becky77
10-15-2015, 10:13 AM
Hi all
I went away recently, no where special just a week away in Devon (South-West picturesque England).
Sun was out and I took my dog and went with my Ex, we had such a great time, visited loads of places and I really relaxed.
It was on the drive home that a real sense of gloom hit me, that I was returning to my problems. It was then that it dawned on me what that meant, away from anyone that knew me I wasn't misgendered once, no one looked at me oddly and I could just relax and be me, I relaxed as the week went on because I could just be normal.
This made me realise just how tough and stressful it has been transitioning in place, don't get me wrong the people at work have been great but i'm constantly on edge always aware of people that knew me misgenering me to those that don't, conversations where I am uncatagorised so I am not included even though I am standing there. People being standoffish, a sense that they are relieved when you leave etc etc.
Added to that i'm having issues with my brother, ironically he says he and the kids can cope with me becoming a woman, but they can't tolerate my ex being around. My brother has always disliked my ex and it's like this is his chance to omit her from the family. It absolutely breaks my heart as she has stood by me, been my rock and best friend the one who is there to pick me up on those down days and give me a hug when the tears come.
No one knows just how tough transition is, it's like "Ok, you're a woman now all is ok", I've found it really tough since going fulltime mainly mentally, feelings of not being good enough. I feel people have accepted me better than I am able to accept myself.
What my brother and Mum (who defends him) doesn't realise is how amazing my ex is to stick around, they totally dismiss just how tough this has been for her, she has lost her husband and a solid future as well as coping with her own feelings and coping with mine. For a while back there I was in a real bad place and went a little off the rocks, she was still there even when I was acting stupid.
I am gobsmacked my brother has done this and it truly saddens me, he has said if ever she turns up at family get togethers he won't come with the kids, my parents won't want their grandchildren missing so that's it. The most wonderful person in my life who has had an aweful tough couple of years has just been pushed out. They are using my Transition as a tool and i've been reminded several times how lucky I am that they have accepted me.
This is a really unexpected twist I didn't see coming, my emotions go from hurt to anger to just confused and then dejection.
There is a lot to be said for starting a new life somewhere else!
Below is me on holiday happy, happier around strangers that really shouldn't be the case. I almost have no friends left and now the newness has worn off my family is playing up, I rely on my ex more than ever she just doesn't deserve this.
I went away recently, no where special just a week away in Devon (South-West picturesque England).
Sun was out and I took my dog and went with my Ex, we had such a great time, visited loads of places and I really relaxed.
It was on the drive home that a real sense of gloom hit me, that I was returning to my problems. It was then that it dawned on me what that meant, away from anyone that knew me I wasn't misgendered once, no one looked at me oddly and I could just relax and be me, I relaxed as the week went on because I could just be normal.
This made me realise just how tough and stressful it has been transitioning in place, don't get me wrong the people at work have been great but i'm constantly on edge always aware of people that knew me misgenering me to those that don't, conversations where I am uncatagorised so I am not included even though I am standing there. People being standoffish, a sense that they are relieved when you leave etc etc.
Added to that i'm having issues with my brother, ironically he says he and the kids can cope with me becoming a woman, but they can't tolerate my ex being around. My brother has always disliked my ex and it's like this is his chance to omit her from the family. It absolutely breaks my heart as she has stood by me, been my rock and best friend the one who is there to pick me up on those down days and give me a hug when the tears come.
No one knows just how tough transition is, it's like "Ok, you're a woman now all is ok", I've found it really tough since going fulltime mainly mentally, feelings of not being good enough. I feel people have accepted me better than I am able to accept myself.
What my brother and Mum (who defends him) doesn't realise is how amazing my ex is to stick around, they totally dismiss just how tough this has been for her, she has lost her husband and a solid future as well as coping with her own feelings and coping with mine. For a while back there I was in a real bad place and went a little off the rocks, she was still there even when I was acting stupid.
I am gobsmacked my brother has done this and it truly saddens me, he has said if ever she turns up at family get togethers he won't come with the kids, my parents won't want their grandchildren missing so that's it. The most wonderful person in my life who has had an aweful tough couple of years has just been pushed out. They are using my Transition as a tool and i've been reminded several times how lucky I am that they have accepted me.
This is a really unexpected twist I didn't see coming, my emotions go from hurt to anger to just confused and then dejection.
There is a lot to be said for starting a new life somewhere else!
Below is me on holiday happy, happier around strangers that really shouldn't be the case. I almost have no friends left and now the newness has worn off my family is playing up, I rely on my ex more than ever she just doesn't deserve this.