How to live

[Patty B.]

For the past 3 or 4 years have been planning on transitioning to what I have always known inside, female, born in the wrong body. Started back to the therapist in Jan 2015 and we decided to start with HRT, although I also wanted to go through the process of facial hair removal. But as weeks went by and seeing the therapist monthly I started to feel like this wasn't meant for me, turning 63 this December. That I will be infinetly more successful as a male the rest of my life, lessen the effect on adult son and daughter, grandchildren and siblings. Divorce was finalized 1/2015 and in the process my ex outed me to any and all she could, I live in small town upstate NY farming has always been a way of life up here, not very culturally advanced. The Caitlynn Jenner process also made me reassess what I should do especially when Kris Jenner said I miss Bruce and the family misses Bruce. Just asked the therapist to provide suggestions to help me put, what I am, in the background and maybe treat this as a disorder. Alcohol and drugs were a big part of my life in the past which made issues fade, but cant keep that up forever. 'As much as I would be a relief to just be me, so easy to slip into being female, I feel the consequences and unintended consequences may be worse than living as I was born. This is a long post but was wondering if anyone has similar thoughts. Patty B.

[STACY B]

See my thread (Never) ,,, Maybe H.R.T is the way you need to go ? Hell I was the same way and it helped me a lot,, Dam near the same situation as you,, Won't hurt to explore it ? Maybe it's a cure for some of us ,, Not all therapist know or Doctors know everything about all of this. PM me if you have any questions or want to know more about it.

[Rianna Humble]

I am sorry that you are facing this choice, but it does seem to indicate that you have some things that you value more than congruence, in particular the happiness of your family (which is no small concern) and how you are regarded in your local community.

If I have understood your post correctly, then you are choosing the right course in not transitioning whilst these things are more important to you.

[Sara Jessica]

You are who you are in your heart Patty, that will never change. What you choose to do about it is the issue. Some in these pages get to a point where there is no choice in the matter. Others somehow find they are able to manage their situation without going down a transition path.

There are examples out there of great joy as a result of the transition process and others, not so much (and every point in between). But I dare to say that one common theme that has really emerged of late is that if you don't HAVE to transition, then DON'T.

My decision was made from several angles but the one which is most objective was from the point of view of a 40-something who has been the sole provider for the family for more than 11 years, thus enabling my wife to be a (marvelous) stay-at-home mom. Living where we do, this can be a financial struggle at times but for her to be able to be there for our children, it is totally worth it. As such, the (real) risk of blowing up my career is one I refused to take in the name of transition. Too many people have too much to lose. I accept that. This is what I built. It is what it is.

For now?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. Every stage of life is different so who knows what the future holds for any of us. My commitment is to be where you are when I approach retirement. Still questioning, hoping to have the strength to continue carrying on this path of mine. By then the motivations will likely be very similar to your current considerations. What you are saying Patty totally makes sense and if this is the path you choose, I really hope you find serenity in your decision.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Transition is about living your best life..

If its your honest assessment that it won't be your best life, then you are doing what's best for you.

Unfortunately if you are transsexual, you will have to work through some serious things and be aware that the passage of time will change how you feel about things....and you will not be able to negotiate with your feelings of gender distress..

if they are not strong enough to make you act, be glad.

all i can say is be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself... live day to day and see how that works out...if you find yourself feeling ok or better then you know you are gonna be ok.

[PretzelGirl]

Sorry Patty, it is a tough spot and one many get. I am going to come at this from the perspective of having lost two community members in the last two weeks. One embraced his feelings and lived a happy life. The other couldn't get there and took her life. While we all like to think we have the strength to go in any path we want, it isn't always true. Which ever direction you go, I recommend that you go with the strongest pull. Fighting what is feeling to be the right choice can easily take you down a dark path. Being your true self, whether living as a male or female, can really be enlightening once you say this is it, I am living male or I am living female. I hate to say that if you are thinking you can not do it then you shouldn't. The reason is you also say that you have always known inside you are female. So explore and really know yourself. If you really start to have anxiety, stress, depression; then you might be getting your message. Be the real you!

[Badtranny]

When in doubt, wait it out.

This is a tough game, and if you feel like the buy in is a little too high, it's because it is. I'm with the other gals, don't do it if you can avoid it.

There are a significant number of people in this world who do not feel congruent in their bodies. Most of them deal with it somehow, and a small percentage of them transition to the other gender. It's my opinion that one needs to be very certain of their needs before they attempt transition. It's hard enough without introducing doubt and uncertainty.

My advice is to talk about your feelings with people. Develop a circle of friends who understand and will accept you for whoever you are. Stop crossdressing, I don't think it's helpful for someone who is truly gender dysphoric. You need to experience your identity without the external trappings of feminism. Your femininity if it exists will come from within, and once accepted will begin to allow you some comfort in your own skin. Accept yourself for what you are. Whatever that is.

Listen to Stacy. Meeting her made me reexamine old ideas. She looks like like a dude, but her energy is entirely feminine. Imagine a very butch lesbian and you'll be pretty close. A full transition would be very disruptive to her business and even possibly life threatening down there in Southern Mississippi. She is pushing forward very cautiously, but she is 100% honest with everyone and her family is 100% on board with her.

If you want to be healthy and happy regardless of your circumstance, it's absolutely imperative that you be open and honest with yourself and those you love. Secrets will rot your soul.

[Patty B.]

Thanks for the posts, this is my issue to deal with as best I can, but I love the support on this website. Once again thanks for the posts.

[Christie ann]

Patty, I just want to say that I am in the same situation and taking the same route that you are. This life is the only ride I get so I am trying to make the best of it for all concerned. Good luck to you as you navigate yours.

[Tammy V]

Although I transitioned in my 40's I can see that not going through with changing your life at this point. As adults, we usually only do it if we absolutely have to in order to survive. The chances are that whatever coping mechanisms and forms of escape have gotten you this far will continue to work for you. Maybe just being on hormones will be enough change.