gratification from the outside, even if "the outside" was my SO and the internet. Or my SO and his fantasies. Kink is fun in any relationship once in a while, but if it was something that turned my SO on a lot whether or not I was there, then I would feel as if I wasn't needed. Honestly, it would be the same to me as if my SO was having sex with another person.

I dare say that most married CDers sense this about their wives and because of this, they don't advertise it when they masturbate while dressed. And if the CDing leads to masturbation each time, then I understand why some CDers wouldn't even WANT to tell their wives. But I would not want to be in a relationship like that. Not at all, even though I support the CDing fully. If this makes sense.



I don't have a girlfriend currently, but most of my fantasies involve crossdressing/gender play in some way. This kind of turns me off to the idea of ever becoming close to someone, although I do plan on having children of my own someday.

Would you marry a woman because you love her and are into her sexually, or would it be just to have kids. If it's just to have kids, she will feel it and eventually your relationship will fall apart. But, don't discount falling in love one day and actually wanting to have sex with your wife more than alone when you are CDing. This could happen? Or, if you cannot see yourself gaining deep sexual gratification from being with a woman you love, then maybe you should stay single or get into the type of relationship that is arm's length, like a distance relationship or maybe just having sex once in a while with a GG who doesn't want to be in an intimate and connected relationship either.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and yes, I do think you should be honest with a potential SO.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Not only should you tell, but you have an obligation to. Your future GG partner has the right to know everything about the whole you (and you have the right to know about her) and make a full, informed decision before forming a commitment with you.

[mikeyp]

Well, at least you're up front about this to us and you are to be commended. :)

As a fully supportive GG, I can tell you that I'm OK with the cross-gender expression, in fact my SO do a lot of things together while she is dressed. But it wouldn't be OK if my SO had any type of fetish ... whether this was the CDing or any one of a number of other fetishes (porn for example, or a foot or sweater fetish, or sado-masochism). This is because as a GG who is into having sex with my SO, I would feel as if something was lacking in our relationship if my SO felt the need to source sexual gratification from the outside, even if "the outside" was my SO and the internet. Or my SO and his fantasies. Kink is fun in any relationship once in a while, but if it was something that turned my SO on a lot whether or not I was there, then I would feel as if I wasn't needed. Honestly, it would be the same to me as if my SO was having sex with another person.

I dare say that most married CDers sense this about their wives and because of this, they don't advertise it when they masturbate while dressed. And if the CDing leads to masturbation each time, then I understand why some CDers wouldn't even WANT to tell their wives. But I would not want to be in a relationship like that. Not at all, even though I support the CDing fully. If this makes sense.



Would you marry a woman because you love her and are into her sexually, or would it be just to have kids. If it's just to have kids, she will feel it and eventually your relationship will fall apart. But, don't discount falling in love one day and actually wanting to have sex with your wife more than alone when you are CDing. This could happen? Or, if you cannot see yourself gaining deep sexual gratification from being with a woman you love, then maybe you should stay single or get into the type of relationship that is arm's length, like a distance relationship or maybe just having sex once in a while with a GG who doesn't want to be in an intimate and connected relationship either.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and yes, I do think you should be honest with a potential SO.
I'm into a lot of the masochistic spectrum of fantasies, in that I desire "humiliation". I'm also capable of "normal" sexual things though. In my own private time though, the masochistic stuff is like a 10/10 and the vanilla stuff is probably like a 7.

Part of me desires something more than just a short term "sex buddy" though, I've just never been comfortable sharing my life with anybody because of this side of me. One thing is for sure though, if I did happen to commit myself to someone to the point of marriage, you'd best believe the relationship would involve more than just sex. I'd love to start a family someday though, with a woman that I love very much, and I'd like her to know about my private fantasies before I devoted myself to her because of all of the crazy things I've read about on here. That stuff is super scary.

I've constantly wanted to leave my fetish for awhile though and search for an actual relationship. Sometimes I fill the loneliness void I have by dressing up and imagining myself as the woman I would love to be with but feel that I'll never be able to have, due to my inadequacy as a man. I've read a lot online about voluntary "abstinence" and how your brain becomes more and more wired towards your natural kinks the more you spend time with them. I sometimes just want to quit my fetishes for awhile until I find a partner to explore them with me.

[ReineD]

I'm into a lot of the masochistic spectrum of fantasies, in that I desire "humiliation". I'm also capable of "normal" sexual things though. In my own private time though, the masochistic stuff is like a 10/10 and the vanilla stuff is probably like a 7.

Right! Nothing against you and speaking from my heart, I would not want to be a 7 to my SO. I want to be THE 10, because my SO is THE 10 to me. It's all tied into the feelings of love I have for my SO! I don't know how old you are, but my guess is that most younger GGs would want to be your 10. If you are middle aged and are looking at GGs who are into their second or third relationship, you might find one for whom being your 10 is not important, or you might find someone who doesn't prioritize sex after the first few years and for whom it won't matter where else you receive sexual gratification. But in any case, you should absolutely be honest with your SO before commitment, to give her an chance to decide whether or not this arrangement would suit her.



I sometimes just want to quit my fetishes for awhile until I find a partner to explore them with me.

Have you thought about joining a site like FetLife? I think there are some GGs who look for kink CDers there. In the vanilla world? Not so much.

[Charlotte_P]

Like most of the others have said, yes, be up front about it. If you let things go and get serious or married she could end up feeling betrayed or hurt by you not telling her earlier. The sooner in the relationship the better in my opinion as if they have issues with your dressing then things will probably weed themselves out anyway. If she is cool with it, your relationship can progress and trust me it helps your feelings towards her when she accepts every aspect of you.

Charlotte

[Isabella Ross]

Another voice here that's in the "tell before you leap" camp. Absolutely no reason not to these days. I was so far in the closet when I got married 25 years ago that I didn't even know what to tell myself, let alone my fiancee. Stupid. I've been out to her for about ten years now. She's completely accepting of my transgenderism, but ten years later still is concerned that I wasn't honest about it. What does that tell you?

[wendy]

I wholeheartedly agree with everyone's response, be honest, open, and communicate. CDing is a part of you, and trying to hide it is not fun, and worse, if she ever finds out it could be very bad.

I regret not telling my wife years ago, when I finally did the response I received was very positive and supportive.

[alwayshave]

Mikeyp, before moving in with my fiancee 8 years ago, I told her that I was a crossdresser. I knew that at 45 years of age I did not want to hide who I am any longer. So do disclose, it will make your life easier.

[Jenniferathome]

...

I just know that realistically, most women won't be game for this.

No, this is not true. Most will be SURPRISED by cross dressing, for sure. But as you can clearly read not his forum, it is the lying, hiding, and self-absorption that causes the problems.

[mikeyp]

Right! Nothing against you and speaking from my heart, I would not want to be a 7 to my SO. I want to be THE 10, because my SO is THE 10 to me. It's all tied into the feelings of love I have for my SO! I don't know how old you are, but my guess is that most younger GGs would want to be your 10. If you are middle aged and are looking at GGs who are into their second or third relationship, you might find one for whom being your 10 is not important, or you might find someone who doesn't prioritize sex after the first few years and for whom it won't matter where else you receive sexual gratification. But in any case, you should absolutely be honest with your SO before commitment, to give her an chance to decide whether or not this arrangement would suit her.



Have you thought about joining a site like FetLife? I think there are some GGs who look for kink CDers there. In the vanilla world? Not so much.I guess I should clarify. In my private times, I don't really feel the romantic vibe between me and those girls on the screen. Nothing compares to real sexual intercourse to me. It's just that the real thing is much harder to come by so I take the easy way out and retreat into my little fantasy world.

A partner who expressed interest in me as a man, and who made me feel like an attractive person during intercourse would be a 10 to me. Nothing compares to real live sex with a woman for me. It's just much harder to come by. Also, yeah, fetlife is an interesting site, but the problem is, you don't really get to date the "dominatrixes" on there. 99% of the guys I talk to in that community are single. It's pretty sad. Having to pay someone to live out my fantasies are also a HUGE turn off for me, heh. I guess I could maybe at best find a girl who is into bdsm, that's common enough I think, and it's a pretty good middle ground for me.

So I'm pretty much to the point where I want to develop a real relationship with a woman in the real world that's okay with me having a "sissy boy" kink. It just feels so hopeless at my age.

[Rachelakld]

While my wife isn't interested in crossdressing bedroom play, she is more than happy to let me go out, more than happy to buy me dresses.
We have tried some kink, but it wasn't really our thing, it's more a distraction to fun.
But yes, she knew my interests before we got serious, and was okay with it.
Those that hide it tend to get one heck of a slapping (mostly for dishonesty etc), sometimes with a divorce order, so always best to be up front (just not on the first 5 dates)

[Julogden]

As far as I'm concerned, definitely tell all before getting into a serious relationship. And I'd add that it's a bad idea to get into a serious relationship until you know enough about your issues to say with certainty how much freedom to dress will be required. SO many people go into serious relationships before they know themselves well enough and the relationship suffers because the spouse can't accept where their partner is going with dressing and gender issues. It isn't fair to either party when that happens.

Carol

[ReineD]

I guess I should clarify. In my private times, I don't really feel the romantic vibe between me and those girls on the screen. Nothing compares to real sexual intercourse to me. It's just that the real thing is much harder to come by so I take the easy way out and retreat into my little fantasy world.

A partner who expressed interest in me as a man, and who made me feel like an attractive person during intercourse would be a 10 to me. Nothing compares to real live sex with a woman for me. It's just much harder to come by.

Then I misunderstood you. I apologize. I took it you were saying that a sexual relationship with a woman (a 7) could not compare to the non-vanilla stuff (a 10). I was wanting to point out that few women would settle for that.

It's not the CDing in itself that GGs object to, generally, it is the focus placed on it especially if it is sexual focus. This makes a GG feel as if she is dispensable. Does this make sense? GGs want to be loved as much as they love their CD SOs and for most GGs, the sexual bond is intertwined with the emotional bond. And the sad truth is, there are very few GGs who become as sexually excited about the CDing as do CDers. In the beginning it might be fun, but once a GG figures out that the real source of her SO's excitement is something that is not her, it becomes a turn-off ... (in the bedroom). Some GGs can accept it in the bedroom occasionally but this is to please their partners and not because it is their sexual preference. So if the husband/bf is more into it than he is into the GG and she feels this, it will eventually ruin their sex life.

I read the responses to your thread and I'm surprised that no other CDer has commented on this. They seem to take it you are talking only about your ability to dress freely with your wife's knowledge and they do not consider that the difficulty for most GGs is not whether her husband wears a dress once in a while, it is what it does to him when he does wear that dress, if it turns him on more than she does. Why is no one talking about this? :p



Also, yeah, fetlife is an interesting site, but the problem is, you don't really get to date the "dominatrixes" on there. 99% of the guys I talk to in that community are single. It's pretty sad. Having to pay someone to live out my fantasies are also a HUGE turn off for me, heh. I guess I could maybe at best find a girl who is into bdsm, that's common enough I think, and it's a pretty good middle ground for me.

It might be worth a try to find a woman who is into BDSM, although it narrows your dating pool quite a bit. :p



So I'm pretty much to the point where I want to develop a real relationship with a woman in the real world that's okay with me having a "sissy boy" kink. It just feels so hopeless at my age.

This is the source of my misunderstanding. What would you do if she's not into the sissy boy kink? Would you just be able to dress without it being sexual for you?

[Athena_]

I must agree with Sarah Beth and others. Tell her about it first.

I believe that my commitment to my SO is the most important commitment I have made in my life. The fact that I did not tell her before we devoted ourselves, was dishonest on my part. Her reaction and current level of acceptance (DADT) was a decision that she should have been able to make before she agreed to the commitment. I will respect her acceptance level and curb my crossdressing appropriately. I fell that it is the right thing to do. I have desired to advance my experimentation with going out in public, etc., but I will respect her wishes and work within the currently agreed parameters.

[Krisi]

Yes, tell your potential wife about your hobby before getting serious. Make sure she is OK with it and remember, having children changes women. Once you have a child, most likely your clothes will go into the closet, never to be seen again until the child leaves home.

The risk of course is that your potential wife may not only break up with you when you tell her you are a crossdresser, she may tell your friends, family and co-workers.

[sometimes_miss]

You're young enough to give being open a real good shot. Some suggestions I've heard are to hang out with gay women, and try to get them to invite you along with them when they go out, in hopes of finding a woman who's got a little bi tendencies in her, but maybe doesn't really want a physical female. There in you may find someone who could like a pretty crossdresser. That would have been my choice if I had it when younger. But at this point, I'm just a homely charicature of a crossdresser, so that wouldn't work out well for me. If you can look good, go for it. Be aware, however, that you are forever limiting yourself to about 1% of the female population. Because for most women, a crossdressed male is a sexual turn off. Sure, she MAY tolerate you, but all other things being equal, she will want a non-feminine man as a mate.

[mikeyp]

You're young enough to give being open a real good shot. Some suggestions I've heard are to hang out with gay women, and try to get them to invite you along with them when they go out, in hopes of finding a woman who's got a little bi tendencies in her, but maybe doesn't really want a physical female. There in you may find someone who could like a pretty crossdresser. That would have been my choice if I had it when younger. But at this point, I'm just a homely charicature of a crossdresser, so that wouldn't work out well for me. If you can look good, go for it. Be aware, however, that you are forever limiting yourself to about 1% of the female population. Because for most women, a crossdressed male is a sexual turn off. Sure, she MAY tolerate you, but all other things being equal, she will want a non-feminine man as a mate.Oh, don't get me wrong, I know of this reality. I present as a male 99% of the time and it doesn't really bother me, but I'm willing to make sacrifices in terms of a real relationship. I can't hate women's preferences though. They have a right not to be attracted to a very feminine male, which is okay. I mostly plan to go out as "me" and drop the private crossdressing thing on her a little later in a casual way. You'd by no means think I'm gay in person, but I'm not the most macho guy you've ever met. I guess it wouldn't be too surprising to a female if she found out about this part of me, heh.

I'm just trying to prepare for the day where my CDing becomes more than a 1% of the time thing, which seems to happen for most. Where the CDing becomes more than just a form of intense sexual satisfaction. I loathe that day, and hope to find a woman who might be even a little accepting and understanding of my situation.

[Amy Fakley]

Though I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, the only one I truly regret every single day, is not having told my wife before we married. It was selfish and cowardly of me, but I loved her so much and I was so afraid I would lose her.

Well, I didn't lose her, 17 years later when the girl inside me simply could not hide any longer. In fact our relationship blossomed in ways I could never have imagined. I lived with guilt and shame and depression for 17 f'ing years! It was a self imposed prison sentence! ... and I held myself back from the single greatest relationship of my life. We could have had this all along!

Yes many women won't be into this. If this is a part of you, then those women aren't for you, but there are those who can dig it. One of those women probably is for you. Go find her (and be honest about yourself)! :-)

[OCCarly]

I guess I hit the jackpot with my wife. Her youngest brother is gay, she has another sibling who is MTF transgender, and one of her best friends is a gay makeup artist. These days she loves to help me shop.

My advice would be, before you start really dating a girl, get to know something about her family and friends, and chances are, you will find someone liberal enough to at least tolerate, and hopefully appreciate your "kink."

[pamela7]

any relationship grows through a process of surface appearances gradually giving way to deeper and deeper disclosures, and if you fall in love (the only reason to then have children imho) then if she is also in love i don't see why she would not accept you as you are - after all you will do the same for her, and no doubt be more attentive than mr macho. It's not about full disclosure on first date in my opinion though, unless you're a 24/7 dresser already.

[sometimes_miss]

You'd by no means think I'm gay in person, but I'm not the most macho guy you've ever met
Most of us are, by simple odds, just average.


I mostly plan to go out as "me" and drop the private crossdressing thing on her a little later in a casual way.
Well, I can tell you it won't matter much. Because people don't get to choose what they're attracted to OR WHAT TURNS THEM OFF. We fall in love with not the person, but an image of the person based on what we know of them. So initially she's going so see the normal male you. Then you're going to spring something on her that is going to really blow that image out of the water: You in a dress. Now perhaps your relationship will survive. But I can tell you first hand that she will definitely feel that you were misrepresenting yourself. And the big point I'm trying to make also is that very, very few people have any idea of what's going on in their own head. So you can't count on her being smart enough to figure out that just because you like to wear girl stuff it doesn't mean that you're not secretly just in denial about being a transsexual or homosexual. Because plenty of men are. Sure, it's caused by how society treats us, but that doesn't matter. What matters is how we wind up and how we deal with it. And women generally aren't able to deal with the idea of a husband who 'might' be gay or TS, no matter how much we insist we are not. Just look at this forum, and see guys start out insisting they're straight, then a few years later all of a sudden turns out they're TS. Unless you know where your desire to dress up and behave like a girl comes from, you can't say that won't happen to you.


I guess it wouldn't be too surprising to a female if she found out about this part of me, heh.
Yeah, right. I thought the same thing. Nope. People see what they want to see most of all. Unless of course you're wearing girl stuff when you meet.

Good luck there, you're going to need every bit of it.


I guess I hit the jackpot with my wife. Her youngest brother is gay, she has another sibling who is MTF transgender, and one of her best friends is a gay makeup artist. These days she loves to help me shop.
Yup, you hit the crossdresser lottery! Congratulations! Never forget how lucky you are. Because there are only about two million crossdressers who will happily line up to fill your shoes if you ever leave that lady!


My advice would be, before you start really dating a girl, get to know something about her family and friends, and chances are, you will find someone liberal enough to at least tolerate, and hopefully appreciate your "kink."
Remember, however, there are a lot of tolerant women out there until it becomes something that affects HER. My wife was very accepting of gay and transsexuals. But when she found out I was a crossdresser, well that flipped a switch of some sort, and all the gay and transsexual accusations came forward. Even before we split she kept insisting that I should go live in San Francisco so I could be with as she said, 'other people like you', referring to the gay/ts community.

[avant1465]

I've been on "both sides" of this discussion.... and can tell you, for certain, that IF you reveal your CD self to a prospective lady partner.... and IF she accepts that that is part of you... then you and she can have a great relationship..... in which (relationship) you and she can (both) "be who you are".... completely.... and it will be the BEST you could ever have imagined.....

Good luck...

[Scarlett Viktoria]

I think that the problem most of us had is that we waited so long to tell our SO's and they felt betrayed or lied to. I actually started CDing after I got married but still waited about a year and a half to tell her. She grew to accept it but it posed some issues for a while.
I think mentioning it at the beginning is a wise choice. By not telling, the want to CD won't go away and you'll just have to hide it and you will probably eventually get caught and the above mentioned will happen or worse. Bring a marriage and kids into a worse case scenario and you're screwed. I'm not saying it's 1st date conversation, but it should happen pretty early on. She may not be into it, but she may respect it and if she does whoa buddy you've got a keeper.

[mikeyp]

@miss

Yes, I guess you're right in that I don't even know myself well enough to know how far exactly my CDing will take me and obviously I see how badly this could traumatize a long lasting relationship. It's why I despise some of those so called "pro trans, pro homosexual" people. They'll preach about their acceptance of people who defy societal norms until the cows come home, but once someone close to them announces their homosexuality, or transness/CDing, they go mad, but that's a whole nother story I guess.

Confusing world for us folks

[debstar]

@miss

It's why I despise some of those so called "pro trans, pro homosexual" people. They'll preach about their acceptance of people who defy societal norms until the cows come home, but once someone close to them announces their homosexuality, or transness/CDing, they go mad, but that's a whole nother story I guess.

Confusing world for us folks

OK I'm going to have to take exception with this comment. I does not make a lot of sense. You are saying that LGBTQ people have an extreme agenda to accept something until they are what and so on and some such? I am confused,

[mikeyp]

@debstar, I should have been more clear, sorry. I'm saying most of the "normal" people in society. Those who are not Homosexual/TS/CDers, who also preach acceptance of everyone SOMETIMES can't handle the heat when it's someone close to them who is "afflicted" with one of these ailments. Everything is fine and dandy until it's someone inside your own circle you're dealing with. This is only some of them though of course.

There are also transphobic homosexuals and homophobic transexuals, lots of variance.

[debstar]

Oh yeah totally agree when you put it that way :)

[AnnaBMarie]

Most of the replies here stress honesty as a fundamental element of a relationship. What I didn't understand 30 years ago when I met my SO, and still do not understand, is when you cross that threshold of bringing up crossdressing. I'm assuming that most of us wouldn't bring it up on the first date. Or maybe even the tenth. But if you wait until there is a flickering of permanency in the relationship, isn't it already too late?

I've pondered this question for many years and still do not have a clear picture of how I could have done it differently. My SO reminds me every so often that it would have been better for me to have told her in the beginning, but has never offered exactly when she would have been receptive to the news. I would love to be enlightened as to when this fleeting magical moment occurs and how to recognize it.

[Caroline Ind]

I never tell my wife about my crossdressing side and I'd have to tell you that I kind of regret it. We already married for almost 15 years now and I think it's too late for me to come out to her now.

[lexi0922]

Yes tell them!!!

My bf told me about it and I was thrilled. I'm a very open minded GG though...and I have my own differences from most GGs...like on the outside I'm pretty lady like aside from I only wear men's shirts lol...mentally I'm in between genders... I've felt like this ever since I was a kid. But I knew my bf was different...he's very caring and sweet...sensitive. I love it. We've been 100% honest with each other since we got together...we both came from bad, miserable marriages which helped force us into honesty with each other. We wanted this to be different. Anyways, I saw one of his video searches on his computer about a sissy boy (I'm nosy....all GGs are by design lol) and he just told me his fantasies and desires.

I've done everything I can to help him get more in touch with his femme side. I love it.

[Rachel PT]

Tell her. She is devoting time and energy to the relationship, just as you are. If it is important to you, and she is against it, you both should know it early on. The hard part is trusting enough to "open" up about a part of you that isn't "Ozzie and Harriet" America. People are judgmental. Your eventual happiness, however, may be predicated on "finding a fit". Odds are, you won't find that fit unless you open up. Good luck!

[TrishaLake]

I did not tell and when she did find out it took years to build the trust again. I should have told...marriage should be the melding of two people no secrets....

[JamieTG]

If I'm correct, you are looking for a woman thats not a "pro dominatrix" that will indulge your "sissy" fantasies. You might check out BDSM groups in your area. Many non pro dominant women belong to these groups. They meet in a safe setting and you can be honest about yourself.

[tracigirl_tv]

mikeyp, I've had two instances in my life when that question has presented itself: to divulge, or not to divulge.

The first time, I was less than forthcoming about my dressing, and I ended up regretting it deeply.

The second time, many years later, I had learned my lesson. I was open and honest from the beginning of the relationship. Yes, it's like rolling the dice if you are not sure how this revelation will be received. Well, I rolled a seven (that's a good thing, right?) and she's been open and supportive. Lucky, lucky me.

Good luck to you.

Traci

[amandagurl2014]

Tell her very early before any kind of serious relationship starts. If you wait till your both emotionally invested, then it will be much harder if she leaves.

[Rachel PT]

Most of the replies here stress honesty as a fundamental element of a relationship. What I didn't understand 30 years ago when I met my SO, and still do not understand, is when you cross that threshold of bringing up crossdressing. I'm assuming that most of us wouldn't bring it up on the first date. Or maybe even the tenth. But if you wait until there is a flickering of permanency in the relationship, isn't it already too late?

I've pondered this question for many years and still do not have a clear picture of how I could have done it differently. My SO reminds me every so often that it would have been better for me to have told her in the beginning, but has never offered exactly when she would have been receptive to the news. I would love to be enlightened as to when this fleeting magical moment occurs and how to recognize it.

The $64K question, if there ever was one!

[BillieAnneJean]

I believe that we should not be deceitful nor attempt to hide our true selves from anyone we are trying to start a relationship with. Truth in advertising.

[ReineD]

My SO reminds me every so often that it would have been better for me to have told her in the beginning, but has never offered exactly when she would have been receptive to the news. I would love to be enlightened as to when this fleeting magical moment occurs and how to recognize it.

It's when you know that you're both in love, but before there is a commitment.

[Jazzy Jaz]

I think that its totally ok to have fetishes and although many GGs like ReineD accurately described will feel less than satisfied if you dont experience vanilla sex with them as a 10, there are many girls who have fetishes themselves and are interested in the same sorts of experiences as you. They are definately harder to find but chances are your fetishes will remain a part of you and so finding a relationship inwhich fetishistic sex is fulfilling and a 10 for both of you is preferable. I agree with JamieTGs post that there is more than just fetlife as a resource and seeking out local fetish/bdsm groups in your community is at least possibly a good starting point. I was basically a virgin until i was 25 and since then I've been in three relationships and have barely been single so its certainly not too late for you and you never know what or who is around the corner.

Lexi0922, you can correct me if im wrong but it seems like from your post you're basically stating that you're tg/bi-gendered or gender fluid which all I can say is cool. This also makes the point that there are just as many female at birth tg/cders as there are male at birth tg/cders only the females blend in and can dress and basically be themselves under your nose without you realizing it. Theres the potential for some of these girls to be into men cding much like lexi is again making it possible for mutually satisfying relationships to happen with these unique desires being sought and enjoyed by both partners.

[Stephanie47]

The consensus of opinion is for disclosure. That being said, I would recommend looking for a relationship outside of work. Society is not all that accepting of men who like to wear women's clothing. I would not blurt it out on the first date, since you and your date may find yourself incompatible from the start. Once the genie is out of the bottle it is difficult to put her back. Also be aware a woman is free to change her mind. I'm sure you've read many threads on this site where women have done a 180 degree turn around on cross dressing, especially if the women is overwhelmed by something she has never experienced before.

[Dana44]

I told my SO a few times before we got together. When I then told her she said she knew I told her but it did not register at that time. My ex wife did tell everybody that I was a crossdressser. MY Sis does not even talk to me anymore and we were close. My SO now is the best girl I've ever had. And several of my co-workers were also told. So watch who you marry.

[Taragirl427]

Without reservation, yes. Be open and honest. She will know exactly what she is getting...no feeling of betrayal later. It is true that many women won't accept this. All the more reason to be honest. If they don't accept it now they likely won't later. If you're open and she accepts you, then you have nothing to worry about :)