Staying Away

[sabrinaedwards]

I have not been posting in an effort to get crossdressing under control. I have not "dressed" for several months and been trying to get my life in balance. Have any of you gone through this phase? At times, I seem to be too much into the female mode, yet I miss it soo much. WHY? Perhaps it's an age thing as we progress through life?
Love, Sabrina

[Tina_gm]

I am tempted to say good for you... but at the same time, why is it the dressing becomes such a strong issue for you?? Perhaps when people find themselves in this situation, it is not staying away from dressing that is really the right answer, but just aligning it better within your life.

[Confucius]

I can appreciate that. I hope you do get your life in balance and find happiness.

The way I see it, each of the men here have a brain which is hardwired for crossdressing. The neural networks in a male brain is distinct from a female brain, however some people (us) have neural networks that are between male and female. The brain is where we get our gender identity, and some of us may have a stronger female identity than others.

You might consider concentrating on everything you value about being male. Women need to feel loved and protected by a male. Women are attracted to men who are strong and confident - alpha males. Women need to love a man they can respect and honor. You are that man.

[rhonda]

I don't think it's not an age thing , but theirs one thing for certain you'll never be able to stop for long , you got to enjoy how we are

[CarlaWestin]

There were times in my life that dressing had to go into the shadows. Funerals, extreme situations that required focus and such. If I were to become disabled or unemployed or to lose a close loved one, this self gratifying activity would curtail as to better focus my energy to more serious issues. But, I'm just a crossdresser. I can't speak for the truly transsexual among us.

[Stephanie47]

When I first retired I probably spent too much time en femme. It was probably due to the fact I had so much time on my hands after working for forty plus years. It was sort of a pent up demand to express myself. After awhile I found being en femme was restricting my other interests outside the home. Eventually I struck a balance. I set aside some femme time when I have to do domestic chores while my wife is at work. There is no reason not to be in heels and hosiery, a pretty dress, slip, panty and a bra while pushing the vacuum, doing the laundry, baking and cooking, etc. I also have many things to do outside the home that preclude wearing women's clothing. I do not believe aging has anything to do with becoming a compulsive cross dresser. It's how one spends their free time. I suspect there are many men and women who engage in compulsive behavior. It may be cross dressing or it may be playing video games or anything.

[Cheryl_Layton]

Women are attracted to men who are strong and confident - alpha males.

Seems like I never stood a chance!

To the OP, without knowing what balances you are trying to achieve it's difficult to advise you on how you should be trying to incorporate dressing into your life. You've just got to ask yourself exactly what you are aiming for and then work towards it.

Talking with others is useful as long as you give them as much information as you can in order for them to help you as much as possible.

[Raychel]

No balance here at all, Raychel has been around a lot more then she probably should be
But I will be honest, I have not made any attempt to gain the proper balance.

The stresses of life have been huge around here lately, and Raychel time doe help to
relieve some of the stress, So for now all is good.

Not sure if I will try to cut back on the Raychel Time in the future.
but to this point, hasn't happened.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not sure how much 'not posting' to an online forum will change your desire to crossdress. Maybe for you it's a case of 'out of sight, out of mind'? I guess it really depends upon why you feel the need to crossdress. For me it doesn't matter whether I do it or not; I've taken several sabbaticals from crossdressing over the years. Doesn't change anything. It's like being an alcoholic. Whether I crossdress or not, I'm still a crossdresser, TG/CD, and the whole mixed up gender thing is never going to go away, and that's why I 'miss it': Because it's who I am, not just what I do. When I'm dressed up and working as a guy, it's still all an act. Sure, it's OK as long as my mind is busy, but the moment a task is complete, the desire to get out of the boy clothes is ever present. The phrase 'you can run but you can't hide' comes to mind. So, I've just learned to face living with what I am. I still have my personals up on several dating sites but the ones that mention crossdressing routinely get zero responses other than the occasional prostitute or guy who's trying to see if I'll change my sexual orientation and try an intimate encounter with him. I have three choices: 1. be 'out' and deal with the ensuing problems, which I don't want to do, 2. Stay under the radar, date and tell someone about my screwed up gender problems when I become serious enough to consider marriage, 3. Remain in the closet and casually date, knowing that the chances of finding a woman who's enthusiastic about a guy in a dress is akin to winning the lottery, so why bother even planning on it. Basically, I've chosen choice #3. I've become one of those guys women always complain about, guys who 'can't commit'. I've heard that women think I'm just in it for the chase and lose interest once I've 'gotten what I wanted' out of them. Which is to a degree, true: What I wanted was to figure out if she was one of the few women in the world who would happily stay with a TG male. But they don't know that. So, I wind up seeing someone for several months while I clandestinely inquire about how they really feel about TG/TS/CD people. Then when I find out they're disgusted/horrified/'not in my backyard' or in any way have negative views on it, I slowly stop seeing them and move on.

[Krisi]

If you are really trying to quit crossdressing, posting and reading on crossdressing websites is not a good idea. Just like someone who is trying to quit drinking should stay away from bars and not have "just a sip" of alcohol.

If you really want to quit, I wish you all the best but you need to stay away from here and do something else with your free time. Golfing, fishing, boating, etc.

[jenniferinsf]

as with many other comments...i do not think it goes away for long...for me - the urge is always lurking

[Katey888]

Happens to many of us Sabrina - just one of those things... :hugs:

Personally, I think a lot of the blaah that gets posted here can sometimes act like aversion therapy for me... But you just need to get the balance right - it's probably your rational brain telling you to do something else, but your emotional side is telling you that being femme is what you need. It's all about balance and only you can determine what's right for you... :)

Katey x

[Sharon B.]

I think if I would live in a condo, apartment or a house in the city I would be doing it more often then I do now. Right now I live in the country and have a few acres to take care of not to mention the animals on that acreage to care for.
I do realize I could probably do all of the maintenance dressed as a woman in blue jeans and tee shirt, but since I am not out of the closet. I chose to keep that part of me inside.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sabrina:hugs:, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit.:daydreaming:

I will be 73 in Dec. I dress 3:hrs.every Morning and a couple hrs. a couple Evenings a week
I've been in this program for almost 69yrs. now and I don't see any thing changing anytime soon.

[marsha leanne]

my situation is very close to stefanie47's. when i first retired, i went overboard, dressing whenever i could. and i too found i was doing that in favor of other activities and responsibilities. Although i have cut down ( a little bit) , the need and desire is still very high. i have been forcing myself to get out and about, and although the want is always there, i have been able to begin to strike a balance.

It won't ever go away, i know that. All i can hope for is to find a pattern or balance with the rest of life. But to be honest, i really don't want it to go away!

[Lydia Hamilton]

Good morning Sabrina, My two cents. We are what we are and who we are. This side of yourself will not go away. Just figure out a comfortable balance for yourself. Both of you need separate space. Lydia is often present when I am cleaning, but never when I am welding or working with my herd of livestock. Sometimes I feel its a curse and other times a gift. My acceptance took me many years of self evaluation to develope. As with Marsha, I don't want to lose this part of "me". L.