Alphas in Drab responses from SA.

[Gabby6790]

I would just wondering how other macho not a bit fem presenting get treated from SA.

I am reading a lot about people getting treated so wonderfully almost like they were sisters.

I think my reactions are a little different. I get a lot of "this can't be for you" type stuff.

Think it has to due with my drab presentation pretty decent shape, certainly a big guy, with some muscle, good face and hair, and usualy fairly well dressed.

Anybody else have these kinds of reactions?

[Robin414]

I was buying some cosmetics about a year ago before before the pink storm blew the alpha chip off my shoulder and the SA asked if I had my 'shopping list' done (as if I were picking up something for my GF)...now they just...well don't know what to say! Life's short, I just laugh 😂

[Tracii G]

I used to worry about that but I finally figured out the only one making a big deal out of it was me.
The SA's are there to help and sell clothes.
I'm not worried about what the SA's think of me I'm there to shop.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Gabby,
Shopping in DRAB, did it all day today.
I spent about 5 seconds in the men's department,
I used it as a shortcut to the shoe department!
Most of the SA's just ignored me, others just simply asked
if I needed any help. When I replied "No, I'm fine, just browsing" they
either left me at that, or a few of them said that if I needed help, I should just ask!
So, no I can't say I've ever had anyone even show that they care who I was shopping for.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Chriscrossed]

Hi Gabby.

I agree with Tracii. Their response to you is modified more by the confidence and comfort you present to them than your outlook. If you interact with them for a very short time with a comfortable vibe you will make the scene more comfortable for them and they can get on with their role as a SA. You can't use logical arguments to improve their comfort level. (All of this advice comes from my service design sociology in retail ad -agency experience, and my wonderful cross dressing shopping experiences. Take it easy, have fun and your comfort will flow to them and flow back to you in turn. The two you two will become silly sisters and the pink foggy clouds will be floating out of the dressing room as your SA flits to and fro fetching new items and ideas to bring you for you from the racks.

Chris.

P.S. Question to the other "Alpha Drabs" here, what types of comments / phrases / body language have you used to make your SA feel comfortable interacting with a wonderful cross dresser? Let's do a quick brainstorm design and build a shopping toolkit of behaviour tips to help him practice with.

[Teresa]

Gabby,
I made this point to my wife, I can get away with so much more because of my physical size and appearance . Only yesterday I bought a dress in a charity shop and asked about it's length , the SA was the same height as me possibly the same dress size so she held it against herself to show where the hem was. If I'd been a six footer weighing 20 stone like my father with a beard, the SA couldn't react in the same way.
I guess the answer is try and find a SA who matches your size and shape more and she may be more helpful !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gabby, In another similar thread I said that when a SA says something about some purchase that that will look good on you
I just turn it on them and say I sure hope so or I will be returning it in the Morning.:daydreaming:

[Demi88]

Some work places prohibit discrimination of any legal behavior that doesn't violate their policies. I can't help but think prudent establishments give all employees anti-discrimination training. I can't help but think any employee caught violating their discrimination policy will be reprimanded. If SA gives you an attitude and gets caught or reported, said SA may be looking for another job.

[Gabby6790]

This wasn't meant to be a post about having problems. I am getting more confident in owning it so it doesn't really matter much. I just think it would be easier if I was a little more normally fem. I guess the only real way to find out is to own up to it next time and see how they react.

[reb.femme]

Hi Gabby,

I'm a rough looking lump when en boy but I like to look clean and well presented, so people are surprised when I ferret in and out of femme clothes racks with my wife. However, I don't want to be overtly femme acting when en boy.

I bought a bronzer and translucent powder in Boots the Chemist on Saturday. I had written down on my list what I wanted, so much to choose from online, but the shop doesn't carry the whole range. First time properly shopping for makeup on my own, so I took a deep breath and started browsing away. Couldn't find the Nyx powder I was after, so asked the SA. She was dragging me from aisle to aisle and eventually we settled on an alternative. She did ask if that was all I had on my list, probably thought it was for my wife, but had she asked, I would have been upfront. I recently made that promise to myself that if someone in the shop asks, I'll tell the truth.

I have to say that once I started browsing, I became so involved in scanning every shelf and display, that I didn't notice anyone around me and didn't have a care in the world.

Becky

[Kate Simmons]

I used to get small talk chatter but when they realized my money was green and I was spending a lot if it, that was the extent of it. :battingeyelashes::)

[kellyanne]

In 31 years of shopping for women's clothes (as a man )my experience has been:

1. The middle aged female SA's is far more comfortable selling women's clothes to women than men and, rightly or wrongly, I find the presence of a strange man among females shopping for their intimates makes them uncomfortable.

2. The most helpful SAs are the very young and Seniors, especially the Seniors some have hearts of gold and
you sense they know why you're there it but a very deep respect and compassion to help you
comes through in everything they do and say.

3. I have never seen a man enfemme shopping.

[Stephj]

Most of the time I get excellent service from SA but my last two shopping trips at VS were very poor I talked about this in another thread If asked whom I am buying for I always say myself a few SA got a surprised look on there faces but most recover quick and or every helpful

[Chriscrossed]

This wasn't meant to be a post about having problems. I am getting more confident in owning it so it doesn't really matter much. I just think it would be easier if I was a little more normally fem. I guess the only real way to find out is to own up to it next time and see how they react.

I'm sorry if I responded with too much unsolicited advice, you can just do your thing. Go for it bro! High five, chest-bump, YEAH! (gives an encouraging slap on the ass), ... and air kisses. ;)

[Taragirl427]

I get strange looks all the time. Only communication I have had with SA's is "can I help you find anything?" My response "no thanks, I'm just looking." Lol. You can tell they are like "wtf is this dude doing?" Oh well. Probably also has a lot to do with being in the South.

[CynthiaD]

My male presentation is ultra macho. Nobody bats an eye when is buy femme clothing in drab.

[sara.rafaela]

I mostly buy in male mode. No one seems to care. Once at Ann Taylor a sales lady offered to clear a dressing room for me.

[OCCarly]

At 5'7" and 155 lbs nobody is ever going to mistake me for an alpha male. I prefer to do my en drab shopping in a suit and tie or polo and slacks in late morning or around the lunch hour. I am sure some of them suspect that I am shopping for myself, but no one has ever said anything other than "Would you like to open a credit account?" when I am checking out.

[Lorileah]

alpha? You really went there?

[Gabby6790]

I'm sorry if I responded with too much unsolicited advice, you can just do your thing. Go for it bro! High five, chest-bump, YEAH! (gives an encouraging slap on the ass), ... and air kisses. ;)

First off don't worry about unsolicited advice. Sometimes its the best kind. The end of your post is giving me hilarious visions of an SNL skit where two jock guys act like that while shopping.

"Oh Sh**, bro they got this sweet cami in my size"

"Oh yeah dude you are going to look so badass in that"

- - - Updated - - -


alpha? You really went there?

Sorry, I was sure how best to descripe it uber macho, a rough lump, those do sound better.

- - - Updated - - -


I get strange looks all the time. Only communication I have had with SA's is "can I help you find anything?" My response "no thanks, I'm just looking." Lol. You can tell they are like "wtf is this dude doing?" Oh well. Probably also has a lot to do with being in the South.

Tara, do you try to engage them, or maybe it sounds you are intentionally not engaging them. That might sound like a good tactic as well.

[Taragirl427]

I don't seek their engagement...normally just browsing. But usually when they ask if I need assistance its kind of obviously because I'm a guy. They'll walk past 4 women to ask me if I need help.

[Dana44]

Only time I got a problem was at Walmart years ago. The SA asked if the clothes I was buying for me. I answered yes they are. She said why do good looking guys like you do this. I did not answer her and checked out. Lately my SO and I go out and there has been no issues.

[Allison Chaynes]

I shop in drab, and probably fit the description. I engage them in small talk, and if they comment on what I bought, I thank them for any compliments. If they seem maybe a little put off, then I might go with the "wife will love this" cover, but I have found that most of the time, even in deeply conservative Mississippi and Tennessee, they smile and are friendly.

[Tracii G]

VS is about the only place I didn't feel welcomed in so I don't shop there.
I was in boy mode and a middle aged SA gave me a cold stare and told me men shouldn't be in the store looking at panties.
I gave her a look like WTH and said well I don't have to shop here you know?
Then walked out.

[EileenW]

I have been into this clothing store before and made purchases while dressed and in drab. Walked in last week while in drab to buy a top and told the SA what style, size and color I wanted. She pulled it out and asked if there was anything else. Told her the top was all I needed. She reply, that she wished she had more shoppers like me. Should of asked if she meant decisive or a cross dressers but bit my tongue and just smiled.

Monique

[Amy Lynn3]

I have had most of the same comments made to me as in the other post, like what is a good looking guy like you want to do that for ? I don't care anymore what they say, as I buy what I want, were I want.

I did have one comment made one time that really pissed me off. In a Goodwill, I was checking out with girly stuff. A young black guy was at the register. With a smirk on his face and a snicker in his voice said.....who are you buying those for ? I said...what are you saying,...am I gay ? I want to see the manager to let him know how you talk to the public. He came off his high and mighty horse then, but he knew I am no one to run from confrontation. Like others have said... my money is green.

[Jennifer0874]

I've never had an issue with an SA, but another customer mocked me a little once. I was traveling for work and needed underwear. I headed to VS and grabbed about 10 pair. When I was checking out the SA asked if I found everything I needed & then the customer laughingly asked "yeah did you find everything you needed". The SA shot her a glare like don't be so rude.

[Gabby6790]

I think the initial intent of of asking about this is because I want to be honest with SAs while shopping (to get over the fear of shopping in drab) but I feel like its more difficult because of my normally 0% fem presentation.

[MissDanielle]

I haven't dealt with any comments yet. With it being the Thanksgiving shopping weekend, I didn't go to the huge department stores. Kohls wasn't too crowded and at Meijer, I tried to be careful.

[Allison Chaynes]

I went into our nearest Lane Bryant today to find some panties I saw online and had to have. I'm a sucker for floral prints.... The SA that greeted me was friendly, and when I asked her if the 3 for $18 was online only, she said that it was, but she would give them to me at that price. Then she asked if I was looking for 22/24.... It didn't occur to me that she had sized me while we were talking and I never mentioned who they were for, or even what size I needed. She helped me find the panties I wanted and was super friendly at the checkout.

On the flip side, the other SA working there has always given me the evil eye when I go in, always in drab. I've even gone in with the wife and had stares from her. She was there today doing her usual "trying to ignore me while frowning" routine. What she didn't realize is that I used to work for her store manager and share my experiences there with her!

[Tina_gm]

Very little experience in this area.... I actually was purse shopping for my wife for Christmas a couple of years ago. Decided not to come out with the obligatory "for my wife". the SA either just figured I was shopping for my wife, or just didn't care period. I have bought nail polish and remover a couple of times. Didn't say who it was for, and it didn't seem to matter. I have bought my wife clothes on some occasions, but likely do to it not being just the right size, the SA's likely figured it was for my wife. Never have had any bad experiences, yet.

[2B Natasha]

So Gabby. Be honest when they ask. I am. I shop, probably 90% of the time en Drab. There ar e retail stores I won't shop in because of the SA's. They are either rude or inattentive. I'll take my money elsewhere. Mostly every store has a a sister store in the area if I need it that bad. I'll go to. Now. To your question if I chit chat with them. Once again. That depends on the SA and what sort of relationship I have with them or their personality. I love to chit chat with them. Not so much about style but more about sizes and if they have mine in stock if they don't have it on the floor. Sometimes it's a person al convo but that generally is reserved for the ones I know the best. Which is quite a few. I think to that's end. It's mostly about you and the store. Do you want to talk to them? Do they have time to talk? Smaller stores generally, I find have more time to devote to costumes. Big retailers like Macy's and kohls do not. I also don't find a common demominator with SA that will talk and those that won't. Young, old, black, white doesn't seem to matter. It's just who they are or are not.

I'll also say. That when I shop. I carry my favorite bra with me and boobs in a bag. I try on almost all the clothes I buy before the purchase. Give me attitude about it and I leave. They then loose two shoppers at once. Since I do they majority of the shopping and picking up for myself and my wife. You effectively loose her business as well.

[Andrea2656]

I only shop in drab since I have not ventured out as of yet. The other day I went to the local Gap and a SA helped me find skinny jeans. She even found the ones she preferred. I also found a skirt and a few tips and tried everything in the fitting room. Ended up only with the jeans but the SA could not have been nicer.

[Gabby6790]

I guess I need to get over it and just see what happens. The thing I was hoping for was just a quick "Oh okay these will look nice on you" as opposed to "OMG big strong man guy you wears frilly panties!!".

As we discuss it, I am getting more into the I don't really care about it. It's not rudeness I am worried about but more extended interaction because of surprise.

[Tracii G]

Gabby every now and then you will get an SA or cashier that will say "I'll bet these (insert item here) will look good on you".
I will usually answer well I hope so because they were too cute to pass up.
I have even had the cashiers say " Wow these are on sale now I want a pair of those where there any more of them?"
So just go with the flow if its a positive encounter,if they are snarky just give them a look of disgust pay for your item and leave.

[Jessica S]

I'm what you describe as the macho type. Always shop in drab. Matter of fact I was just hunting out of town and went to into the town after getting out of the woods. Now I was drab with at least a 5 to six day beard growth. I went to the women's stores and was asked if I needed help. I said "no not right now" they said "if I need anything and just ask". I sometimes would ask to use the changing rooms and never had issues. I had one or the SA joke " I don't think that is your size" as I was looking at panties. I just replied smiling that " No I got the right size I know what size I am." They just smiled. But I could of care less either way. At payless the SA always come over and tell me the deals and ask if I need help and clearly I am look at the size 11/12 women's shoes. A lot SA are curious if they haven't encounter one of us before most are nice. I asked couple SA if get many guys like me in here? They said yes often enough it isn't a surprise. So go ahead engage with them just be cordial and polite. That will give us crossdressers a good name.

[lingerieLiz]

I've had a few SAs that refused to believe the item was for me. One thought I was joking and just couldn't believe me. At a counter one day the SA asked if the two bras were for me. I said sure. They froze and then one said great, they will match your eyes. The funny part was that I had on a top that showed the bra I had on slightly and projection as big as one of them. They never did get that they were for me.

[kittie60]

I don't shop any more in male drab, but when I did I had no problems at all.

[Claire Cook]

Well, I've never considered myself an alpha male, and now do most if not all of my shopping for girl stuff en femme. I've found that the SA's seem to be more friendly and helpful that way -- and when I try things on, it really helps to have my forms and other padding in place to see how things look. Besides, it's much more fun to interact with other ladies when i'm dressed.

[MissTee]

I do not "go out" en femme. No desire to. My wife and I dress together at home. Apart from that we shop together, get mani-pedis together, go to make-up clinics at Sephora together, etc. I shop for clothes/shop sometimes solo en drab and it's usually to get something for my wife. I get varying responses, most helpful, but one look at me and you'd know I would never fit in a single digit dress or shoe size. I'm built like a linebacker and no matter how well I might dress en femme no one would ever mistake me for a lady. BTW I order most of my stuff on line because the (uber sized) selections are far superior and it is more convenient.

[AlleyKat]

I'm not particularly alpha (not alpha at all actually). But I did go en drab to have my hair cut in a femme style today. I showed the SA what I was going for explained I know I don't have the hair for it now, but wanted a feminin style for the interim. He acknowledged it, talked for a bit about how that's the style his girlfriend is working towards, and then proceeded to treat me like any other guy (which included lots of conversation that I had to smile and nod through, as I know next to nothing about football)

Overall it was a really positive experience, with a lot of take home knowledge as well.

[suzanne]

Every now and then, I find myself shopping in drab in a store where the SA doesn't know me. They'll ask me "Looking for something for your wife?" I tell them straight out, "No, it's for me". And they laugh, as if I'm making a joke. Or maybe I find a dress I like and ask to try it on. She'll give a funny look and say "allright, if you really want to".

It doesn't happen very often that way, so I just chalk it up to their inexperience. Most of the SA'S I meet act as if they deal with me every day. It's even better and easier when I show up wearing wearing a skirt!

[Gabby6790]

Thanks for all the feedback ladies. I guess I just need to get out there and do it. I do need to start a new thread about how to find more time to shop!!! Haven't had much lately but I will report back with my finding.