Restroom Access in Schools K-12

[Rhonda Jean]

Another take on the restroom issue in another thread, and another likely unpopular opinion of mine...

Now more than ever before and with surprising (to me) frequency, schools are learning to deal with openly TG or openly crossdressing students. So often, the restroom issue is THE big deal. The TG/CD student is not satisfied with being allowed/forced to use the restroom in the teacher's lounge or some other restroom apart from the other students.

When I try to imaging my school age self in this situation I'm sure I would have welcomed, even preferred, that kind of accommodation! I would have considered it s special privilege! Are you kidding? You're telling me I can wear my dresses, heels, makeup... whatever the hell I want AND because I choose to do so I'll be ALLOWED to use the teacher's restroom! Wow! Sounds like heaven to me!

Seems that these students are accepted, accommodated, protected, and can largely fly under the radar until they push the restroom issue. I do not understand that. I've read all the reasons/arguments. I still don't get it.

Am I the only one?

[Gabby6790]

I think their point is that hiding them in not fully accepting them. I also think its important to make the distinction between TS and CD here. I will guess that most of the time when we hear about these issue it is in regards to a TS.

[AllieSF]

Yes, I agree with Gabby. The right to be oneself is an ongoing battle with some significant victories and advances in the recent past with more to come in the future. When certain decisions are made regarding human rights they are many times hard to swallow by others. However, to ensure that these civil rights are enforced and to pave the way so that their initial shock to the dissenters becomes a non-issue in the future, they need to be open and evenly enforced everywhere.

You can't say to people that now that they have earned the right to vote, please don't vote or please do not vote where others may see you. In the case of young TS children that is very important. You have the right to do this but please do not let anyone see you!? That can not work over the long run. It is like telling them that they are correct but they still must hide like they did before. If it is legal then then there should be no "but's", like "you can do this but not that".

There will be growing pains with all this, lessons learned and new approaches tried as more and more of these young TS's come out of hiding to be able to live their true lives as their true selves free of harassment and discrimination. I don't have all the answers and neither do the authorities who have to make all this work. There needs to be compromise and open mature conversation as they work out the kinks over time. Kids are amazing creatures who given the right opportunity can learn a lot very quickly and are and can be much more accepting than their more conservative parents and adults around them.

Regarding your use of TG/CD, I would just like to clarify by using the definitions used by this site. TG is the umbrella term and includes the whole spectrum. CD is under that umbrella and basically describes most of the members of this site who just like to dress up periodically in the clothes of the opposite gender. The topic at hand, I believe deals primarily with those who identify as being the opposite gender to what their genitalia may traditionally indicate, transsexuals who are also under that umbrella at the far end of it. Thus they are kids whose gender does not match their physical body. The beauty of this kind of problem is that it is one of growing pains as society in its sometimes very slow wisdom starts to get things in order. Years ago, no one ever heard of a transsexual child in school. Today we read about them a lot, they are there, as they always were, but now have more freedom to be who they are. That is progress, good and worthy progress.

We may disagree on how to respect their rights, but let's give the system a chance to make it work.

[arbon]

I don't think it involves kids who cross dress.

A TS girl is girl, and should be treated as such. Not as something else. When you are being singled out as something else it is pretty crushing.

[Gabby6790]

So, sorry about the incorrect terms. I am still learning. I changed TG to TS. I hope that is right.

[Krisi]

I don't think kids and especially pre-high school kids are mature enough to understand the transsexual thing. Many of us wished we were a girl (or a boy) when we were young, but eventually grew out of it or came to understand what we actually are.

It may be necessary at some point to retrofit all schools with individual unisex restrooms. And showers for those who shower after gym class.

[GeorgeA]

I was preparing the text of my posting here when I saw AllieSF's comment: Kids are amazing creatures who given the right opportunity can learn a lot very quickly and are and can be much more accepting than their more conservative parents and adults around them. which was about what I wanted to say. Thank you Allie!

[Kate T]

I think you don't quite understand what it truly means for someone who is TS. A TS individual just wants to fit in, they dont want special attention. They just want to be themselves, be that boy or girl, not some sort of special case or teachers pet.

[Jazzy Jaz]

My kids are only 5 and 7 and we've had discussions about the difference between CD/TS both GG and GB and also about different sexuallities and they get it without having to be teenagers. I think waiting until the teen years before teaching children about TG/sexuality and diversity is one of the biggest problems and enables lack of understanding and stereotypes.

[bcpmax]

I don't think being forced to use a special bathroom, whether it be the teachers or some other one, is a positive experience. In addition to marking a student as different, potentially making them a target for teasing, In the schools I've been in the teachers lounges are locked and required an access card to enter. So I imagine that the student would have to ask their teacher for the key/card every time they had to "go".

I remember visiting my moms school when I was smaller, and using the bathroom in the teachers lounge; not so surprisingly there were other teachers there; those teachers, thinking I was a student, promptly told me to get out, go back to class, then asked how I got in to their lounge anyway. Not only would the students teacher have to be aware of the students trans identity, but every teacher at the school. And what if there were multiple trans students? would they have to maintain a list of who was allowed access to the special restroom?

It seems the easiest thing, for the student and the administration, would be to allow a student to use whatever bathroom they are comfortable with. If they don't feel comfortable in either let them use the teachers lounge, but don't force a kid the use a special room if they're fine to use a "normal" one. They are there to learn, not to stress about bathroom politics.

I do wonder why the utility of gendering bathrooms isn't is never questioned in these debates

[char GG]

Maybe they should just have one bathroom for everyone since it's everyones right to use whichever restroom they choose. I guess the girls should march into the boy's bathroom because it's their right also. (sarcasm here)

I've said it before, I don't mind CDer's using the ladies room. However, would you like women waltzing into the men's room?

K-12 school kids using the same restoom? Are you kidding me? Where I grew up, no one wanted to use any of the restrooms in school. Some kids when home if they had to go that bad!

This restoom debate is tiring.

[Robin414]

The topic is causing quite a stir, in my 'hood' there's talk of the minister of educayion disolving a school board because they (the board) can't agree on a TG washroom policy (by agree I mean accept)

[Dana44]

Oh hootie, On pubic venues like a ball game,, I've seen many girls run the male restrooms as the female rooms are packed. They go to our stalls. Some men standing at the urinal sometime comments to them but they are fearless.
They do their business and get out.
Now at school that is a heavy subject, these our our kids. I really don't know how I feel about that but I do know that if a boy is presenting as a girl, I'm sure sex is not on their minds. They be girls. It does take a lot of courage for them. Think about that. But a school could do some special things and some girls want to do the girl gym class. Id say let them. Most things are logical. But laws are not logical. This is what religion and governments try to conform society. But people are different. most do not think about these things with logic.

[Robin414]

Maybe a little off topic but when I was in elementary school I knew a kid 'michael' who was INCREDIBLY femme...didn't think a thing of it at the time but in hind sight 😕 that was the late 70's and no one gave 《insert gender label》any trouble, kids I don't think 'comprehend' LGBT and therefore just accept it?

[Gabby6790]

For me, having just a little bit of criteria that the person is trans (counselor visits, full time presenting, etc) and they use the one that they present in. I haven't traveled all that much but my guess is that we as a country are hung up on nudity which is the worst case scenario here. Its like saying as a straight man I don't want a gay man in my bathroom or locker room. Again, worst case scenario they get a loot at my bits and pieces for a minute. Good for them.

[Krisi]

Allowing "trans" students to use the restroom of their choice is fine but what about the majority of students who are uncomfortable with sharing the restroom with someone who is physically and biologically the other sex? What about the parents who object to what is physically and biologically a boy using their daughter's rest room?

[Judith96a]

I both "get" and "don't get" what all the fuss is about.
Part of the cause of the fuss about which 'restroom' (if any) a CD/TG/TS pupil should use is the over-active imagination of parents. They imagine that a (MtF) trans pupil using the girls 'facilities' is necessarily 'up to no good' and a threat to their 'little angel'. The truth is, of course, more nuanced than that but that doesn't make for good slapstick reporting / partisan politics.
This fuss is also, of course, very convenient for any politician who is wanting to get re-elected and doesn't want voters thinking about awkward things like their competence re the economy.
The common sense approach is, of course, for pupils to use the 'facility' that matches their 'presentation' and for the school authorities to deal robustly with any inappropriate behaviour in ANY 'facility' regardless of the gender status / sexuality of either 'perpetrator' or ' victim'.
Unfortunately, posturing politicians are not interested in common sense, pragmatic solutions that don't involve legislation (and they're very good at winding up parents).
Interestingly, unless I've missed something, this is a non-issue in the UK. Maybe the 'old country' has something going for it after all ;)

[Saikotsu]

The bathroom issue is a sticky one: kids can be really cruel, and if a trans girl goes into the boys bathroom, she might get bullied. If a trans girl goes into the girls room, she might not be accepted (or bullied) and the parents of the gg's who use it might throw a fit. This of course is the same for a trans boy. The idea of giving them a private bathroom they can use, while singling them out, also means that these children don't have to face discrimination in the bathroom. They still have to face discrimination amongst their peers in class and in the hallways.

Some people have said that providing a teacher's bathroom is tantamount to saying, "sure you can be trans, but don't be seen." I think that such statements have a measure of truth to them. However, I think the schools are doing it more for the safety factor of the child. Also, they want to avoid lawsuits. Sure the kid might be ridiculed for using the teacher's bathroom, but they'll face ridicule no matter what they do.

Honestly, I don't think there's a right answer for every trans kid. Some might prefer a separate teacher's bathroom. Others might want to use either a boys or a girls restroom. I think that the answer to this problem is to handle each child as an individual. What's right for one might not be right for another. This applies even for those of us who are children at heart. That said, I like the idea of unisex bathrooms.

In addition, I think real, honest, frank dialogue about gender identity from a young age will benefit everyone. If it's seen as a normal thing, Then maybe future generations will be a lot more tolerant.