This Feeling

[Contessa]

I have been away from this site for some time but have come back from time to time. I began this journey as a CD and stayed on the other side of this forum. Male to Female crossdressing is a fun part of CDers.com. But I had to leave and began rustling with being more than just a CD. Now I live my life 24/7 as a female. This means I live differently, cause I don't like a woman. I just feel good. Yes I wear my clothes which are feminine as I am. But tell me is it wrong to just feel good? I should be a TS now and want a bunch of surgeries and changes. Wait I wear makeup and a wig, but it is just to make me look like I feel. I don't feel like a 63 year old. I just feel good. I didn't change my voice except when I need to. And I go everywhere I want, even though a lot of people know what I am. Most seem to tolerate me and address me as a female. Cause I am not really a woman and don't know how they would feel. I am on HRT and the calmness and serenity that stays with me all the time makes me think I'm alright. Is this wrong or is that wrong alright. It is so when asked " how are you?" when I say I'm fine Its the truth. I still need to change my name but I am truly me. I'm Contessa

What's your feeling?

Contessa

[AllieSF]

I don't know you at all, but if you are on doctor prescribed hormones and have dome some work with a therapist, then to me anyway, you are doing just fine. You can go as far as you want when you want. There are no set rules that you have to follow nor goals set by others to reach to be who you are. Of course, there are those recommended guidelines that usually involve therapists and doctors for sanity, health care and safety. Your path is yours and the more that you can enjoy it, the better off for you in the long run. You may change your needs and wants over time and that is natural too. Good luck and enjoy life as best you can.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Contessa, I'm glad that you have found a good place and like Allie, hope that it is with the support of a therapist and a medical doctor. There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself.

However, at the risk of picking nits, I have to take issue with your statement that you "should be a TS now.." You cannot become transsexual simply by needing hormone therapy and preferring a certain style of clothing.

From what I read, you are almost certainly transgender and may well have a degree of Gender Dysphoria that is responding well to the treatment, but this brings me back to the oft-repeated advice in this forum "do not transition unless you need to". According to what you have written you do not need to transition at this point in time. Will you need to in future? If I could answer that with certainty, I would be rich.

[Contessa]

Rianna and Allie

Yes Thank you for your replies. I have been in the care of doctors and therapists so my HRT is through them. This is not the question, its just that I wanted to understand the meaning of being TS. I didn't mean that I felt as though I was doing something wrong. Its just the feeling of peace its goes along way with me. I understand both of you as I am well. I am also in transition, in that I am moving to a new state and of my feelings were getting the best of me. I am alone and seem to be doing too much thinking you might say. Guess no one has any of my feelings. Should I be sharing?

Contessa

[arbon]

What is the meaning of being a woman?

[PretzelGirl]

Contessa, yes you should be sharing. We all should be sharing. You are working through the thought process and that is a very important point here. Am I a transsexual? Should I transition? And when someone asks a question or makes a comment, try not to take it as a challenge. They are asking to make you think about that point and how it applies to what you are going though.

[becky77]

If it feels right, then it's probably right.

[JohnH]

Contessa,

Maybe the HRT is sufficient to suppress gender dysphora as it has been for me. I have grown my hair to shoulder blade length and wear lipstick and eye makeup for church and business. I inferred you do not want to go through surgeries such as FFS or SRS [GRS]. I have no urge to have FFS or SRS [GRS], nor do I strive to sound like a genetic woman as I talk, but I have lightened my speaking voice. I am on HRT under the care of endocrinologist and have been on HRT for over 4 years.

Johanna

[Contessa]

Yes Johannah
Its where I am. I guess I think that what I am thinking is of some interest to more here. They were telling stories about them themselves and when I did noons commented. I guess I am no longer a part of this site like a few years ago. Or is my life experiences just not mean anything. I would never have thought that anyone wasn't under the care of a doctor unless they said so. My idea of friends are friends always. I am kind and considerate of all. I don't mean to be harsh on anyone. I have caught flashes of harshness and don't seek to spread it.

I would almost do what I have done before and just not come back. But I like this site and the members here. I didn't want to make it seem like I don't want the surgeries I was saying I am not sure that surgery would make a lot of difference in how I feel. Maybe I should start over and hope to make friends first. Indeed to talk to others like me and typing here is another way to do that.

Contessa

[Badtranny]

Not speaking for anyone else of course, but I didn't comment because I truly didn't have anything to say.

I wish you the best on whatever path you are traveling.

[Infused]

Hi Contessa. You are lucky to feel so good and comfortable in you're own skin. Many people struggle for a long time to be who they want to be. I'm still searching for my happy medium.
Every post on here is important. Even if no one responds, someone reads it and it makes a difference. This site is a wealth of knowledge, opinions, ideas and helpful people who have all enriched my life with their words of wisdom.