Pressure on ones self

[Jennifer-GWN]

This week was beyond chaotic. Likely will go down in the journals of my professional career as the worst week in history. Nothing directly transitioning related but in part was.

Having closed the week with a short trip home to visit my dad on the way to London I had a chance to wind down...catch a breath and think.

I've put a great deal of pressure on myself as part of my transition to perform at my peak at work. Far more than I had really realized. I wanted no part of my transition to get in the way of work related duties or become a roadblock to team, group, or business priorities. Likely I've been over compensating to some degree by digging in too much.

A bit of personal reflection and some a couple of good therapy sessions later and I'm feeling a bit better and more clear headed. The org knows what I'm capable of, the WW team know that I'll go the extra mile for them (always have). This added pressure is all me and placed on myself.

Time to settle down a bit. Do my job as usual, don't second guess myself or feel the need to compensate in any way.

The work related politics and associated pissing contests between the execs will continue and that I can't change through adding additional pressure on myself.

So lesson learned and guidance to those reading. Do what you need to do but don't overburden yourself with feeling the need to somehow make up for your transitioning in the workplace. We have enough crap to deal with personally to add additional pressure there as well.

So with a mental health weekend and what's shaping up as a pretty good European work trip with ample time to just relax and smell the coffee (enjoy the chocolate) I'm in a much healthier state of mind.

My only annoyance remains my gd passport and having to use old name for travel. This too will pass in short order.

Be well in your own minds everyone.

Cheers... Jennifer

[Kaitlyn Michele]

great advice

thnx for sharing..

i had a high stress job...i couldn't do it AND transition...i basically quit...
kudo's to you and i hope you continue to stay strong and never ever get too hard on yourself for doing your best(above and beyond your best frankly when you consider that you are transitioning)

[becky77]

Oh yeah I'm stressed to the max, been given loads of projects to manage and because of my recent transition, I feel I have to be the best.

You're right, adding unnecessary pressure on myself to show I'm good enough in an already incredibly stressful year isn't healthy.
But hey, it's nearly Christmas :)

Btw you're in London England??

[PretzelGirl]

I thought about this before transition (typical over thinker). I sat down with my boss and told him this. If I way overcompensate, then it will look like I am trying too hard and I don't need to. If I don't do enough, it will look like my transition is affecting me. If I pull the same load, it will still look like I am slacking a bit due to extra scrutiny. But if I do just a little bit more, I will probably look the same with that extra scrutiny.

Keep the self care in the plan!

[Angela Campbell]

Like Kaitlyn, I also had a very good position with high pay, along with high stress. I just couldn't do it. I tried for a year but just couldn't handle the stress even though I loved the work. I gave it up. Had srs, recovered, and took a job with low pay and no stress.

I am much happier now for sure, but there's a high cost. Getting out of the hole I dug will take time, but it's worth it to me.

[STACY B]

That's one thing that I myself kinda did different with my transition,, Got all my finances and job in order long before I ever even thought about starting. Really in my own mind I must of knew something was gonna happen no way it was Dumb Luck the go out on my own. Not never ever could I have even thought about it or even ever let it cross my mind to try and Transition in place on the job here.

With all the stress and Trouble with all this Transition Madness I will never know how in the Hell yall could do it? That's Tougher than Tough in my Book,, Hell I couldn't have gotten away with any little thing in my line of work,,,No Wayyyyyyyy,,, Bad enough the part of the country I am in and not to mention the construction field is a Big No No,,, No Dam wonder you have to continue therapy . Hell shake it off you got this far,, Calm down woman,,You Got This,,,lol,,,

[Jennifer-GWN]

Angela and others;

Early retirement is not out of the question and has occupied a good amount of my thinking of late.

The past year has been full of a great deal of changes in my life and although I’m a very resilient person these things have a tendency to sneak up on you. Taking a week’s vacation to shoot (photography) bears was a nice change of pace; however, it has been suggested that I need more time to just catch up with myself.

A sabbatical is not out of the question. I’m scheduled for 3 months off in a year but I could take off a month now if I so desired without any question or impact. What I do know is that I’d likely to not return if I took off a month which is an indication as to where my head is at.

I’m realizing how much of my life I’ve given up or sacrificed (not complaining in the least). Transitioning has given me a second chance; a new beginning, and as my ‘Self’ continues to immerge I’m realizing how much I enjoy being me and don’t want to squander any of the time forward where I’m not living it to the fullest both personally and professionally.

Financially I’m ok assuming that I’d reemerge at some point doing something that excites and challenges me which also helps.

My transition plans have gone very well. With any plan there’s always forks in the road that have not been considered or were discounted. I’m at one of those forks. A year ago I would have been terrified if faced with the same dilemma; today I’m not in the least which is likely an indication of how I’m feeling and the confidence I have in myself. As male; I never felt this way ever, also a good sign.

So there we have it. Lots to think about over the next few weeks. No rash decisions just lots to consider and over analyze (Following Sue as a fellow consummate thinker).

Transition is an evolution, a revolution, and full or revelations all wrapped up in one. Best have a solid foundation and the personal strength to take it on before setting out. It's not something to take lightly. You can plan; yes necessary, but you need to be ready to handle the forks along the way. With neither a plan and/or the ability to handle the curve balls is a recipe for lots of rough patches and turmoil.

Cheers all... Jennifer

Perhaps I'll open a bed and breakfast at Casa Jennifer 252308

[I Am Paula]

I will personally vouch for the hospitality, and cuisine at Casa Jennifer.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

your planning and good nature gives you leg up on transition..

all the things you are saying are reasonable thoughts and you are well served to consider all options

i'd be careful about sabbaticals only because when i did that, i was blocked from coming back and the time off had such an impact on me that i was ok with it...i took my "package" and went home..

being mindful of how you are REALLY doing is hugely helpful... you are in changing your world...i think it IS a revolution...
and part of what you are changing is becoming authentic and real and that includes ALL aspects of your life, not just your gender

[Badtranny]

Transition IS a hell of a thing and it does tend to take a lot out of ya.

It kind of snuck up on me. I was doing great and I thought my career would survive, but then it didn't. I thought I was dealing with all of the fallout just fine, but I reached a breaking point for the first time in my life and I think I had an emotional breakdown. I was super lucky because I was able to take some time off and I think it may have saved my life. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but the stress of holding my career together literally made me sick. High blood pressure, anemia, IBS, drastic weight gain, and so on.

Lessons learned as a femmy kid growing up in the south are the only things that kept me going; when shit goes down, you just keep swinging. Transition is like a damn bar fight sometimes and when you get a break, it's best to sit down and have a drink before you have to start swinging again.

[LeaP]

...being mindful of how you are REALLY doing is hugely helpful...

That's not so easy to do, K.