sorry

[Badtranny]

I can't help but notice that my position on closet cases, and part-timers is being misconstrued a bit. I think I may be a big reason for that, but that's not why I'm apologizing.

I'm sorry because I have apparently been instrumental in creating an environment where newbies don't feel comfortable to post and that makes me sad. I'm very comfortable in this environment and I guess I don't realize how intimidating it can be to someone who doesn't communicate this way naturally. Don't get me wrong, I still think this forum is a walk in the park in comparison to actually walking in the park after transition but I don't want newbs to be afraid here and especially of me.

I will just say one last thing in clarification and then I will do my best to drop it;

Contrary to some of the posted opinions, this is NOT about me. I've said a thousand times that I post here for the naive seekers like I once was. I want them to know at least one person who is 100% real. That's the reason why I've posted so much personal information in the past. I'm easy to find on FB and LinkedIn, and much of what I've posted here is verifiable for the most part. This isn't to aggrandize myself, it's simply to lend credence to my posts. It's important to me that people know I'm real.

That's my thing I guess and my mistake is to feel like that should be important to everyone yet I understand why that can't be so.

I've seen posts that wildly misrepresent what I'm trying to say, and I will take responsibility for just not getting my point across. Suffice to say, I do not think that there is only one way to transition and I certainly don't think my way is the only way. I believe a gender transition has an ending though, and your legal name change means a hell of a lot more than your wardrobe. As far as I can tell, people are conflating a completed transition with dressing as a woman in private and I'm some kind of evil hag because I don't agree, and I guess that's fine. I suppose it's okay to have various 'kinds' of transitions. It doesn't really matter to any of us when the browser closes.

So because of my inability to make myself clear, and knowing full well that there will never be a consensus on any of this, I am done with this topic. Ya'll can discuss it amongst yourselves.

It never occurred to me that my call to elevate honesty and courage over all of the chatter would have a chilling effect on other topics, or that others would be made to feel unwelcome and I am truly sorry for that.

[becky77]

Being TS is tough, life long emotionally crippling tough. At least it was for me, growing up as a guy knowing that's not who you are means constant often debilitating GD.

That's the life of a TS, then there is transition. The first biggest battle is with your own fear and after years or decades of GD abuse, the fear wall is massive to try scale.
But we do it, we approach it from different angles and some take longer than others, but those facing that wall, on that wall or over it know it's a big deal!

I think this forum gets a bit heated at times and sometimes unnecessarily snipey. The truth is though how are you going to conquer that wall if you get all upset by a few comments on an internet forum?

I am very sensitive, I can take the slightest thing and read into it. I'm not confrontational and it's a real challenge for me when I have to stand my ground at work, especially with big loud builder types. I have no choice that's my job and I'm vulnerable because I don't feel secure yet as a Trans-woman, added to that I'm almost frightened to open my mouth because my voice is so awful.
It doesn't help that in my head I imagine them all laughing at me when I'm out of earshot.

Some days I want to run away and cry but I can't, there is no turning back. This is my life now and some days you just have to put your big girl pants on.

So....... Although I disagree with being rude or dismissive to fellow forumites, I don't think anything should be sugar coated.
If you are too soft to stay and say your bit in a heated thread, or too shy to post at all. How on earth are you going to cope living full-time as a Trans-woman, in a world where you can't hide?

I don't always agree with what you say Misty but I do feel there are people here that take offense because they are projecting their own issues at you, as if it's your fault they can't handle the truth.

[PaulaQ]

Thanks Misty. You are a class act and a good woman.

Honesty and courage are the right things to emphasize, but my experience tells me these are often long term goals, and that most people achieve them in fits and starts. I think you and I agree on a lot more than we disagree on.

You are NOT the only person to create said climate. Your post may have put the issue out there, but this isn't on any one person.

[Beth-Lock]

Yes Badtranny, I have been through all that too, and in the days when this part of the forum was not as closely moderated. I occasionally get the feeling that whether or not many people here recognize an abstract idea, (="I mean a foreinstance, but nothing that bothers you and I, not personally happening in our life right now, but just a forinstance, and I am just talking about a hypothetical case only, like it is not really happening, etc.") and that a post may be about such a concept not about the person that's posting it, their mood or life, then, if you take it as personal instead, we are headed towards a flame war. One time I asked an innocent question, and the whole thread got so personal, that it had to be shut down, (with my proposing to the mod to do so), after a whole bunch of posts, about me personally, etc., but not one = 1, which actually answered or commented on what I had originally asked. Kinda frustrating, but then it seems to go with the territory, Internet, impersonality, not being face to face, etc. . Like, watcha goin' to do? . Just suffer, fume quietly, or like I do, quit this site "forever" yet again? Hmm. Double hmm. If there is a solution, darned if I know.`

P.S. I think I know the solution! Keep on trucking, or something like that.

[Donnagirl]

Don't apologise and don't change. The value of this place is the spectrum of opinion, the variety of choices and the diversity of journeys undertaken.... If only one opinion is valid, who's....

[Marcelle]

Hi Melissa,

I have to admit when I first wandered here after an internal struggle of who I was I initially misread your comments as dismissive of newbies who had not quite found their place. When I came here I felt like I was in some bizarre "TS Purgatory" caught between the CD forum and the TS forum . . . so I took a few blunt/honest responses from you and others personally and almost turned tail and fled back to the safety of the CD forum. However, I stuck around, did some PM with others here and soon learned that we are our own worst enemies when it comes to defining our place anywhere on this forum. I think authenticity is a good thing which is why I finally ceased hiding who I am . . . a woman.

So don't apologize for stating some hard facts because as you and others have said, coming out in your life, living full-time is hard. Oh I have had some good experiences but some awful ones as well (very bad week this week for certain) but it is living my life authentically which keeps me grounded and surviving.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Debb]

Melissa,

I very much appreciate your apology. I do over-react sometimes, and this has been one of those times; feeling unwelcome /= being unwelcome, and that's largely on me, not you.

Honesty is very important, but very hard for a lot of us. This is why I take everything said on these forums with the proverbial grain of salt, and why I misconstrued your OP about veracity as I did -- I expect everyone to take me for real, but felt that reality being questioned. Which is good; nobody should take everything I say as 100% Truth because we all live it a bit differently.

I've read your posts and blog for long enough to get a sense of what you're about, and for that I thank you. Keeping it real is overused, but that's what you're doing, and it's good that we can all have a place we can go for some grounding now and then.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Peace!!! Your intentions were good and from the heart no fault in that.

Cheers... Jennifer

[GretchenJ]

Hi Misty,

First off, you are a truely class act. Is it true that I don't post here, because I feel that I am only a corporal in a room full of Generals, but you are far from the only one that make me feel that way.

But on the other hand, no one can NEVER say that you are not authentic !! It is true that most of us (me included) are mostly looking for a shoulder to lean and sometimes cry on, we ABSOLUTELY need those people on this forum to tell us all (us newbs included) that it is not all unicorns and rainbows

Thank you for all that you for for me and all of us, it would have been a lot more easier for you to say screw them all, let them figure it out on there own

[LucyNewport]

I don't post very frequently here, but that's not your (or anyone else's) fault. It's more a function of my poor self analysis and slow typing.

Personally I find it very helpful to read your posts, but I don't always have anything meaningful to add. You are one of the posters here whose writing are always a good read. For someone like me who is just starting out, your clarity and honesty is invaluable. As crazy as it sounds I kinda look up to you. So keep on keepin on!

[Contessa]

It looks like there has been some raining. The ground may still be a little wet but the sun coming out. And everyone should be able to have a great day(life). Hope this doesn't make anyone angry.

Contessa

[Angela Campbell]

I've said it before. You are one of those that makes it interesting in here. You have my respect.

[Heidi Stevens]

Hey Melissa, don't ever feel sorry for your beliefs. Apologize for any bad actions, but always remain true to that which you believe is true. Your beliefs may have you standing alone sometimes, but at least you're standing.

[TrishaTX]

Different opinions create thought...so long as it is respectful, I enjoy reading them all. I am surely a drop of water in a sea I knew nothing about...but I am learning and loving it.

[Megan G]

Melissa,

You should not be apologizing for stating your opinion and thoughts on subjects or questions that are posted here, I know I enjoy reading them. If people are that easily upset by a few comments on here or feel unwelcome then there is no way that they would be able to survive transitioning. This place is a cake walk compared to real life....

[charlenesomeone]

Melissa, I don't post much, lurk a lot. I have learned from the back and forth, and will forever remember the Tranny Grenade tm.
Thanks sister.
Hugs
Char

[Dana44]

Melissa, As a gender fluid person. I find that I look up to you and others here. I have said before that I read the TS treads with wonder. I am stuck between male-female and would like to be one or the other but can't. It is the curse of my life. Yet it has paid me back with creativity and I use my artistic skills to write. Nevertheless the two sides of me are very real. I truly think that you all have accomplished a very courageous thing in being able to pursue your actual gender. You do not need to apologize, Melissa keep on writing. I look forward to reading your post often.

[LeaP]

Misty, few things intimidate people more than truth, plainly told. Honest, openly-delivered opinion is right behind that. Add consistency. No gloss. And call the excuses where you see them.

People are also terribly intimidated by people doing the things they are afraid to do. Call the fear and you provoke a defensive reaction.

You are not the problem. In fact, I'm still not convinced there IS a problem.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm with Lea..
I don't think you should apologize Melissa...i like however that you stepped up and clarified your point of view...

Being afraid and specifically being afraid to post here is a reasonable thing...i was afraid to post for a long time
...but like many things in life, its probably better to step into the fear, and deal with whatever happens...learn to stand up for yourself and suffer the ups and downs of it...

being frozen is fear is something that is worth overcoming and maybe even an outside the box approach is to work on it right here where the scary folks are actually just words on a screen that can do harm unless you let them.

i had to work very very hard to conquer many of my fears, if you suffer this problem, you should too.

[STACY B]

You must be Tripping,,lol,,, But I understand what you mean on the Sorry part,, You ain't NEVER EVER GONNA get this Bunch on the same page about NUTTIN !!
That's the only thing that I am sure of,, But anyway it is aggravating when some folks talk crap about stuff don't don't know about.

But most folks need to return to my SURE thread for reference when you think you know something for sure,, Like I said only Dam thing I am sure of is No One will ever agree here,, So just pick and choose you Battles and Live and let live!!

[Kate T]

Melissa

I'm not even quite sure if you want to hear this. But I accept your apology. When I first started looking in this forum as "newbie" (for whatever that means) I did find your approach occasionally dismissive and, to my way of reading it, a little aggressive. And yeah, it did sometimes feel a little unwelcoming.

BUT none of us are above reproach. I have no doubt that some of my posts came across (and probably still do) as opinionated, sometimes I don't hear what people are trying to say but listen for what I want them to say. And sometimes I truly have trouble understanding others. I don't doubt your veracity Melissa, I never have. I don't need photos or facebook blogs or linkedin profiles to know that you say what you mean and tell what you know or have experienced. I just don't understand why you feel that I or anyone else needs that to value your input. I certainly don't. I can't vouch for others.

So yes, thankyou for your apology. Please accept mine, I have responded poorly in previous threads that has come across as doubting your integrity. That I do not. You don't need to verify or justify yourself to me. I often disagree with you but if my words or actions in the past have caused you to feel I don't respect your experiences or views, then for that I do truly apologise, that was not my intent.

I may not have a camera but I do have a mirror that works Melissa :)

[Aprilrain]

You're a bitch, own it! :devil:

[Robin414]

Hi Melissa, you're honest and that's a good thing! You don't sugar coat reality and as a closet case, part timer, 'tween' I really appreciate the reality check...and I'm not scared of you BTW, OK maybe a little bit LOL 😉

[LeaP]

You're a bitch, own it! :devil:

Well, there is THAT ... :D

[Badtranny]

You're a bitch, own it! :devil:

Takes one to know one.

...must be why I dig ya.

[Debglam]

Hey, this is more exciting than a "what color panties are you wearing" thread. :tongueout

(Hope to see you soon! Saw Rachael & Suzanne this weekend and they said you are still THE badtranny!)

[Badtranny]

(Hope to see you soon! )

Nothing exciting about my panties. Boyshorts from Target in various shades of grey and pastel. (hot right?)

anyhoo, let's get you and the Original Melissa over here to play some music and drink some wine. I'll even invite the New Melissa (Zooey) so we can have a trifecta of Guitar Playing Melissa's

[Zooey]

Nothing exciting about my panties. Boyshorts from Target in various shades of grey and pastel. (hot right?)

anyhoo, let's get you and the Original Melissa over here to play some music and drink some wine. I'll even invite the New Melissa (Zooey) so we can have a trifecta of Guitar Playing Melissa's

The Melissas would be a great name for a punk band. Just sayin'.

[Badtranny]

yes, but if it was really you me and her, we'd have to be; Vestigial Penis

I don't think there's any way around it.

[whowhatwhen]

I am a literal closet case and I am upset.
Seriously. I'm literally in a closet, I really have to move my PC outta here.

[flatlander_48]

yes, but if it was really you me and her, we'd have to be; Vestigial Penis

I don't think there's any way around it.

Well, there's honesty and then there's TMI. Where was that line again?!?!

DeeAnn

[Debb]

Oh no, she din't!


yes, but if it was really you me and her, we'd have to be; Vestigial Penis

I don't think there's any way around it.

[KayMcLaughlin]

Hey, Melissa... FWIW, as someone relatively new to transition, I find your posts and thoughts refreshing and useful. I love how you "keep it real". You're outspoken and cut to the point. I think that's valuable.

Thank you. :)

[Suzanne F]

Melissa
Is it true that Debby is coming over for a panty party?? I wasn't invited and I am very hurt. I was hoping we could start discussing some real issues like panties or nails on this damn forum!
Suzanne

[Zooey]

I am a literal closet case and I am upset.
Seriously. I'm literally in a closet, I really have to move my PC outta here.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love your style? 'Cuz it's a lot. :^5:


Melissa
Is it true that Debby is coming over for a panty party?? I wasn't invited and I am very hurt. I was hoping we could start discussing some real issues like panties or nails on this damn forum!
Suzanne

FINALLY, THANK YOU! I come here for real talk, and ain't nothing realer than deciding what to buy during the 7/$25 panty parties at VS. #thestruggleisreal

[gonegirl]

Totally gotta love the VS sales. Zooey/Michelle and I need to drag you in there Misty.

I hit "Angel Forever" status a couple of months ago. Darn it.... I should have put that in my "Positivity" post. :-/

PS. I accept your apology, Misty. About time. And thanks for that rockin' Ronda Rousey tee shirt. Fits perfectly, and I love it!*

*another missed "Positivity" post....

[Debglam]

I was hoping we could start discussing some real issues like panties or nails on this damn forum!
Suzanne

Yeah, do I get transition credits for wearing nail polish? Its OPI.

- - - Updated - - -


Nothing exciting about my panties. Boyshorts from Target in various shades of grey and pastel. (hot right?)

Girl, anything you wear = hot! :-)


anyhoo, let's get you and the Original Melissa over here to play some music and drink some wine. I'll even invite the New Melissa (Zooey) so we can have a trifecta of Guitar Playing Melissa's

That would be fun. I'm thinking of changing my name to Melissa, because you know, there can't be too many Melissas.

[Melissa Rose]

That would be fun. I'm thinking of changing my name to Melissa, because you know, there can't be too many Melissas.
Oh, hell no. It is already bad enough there are two Melissa wannabe's and now another one? Oh, hell no. No matter, y'all can be a Melissa, but I will be always be The Melissa, a.k.a. The Original Mel. "Nobody does it better, Makes me feel sad for the rest....."

Melissa, I always know how you feel and where you stand about most things, and that is one of your traits I have admired from back when we first met during in the Dark Ages (2009). Sometimes the unvarnished truth especially when delivered point blank can be hard to hear even when you are on solid footing. If you are on shaky footing, it can knock you on your ass. I am with those who say if you cannot take some harsh truth or criticism on a forum or on-line, you are not yet ready for a public transition. Those who think it is mostly sunshine and lollipops, or think they know what it is like without coming close to going through it need a wake up call. That alarm can sound obnoxious and mean when you are not ready to wake up yet.

Your apology shows your character and integrity. Who know you had any? ;-)

Oh, hell no.

[Badtranny]

oh hell na

thanks Original Mel, those were some days back in '09 huh? I was barely a glimmer of the person I became.

Folks, the first time I met her was when she showed up at my house to be a model. Yep, my roomie at the time was an art student and she needed some sketches of a princess for a project so she rented a princess costume and asked me if I knew anyone that wanted to come over and dress up. I said, probably so I posted the situation on this forum and Melissa showed up and did the gig.

I've been a huge fan ever since. :-)

[Michelle789]

@Misty,

You did nothing wrong and you're a wonderful human being. You just have your opinions, and I have mine, and we don't always agree.


@Everyone,

Now for that panty party, I'm in. After all, you gotta live. A little fantasy in a sea of reality is a ok by me, because otherwise you'll end up being like my father, who is all harsh reality, all work, no fun, no fantasy, completely negative, dour individual. Not a very fun nor happy way to live. Please don't be like my father. Come join the party!!! Coming to a VS near you!!!

[Nicole Erin]

Even noobs have to be run through the gauntlet. And someone has to run it.

I remember going through all that in real life and on the web. Those msn chat rooms always had at least a couple "you are not a real if..."

But - the newcomers need it. It builds confidence, especially when they think, "I don;t care what anyone thinks". THAT is when people quit messing with you, is when you develop a thick enough skin to stop giving a damn.

So maybe you did some of them a favor.

[MsMargaret]

Don't get me wrong, I still think this forum is a walk in the park in comparison to actually walking in the park after transition but I don't want newbs to be afraid here and especially of me.
...

I've said a thousand times that I post here for the naive seekers like I once was. I want them to know at least one person who is 100% real.
...

I do not think that there is only one way to transition and I certainly don't think my way is the only way.
...

It never occurred to me that my call to elevate honesty and courage over all of the chatter would have a chilling effect on other topics, or that others would be made to feel unwelcome and I am truly sorry for that.

Well, speaking as one of those closet cases, I have to commend you for your ability to speak your mind. I've been on message boards for decades and this one is no different at a fundamental level. Not everyone will understand everything you (or any of us) say here. I'm able to read between the lines (sometimes) and what you do is speak your mind, and hope people understand. That's all any of us can hope to do.

I do hold your opinion in high regard, and I hope you continue to express it.

I myself am a naive seeker. I've spent my life tending to the needs of other people, both in my career and in real life. It was so much easier than dealing with my own issues that it became a huge pattern for me. I've recognized and acknowledged it, and now I'm in a place where I am much freer to find out who I really am, and honestly, that alone terrifies me. Having you speak from the heart isn't going to change that, and maybe it awakens things that people don't want to consider. I learned the hard way that you can't ever please everyone.

There's a computer programming language that has the motto, "There's more than one way to do it!" and I think it applies here, too. There is no one absolute truth and we can't be expected to behave like there is.

[Zooey]

There's a computer programming language that has the motto, "There's more than one way to do it!" and I think it applies here, too. There is no one absolute truth and we can't be expected to behave like there is.

i refuse to acknowledge Perl as a programming language, as it's more like an interpreter for the other-worldly language the eldritch gods that bring doom and ruin upon this universe speak. Still, your point stands. :)

[Kimberly Kael]

i refuse to acknowledge Perl as a programming language

At least it doesn't have the pretensions of being a reasonable language like the horror show that is JavaScript.

Back on topic: I'm really happy to see people showing their appreciation for Melissa's contributions here. She wears her heart on her sleeve and really does want to see people happy, healthy, and realistic about what it means to face the world as a transgender woman. That's a noble goal and it's going to be something that rubs some people the wrong way. Me included, from time to time, because we aren't always going to share the same perspective. That's not a bad thing, it's just the nature of social interaction in the real world.

[LeaP]

Perls of wisdom, regularly expressed, are a good script for life.

Object lessons from the Moose ...