Questions

[transfeminate]

Does anyone else ask themselves "What do I want from this, where do I want it to go and what category do crossdressers actually fit in. What would I do if suddenly all external or consideration for family, barriers disappeared"
Everytime I change to my feminine self these questions drift into my thoughts.

[Kate Simmons]

My answer came when I accepted all of my feelings and stopped denying them. I took ownership of them and realized I didn't have to transition to be myself. :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Trans without question I do, my dressing has affected me in so many different ways personally and as well as in my spiritual life so yes I ask myself that a lot. While I do accept myself for the most part I do wonder what is the point of all this

[Victoria Demeanor]

Every moment of every day. Who am I, where am I going, why do I feel this way????? of course the what if questions, what if there was total acceptance? What if I could just be myself when ever? What if all this just came to light and I truly understood? What would I do? Probably find something else, for what is life without some mystery, conflict, wonderment and self discovery?
I think these questions are why most of us are here.

[Robin414]

Self acceptance is sooo important IMHO, view my signature hon, I do, often!

[docrobbysherry]

I'm over 70 and have done most everything on my bucket list. Most, more than once. All my vanilla friends have become boring fogies.

So, name something else can I do that would give me even HALF the pleasure and satisfaction I get from becoming a young, attractive female and I'll try it!:straightface:

[Cheryl_Layton]

At the moment, I'm enjoying a bit of a renaissance with my dressing which is better now than it was in the past.
Yes, I do question where this is heading as conditions in my personal life are so different than last time. A part of me would like to transition but the reality-check kicks in and I realise that it requires a level of commitment that I'm not sure I can maintain.

It will be interesting to see where things do lead by themselves.

[Katey888]

I used to ask this more, but I think I've got to a place I'm happy and understand what I want - which is not much more than I get right now, a few outings, some quiet time at home... More that I want to find a way of putting something something back into supporting others and more directly than what goes on here... :)

As to what 'category' do CDers fit in...? :facepalm: If you've read even a small amount here you'll hopefully realise that 'CD' is an extremely broad term at best, and used by any individual arbitrarily to define whatever they want to at worst... My recommendation: don't worry about what we as a collective are or might be, just focus on what you need to be happy and harmonious with your life. It might appear selfish but in truth, what others do or think is barely relevant to you finding your way on your journey... :hugs:

Katey x

[transfeminate]

Every time I switch to my feminine self, the same questions immediately flood into my head, why am I doing this and why does it feel so good. What are my expectations, where is this going or where do I want it to go, where do crossdressers fit in this melting pot of sexual orientation.
An easy answer, I guess for someone whose gay but what about the rest of us who enjoy being female but don't seem to have any desire for a gay relationship. To me, being one, I find us the most puzzling of all.

[Dana44]

Transfeminate, If you define it as switch to your feminine self that is called gender fluid. Or possibly you are androgynous a third gender on male/female. You do not need to be gay to have these feelings. Most of us are in heterosexual relationships and we find an SO that accepts us. I can say that took me awhile. It is a very real switch and that means that it is physical in the brain. Mine was from DES synthetic estrogen feed to my mother in the fifties to stop miscarriages. It took me years to find out what happened to me. I am a male with female hormones and I switch often to my feminine self. I must say though that I saw far farther than males do. I am creative and write novels. What are your expectations. Enjoy your feminine side and get in touch with it. Where do we fit in this crossdressing? Well, most here are girls in a mans body. We are something different and yet the same. Yeah, It took me quite a while to find out what I was and how it fits in a sexual relationship. If you have any more questions PM me.

[sometimes_miss]

where do crossdressers fit in this melting pot of sexual orientation.
We're the ones that get boiled off. Everybody else gets to stay in the pot. That'll change, but it's going to take longer than I'll be alive.

[Princess Lexi]

I used to have them questions I tried to quit many times I would throw everything thing away and go on about my life but the last time I quit it was different I couldn't stop thinking about it I spent a year and a half in total regret i now realize why I'm doing it , I was born this way and there is no shame in it, far as other questions still don't know were I'm going with it but this site is a good start to help me find my way, just my opinion but the answers to a lot of your questions are inside you just waiting to be found best of luck to you hope you find your answers I finally found some of mine

[Meghan4now]

Hmmm. Seems like you missed a thread or two....hundred. The conventional stance here is that gender identity and sexual orientation are NOT synonymous.

Some people may debate that, but frankly I hope this thread stays out of that realm. Seriously if you are not sure about it, there are tons of threads and opinions in existence here, and what ever answer you want out on the web. Some of it even makes sense.

[Ceera]

It's not really going to be possible for any of us to answer those questions for you, because each of us have different reasons, goals and needs. But I think all of us ask those and similar questions of ourselves, especially in the beginning.

For myself, I feel I am finally exploring and enjoying expressing an aspect of myself that I have repressed for most of my life, and denied, even to myself. I am at a different point on the 'orientation' spectrum than you are. While I prefer females, I knew back when I was in high school that I was bisexual. I just feared to express that at all, because my father couldn't have accepted that in me. So instead, I walked the straight path, married, had a child, and refrained from ever acting on non-straight impulses. I got some relief by playing female characters in games and on-line venues, but doubted I would ever do much in reality.

Once my parents were gone, I started to at least consider what I really felt, deep inside. Still didn't do much, because I was still married and monogamous with my wife. But I read a lot, and started under dressing. Then my wife passed away, and I decided to try to present fully as a female, part time.

I have come to realize that for me, it's complicated, and not at all just about orientation or a desire to fully transition. I consider myself to be gender fluid - a concept that didn't even exist when I was in high school. Part of my mind is feminine. When I dress, it seems to flip a switch in my mind, and I look at things from a more female perspective. Perhaps part of my being bi has been my 'inner girl' recognizing that she felt some attraction to males. When I am in male mode, I find other males less attractive than when I am in female mode. Yet I don't dress like a woman to attract males. I do it because it feels pleasurable in its own right, like sailing a kite or swimming. Not a fetish, but something that is simply fun to do. And a large part of that pleasure comes from the feedback that I get when others, especially genetic girls, accept me as a female.

I do not think my future would ever involve transitioning full time. I don't dislike being male. I just like expressing all of me. It's like enjoying both dance and playing a sport, and people thinking you can only choose one. I choose to do both, and to enjoy all life has to offer. So I expect to eventually reach a point where about half the time I will present as female, but not much more than that.

Long term, it would be great to find a new partner, female or male, who loves both sides of me. But if that does not happen, I am content witnjust being both sides of me, and enjoying myself

[Maryesther M.]

No. My passion for competitive rowing keeps me fit & (relatively) strong. I'm also 6'2" and not into high heels, much. Strictly hetero and in a stable marriage going on 47 years now.
The act of full-on crossdressing still excites me and nowadays it takes considerable time to effectively camouflage the ageing features so my 'selfies' please me and take about a quarter of a Century off my age. I also love the feel of feminine clothes and admit to a passion for browsing & buying on the internet.

My proper crossdressing is always done when the coast is clear for at least a whole day, when I dress up, enjoy the feel and the process, take some photos & then put the stuff all away, trying not to leave any 'evidence' lying around. The make-up has to be thoroughly removed of course, including nail varnish &c.

As I shower regularly with my fellow rowers I do not indulge in shaving of any nether regions, so opaques are the rule. Nice skin-tone ones are hard to come by.

It remains a secret passion, however as MOH has always expressed her total disapproval and will bin anything feminine she finds that isn't hers. Fortunately I own my business premises where I keep my little stash of femme things.

M.

[transfeminate]

some interesting answers although many obviously misread it. I don't do my changing when a mood takes me. I love switching all the time, only circumstances prevent it but I change every evening and I fully underdress virtually every day.
I am not gay and don't have any leanings in that direction. My post was about us and curiosity as to why we love being a woman but are also completely heterosexual.
Particularly fascinated by Dana11's post. As a writer herself she likely understands another writer and all writer's insatiable curiosity

[Meghan4now]

Oh I got it all right. My point is that presenting as a female, or even having GID or being TS is not specifically linked to your sexual preference. As they like to say here, one is who you want to sleep WITH, the other is what do you want to appear AS. Since there is not an established "cause" for either ID or orientation, there may well be many independent variables influencing both. And it may not even be a question of ID at all. For some it just a lot of fun!

As I said this topic has been done again and again here, and is in the top ten of still unanswered questions (for some people) here. There is actually a lot of truely scholarly writing on the topic. Again huge debates even amongst "professionals".

So the REAL question is, what are YOU going to believe and do about it. As for me, I absolutely love my wife, and enjoy her company, but I really get a personal thrill getting dolled up. And it's a heck of a lot more fun interacting with people than counting hangers. But that's just me.

[pamela7]

Speaking about the crossdresser perspective rather than the "woman in a man's body" perspective, are we "being a woman" when we cross-dress, transfeminate? Or are we enjoying a range of behaviours normally only allowed to women but perfectly feasible for men to do once we suspend the social dressing rules?

I've just spend a few days undoing all my sense of the social judgements about male/female covering behaviours, beliefs, clothing and so on. It has resulted in some unexpected shifts in my attitude towards men. I've lost that "strictly hetero" sense, but remain happily monogamous so I won't be "into men", but I'm no longer "eughh" about that. My point is that we are so strongly socially programmed that its not at all surprising that we'd mostly be hetero only here. When a person steps out of the program in one direction they often compensate by being strongly "in" in another, and that I think is why the gay/bi % of CD does not come across higher than the general public %.

xx

[suzy1]

why am I doing this and why does it feel so good. What are my expectations, where is this going or where do I want it to go, where do crossdressers fit in this melting pot of sexual orientation.
.

This a bit like asking ‘what is the purpose of life’ Stop worrying about it and just enjoy the person you are.
Some of us older birds have been though all this and come out the other side and you will too someday.

[Sarah-RT]

When I came out to my sister she asked me what do I do when I'm dressed to which I said; "what do you think? I play games on my Xbox, I browse Facebook, I watch TV and films, sports games, I text my friends, I hang out with them (when dressed) sometimes, I eat food, I use the bathroom..what did you expect?"

You can set goals such as coming out, getting out and going somewhere specific as female but these "where do I want to go" threads pop up often enough, you'll still be you, the mindset and entity behind the eyes, how you'll look will change but just do. If you don't want to come out, don't but you'll be on Facebook, you'll be here, watching the TV or doing housework or whatever hobbies you have, the only goal is to be yourself; what makes you, you?

Sarah

[Cheryl T]

Nope....stopped asking all those kinds of questions 10 years ago when I decided I had to come out fully to my wife.
For decades I did all the wondering and what if's. Now I just don't care. I am me and that's that.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I'm like a number of the girls that have commented, I'm not stressing out about it. I know I am "just" a crossdresser. I'm just having fun!! So don't over think it, just have fun with it.

[Katey888]

I am not gay and don't have any leanings in that direction. My post was about us and curiosity as to why we love being a woman but are also completely heterosexual.
Particularly fascinated by Dana11's post. As a writer herself she likely understands another writer and all writer's insatiable curiosity

Trans - I think you've explained this yourself, really...

Having curiosity as to how we - crossdressers - are a mix of sexualities and what that may or may not mean does not diminish your standing or reputation as a heterosexual man, albeit a crossdressing one - it simply demonstrates that you have the intellect to be prepared to think about it and ponder what it may or may not mean... :)

While many here seem to feel more comfortable with the thought that the majority of crossdressers (on this forum) appear heterosexual, what seems more relevant to me is that the proportion of non-hetero folk seems much larger amongst crossdressers than in the general population. That fact need not threaten anyone who identifies as hetero, but it makes a lot of sense to me, being someone who believes that there is an intractable link between gender identity and expression, and sexual preference, being something that is normally expressed with 'gender' as one of the significant attributes (in that not many folk say 'I am sexually attracted to people with blue eyes' as a contra-example).

:thinking:

Katey x

[Teresa]

If you're in a DADT situation with family the questions never stop , not only posed by yourself but trying to make the family understand.
I still think if you're in that situation you really have to make the effort to find out what makes you tick, because if you don't you just keep going round in increasingly destructive circles.
If you can understand yourself you can accept yourself ! What other people think affects you less because if you know what's driving your CDing

[Ally 2112]

After many years of asking myself the same question and thinking i needed an answer or needed to quit ,i have come to an acceptance and just go with the flow .For me it is just easier

[Tina_gm]

If I had a dollar for every time I used to ask myself those questions, trump would be my b**** lol. I still occasionally ask those questions. I have come to realize what is most important is my own comfort and acceptance of myself. That is and probably will always be a work in progress. I really do not have any destination when it comes to CDing. Whatever happens or wherever it goes, will be because it is right for me. I don't have any huge bucket list of 1sts. I may never have a big list, and I am fine with that. But I am learning to be fine no matter what that list is, or how long it ends up going.

[Tracii G]

Back when I first discovered I wasn't alone in my feelings and there were others just like me I had those questions.
It drove me crazy trying to figure out where I fit.
I finally said the heck with it I am me and I don't care where I fit in the trans spectrum.Of course some people have to pigeon hole everything and stress over names or terms to categorize themselves.
All of this doesn't have to go anywhere if you don't want it to.

[paulaprimo]

i use to drive myself crazy with a million questions and zero answers.
i finally just decided to do whatever it is that makes me happy and
makes me feel good and gave up on the "whys" and the questions.
it seems to work well for me... :)

[sometimes_miss]

Does anyone else ask themselves
Nope.
"What do I want from this"
I wish it would go away.
"Where do I want it to go"
Away.
"What category do crossdressers actually fit in".
Depends upon why you're crossdressing: Are you TS? Are you straight? Are you gay? Are you bi? We fit into a lot of categories. . Only you can figure that out.
"What would I do if suddenly all external or consideration for family, barriers disappeared?"
Really depends upon two things; what you WANT to happen, and what WILL happen. If you want to be female, then you have to address the question of will changing your body parts accomplish what you want it to? A lot of TS wind up finding out, upon further introspection, that they can't become what they really want, and that the life they dream about is an impossibility. Then they have to see if they really want what is truly available to them in reality. And reality is something a lot of people simply cannot deal with. Which I guess is why so many buy lottery tickets.
"Everytime I change to my feminine self these questions drift into my thoughts".
Then start writing down some answers to your questions, and see how they fit.

[suzy1]

And reality is something a lot of people simply cannot deal with. Which I guess is why so many buy lottery tickets.
.

And if you can deal with reality and just accept what you can and can not have in this life then happiness and contentment usually follow.
I enjoyed your wise words Lexi

Suzy.

[Raychel]

I don't often question my actions or thoughts, :daydreaming: Maybe I should do that more.

What do I want from all this, I just want to be able to live my life dressed how I feel most comfortable with me.
the way I prefer to see myself in the mirror.

Where do I want it to go and what category do crossdressers actually fit in. No real need to go anywhere,
I would love to not have to hide form the world so much, but that is about all.

What would I do if suddenly all external or consideration for family, barriers disappeared.
That would be awesome, No need to get changed to drab mode when doing weekend errands.
just go on enjoying life. :daydreaming:

[Angela Marie]

After many years asking the same question I realized my femininity is as much a part of me as my male side and is with me whether or not dressed. I can no more quit being Angela than disown my other self. Clearly dressing helps me express that part of me better. But my female mannerisms even when not dressed still assert themselves.

[Brandy Mathews]

Trans,
I definitely know what I would do if there were no barriers and other reasons for me. I would transition. I would get rid of my breasts forms, get breasts implants. I would get rid of the false nails, grow mine out. I would love to talk to a doctor about hormones too.
In other words, I guess that I would get rid of this male body, and some parts, and I would be so happy. But, because of things, family, barriers, society, other things, I am a female with a male body. Life can be so cruel.
Hugs,
Bree :)