Do I dress for her or not ?

[Bobbi46]

A short while ago I felt I had tell someone about me and being cd, I visited this friend who I had known for a number of years and had dinner with her and her lady partner. I had a most memorable evening in that I was able to explain to her totally how and why I am this way. Since then we have spoken a couple of times and indeed the friendship continues. She is coming to dinner with me in a few days and I am wondering whether it would be right to be en femme ( she has not seen me dressed at all yet) in front of her or should I just underdress with of course forms as well.
I do not want to ruin a good friendship by doing the wrong thing. Most of the time at home I dress because I feel better that way and more comfortable that way. Should I say something before she comes or should I just "go for it"

[Alberta_Pat]

Why not ask her? If she is interested in seeing your female side,, then she will say so.

Alternatively, dress as she knows you, but have a nice outfit laid out in your bedroom. If she indicates she would like to meet you female side, you could change in the privacy of your room.

[Helen 2]

Ask her. Who knows?
Good luck and let us know!
;o)

[char GG]

Why don't you just ask her if she wants to meet with you dressed?

[pamela7]

you've told her, i'd imagine she expects your next step to reveal yourself, so don't worry about it.

[Demi88]

Asking her is probably the right answer but I'd probably just wear some comfortable unassuming fem clothes. I'd underdress for the next meeting. Too bad she didn't ask you to dress up a little. Hopefully, you'll have the chance to have a fun clothing discussion soon.

[Erika Lyne]

Out of respect for her, I would ask if she would be alright if you could dress. She'll probably not protest but it is also a good way to prepare her for an introduction to Bobbi. I have been fortunate enough to be able to show a few friends. I did just "pop in" with one friend who knew ahead of time and was quite open to me being me but it was quite awkward for her, she didn't like the unexpected presentation. I've since asked friends if it would be ok to present as Erika when they arrive. They have all said it would be ok and even people who had reservations about trans people did not have any visible discomfort after the first few minutes of getting their bearings. Pronoun awkwardness and other minor details were just that, minor.

Best of luck, update us on how the intro goes,
-Erika

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I'll add my voice to the "Ask her first" group. Odds are she will be more than fine with it, but it always pays to be polite.

Bridget

[heatherdress]

As everyone else has suggested - ask her. Worst case, she says "No" and you maintain a good friendship. Surprises are always risky and often regrettable.

[Sarah Beth]

I have to join the ranks that say ask her first. I have to agree that may be better than making her uncomfortable at dinner with the surprise here I am fully en femme.

[Tracii G]

I would also say ask her because you don't want to make her uncomfortable.
Maybe show her some pics at dinner if she wants to see what you look like all done up.
PS. I would not do forms if you are in guy mode.
Under dressing minus the bra would be OK because nobody will see that.

[Charlyne]

If you are having her to your place; I say dress up. Enjoy the excitement, the adrenalin rush. She will be expecting that from you; but wants you to surprise her. You can always change back to drab if you it gets awkward. Have fun!

[Bobbi46]

When I first visited her I was underdressed with forms as well and there was no obvious staring at my breasts at all and also before I first went round to see her did not have any adverse effect the evening but as has been said here by many of you ask first. A good friend to have is lovely but to lose a friend because of doing the wrong thing is a big loss and one which I do not want to do.
Big decisions here some say just go for it more of you say ask first.
This is going to be a very big step for me in that it will be the first time properly at close quarters with a close friend. But when I told her of me the first time she emailed me back to say how honoured she was that I had chosen her to be the first to tell of my coming out. lots to happen as yet.

[Scarlett Viktoria]

She already sounds accepting, but I would probably mention it first. Tell her you don't have to dress if she would be uncomfortable and you would understand of course.

[docrobbysherry]

"Always ask first". I use this rule for everything. Not just dressing.

My the way. Some folks would be more creeped out with u dressed in drab with breasts than if u went all the way. And, that includes a few of my dressing friends!:thumbsdn:

[Dana44]

If she has not seen you. I would go as a male. I would then ask her on that date if she wanted to see me dressed. It would let her know that a man is there and that would help her to understand you better. It would be mannerly to do it that way. Not surprise her. But you know the situation better. The decision is yours.

[Robin414]

If she has not seen you. I would go as a male. I would then ask her on that date if she wanted to see me dressed.

I agree with Dana, a face to face conversation on the topic I think is the way to go for the first time. Other option might be the androgynous approach to bridge the gap?

[DanaR]

"Always ask first". .................

If you aren't going to ask, then:


If she has not seen you. I would go as a male. ........................
Then the option would be to show her some pictures of you, if she would like to see them.

[Katey888]

Bobbi - she may be totally accepting and cool with whatever you (metaphorically) throw at her, but it's still the right and proper thing to ask her. :)

If she knows you well enough, she'll know that it won't be inappropriate, but you could explain what you would wear to her and also that you do this at home because you feel comfortable that way.

Perhaps because you are at home and she has accepted the invitation, you could suggest you would like to begin dressed but change back if she at all felt uncomfortable...? Discussion and consensus is the way to go... Good luck! :D

Katey x

[Shelly Preston]

I was once in a similar situation a few years ago, well more than a few, when visiting some friends who knew about Shelly.

I did go in male mode but had a change of clothes as I knew they may want to see me.

When the subject came up they actually asked if they could see Shelly :D

So I would suggest male mode first and offer to show her pictures.

If that goes well you can ask if she wants to see you dressed.

[Bobbi46]

Next Tuesday will be the day, she is coming for lunch and no doubt will stay for most of the afternoon, she is quite busy so to get an answer before hand about dressing first might not get a response in time for Tuesday, there is a lot to think about before now and then and not only cooking as well!

[Nancy Sue]

Seems to me when girls go places together they usually seem to be dressed the same (all in dresses and/or skirts, or all in jeans, or shorts ...) - because they talked about it ahead of time (phone, text, emails, etc.). You said you have had emails, so you could mention your previous conversation and her openness, and ask her thoughts about the day.

You could ask if she would like to see some photos of Bobbi before she comes? That would be bringing up the concept, but without actually saying "I am planning to dress as Bobbi". I suspect she expects this private dinner at your place to be Bobbi's coming out, and I would not be surprised if she said something like "Oh, photos ahead of time would be ok, but why don't I just see you/her when I get there". I think her agreeing to come to your house for dinner is probably her way of saying she supports Bobbi, and is ready to support you coming out.

[Dana does shopping]

No surprises please ... gather the courage to discuss beforehand or attend as she has always come to expect You. Its just manners.

[Bobbi46]

yes I agree with you all, I am not going to rock the boat at all, there is too much at stake here, friendship and the future,

[Beverley Sims]

I would ask first.

[Meghan4now]

Ask first. If she's cool with it she'll let you know. If she is not then you have avoided an unnecessarily akward situation. Either way, you will make her day by showing her respect and concern by asking first. The whole situation will be much more positive and she may be excited by the chance to see you en femme.

I would take the ask as a huge compliment if I were in her shoes, and she will recognize how much it means to you too.

[Carol]

I would also ask first. She sounds like an understanding girl. So there shouldn't be a problem. Maybe you could ask her for some help with makeup advice or how to apply it. She maybe more than happy to practice on you but you should always ask first. Good luck!

[Bobbi46]

I was very nervous when I first told her about myself but got over that, tomorrow lunch is another big step in coming out fully and although I know her very well I still think I might be a bit nervous in broaching this side of things even though she knows I dress its somewhat different to asking outright "how do you feel about me being with you fully dressed", I can do it but it will be a bit of a twitchy time, I think it will go well as I have known her for years. It is something that needs to be discussed, I think it is another step in life for me but one to be taken gently.
When I invited her to lunch she said to me "We must talk some more", from this I glean that she wants to know me more as a cd, so maybe I do not need to worry much about talking about this next step.

[Krisi]

Why in the world would you underdress with breast forms? That would look pretty strange I would think. If you told her you are a crossdresser, fine. Ask her in advance if she would be comfortable with you dressed as a woman. Otherwise, dress as a man. No breast forms, wig, etc.

- - - Updated - - -


Next Tuesday will be the day, she is coming for lunch and no doubt will stay for most of the afternoon, she is quite busy so to get an answer before hand about dressing first might not get a response in time for Tuesday, there is a lot to think about before now and then and not only cooking as well!

Does she have a telephone? If so, call her and ask her. That won't take too much of her time.

And if you do dress for her, dress as a normal woman would dress for the time and place. No overdone makeup and six inch heels.

[Bobbi46]

When I referred to being underdressed with forms I did not mean to infer that the rest of me was in drab at that time I was wearing a fairly plain blouse and pants so did not come over as a "guy with boobs", as for tomorrow I have not as yet got an email regarding dressing so at the moment it will all be left to talking tomorrow.

[Stephanie47]

If I knew a woman for a very long time and considered her a trusted friend, I'd discuss it over lunch. I'd tell her that I had mulled it over whether to meet her en femme without any advance warning, but, decided it might be presumptive as to whether or not she was comfortable with me doing that. I think the recommendation of having an outfit assembled if she were to ask to see your femme side is a good one. I'd have a pretty dress, ,bra, panty and slip on a hanger with heels and hosiery on the floor underneath. I'd also go light with the makeup.

And, if she said "We must talk some more," that really does not infer she is ready for a "reveal."

[Bobbi46]

Of course "we must talk some more" could also mean talking in a greater depth about everything, she is so totally accepting in how I am and possibly feel that she will want to see me en femme but as has been said not before she arrives probably afterwards at some point.

[Saikotsu]

Ask her what she would prefer.

[Bobbi46]

Tomorrow evening I will tell you all how it went, wish me luck

- - - Updated - - -

Where do I start?. I of course did as you all advised me, do not dress before! which is what I did, I was unable to ask before if it would be ok to dress, so when my friend and also her lady partner who I have also known for a long time came, I was in drab, the lunch was beautiful and during it, all aspects of me was talked about in great detail. I told her that I was most concerned not to rock the boat about being en femme before as I did not want to cause any upset with our friendship. She replied and these are words " I expected you to be dressed when I came ". I told her that was very nice of her to say so, we talked about the different comforts of cloths in general drab against feminine and I told her how I preferred to be en femme.I then said to her would you like to see me dressed? and she said of course, I replied that I would like to do that for her and went upstairs to change, bra/forms/ panties/pantyhose/slip, just below the knee skirt and a pail pink blouse with pink lace sleeves. No make up because I am still trying to learn and did not want to go downstairs looking like something from a circus. We were still in the dining room because lunch had just finished and we had not moved to the sitting room for coffee. When I walked into the room they both said truly and honestly "you like very nice". I was asked was I wearing pantyhose and I said yes lifting the skirt up just a little to show them but to be overtly displaying and they said much more comfortable. Many such like comments followed by me asking about make up and everything like that and about all sorts of clothing and fashion in general. We then moved to the sitting room for coffee and delved deeper into all sorts of gender orientation and where they thought I was in regards the spectrum between hetro and gay. I have to add more towards the hetro end.
It was such a totally exhilarating and relaxing occasion because of the way of everything we spoke of was without rancour or disapproval or anything, like this is not right, you should not do this and that. It was all so relaxing and matter of fact, and to put it one way so beautiful.
It has put me in a wonderful sense and feeling for the future.
The bit that is embedded in my mind most is "We expected you to be dressed". This was the bit that meant so much to me. I am looking forward to seeing them again as our friendship has begun to be more firmly joined than ever before.
I am now off in to town for some make up totally en femme for the first time.

[Katey888]

What a great result Bobbi - and now you know exactly where you stand... No-one has been offended; everyone's understanding is aligned! :cheer:

I wish you luck with your progress and future engagements.. :D

Katey x

[Bobbi46]

Thank you so much katey, for someone albeit a close friend to say we expected to see you dressed was such a wonderful thing to hear. It has given me so much more confidence on my road to find feminine happiness.

[Erika Lyne]

Bobbi,
That was a very respectful way to handle your reveal and a beautiful thing for them to say. I'm so proud of you for the way you conducted this reveal. It is so much better to offer respect to friends than to ask for forgiveness.

Thanks for this,
-E

[baldy1]

Only you will decide that, once you have asked her of course?

Julie

[Nancy Sue]

Bobbi, I have also been waiting to read your follow-up story - and congratulations! It is so nice you decided to not push it, and that you had made thoughtful plans to dress "just in case", so you were ready when they expressed their openness and acceptance. And its also nice for you to know that you were reading your friends right about their acceptance, and wanting to be part of you taking the next step in your process.

I think many of us will be waiting to read more of the story as it unfolds. Please keep us informed.

[jenniferinsf]

bobbi...what a wonderful experience...i do believe going slowly is the right way and it seems to have proven out...what an enriching friend you seem t have met.

[Karen RHT]

My compliments Bobbi, for your thoughtfulness, planning, and actions. Sounds like you've met your goal and built a stronger friendship.


Karen

[Bobbi46]

I am still on a high from how everything worked out in the end. The good thing of course was, and I thank you all dearly for this, was reading and absorbing all of your very sound advice. Of course I have to say that lunch was not totally dominated by me and how I am and everything all sorts of things were spoken about. But the most rewarding thing was being complimented about how I looked. Also whilst in the lounge over coffee, I was so relaxed being dressed with them there and they too were quite happy with me as well. I did not feel self conscious or any thing like that it just seemed to be the most natural thing in the world to be dressed and to be with my friends.
The beauty of this will continue without a doubt.
As my life and femininity evolves over time I will tell you about it. I think that what I have managed to do is a huge milestone to pass for me.

[Nikki Elle]

Congratulations! I think it worked out perfectly and you have started down the road of a great friendship.

[Lacy PJs]

In stead of a "May I dress up for you?" perhaps a "Would you like to see me dressed?" question would put things a little differently.

Lacy PJs