Any advice for my "big" under-dressing reveal?

[Chriscrossed]

I've got an urge to open up about my under-dressing in person to a couple of my liberal minded lady friends. My wife and kids are familiar with my collection of tights and nail polish but I really need to talk this out more with my pals. I've been blabbing to my therapist about being tired of not being open about myself on many levels and now I think it's time to put it out there. I'm hoping sharing and opening a conversation with friends will take some of this weight off my broad shoulders and let me relax.

I'm feeling a little concerned about bringing the topic up because my gender identity is a real mouthful. There are two hyphens in "gender-fluid under-dresser", so I think this definition is going to raise more questions at first than put them more at ease with me. Do you have any advice how to add a little more context to my story and sell my gender identity package - succinctly?

Thanks in advance, Chris Crossed.

P.S. I'm quite sure my friends have noticed over the years that I wear 50 den tights, skinny jeans & nail polish both at their place and ours so I don't think there is going to be any surprise factor for either of them. These women are educated, creative, attractive, well dressed, experienced, considerate and have lots of normal problems like the rest of us. ;)

[Krisi]

My advice is to only tell people who need to know and tell them only as much as they need to know. Your wife and children have good reason not to tell others about your "hobby" but your friends do not. Being known publically as a crossdresser could affect your job and your standing in the community.

Think carefully about the possible consequences before you tell them anything they don't need to know.

[Saikotsu]

If say be patient with them and answer any questions they have honestly and directly. If you respond with shame or embarrassment, they'll respond in kind. Best of luck

[Chriscrossed]

Thanks Saikotsu and Krisi.

Krisi - Do you know any stories of a person being burned by friends after sharing?

I'm hoping that my friendships will deepen and become more intimate after my "big" reveal next Tuesday ... and hopefully without asking them to sign a Non-disclosure-Agreement beforehand. ;)

Chris.

[Krisi]

You asked for advice, I gave you mine. If you don't like it, ignore it. I don't want to argue with you.

[Taylor186]

I agree with Krisi.

But, if you don't mind if things don't go as you "hope" (and if you'd been around these boards longer you would have read plenty of stories where it didn't) and if you don't mind them telling all their and your friends then there is little downside. If you do mind then tread carefully.

[Jenniferathome]

No one cares to know about your underwear.

If you are planning on telling them you are a cross dresser, why do they need to know? Will you be wearing dresses and skirts in front of them?

[IamWren]

I'll echo what Krisi and Taylor said (by the way Krisi, I don't think she was trying to argue with you. Just asking any examples from your experience. At least that's the way I read her response).

I would disclose your crossdressing on a need to know basis. You can control what you say but not what others say or how they say it. I used to work in public relations for a good while and PR101 states "control the narrative". You may be perfectly fine with people saying you like to wear women's clothing but you may be horrified at the WAY they say you like to wear women's clothing.

Need to know basis. That's my recommendation.

[debstar]

I have sone advice. Organise a big party and make it an open invite for extra effect. When the party is in full swing get up on stage and do a strip routine that will ultimately reveal yourself to everyone. Step 3 walk off the stage and high five a pre arranged GG.

Problem solved. No one will be left with any doubt.

If you are more like me then do not do that and don't tell anyone.

[CONSUELO]

ChrisCrossed raises an interesting issue that I have observed within our cross dressing community and that is the strong desire to let others know. I have read stories of cross dressers running outside in a nightdress or peignoir to pick up a newspaper or their mail all the while fearing they might be seen, yet seemingly excited by the possibility of being "caught".

I went through a phase like this and it was very strong. For some the consequences of being "caught" could be very bad, yet the desire to experience the thrill of tempting fate was so strong. I was once strongly tempted to tell a male colleague. I didn't thank goodness and I later realized that doing so would have been a terrible idea with many bad consequences. Yet the desire to "open up" was almost overwhelming.

What is the experience of other members?

[Tracii G]

I understand the urge to reveal this part of you but like Jennifer said nobody wants to see your underwear.
Telling people can be good and bad so be ready for the outcome either way.
I underdressed years ago and while I was at a friends music store the wife of a worker was there hanging out and she caught a glimpse of my panties and the pink border and she gave me a funny look.
I acted like it wasn't a big deal and she never mentioned it to me.If she told her husband I don't know.
Think hard if you were not the way you are how would you react to someone revealing this info?

[Dana44]

Criscrossed, why would you revel your underwear. Seriously, if you are a cross dresser. You might revel that, but underdress? Nobody cares about your underwear. But how to revel was your question? Have a toga or nightgown party LOL and wear panties, Then it would be known and that would be a good way to reveal.

[Debra Russell]

......Why?? ...........:eek: and what does this do for you?..........................Debra

[AngelaYVR]

If you want people to think "ewwwww" then this is a good way to go about it.

[pamela7]

i'm kind of wondering why you want to reveal underdressing? surely the game is revealing dressing, otherwise the point of underdressing is somewhat lost - to hide it? come out as a CD who hides it?

[Nolacdflorida]

I agree with Pamela. I can understand you wanting to come out about dressing, but not under-dressing.

Not that I am an expert as I am still coming to terms with my own situation.

[Chriscrossed]

Wow!

Thanks to all of you for the advice. I think the score is common sense 10 points vs. irrational feelings 0 points ;)

I'm going to wait for the dust to settle, give this another think and report back to you with my decision. Hrmmmm.

[Saikotsu]

Hello again,
I feel I should add a bit to my previous statements. I think you should just come out as gender fluid rather than an under dresser. Most people would rather not know that you wear panties. Most people prefer not to think about other people's underwear regardless of gender identity. If you come out as Gender Fluid the question will likely come up, "does that mean you wear women's underwear?" in which case you can answer honestly. I think the focus should more be on the gender fluidity, mainly because not a lot of people will be familiar with the term.

People are probably wondering why I didn't say this before. Honestly, it's because I wasn't as awake as I thought I was at the time.

[ReineD]

Maybe you should tell us what you think 'underdressing' means? A lot of people believe it is just wearing panties, hose, and bras. But you identify as androgynous in your profile and you also wear more visible things like nail polish and girl jeans?

You live in Northern Europe which I believe is more socially liberal than many pockets in the US where many respondents in this thread live. It could well be that the people in your area have a broader view of men who enjoy wearing feminine things.

But to give you context, if you lived in the US (or Canada ... I'm not sure about the rest of Europe or Australia), these would be the range of reactions even though people wouldn't necessarily say it out loud to you:


"Oh well, he's kinky. Whatever, just so long as he doesn't throw it in my face.".
"Ohhh, he's kinky! :heehee:"
"OMG! He likes to wear girl clothes! Ewwwww."
"Oh, he's genderqueer! Good for him!" (mostly from people familiar with our community)

[Candice June Lee]

I don't think it's anyone's business. Dress as you like and be you. They don't care if your wearing underwear or not not what kind it is. Most folks don't care we are presenting as fem, unless you sport beard while doing so.
For me it makes no never mind what I am wearing. I wear what I want. When questioned I give an answer that's polite and appropriate. I just don't volunteer the info, Niether should you. It's who you are and advertising isn't really a turn on so to speak.

[wilt575]

I don't it's a strong desire to let others know per-say, just a matter of feeling comfortable in there presence, not making you or them feel uneasy.

[Nadine Spirit]

I am kind of surprised by the other responses here. But then again, you are asking people that many have no experience with telling anyone, anything, ever. In fact much of their experience with gender variances has revolved around how to do it and never have anyone find out ever. This builds up a large fear factor for many of them and they can only ever see negative responses occurring from informing others.

Now with that being said, I am not so sure what you mean by revealing that you under-dress. For most here, that simply means that you wear underwear of the opposite gender. And if that is the case, I do not think that anyone else really needs to know what type of underwear you wear. But if you are talking more along the lines of painting your finger nails and such, then I totally understand.

I have told many of my friends and work associates that I consider myself to be "a transgender individual who is always gender non-conforming and occasionally cross dresses." Which is quite the mouthful as well! The best way I have come up with to inform others is to simply explain that giant mouthful and then answer any questions that they have.

Good luck!

[Chriscrossed]

Thanks for jumping back in with this little gem of advice Saikotsu:
I think the focus should more be on the gender fluidity, mainly because not a lot of people will be familiar with the term. My feelings about my gender bias are much more interesting and relevant for my friends than my undies. I will stick to visible expressions of this identity of mine which I'm so desperate to share.

[Pat]

Wow. I guess the message has been delivered, huh? Honestly, I think the focus should be on the people you're planning to tell. I don't think the issue is so much why do YOU want to tell, but why you think THEY want to know. If the answer is it will make YOU feel better, maybe you're doing it for the wrong reason. And maybe they don't want this knowledge.

[Demi88]

They already know. Maybe the conversation will occur naturally one night when everyone is feeling good and in a talkative mood.

[Bobbi46]

I went through this, feeling burdened by the secret of being CD and a close friend of mine who just happens to be a transgender lesbian was the person I chose to tell about myself now I feel somewhat freed by knowing that it is not a secret any more but also I know my friend will not go round telling people "do you know what I know" etc. but also post and local trades people have seen me. There has been no problem.
So what I now feel is that if you are burdened by such and have a trusted friend then tell them, but I would not tell them that you are just underdress I do not think that paints the right picture, being fully dressed that is the way to.
But as so many of us have said at various time once the bell has been rung you cannot unring it. be cautious with what you do next

[Chriscrossed]

You are very perceptive and considerate ReineD
Maybe you should tell us what you think 'underdressing' means? ... but you identify as androgynous in your profile ...You live in Northern Europe which I believe is more socially liberal ... It could well be that the people in your area have a broader view of men who enjoy wearing feminine things. I've lived as an adult both in Canada and in Northern Europe where people have a stronger live-and-let-live attitude. Here people respect eclectic fashion choices and don't pass judgement on others especially when it does not interfere with their personal life. So it's a much easier environment to express my non-traditional gender bias with my clothes. You asked me to explain my idea of underdressing and androgyny. To me it means I can choose to wear things like tights under skinny jeans, colourful shoes, a semi sheer shirt visible under my open dress shirt. One week I might have a tidy beard other times I'm clean shaven, my cologne might be more floral citrus than axe spicy. Matte clear nail polish for work and shiny for the weekend. I keep my body hair in check with my trimmer. I might not say no to some eye makeup if someone showed me how that could be fun. Subtle stuff like that is how I include a bit of femme in my everyday wardrobe. Now I would like to raise it to the next level and actually mention what I'm doing out loud with a few close friends.

Also thank you Nadine for your articulate support. You wrote your story in a context which really informs me what my task is if I want to unburden myself without alienating my friends in the same breath.
I have told many of my friends and work associates that I consider myself to be "a transgender individual who is always gender non-conforming and occasionally cross dresses." Which is quite the mouthful as well! The best way I have come up with to inform others is to simply explain that giant mouthful and then answer any questions that they have.

[heatherdress]

As others have said, no one cares about your underwear, even women who are educated, creative, attractive, well dressed, experienced, considerate and have lots of normal problems. Why do you need to tell anyone what you wear under your pants. They will think it is even more peculiar that you want them to know what underwear you wear than the fact that you wear panties.

Good luck explaining why you talked to your lady friends about your underwear to their husbands and SOs.

[ReineD]

You asked me to explain my idea of underdressing and androgyny. To me it means I can choose to wear things like tights under skinny jeans, colourful shoes, a semi sheer shirt visible under my open dress shirt. One week I might have a tidy beard other times I'm clean shaven, my cologne might be more floral citrus than axe spicy. Matte clear nail polish for work and shiny for the weekend. I keep my body hair in check with my trimmer. I might not say no to some eye makeup if someone showed me how that could be fun. Subtle stuff like that is how I include a bit of femme in my everyday wardrobe. Now I would like to raise it to the next level and actually mention what I'm doing out loud with a few close friends.

If I were you, I'd choose another descriptor than "underdresser". Why don't you simply say you are androgynous (or bi-gender, or gender fluid) and enjoy exploring facets of both genders?

If the people you tell take the word "underdresser" literally, they'll have a mind-image of bras and panties. And many people, especially if they are not familiar with members of this community, believe that men who wear bras and panties do so for fetish reasons, which are not your motives.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Chris, :hugs: See line #3 in my signature !:daydreaming:

[Krisi]

................ by the way Krisi, I don't think she was trying to argue with you. Just asking any examples from your experience.

I get that a lot. One of the advantages we humans have over the lower animals is that we can learn from other people's experiences from talking to them or reading about them. We can also predict what will happen if we take a certain action, based on our life experiences and what we have learned from others.

Life is too short to make all the mistakes ourselves.

[I Am Paula]

Confiding in someone you trust about your gender issues- Good.
Telling anyone about your underwear- Eeeeeeeeeeew!

[Stephanie47]

I was going to chime in the other day when the thread started but hesitated because you have a therapist. I can understand the angst that may occur if one does not get the opportunity to express oneself. I don't know what your therapist has to say about this, but, the idea about under dressing is to not show your undergarments or nail polish. It sounds a little like.."I have a secret that you don't know." You only state you wear tights and skinny jeans and nail polish. I think your educated female and male friends may suspect you're sliding somewhere on the gender-fluid spectrum without you telling them more. There is the possibility they really do not want to know more. I don't know from this post if your wardrobe also includes bras, panties, girdles, sheer hosiery, dresses makeup and wigs. I'd keep any issues you may have between you and your therapist.

[Nancy Sue]

No one cares to know about your underwear.

If you are planning on telling them you are a cross dresser, why do they need to know? Will you be wearing dresses and skirts in front of them?

I agree with both Krisi and Jennifer -

Krisi said "My advice is to only tell people who need to know, and tell them only as much as they need to know." I agree 100%, and it is from experience. You wanted a story backing this up, so here is mine:

After I had shared something very personal with someone when I was in high school, they shared it with my mother. I am sure they had the best of intentions, but ... I had not done anything wrong, and it wasn't about sex or dressing or anything like that, but about a personal goal in my life. Mom came to me to give me advice, which was "Do not share personal details with people who cannot help you with it". In this case you are thinking about sharing very personal details with two ladies who, to quote Krisi - "cannot help you with it". They are not going to be going shopping with you and helping you pick out your underwear. And they are not going to be sharing their own intimate dressing details with you back, to give you more information about what your girl friends wear when you can't see it. So how is telling them about the underwear you find exciting and arousing "helping them, or helping you?". It is not. In fact, it will probably lead to them wondering, every time you see each other, "I wonder if he is scoping out my panties, to try to figure out what kind I am wearing?".

And Jennifer made two points, both equally as solid -
1. No one cares about your underwear, and
2. Why do these women need to know you crossdress? Are they LBGT friendly types who are going to start hanging out with you dressed? Not likely. Being attractive, educated and open minded does not always translate to "tolerant of and/or supportive to crossdressers", or any other segment of the non-standard community. The fact that you know them well does not mean they have any interest in knowing you wear Vanity Fair or Bali or VS panties, or any other thing about your gender-fluid sexual state.

Chris, we all want to be accepted - all of us. But it is not likely that they will accept you, and ask you to "play on their team", or want you to become their personal confidant just because you wear panties underneath your jeans. I cannot, personally, see any upside at all for telling these ladies that you wear women's panties and such. Even though they will now know you dress, they are not likely to take you into their confidence next time they need a bra fitting, or want to just shopping for new panties or pantihose, and such like.

[Katey888]

Hey Chris,

There's an interesting mix of responses here - much of it culturally skewed, I think... let me tell you what I read into this...

Your wife and family already know this to be a part of who you are, your expression and lifestyle...
Your friends will have noticed all the obviously visible signs of your genderfluid expression but you have never discussed it with them...
You want to discuss this with them because you probably feel that being open about this is only being fair to them and you would feel that discussing this is a friendship and trust thing rather than a surprise revelation and being your friends they already share your lifestyle (to some extent)...

The last point is a bit of an extrapolation on my part - but I'm happy you can correct me if I'm wrong. :)

You know your friends and your own circumstances better than anyone here - and you clearly are experiencing a need to explain or simply be more open about aspects of you that are already accepted by your family and totally evident to your closest friends... On top of that you appear level-headed about the way you would approach this and you are asking advice about how best you might do this, rather than whether you might or not...?

I think putting this in the context of something that is very deep-seated about your persona would be the way that I would approach it. In practical terms, me explaining to someone why I CD occasionally but fully is not that different from why you express yourself in a more subtle feminine way, but all the time. I'd try to get the discussion going around gender and societal expectations of expression (appearance) and how for some of us that are more flexi-gendered (that's my new expression :)) feel a need and a comfort to ourselves when we are able to subtly (or not, in my case) project part of our inner persona that needs to find an outlet, but can't do that through what would be considered 'normal' expression. Much of your expression is visible and not completely 'under'wear, and if you feel comfortable speaking of this, then you are probably the best judge of your circumstances and your friends. Personally, I might be tempted to focus on the more visible aspects at first, and perhaps leave them to either ask more questions or put 2 and 2 together on their own. ;)

Either way - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and it will be interesting to hear what you do and the response. :D

Katey x

[Chriscrossed]

Katey888 you nailed it, "Flexi-gendered" is brilliant! It feels open, positive, light hearted, accessible & non-threatening. I'm adopting your new term right now, until you come up with a better one. ;) The reason I'm back here at Crossdressers.com is to bounce ideas off clever thinkers like you and hopefully distill my self image to a point where I can talk about myself openly with comfort and confidence. I've been hoping to get creative myself and come up with new ways to describe how I feel and you skipped ahead a few steps and resolved one of my goals. Well done.

I also want to say that like ReineD and others you read between the lines well and coax out the truth in your reflective replies. Again, well done.

Other posts above deserve my thanks and more careful replies and I will get to them ASAP once I'm back with my laptop and not typing on my phone ...argh. In the meantime thanks to everyone for your passionate advice in these replies. This is really turning into an informative / transformative thread for me personally. Feel free to keep your creative juices flowing. :)

Much less mixed up now, Chris Crossed

[heatherdress]

Why is the desire to share your underwear preference with "lady friends"? Maybe you think they will be more accepting because they wear panties? I think that is what makes it creepy for me. Is your wife OK with a discussion about your panties with other women? Don't you think they will tell their husbands, SOs and other friends - and then what? I don't think this is a natural or spontaneous conversation but instead, one that might be uncomfortable for others and one that might label you a weirdo. Will your kids be OK with that? If you need to share your crossdressing behavior, better to join a CD support or social group.

[Sara Jessica]

Wear your underwear of choice, no one cares, no one really needs to be told.

Wear your skinny jeans / androgynous outer wear as you wish. If someone should say anything about your choice of fashion being on the feminine side, you are entirely prepared to own it and the conversation can take off from there.

But I think you might be disappointed that no one will really care about your outer wear either.

[sarah87]

This is an interesting topic and things are never the same with any situation so all i can do is speak about mine. I am not open to my family and have a small circle of people who know about me because i wanted to have the support. They have for the most part been nothing short of amazing. The more I interact with them the piece that keeps coming back to me of importance is they are not concerned with what i wear in their presence, they are more concerned about the kind of person I am. We never discuss panties, i can promise you they do not want to know about it. We rarely discuss clothes, we just have normal people talk and that happens to take place while I wear a dress in front of them. I think it depends a lot on how you approach it and you just never know, the person you are telling could be a ticking time bomb but without saying anything it is hard to know.

[Chriscrossed]

I was pondering that if I had a chance to go back in time and clarify my original post before I pressed send I might have swapped away and reference to "Under-dresser" and replaced it with "androgynous cross dresser". In the end thought I decided I would not change a thing, I'm really happy to have sparked all this conversation because I learned a lot from you all. And my original question is still valid: Do you have any advice how to add a little more context to my story and sell my gender identity package - succinctly?

Chris.

[Saikotsu]

I usually go with, "I'm transgender. Specifically gender fluid. Some days i feel more male than female, other days more female than male. But I'm always myself."

[Chriscrossed]

I usually go with, "I'm transgender. Specifically gender fluid. Some days i feel more male than female, other days more female than male. But I'm always myself."
Thanks Saikotsu. This thread has meandered around many topics but I think the crux is this idea of trying to be true to yourself (myself) and feel at ease expressing it.

[pamela7]

a succint message "i wear and dress what I like, the social definition of what is male or female is breaking down, and this makes me feel comfy or better, so I wear it, no big deal". i've used this and the typical response from guys is "fair play", and from the girls is "love it". can't go wrong.

However, when out hiring a white transit van yesterday I was definitely fully in drab and frankly that's the mode for that world.

xxx Pamela

[Chriscrossed]

Well, here I go, wish me good luck, I'm meting one of my friends in half an hour. Oh crap I have to fix my nails! I'm going to have to rush...

... Running " Thanks Pam, gotta go!"

[Katey888]

Good luck!

(Thinks: This will be an interesting experience I'm sure... :))

Katey x

[Chriscrossed]

Success! Thanks everyone for all the support. Friend #1 is onboard and eager for advice about how to properly layer her nailpolish so it lasts (clean, basecoat, two THIN layers of colour and a topcoat ... matte or glossy depending on your gender expression that day).

My friend said that she feels like our friendship just got upgraded to business class & I feel like an air hostess! ... I'm on cloud 9. :) Here are a few highlights from our conversation:

------

Friend - "So why don't you dress up more? I mean more flamboyantly, show me more. ...[she looks me up and down with imagination in her eyes]... I mean you have to meet my hairdresser. He wears glittery shirts, he's like David Bowie."

Me - "Well, let's see how it goes. The point is I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm doing and the amount of femininity I add to the way I dress. The thing is I have not ever dared to talk about it with my close friends and I really feel like I need to. I want to get it off my chest and be more honest, you know - true to myself".

Friend. - OK, that's great. [thinks] I want to dress more feminine too. [track switches from me to her] Do you remember the dress I wore at my birthday party, the blue one with a bit of lace on the front?

Me - Of course [thinking to myself "no I don't remember the colour but it was fun retro and girly"] you looked great.

Friend - "I bought it at a vintage shop and it's so not "me" but I liked it. I didn't feel very comfortable wearing it, I thought people might think it's too much, too feminine for me."

Me - Well I guess we are the same. We both want to dress up more feminine and are afraid of what people are going to think. What a waste.

Friend - [laughs] Yep. Let's go shopping. [thinks and squinches up her face] But I'm too fat, I don't have any money."

Me - "So what, we don't have to buy anything we can just find the fit that flatters."

Friend - "Yeah, let's be one another's personal shopping assistant after coffee next time."

Me - [thinking, well that could not have gone better] Deal. :)

---later---

Me - "So have you really never noticed that I've been wearing nail polish and tights since I first met you in 1994?"

Freind - "We'll no not really. [laughs] I mean I've always liked that you dress so elegantly but I don't think I ever paid any attention to your feet. Show me your nails again. [holds my hands close for inspection] Nice!, they are good, [gives me a smile and returns to her investigation] this is sooo matte. Don't you ever wear shiny nail polish? It would look so good. ... I think I feel like I may have noticed your tights sometime but maybe I didn't have the right moment to say anything, or I didn't care. I don't know. [her mind turns naturally to a new track] You know what happened to me once? I was in a bar and met a male friend and his mates. One of them took my hands and looked at my nails (which were not perfect) and said "Ugh! terrible nails!" and turned his back to me." Can you believe it?

Me - "Wow!? OK, that's rude and weird. I guess he was uninhibited. But we can fix that from ever happening if you just PUT ON A BASECOAT!" [we both laugh]

---later---

Me - I'm hoping that talking about this with you will let me be open about other emotional stuff in the future.

Friend - I'm touched that you chose me to confide in. It's nice that we have been such good friends for so long and that we still have room to be even closer. [hugs]

---the happy end to chapter 1 of my coming out story---

...those are a few fun, positive moments we had. We also talked about everything and anything. I feel elated, relieved and lucky to have a good solid friend. We agreed that this sharing is new to me and that my story need not be shared further until I'm ready or start blabbing about it to anyone who will listen. ;)

Thanks again for all of your support and advice, Chris.

[Saikotsu]

Glad it worked out so well for you so far!

[Chriscrossed]

Thanks Saikotsu. I will keep you updated if there are any negative consequences after the "honeymoon" is over. But for the moment I am going to enjoy the feeling of being accepted by a good friend.

[Chriscrossed]

Update#2

I met friend#2 today for a long lunch. I came out to her as a crossdresser with similar positive results as with friend#1. Now I have TWO allies to share and openly express my feminine side with so I'm a lucky guy/girl. It's been a few hours and I still feel buoyant and relieved.

My friend#2 and I had an "almost cry" moment because we had both said things that really touched each other. We both feel we have a closer, more intimate and genuine friendship.

For others thinking about coming out to a close friend, I highly recommend considering it. Weigh the potential positive outcomes against the risks and decide for yourself if you want to do it. I also want to point out that something unexpected and positive has come from the interaction that I didn't expect in both reveals to my friends. So if you are lacking good reasons to welcome a friend as a crossdressing confidant keep in mind that some free extras you never would have anticipated might come with the deal. :)

For me a really fun moment with friend#2 was after I had described some nuances about where I fit into the sliding scale of gender expression and gender self image. She was inspired and came up with a new scale. She invented the boy-friend and girl-friend interaction scale and put me at 75% on the girl-friend side. She said that it's always been fun to talk with me because it's feels like girl-talk but she can flirt with me at the same time, "It's like the best of both gender interactions at once". So now I'm on the femme leaning side of at least one gender scale. :)

We also discussed that this coming out is new to me and an experiment. I want to follow my own feelings and her's for a while and see how it goes before I tell others. This means I'm not giving her a free pass to share my non-traditional gender characteristics with anyone else yet, certainly not her husband who is also a good friend of mine. We are taking this step by step together and we will see how it goes.

A fun thing is that the next step was her idea. She said "We have to have a girls night out together!" I don't know yet what this means for me and how much outward gender expression is expected or allowed or encouraged but the fun thing is she meant "Let's do this!" Yay! :)

Feeling great after coming out, Chris Crossed.

[Pat]

Awesome results! Keep the forum posted -- we love to hear positive stories. :) (We also love to sympathize with negative ones -- so don't think we'll kick you to the curb if you have a bad day.)

[Chriscrossed]

Thanks Jennie. I will keep you posted how my new girlfriends keep pace with my enthusiasm. I'm going to try not to wear them out. I don't plan on having a bad day for some time since I'm so over the moon right now. When the day comes you can bet I'll do my crying here where you can all crowd around and sooth me with some "I told you so's". ;)