Asking for forgiveness for the murder of innocents.

[Thea Pauline]

I find myself struggling with an inability to forgive the murder of my father's son. Being treated differently, omitted from some invitations. The hurt I see on his accepting face destroys me. The murder of my daughter's father. I have never encountered such difficulty as recording the "dad voice" message my daughter requested. The denial of a grandfather for my grandsons. I just can't.

Recently, I've been overwhelmed with a sense of remorse; knowing I have only to continue to move forward but unable to let myself off the hook. Being trans* has become such a minor point in my day to day life and yet I suddenly feel as though, once again, I've negatively defied all expectations.

Just another inexplicable feature of dysphoria I guess. Lucky us, and I'm sorry Dad.

[Dana44]

I understand... It is hard to forgive. But to forgive brings peace to yourself. You have your daughter. Bring her close and give her support. Parents die. We are alone in this crazy world with nobody to talk to about the really deep stuff. Forgiveness is the best we can accomplish. But never forget.

[KellyJameson]

My mother cried from that whole losing a son thing. That was a bad day and many others followed. I'm probably going to feel guilt about that until I die.

Nothing like making those who love you cry to make yourself feel like the lowest form of life. I know that feeling very very well.

I gently try to take that feeling of loss they are experiencing and explain that I had always lived with that same feeling of loss for myself until I transitioned.

Sometimes to stop crying for ourselves others must cry for us. It sounds really selfish and maybe it is.

I don't know and I stopped thinking about it because it made everything worse and dangerous.

The difference is that their tears won't steal the life out of them.

[flatlander_48]

Regardless of what our situation is, crossdressers, transgender people or transsexuals, there are often others around us that can be significantly impacted by our decisions. It is not what we would want, but it happens. I guess what it means is that we must be very clear about what we need to do to move our lives forward.

DeeAnn

[I Am Paula]

I get you completely, but sometimes viewing it from a different angle can help.
My family gained a daughter, a niece, and a sister. None of my family sensed a loss, because seeing me happy was a much bigger reward.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

My dad can't help but treat me like his son... he just can't... i accept it because he's my dad ...

my kids can't help but treat me like their dad.. they are totally support me, the call me Kaitykait or Dad who is a girl....

its a shame we can't all have it all, but hopefully each of us in our own way can make peace with beating gender dysphoria...that's the only prize..

happiness and peace come later but like everything in life its not guaranteed..

I hope you can forgive and find your peace and happiness